She didn't think, she didn't hesitate...
She pulled the trigger.
Ryan opened his eyes groggily while lifting his head a little off the pillow. He turned his head to the left and looked at his clock; 10:15 A.M. Should probably get out of bed, he told himself. He walked in a sleepy haze into the Cohen's kitchen. He knew Sandy wouldn't be home, he was out doing Newport business things. Seth would probably be in his room getting ready to meet Summer at the Crab Shack. He was looking forward to having the kitchen to himself. He was way to tired and just not in the mood to talk. However, his small moment of solitude was ended when Seth came running down the stairs, putting on his watch.
"Hey man", he said, sounding a little out of breath.
"Hey, you going to meet Summer?"
"Yep, you wanna come?" Seth knew Ryan would say no, but he just had to say that out loud.
"No, thanks" Ryan replied.
"Yea, you probably don't want to be there anyway. I've been trying to avoid Summer's rage blackouts. As you can see I haven't been doing a very good job".
Ryan let out a short laugh. "Well good luck then".
"Thanks, I'm gonna need it", and with that Seth walked out the door.
Finally alone, Ryan poured himself a cup of coffee and looked out the window. He stood there for a while and just thought about things. He had been doing that a lot lately. It had been a week since Marissa shot Trey, and they haven't talked since. It wasn't that they were bitter towards each other, but they both knew it would just be awkward. He wished it wouldn't be, however, neither of them were that good with words. Hopefully Summer would talk about Marissa to Seth, then Ryan could just ask him about it later.
He thought about his relationship with Marissa when the first started going out. They had fun and were open with each other. There was nothing Ryan wanted more then to go back to that, to be able to just talk to her again. But that was impossible, too much had happened. He wondered if she missed him as much as he missed her.
From the entrance, Seth scanned the area of the Crab Shack until he spotted Summer in a booth near the back by a window. Thinking of a quick way to make her laugh (and forget he was late), Seth snuck up behind her, reached his arm over her shoulder, and attempted to take a fry off the plate in front of her while kissing her cheek.
"Hmm nice try Cohen" Summer said after slapping his hand away.
"Has anyone ever told you how pretty you are?" Seth asked in a desperate, yet sarcastic, way to redeem himself. Summer giggled at this.
"Chill, I'm not mad". She was really just glad to be able to spend some laid-back alone time with Seth. There had been so much drama circulating around Ryan and Marissa lately, Summer was thankful to get away from it for a little while. She had asked Marissa if she wanted to come along, but all she had been doing lately is moping around her room, and, although Summer would never admit it, she was a bit relieved when Marissa had declined the invitation. Marissa was like a negative energy now. Whenever they would try to hang out, you could feel a strange tension in the air, and their conversations were littered with awkward silences. She knew it would go away with time, but for now she decided to give Marissa her space.
"Wow, that's something new!" Seth replied, while flashing her a big cheesy grin.
"Don't push it Cohen" Summer warned him. She loved how Seth always had something sarcastic to say. Although it did get annoying at times, he was great for lightening the mood.
"So its just the two of us?" She asked while picking up a fry.
"Yep, I asked Ryan if he wanted to come too, but he said no".
"Yea I asked Marissa too, but she also said no". There was a short pause between the two of them.
"So are we gonna talk about Ryan and Marissa again?" Summer asked bluntly, breaking the silence.
"Well, they are a very interesting topic".
"Yea they've got issues".
"You're telling me", Seth replied, "I can't believe they haven't even talked to each other about it".
"They never talk about anything" Summer pointed out. This was true. Whenever a problem would come up between Ryan and Marissa, they usually just fought about it for a while, then broke up. Then, eventually, it would blow up in their faces. This had happened last year with Oliver, then again this year with Trey. Summer knew she was probably the only one seeing a pattern here.
"We should get them to talk, like set them up on a date without them knowing or something".
"No!" Summer replied immediately, "Cohen you can't do that!"
"Why not?" It was typical Seth to want to meddle.
"Because, Cohen, you can't get in the middle of this. When people interfere with their relationship bad things happen. Okay, Seth, people get shot".
Seth couldn't argue with that logic, but he was still going to try.
"But I know Ryan wants to. What if I just brought it up subtly, like in the middle of a conversation?"
"No, Seth I know you".
