My Erotic Ambassador
A USUKUS fanfic
Rated M
Warning: Smut/sexual content and slight crackyness because I can. This is the brainchild of a perverted, grounded teenager who wanted to write smut at 8 PM. USUKUS.
By Galgenhumor (FF/AO3) / cl41r3 (Tumblr)

Chapter 1: I Hope That Was In HD

"Hey Artie, you're known as the erotic ambassador, right?" Alfred asked him one morning.

Arthur almost spat out the tea he was drinking. Who in their right mind would even ask that so openly? He flushed beet red and stuttered, "Wh-why do you ask?"

"No reason." Alfred shrugged, taking a spoonful of cereal into his mouth.

"Y-you can't just… ask that out of the blue! There has to be a reason, at least!" he set his tea down onto the saucer; the tinkling sound made by the contact of the china was barely audible. He closed the newspaper he was reading, looking at Alfred curiously. What made him ask such a thing so early in the morning?

"I just wanted to ask you something."

"How is my being an erotic ambassador even relevant towards that?"

"So you are an erotic ambassador! Ha!" Alfred grinned triumphantly, clapping his hands together.

"Wha― I― Alfred!" he stammered, having tricked by the American yet again.

"Anyway, since you're like, the erotic ambassador, you must have tried everything, right? All those kinks and stuff?" Alfred leaned closer across the table, his eyes gleaming.

"N-not every kink..." Arthur had to save the tiny shred of dignity he had left.

"Well, you get my point." Alfred shrugged, then continued, "So, Arthur, I want you to do something for me!" he clapped a hand on Arthur's shoulder, lightly startling the smaller man.

"What in the world do you want me to do for you, Alfred?" he raised an eyebrow.

"I want you..." he leaned in closer to whisper into Arthur's ear, "...to make a porno."

Arthur's eyes widened and his cheeks grew redder, as if it was possible to even do that considering how flushed he already was.

"What?" he exclaimed incredulously, looking at him in shock. Alfred's never asked him to do things for him before, so this came as a surprise.

"You heard me." a mischievous grin was plastered onto Alfred's face.

"B-but why?"

"Eh, well, I haven't really watched some good porn in a long time," Alfred shrugged and Arthur felt a bit annoyed at him for watching porn when they were together, though he did not voice out that concern, "and I thought, 'Hey, Alfred, you know what would make a really good porno to watch? Porno of your boyfriend! Yeah!'"

Arthur didn't want to hear this, really. What came over him, anyway?

Arthur frowned at him, looking pissed off to the highest degree. "Did you think I would actually oblige to that idiotic idea of yours?" he snarled at him, but his anger didn't really have an effect on Alfred.

"Yup, 'cause we both know you love me and we both know you'd do it anyway!" Alfred laughed.

Cheeky git!,Arthur thought. It was quite presumptuous of Alfred to think that Arthur would actually give in to his little plan.

"Besides, you know I need to go back to America for 3 weeks because of my stupid boss. Three weeks is a long time and I'll be lonely, so I guess it'll be me, my right hand and your porno for approximately 21 nights. Come on, Arthur, please do me this favour?" he mock-pouted and gave Arthur those puppy dog eyes which they both know he can't resist.

"I hate you, Alfred. I hate you so much." Arthur growled spitefully.

"Aw, yeah! You're the best, babe!" he grabbed Arthur by the shoulders and pressed his lips smack right onto his.

What did you just get yourself into this time?, Arthur thought with a sigh as he was finally released and allowed to sit back on his chair.

One night, when Alfred had gone out for drinks with Gilbert and Mathias, Arthur decided that he could not put it off any longer. He had to make the video for Alfred.

He wished he could get out of this, really. This damaged both his dignity and integrity. In the very least, he wished he was drunk right now so that he honestly wouldn't know what he was doing. He set up the video camera on a table and moved it in front of his bed. Their bed, actually. His and Alfred's.

Arthur figured that if he was going to this, he better do it well. Give him a show and all. That's what he wanted, right?

Arthur turned on the camera, the tiny green light signaling him that the video was recording.

Arthur sidled onto the bed, in front of the camera. He had his best, his most erotic smirk on as he said, "Hey Alfred, here's the video you asked me to make for you. I hope you and your right hand will have a fun ride~." in the best seductive voice he could muster. He only hoped that he didn't sound like he was trying too hard.

