A/N: Ok. so it's been awhile since i've written anything. but i was really feeling the need to write something like this. i miss gilmore girls so much!! ok, well it's just a one shot. maybe i'll start a new story soon, maybe a sequel to driving forces? read on...
disclaimer: gilmore girls is still not mine. sadly.
The tree. The big, beautiful avocado tree that sat at the front of the slender building in the heart of downtown San Francisco. That tree confirmed all of Rory Gilmore's assumptions that this house would be the home of Logan Huntzberger. Three years ago, this would have been the last place Rory expected to find herself; but here she was.
The thoughts of Logan started back up a couple of months ago. She was asked to return to Yale in order to speak as a noted alumni at some of the year's closing ceremonies. Being back in that place, at that time of the year, inevitably forced her to remember what last happened in that same exact setting.
She had finished her speech, overlooking the Yale class of 2010, and caught a glimpse of the wide, shady tree, under which she had handed the ring back to Logan. Something compelled Rory to sit under the tree, and when she did, she couldn't fight back the tears.
For weeks after turning Logan down, she had convinced herself that nothing was wrong, and that if it was really meant to be, she would have had no reservations in getting married. But soon enough reality set in and she felt alone. It was not a pleasant feeling to have.
Months passed and gradually she thought of him less and less. Every so often, something would remind her. A whiff of his cologne when she was at the mall, her grandma talking about a recent dinner with Shira and Mitchum, or even reading the newspaper.
As time continued to go by, Rory met Daniel, and she thought she'd fallen in love again. Her thoughts were no longer constantly of Logan, instead they were of Daniel and all of his wonderful qualities. They got along well, had similar taste in movies, and shared the love of all things coffee related. But it just wasn't enough.
After a year of dating, things started to feel forced and uncomfortable between them. Rory realized that every little thing that occurred between them she was comparing to her relationship with Logan. That Logan was always in the back of her mind. So Rory broke it off.
There had been a couple casual dates since, blind or double dates with friends, set ups by her grandmother with the sons of fellow DAR members, and every so often a nice guy she'd meet at random events, but never another relationship. Everything felt lame and lacking in comparison to what she'd already experienced.
Key to forgetting Logan was abandoning a future in journalism. She started there but gradually found a calling in writing literature. Rory's successful novels were being called 'modern day classics' and gave her a sense of confidence back that she had lost with Logan.
Things were extremely well in Rory's life. Her mom and Luke finally got married, and she had never seen Lorelai so happy before. It was great that a Gilmore girl got her fairytale ending! She and Lane continued to be close and she upheld her promise to be the twins' Lorelai Gilmore, taking them for frequent ice cream trips and dedicating her single children's book to them.
About a year after the proposal, Rory received an invitation in the mail to Honor's second wedding. Things had fizzled with Josh but Honor had always held a certain fondness of Rory and asked her to come.
She declined, claiming that her books were keeping her too busy when really she was afraid. Afraid that going to that wedding and seeing Logan would bring back all of the feelings that she had fought so long to rid herself of. Afraid that seeing him would just prolong the time it was taking to get over him. But more than anything, she was afraid to see that he had moved on. It was a much better feeling to imagine that he was pining over her just as much as she was pining over him.
After the day at Yale, her thoughts of Logan never dwindled. Everything started to remind her of him again. From familiar things he said, to any guy with an impressive smirk.
When September rolled around her thoughts were uncontrollable. She found herself wanting to see him again and wanting to be with him. She was missing the love and companionship she had found with him that she had fought off the past two years. One Saturday afternoon in particular stood out to her.
Rory was sitting in her apartment attempting to distract herself. She took a shower got dressed and made her bed. She cleaned the kitchen and the bathrooms. Anything to get her mind off of Logan. Eventually she ran out of things to do and ended up calling Lane.
"Hey Ror, what's up?" Lane answered the phone, her breathing heavy.
"Are you busy?" Rory responded morosely.
"Nope, I'm at the park with the kids, just running around. Are you ok?" Lane very quickly picked up on the down tone of Rory's voice.
"I've been better."
"Still thinking about Logan?"
"Unfortunately."
Lane was silent from the other end for a moment before she spoke, "Zach'll watch the kids tonight. Let's go do something fun." She proposed.
"Ok." Rory wasn't feeling up to anything crazy but she didn't have the energy to fight it.
"I'll pick you up at seven." Lane said before hanging up.
