He stood there staring at her limp form; shock the most prevalent of all her emotions. He had just watched his best friend fall to his death and now he had to loose her too. It was too much. This was all too much. But he could not stand here and let the numbness take over. The children. They needed him to escort them back to Hogwarts. They at least, could be saved, and he would make sure that something went right today. And without another look around the Chamber of Death, he winched at the all too appropriate name - he gathered all the children to him and set off with the Portkey.
They landed unceremoniously, and Madam Pomfrey began working at once, instructing Remus to take a seat. Minutes later Tonks appeared, held by Kinglsey. She was still out cold, her normal bright features pale, and her hair a light brown, since her Morph had faded once she was knocked out. He laid her down, nodded to Remus and touched the Portkey to go back. There was still a battle going on.
Remus stood over Tonks then, terror squeezing his heart. She had to be alright. Damn her and her reckless nature. Combining that with the job she did and Bellatrix the lunatic, it was a miracle she hadn't been killed. Remus backtracked then - she hadn't, but Sirius had. The pain of that loss was indescribable. He would never wish this pain on anyone - and he would know, having gone through it three times now. He couldn't allow anyone to miss him like this, not that many people still living would. But this heart faced, young, strong, stubborn woman lying before him would. Oh, she would. He couldn't allow it.
Once she woke up, once she was coherent and calm, he would tell her. Better to distance now, before it was too late, because if they kept down this road, it would be. It might already be too late. It was for him, though no one knew. Remus was good at hiding - pain, fear...love. And he would continue to. But, while she slept, while she would never know, he let himself feel everything for her.
He smoothed her hair away from her face, feeling it's soft and slightly course texture, he held her hand, which was calloused on the front, and then he kissed her palm, which was smooth and still warm. He drank her in, memorizing her face because that was all she would be soon. A lovely memory. He focused on the way her eyes had a slight almond shape, the indent in her top lip, the slight arch of her eyebrows, her high cheekbones, pale now but usually flushed with a lovely rose color, and her ears, small and shapely, with obvious piercings not worn because of her job, the holes in her left ear going up the length of her earlobe, and how that all came together to create the picture that was Nymphadora Tonks - or Dora, as he was fond of calling her.
And still, there was more. A slight scar on her nose, where a curse has been deflected, scars on her left wrist - her wand hand, common targets for Aurors, and the usual scratches and scrapes from someone as brazen and as clumsy as her. He knew the color of her irises; behind her closed lids they were a lovely hazel - darkening and lighting with her hair color and of course, her emotions. Her face was scattered with light freckles, and her few birth marks lay on her shoulders and arms, with four on her collar bone making a perfect square. He loved to connect them with his finger...in his mind of course.
She was everything, all encompassing - fire and fight and intelligence and humor and strength and gentleness and understanding and love - so much of it that it alarmed even him. She was young in years but so much older in spirit. She knew him, she understood him - odd and as mismatched as they were... they did make some sort of sense. Both were outcasts in a way, having different "conditions" than most, and both felt things so deeply, but said so little, that most of the world didn't know what to do with them. They were both quietly intelligent but fiercely loyal, so much so that it was almost all they had - and they had both been entangled in a conflict for all of their lives, deeper than either had ever thought possible at the beginning.
Remus laughed softly to himself. The beginning had been so much different than this. The beginning was when he was broken, with nothing left in the world. It was fitting now, that at the end of things, he would have something to lose - and a reason to keep fighting. Now, at the end, was the time that he would need someone. This time he had a life line...but for her sake, he would have to sever it...
He never thought he could open himself again, after losing everyone he loved most in the world, because Sirius had been gone then too, but with her, it was hard not to. With her it was easier, with her it was normal. With her it was welcome.
But now the stakes were different. Now there had been a battle. Now there were risks. Now they could die. Now there had been death. Now there could be pain...worse pain than what was to come once she knew about Sirius. He could handle pain, it was really the only sensation he knew, but he would not be the one to teach her how much it could hurt. Not this time.
With a sigh he went to check on the children, and wait for her to wake up.