He started to peel off his clothes, giving Alfred a little striptease. Clothes were discarded, placed around and off the bed, not being given a second thought. He kept his mind focused on Alfred, focused on pleasuring him with this video. He imagined how Alfred would react to this, how he would just drool lustfully as he watched the video, maybe even pleasure himself as he watched, and then he would replay it every night until he was allowed to go back to England and finally get a piece of this British arse after 3 weeks of wanting. The mere idea aroused him, his cock already going hard.

After getting all his clothes off, he ran his hand delicately over his smooth, fair skin, and took his nipple between his two fingers and gave it a nice, good pinch. He moaned a bit, careful not to sound too wanton so early into the video. The real thing was better than this, but self-pleasuring was also nice from time to time for Arthur. After all, he was an erotic ambassador.

He took some of the lube and slicked his right hand before he let it go down to his painful, unattended erection. He lightly touched his balls, fondling it a bit, before he ghosted his fingers over the base of his shaft. He wrapped his fingers around it, stroking himself slowly. He picked up the pace a bit, moaning as he pleased himself. He was already flushed and sweaty, his hair sticking to his forehead.

He felt himself getting close, but he abruptly stopped. The show's not over yet. He gave a devilish smirk towards the camera, a smirk he saved just for Alfred.

He lubed up the fingers of his left hand, before getting into a position comfortable enough for his next little act. He pushed his index finger in, the warm hole enveloping his finger. He shuddered a bit at the sensation. "Mm..." he said, licking his lips which had gone dry.

He pushed a second finger in, stretching himself out by scissoring and rocking his fingers back and forth. Another finger was added. He began to thrust his fingers in different angles, finding his prostate. He had done this so many times before on those lonely nights when he had no one to do it for him. He pretty much had it memorised.

"Alfred..." he muttered to himself as his breath hitched. He took hold of his dripping cock yet again, stroking it in the same rhythm.

"A-agh...!" he exclaimed, having found his prostate. He smirked to himself as he struck it again and again while he pumped his length. He couldn't take it anymore, he needed his release.

"Alfred...!" he moaned out loud as his back arched and he came, his cheeks flushed and all dignity lost. He didn't even notice that he had said his lover's name. Maybe it was because he actually imagined him fucking him into the sheets, instead of him just masturbating to the thought of him. Either way, it was a good effect for the video.

He had ejaculated into his hand, a bit of his essences getting on his body and on the bed, which he hoped it wouldn't be that noticeable.

He slid his fingers out of himself, making a soft, wet pop. He smirked; he was actually able to do this! He wasn't really sure if he was to be proud or embarrassed at himself.

He sighed contentedly, relieved. His chest rose and fell for a few moments, trying to catch his breath. When it had stabilised, he leaned towards the camera and smirked, "I hope you enjoyed that, because that was all for you, babe." he winked before pressing a button to stop the recording.

"Thank God it's over..." he groaned to himself as he collapsed onto the bed, all spent and tired. Well, he couldn't say it really was a bad idea. Both of them got something for it so it was win-win.

He heard the door downstairs unlock and open; Alfred had come home from his drinking night. The adrenalin pumped in his body suddenly made him gather all his clothes and fix the bed, hide the camera and put all his clothes back on all before Alfred gets to their bedroom.

"Hey babe." Alfred gave him a tired smile as he entered their room.

"Oh, hey." he looked up from his book, lying down on his bed, pretending to read. He tried to act casual, but actually he was sweating a lot in nervousness.

"What have ya been up to?" Alfred asked him with a grin, his words slightly slurred. He looked tipsy and all. He walked over to their bed and sat down on the foot of the bed.

"Nothing much. Reading." he shrugged. Alfred nodded and removed his clothes up to his boxers before scooting over beside Arthur.

"Man, I'm tired." he sighed. "Well, at least I didn't come home as drunk as those two." he chuckled. By 'those two', he meant Mathias and Gilbert.

"Good for you." Arthur chuckled and nodded as well.

"I'm going to go to sleep now. Good night, Artie." Alfred yawned and stretched his arms. Arthur nodded and turned off the lamp.

He honestly hoped Alfred wouldn't notice the stains on their bed.

Author's Notes: WHAT DID I JUST WRITE HAHA. This is the 2nd time I've written fanfiction smut. Forgive me if it kinda sucked. It's not yet over, you know. I have a load of ideas for this little shit, so I'm not stopping yet. I think I just got this huge urge to smut. Why.

Oh, and by the way, still grounded and stuff, semi-hiatus and all. Damn...

Anyway, review and stuff, I'll type up the next chapter soon~