"Please?" Seth begged. Summer considered the idea for a second. She did want to know how Ryan had been dealing with it. And it might be good for him to get his emotions out a bit.
"Fine, but you have to be subtle about it, alright? Don't try to push anything".
"Yes, I know. Don't worry, I'll be very stealth".
"Promise?"
"No".
"COHEN!"
"Yes, yes i promise! Damn woman".
"Marissa! Sweetie, it's 12:30, get out of bed!" Julie called from the hallway. Marissa didn't budge. It was normal for her these days to stay in bed past noon. Under the covers was her own little world, a place where she could forget about all her problems and everything that had happened and just lay there in the dark. At nights she usually went to the lifeguard stand alone to stare out at the ocean for hours at end. She thought about everything that had happened in her life in the past two years.
Let's see, I've overdosed, almost drove a guy to suicide, lost my boyfriend after he got his ex pregnant, became a lesbian for a while, almost got raped, then shot a guy.
It seemed so surreal. She was only 17 years old, this stuff shouldn't be happening to her. She should be out in the summer sun, having fun with all her friends. But she knew she could never just have fun without anything bad happening. Maybe if she didn't live in "scantily-clad" Newport Beach.
What if I lived in, like, Wyoming?
No, she thought, it probably wouldn't be much different, considering most of the drama was partially her fault.
"Rise and shine honey, let's go" Julie yelled as she walked past the door again.
"Alright!" Marissa called in an angry tone, while throwing off the covers in an attempt to force herself out of bed. She kicked her legs over the side. Sitting on the edge of the bed, she looked at her reflection in the vanity mirror hanging on the wall in front of her. She ran her fingers through her greasy, unkempt hair while observing the bags under her eyes.
"I'm ugly," she said out loud. She knew this wasn't true, everyone was always telling her she needed to be a model, but she felt ugly.
"You up, sweetie?" Julie asked pleasantly, poking her head through the door. She was starting to get annoying, but Marissa knew she was just doing it because she was worried.
"Yes, mom, I'm awake" Marissa replied in a monotone voice.
"Okay, just checking in". Julie smiled, then left.
Marissa muttered "I hate you" under her breath, then immediately took it back. Julie was finally pulling her life together, Marissa didn't hate her. She hated Trey. He ruined everything. She finally had a functional relationship going with Ryan, then Trey had to come and rip it to shreds. She remembered when she had told Trey that he didn't deserve a brother like Ryan, and she stood by her statement. Ryan would've done anything for him, but he just had to go and be his selfish, perverted self. Marissa felt a little guilty thinking these things about Trey after she had shot him, but another part of her really didn't. She would never apologize to Trey for what she had done, she saved Ryan, and that's all that mattered. Speaking of Ryan, he probably hated her. He hasn't even spoken to her since the shooting.
Way to go Marissa. You shot you boyfriend's brother, now he hates you and will never speak to you again.
There were so many things she wanted to say to Ryan. She wanted to tell him that she was sorry about lying to him, and complicating things, and putting him in the position he was in now. She wanted to tell him that she only meant well, that she did it to save him. That she only got involved with Trey so he would pull his life back together, and make Ryan happy. Everything she did was just to make him happy, but it all backfired on her.
A thought suddenly popped into her head. What if Ryan didn't hate her, but he was just nervous to talk to her because he didn't know what to say. He wasn't exactly a master with words. She considered the possibility for a second until she drew a conclusion.
"Nope, he hates me" she said to herself as she crawled back into bed.
Seth returned home to find Ryan sitting on the couch with his feet propped up on the table, watching T.V. For a big, muscular guy, Ryan was really lazy.
"Hey man" Seth said with a wave. Ryan grunted in response while turning off the T.V to join Seth in the kitchen. He was a little nervous about asking Seth about Marissa. He didn't know how he would react to the question. Ryan didn't like the idea of revealing his emotions, but on the other hand, Marissa was technically still his girlfriend and she did shoot his brother, so asking how she was would really just be a relatively normal question.
"Brought you back a burger" Seth said as he placed the plastic bad on the countertop.
"Thanks". Ryan swallowed, then let it out, "Hey, uh, did Summer mention Marissa at all?"
Wow. Seth thought he would have to force Ryan to talk about Marissa, but now he was asking him to. This just made his job a whole lot easier.
