Summary: Beckett wakes up in the hospital after the season 3 finale. This would be an AU to the beginning of the fourth season or well mostly the whole of the fourth season.

Author's Note: This is the first Castle fanfiction that I've published so if I get anything of Beckett or Castle's characteristics wrong or they seem a little out of character I apologize. I'm not the best at seeing characters completely. Please tell me if I have gotten anything wrong or you see any mistakes I have made. Much appreciated.

Disclaimer: Other than the first two seasons of Castle and the first four Nikki Heat books, anything relating to Castle is not mine. That belongs to the network and Andrew Marlow.

Hope you all enjoy and please do tell me if I have made any mistakes in this story as it is a learning process for me.

XOXO

The first thing she sees when she wakes up is the blinding white of the hospital walls around her reflecting from the mid-day sun. She blinks slowly, trying to compose herself and get the stinging out of her eyes before opening them fully and looking around. She doesn't realize until she feels disappointment spread through her at the sight of her boyfriend that she was looking for someone. "Kate," he says happily, moving from where he stood in front of the window watching the traffic five floors below and pulling up a chair to her bedside and reaching for her hand.

He sounds so relieved, so grateful to see her eyes open, to see her chest rise and fall showing her breathing that she almost hates what she's about to ask for, who she's about to ask for, because she knows that this will make every jealous thought he'd had concrete in his mind. "Castle," is all she can say for the moment. She closes her eyes, takes a deep breath through her mouth and tries to get rid of the dryness in her throat before repeating, "Where's…Rick?" she asked, looking around again. She finds it funny that a large part of her is thinking that he's going to jump out of the bathroom and yell 'surprise'. She didn't know how long she'd been out for, but she found herself missing him so very, very much.

"Why…why do you want Castle?" Josh asked, frowning and his eyebrows furrowing. He looked a little pale and she wondered if it was more from fear for her or him holding into his anger at her asking for another man the minute she wakes up.

"Just…get…me…Castle," she demands, putting more force behind her words.

Josh looks like he's about to argue, but nods and stands up, telling her he'd be back in a minute. She looks over herself, noticing that there were multiple wires attached to her arms, but upon moving them, she found she had enough mobility of them to reach for him when he came in.

Beckett could hear the tick-tock of the clock marking every second that Castle wasn't there and it made her worried. Did he want to see her? The last bit of awareness she had was him telling her he loved her and it filled her with a feeling she hadn't had in a long time, possibly never if she was honest. It made her feel both giddy and worried. If she told him about this feeling she had would he reject her thinking that it was only out of pity or because she was hyped up on drugs? Would they both jump headfirst into something that could, upon further inspection, could go so wrong and destroy their solid, somewhat rocky, partnership?

She didn't have any more time to worry because at that moment when she's starting to get really scared and regret asking Josh to get him for her, when the door opens and Rick pops his head past the door with a hesitant smile. "Hey," she said, feeling her smile spread across her face.

"Hey, you," he replied, walking in and carrying a bouquet of flowers. She smiled and reached out for him and she saw his face light up as he bound over to her and wrapped his arms lightly around her, "I'm so glad you're safe," he whispered in her ear, kissing the side of her head.

Kate breathed him in deeply, allowing herself to be swallowed in the scent that, even a few feet or even inches away, she thought of as purely Castle and held him tighter, "You're still here," she whispered back, noticing the wonderment in her own voice. She didn't even realize that part of her had thought he'd have left her.

Castle pulled back and looked at her with indignant shock on his face with a little bit of teasing, "Katherine Beckett, did you actually think I'd have left you?" he asked, pulling up a chair to the side of her bed and reaching for her hand, "I'm not going anywhere any time soon," he promised.

Beckett smiled, squeezing his hand tightly in hers, not looking away from his clear, sparkling blue eyes. She had never noticed how blue they were until this moment. It was like they were the bluest of blue skies on a clear day or like a swimming pool that went on forever. She almost felt herself get lost in them when she heard someone clear their throat near the door. She looked up and felt herself blush when she realized Josh was still there, having seen everything.