Rory wandered into her room and changed her outfit to something more evening-worthy. She fixed her makeup and slid on her shoes just as Lane pounded on the front door.
"Ready?" She called out, letting herself in to the apartment.
"Yep." Rory wandered out of her room.
"Oh dear. This must be bad. You're actually ready on time?"
"I guess so, let's go."
Rory locked the door behind them and climbed into a taxi beside Lane. When they arrived at the club they were waved through the door quickly and found seats at the bar. "Come on Ror, let's dance or something!" Lane seemed enthusiastic to distract her friend.
Rory sat at the counter for a moment and pondered her options. She could sit and be depressed for a couple hours, ruining her friend's night as well as her own. Or she could get utterly and completely drunk to wash out all thoughts of Logan, all while amusing her friend. She chose option number two.
"I'll take a Lemon Drop please." She said to the bartender. When it was served to her she swallowed it impossibly fast and decided that her preferred drink wasn't going to be strong enough to accomplish the task at hand. "You know what? Make that a shot of Grey Goose."
She threw back the shot and let the alcohol course through her veins. Now that was more like it.
Lane laughed and grabbed her hand, "Let's dance!" She shouted over the pulsing music.
"Ok!" Rory shouted back, doing one more shot before following Lane into the crowd of gyrating twenty-somethings.
The next morning Rory woke to a pounding headache. She had barely sat up when she felt the sudden urge to run to the bathroom, kneeling before the porcelain toilet bowl and throwing up. When she stood up she rinsed her mouth out with water and grabbed an Aspirin from the medicine cabinet.
Lane walked into the bathroom behind her, "You got pretty wasted last night," she said, "I'll get you a new toothbrush."
As Lane left the room images from the night before flooded Rory's memory. The first shots, the dancing, the random guy she hooked up with as they danced, Lane guiding her into her house and into the guest room. She groaned as she realized how immature her reaction to Logan had been.
When Lane returned with the toothbrush she accepted it gratefully, scrubbing away the old sock taste from her mouth before popping the Aspirin and turning to Lane.
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry Ror, this has got to be tough. Maybe your reaction wasn't the most reasonable but it'll be ok." She gave Rory a hug and looked at her, "I was scared to leave you drunk and alone last night so I brought you back here."
"Thanks Lane. And I really am sorry." Rory said apologetically.
"It's really fine, come on, I've got hangover food."
Rory followed her into the kitchen and was greeted by the scent of warm macaroni and cheese. She accepted a bowl gratefully and took her first bite, testing to see just how upset her stomach was. It was soothed by the source of real food.
"Thanks." Rory smiled, taking another bite.
"Auntie Lorelai!" The twins came in still wearing their pajamas and hugging Rory's legs.
"Hey kiddos." She smiled down at them sinking to the floor to be at the kid's level.
Zach walked in soon after, helping himself to a cup of coffee, he waved to Rory and smiled at her sympathetically. She simply smiled back.
Rory looked up at Lane's happy family. The great husband, the kids, the happiness. If only she had accepted that proposal, she could be there. No, she told herself. No more thoughts like this.
After that day Rory tried every reasonable attempt to force Logan out of her mind. To force out the thoughts of what might have been. She dated again, focusing on the guys personalities and finding things she liked in them.
This worked for another couple months. Until Logan started to creep back in, making the other guys seem dull and lacking enigma. It wasn't long before she was back to being single. At this rate she was going to end up a lonely old spinster with twelve cats, still pining over the same guy after fifty years.
It was this thought that forced her to do something. On a December afternoon she called her grandparents.
"Hi Grandma, it's Rory." She said when Emily answered the phone.
"Oh hello Rory!" She greeted enthusiastically, "How are you?"
"I'm fine grandma, I was actually calling to ask you a favor." Rory wanted to get right to the point before she lost her nerve.
"Of course honey, anything." Her Grandma had always been more than eager to do anything for her only Granddaughter.
"I was wondering if you could give me Logan Huntzberger's new number? I was wanting to reach him."
Emily paused for a moment, "Of course Rory, hold on."
Rory heard the shuffling of papers before her Grandmother came back on and gave her the number. Saying that last she heard he was still in San Francisco. She thanked her and hung up, holding the number tightly in her hands.
She stared at it, reading its digits and trying to figure out what she'd say. She picked up the phone deciding to just wing it.