"Yea, she did. Why?" Seth asked, trying to force Ryan to say he missed her.
"Uh, nothing, I was just wondering how she was doing".
"Oh, yea, um-". Seth scratched the back of his head, searching for an appropriate answer. He didn't want to be the one to tell Ryan that Marissa was doing really badly.
"That bad, huh?" Ryan asked, reading Seth's transparent expression.
"Yea. Summer says she rarely comes out of her room. And when she does it's at night to go to the lifeguard stand".
"Oh". Ryan didn't know what to say to that. It seemed like she was taking it worse then him, but then again, Ryan wasn't sure how he was taking it. He had been avoiding the subject of Trey at all costs, he hadn't even visited him at the hospital. He wasn't sure if he could even look at Trey after what he did to Marissa. In fact, Ryan hadn't told anyone this, not Seth, not even the police, that when he went to Trey's apartment that night, he had every intention of killing him. Although Ryan knew he probably would've backed out at the last second, the thought still haunted him that he actually really wanted to do it. However, Ryan felt compelled to forgive Trey, partly out of guilt, and the fact that he was his brother, but that was turning out to be harder then he thought.
"You should visit him" Seth said, reading Ryan's mind.
"Huh?"
"Trey. You should visit him in the hospital".
"I don't think so".
"You need to talk to Marissa too". Ryan gave Seth a shut-up-I-can-handle-this-myself look, but he didn't seem to care. Ryan hated how serious Seth could be when he wanted to, but he was right.
"You can't avoid them forever Ryan."
He stood in front of the large glass window looking into Trey's room. Ryan couldn't bring himself to go in there. He observed Trey's body lying in the bed. Pale, motionless. Seth suggested that seeing Trey might make him feel better, however, it was beginning to have the opposite effect. It just brought back all the memories Ryan had spent the last week trying to forget.
"I think something happened between Marissa and Trey"
"Nothing happened"
"Why do you always assume it's my fault?" "She threw herself at me" "Trey's been jerking you around your whole life, and Marissa-" "I want you out of Newport"
"He attacked her"
"How could you man? I would've done anything for you"
"Cause it always is"
"I don't believe you"
"Has made mistakes"
"But she would never hurt you like that"
"Look man, I was messed up, i was stoned"
"It wasn't my idea Trey, I didn't want to steal that car"
"Yea I went away for it and uh you got the good life"
"So you had to destroy it? You had to hurt her huh?!"
Ryan clenched his hand into a fist in his pocket. He felt a lump form in his throat and his stomach sink. He wanted to go into that room, rip all the IV's and tubes out of Trey, and kill him right there. Ryan knew that wasn't and option, but there was still something he could do. He had to see Marissa; he had to make things right with her.
Marissa leaned her head against the back of the lifeguard stand and looked up at the summer night sky. It was cloudy out, so you couldn't see any stars. She turned her head down at looked out over the dark horizon. The dark, endless ocean made her feel so small. She liked that. She liked the feeling that there was something more to life, and there were bigger things then here and now. It made her feel like the whole situation with Trey didn't matter.
She wished that it had never happened. She wished that she never went to the beach with Trey, that she had never told Summer what happened, then it would have never gotten back to Ryan. She closed her eyes and tried to take it all back. Maybe if she undid it in her mind, it would be erased from real life. She squeezed her eyes tight, however, when she opened them again, everything was still the same. She was still at the beach, Trey was still in the hospital, and Ryan still hated her.
Marissa was so caught up in her own thoughts, she didn't even notice someone walking up the ramp of the lifeguard stand. It was Ryan. Marissa was so confused. At first she thought Ryan had come to confront her. Instead, he just sat down next to her. Marissa looked at him as he sat down, his facial expression was unreadable. She looked back that the ocean, both nervous and scared. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Ryan look back at her, then back out to the ocean. Suddenly, Marissa couldn't control herself, and broke down.
"I'm sorry" She said as she started crying.
This caught Ryan off guard, it wasn't exactly how he pictured talking to Marissa. He couldn't find any of the right words to say to her, and she just repeated what she was saying over and over.
"I'm sorry...I'm sorry" She croaked out between sobs. Ryan put his arm around her shoulder and pulled her close to him.
"Don't be".