"I need to check on a few of my patients. I'll be back in about an hour or an hour and a half, alright?" he promised, but it sounded more like a threat; like he was warning Castle to get the hell out of there before he got back and that Beckett was his. She hated it, the whole damn male prerogative of 'marking their territory'.

The door closed behind Josh and she and Castle sat in silence for a few moments, neither knowing what to say, but it was a comfortable silence. They didn't need to say anything and were both happy the other was there.

Castle stood up, moving over to look out of the window at the New York sights and sounds, and Beckett felt her eyes drawn to following him. She couldn't help but think of every moment leading up to this. Of every missed opportunity from Demming to Josh to her almost trip with Castle to the Hamptons as well as his relationship with Gina to all the times a case very well could have gone wrong and she could have lost him or he could have lost her.

"Did you mean it?" she asked without thinking.

When the words were finally out of her mouth and Castle was looking at her with wide eyes that held a small spark in them of shock as he moved closer to her, "What?" he asked, still standing near the window but only a few feet from her now.

"Did…did you mean it? When you said…when you said you loved me?" she asked, biting her lip in fear. She could feel it: this was the moment that would change everything no matter what was said or done.

Castle smiled and walked over to the bedside, sitting in his recently vacated chair again and reaching for her hand. He brought it to his lips and gently kissed the palm of her hand, holding it tightly in his, "Of course," he said quietly.

Beckett could feel the ridiculous smile spreading across her face as she gripped his hand and gently jerked his arm, patting the space on the bed beside her. Castle moved to his new space and gently reached for Beckett, mindful of the wires and the bruising she surely sustained, and pulled her towards him, "I love you, Katherine Beckett," he whispered in her ear.

Beckett closed her eyes, pressing her face into the crook of his neck, "I love you too, Richard Castle," she muttered.

Castle held her closer and buried his head in the crook of her neck, threading his fingers through her hair and breathing her in, "God, you scared me Kate. I thought I'd lost you," he breathed.

"Never," she swore, though she knew it was half of an empty promise. They both knew in their hearts that this very well could happen again. That one of them could lose the other with just a stray bullet or a chase gone wrong. "We'll be alright," she promised.

Castle nodded and kissed the side of her head. Kate didn't know how long they sat there, but after a while, Castle stood up and kissed her forehead, "I should be going. Josh will be back soon and I believe you two have a conversation you need to have," he teased.

Beckett nodded, "I'll tell him," she promised reaching for his hand and kissing the palm of his hand, "just come back later, alright?" she asked.

Castle saw the small frown replace her previously content smile and her eyes lose their sparkle, "I'll be back around seven, alright?" he asked. Beckett nodded and released his hand, watching him walk out the door with a small smile and a wave after him.

About ten minutes later, Josh walked back through the door with a frown on his face until he saw Beckett was alone again. "Hey, beautiful," he said, sitting in the chair Castle had previously vacated.

Beckett felt a coldness seep in her bones when he sat in Castle's chair and smiled as best she could. "Hey," she muttered, pushing a strand of her wayward hair behind her ear. She only then realized how bad she must look.

Josh looked at her for a moment as if he were seeing straight through her and could tell every secret she had when he sighed, "What is it?" he asked. She could see him tense up as he expected the blow that would break their relationship.

Beckett knew she didn't have to say it fully, but still tried to give him a small smile, "I'm sorry," she muttered.

Josh sighed, "I'd be crazy and blind if I said I hadn't expected it," he said, shrugging.

Beckett nodded, "I…I don't know how I can explain this. It just…," she frowned, biting her lip as she tried to find the right words.

"It's you and Castle. It always has been and always will. Nothing can get between you two. I realized that a bit into this relationship, but…I didn't want to admit it. I wanted to hold onto you for as long as I could," he explained.

Kate felt her heart fall into the pit of her stomach and all she could repeat was how sorry she was. Josh nodded and with a final kiss to her forehead, he left the room. At that moment, she felt guilty, but also so much lighter. Like a great weight had been lifted off her shoulder.

She moved back to nestle into the hospital bed as best she could and pulled the blanket closer before closing her eyes and falling asleep with a smile on her face.