It rang and went to voice mail. She hung up quickly. At that instant, Rory decided to find him. Not call. She would go to San Francisco and find where he's living.
The next day she booked her flight and a week later she was in the Northern California city. Rory sat in her hotel room with the thick yellow phonebook in her lap. There was only one listing for Huntzberger. She would go the next day she told herself.
The morning of her decided visit she took extra care to get dressed and make herself presentable. Nothing provocative, yet enough to make him want her. She didn't want to look vulnerable. She wanted to see his feelings and see if he wanted her too. If not, she needed to be strong enough to walk away and understand that he had moved on.
She hailed a taxi, that dropped her off on his street. Rory walked up the tree lined streets, dressed warmly against the chilly winter air. Sunlight poured through the bare branches, casting shadows across the ground in front of her. She watched the house numbers get greater and greater until she reached the one she was looking for. She was there.
Back to the present, she stared at the avocado tree. Set against the brick façade of the building, it was more beautiful than she could ever imagine. Rory crossed the street to the opposite side and sat on the curb staring up at the tree. She stuck her hands in her pockets to keep them warm and took in the entire scene.
She wondered what the inside was like. Was Logan living alone, or maybe he had a roommate? Maybe he was married and had kids already. Were there tricycles and swing sets littering the backyard? Were there wedding photographs on the fireplace mantle? The curiosity was too much. She had to find out.
Slowly she stood up, smoothing out her coat and the back of her pants before sliding her fingertips back into the pockets. She crossed the street and swung open the white picket fence.
Standing on the porch, Rory took a deep breath, pulled her right hand from it's pocket, and knocked three times.
Thirty seconds later the door swung open. All was quiet. Rory's heart was about to burst with pain, longing, and love. She simply stared for a moment before looking down at her feet.
"I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have.." She began to mumble before turning and walking away, wondering what the hell she'd been thinking. She got to the gate fumbling with it before she felt a strong hand on her arm.
"Rory wait." He whispered, pulling her back.
She stared up at him, not saying anything and trying to regain some sort of composure. He stared back for a second with distant eyes before speaking, "It's cold out here. Come inside for a minute."
Logan guided her inside, leading her to a den and sitting her on the couch. She looked around, no wedding pictures or toys. That was a good sign.
He slipped a mug of coffee into her hands. She stared into it's depths before taking a sip and daring to look back up at him.
"What're you doing here?" he asked, looking back.
"I'm not sure."
"Ok."
"I'm really sorry." She said, she wasn't sure if she was apologizing for coming or for leaving. For saying no, or for butting back into his life after three years.
"For what, exactly?" he asked tentatively.
"For coming here, showing up and butting back into your life after I turned you down three years ago. For saying no to you. Now I realize I'd do anything to take back that no. It's the only thing I ever regret doing in my life." There. She'd said it. She'd forgotten all her previous notions of acting strong. She'd put all her cards on the table and now it was his turn.
He sat for a second and thought. She simply watched. Suddenly his entire facial expression changed. It was sad, his eyes became confused but then concerned. His handsome features shifted when he frowned, pulling the corners of his eyes down into a frown that matched his mouth.
"You hurt me Rory. More than I'd ever been hurt." He stated. Staring back down at his thumbs as he twiddled them together in the idle silence.
"I would do anything to take that back Logan. Sure, I've found success with writing and my career. I've still got my good friends and my mom. And Luke. But I've always felt that part of me was missing. I thought that because I was even partially uncertain about marrying you that it meant we were just wrong for each other." Rory took a deep breath before continuing, "But that was the most wrong I've ever been about anything. It took me ages to get you out of my mind. I tried to date. I tried to have new relationships. But nothing worked. I've reached a turning point."
She went on, explaining about going back to Yale for the graduation and how it set the roller coaster in motion once more. When she finished she looked down at her empty coffee cup, nothing left to say.
"I've tried to move on too. Nothing's worked for me either." He said.
Next think she knew he was on the couch next to her with his mouth on hers. It was warm and familiar. They were comfortable as they shared the kiss, even more of their old feelings flooding back as they both let their guards down.
Soon, they'd have to worry about their differences. The troubles they'd had in the past three years. They'd both have to face what had changed in each other and it would definitely take time to heal the wounds they'd inflicted upon each other in the past, but for now, it was only him and her. And the moment was perfect.
Thats it! what do you think? please review :)