n.n; Ahaha. One-shots galore! I loooove SxS, especially when it's in the original type fic, rather than AU, because I really think their situation is really the most romantic of any FF. Romantic as in, swords and roses or Shakespearean poetry...maybe I'm just crazy. But seriously, think about it.
Swords and Roses. Isn't that SxS? Fiery rivals by daylight, passionate lovers by moonlight, you know. Like Sailor Moon! XD
Har...Ahhh, review please. It's more of a fan's silly analytical dissertation than an actual story, but there are cute moments...I think. o.0
The song inspiration is Barry Manilow, (LOL omfg DIE!) and I'd love to know how you guys think it fits. It's just that I saw the lyrics for the song and immediately screamed, "SQUALL!" Because it really does remind me of how Squall would feel on his end of the fatal attraction.
Beware, because this one turns into one of those sappy fics that everybody loves to make fun of, and then read when nobody is looking and get all teary-eyed. Because, face it: as much as this sappy fluff business is really corny, we just can't get enough of it!
Rooftop Memories
One-shot by squalmasy
The hero. The leader. The one destined for greatness. The revered and respected commander. An idol.
They were all titles that seemed to fit him perfectly. They were titles that exuded impossibly grand expectations, ones that had been pinned to him since he showed leadership qualities early in the Sorceress War. He had achieved the unthinkable, did the impossible, stood strong against the doubt and hesitation that anyone else would have uninhibited by. Three years ago, it was: he had defeated the Sorceress Ultimecia, and her faithful Knight, the "Traitor of Balamb Garden."
We had the right love
At the wrong time
Guess I always knew inside
I wouldn't have you for a long time.
He still thought about it, and how hard it had been for him to fight and throw down someone who had practically been his other half. He hadn't wanted to fight Seifer. He would rather have just gone to those strong arms again, hoping for warmth and safety that he had used to associate with them, but he knew that if he had then, Seifer would have laughed and thrown him away.
And after all the conflict that the ambitious blonde had stirred up until that point, everyone had seen his defeat as the world's ultimate vindication.
Nobody had really known how difficult it had been for the brunette during those times. How helpless he felt, knowing there was nothing he could have done to bring Seifer back; the old Seifer, his Seifer. It hadn't been as wonderful a feeling for him to defeat the Knight as it had been for the rest of the world. The raving megalomaniac that the blonde had slowly become was not the same as his conceited-and-cheeky-to-a-healthy-extent rival. What had hurt Squall the most was that that road had been the real Seifer's choice, his "romantic dream." What could he have done? Seifer had always been a stubborn prick.
Those dreams of yours
Are shining on distant shores
And if they're calling you away
I have no right to make you stay.
Now, the young commander stood alone on the cool winter evening of yet another SeeD Ball, wearing his commander's uniform as he leaned against Balamb Garden's railing on the small balcony near the top of the unique structure. A cool wind was coming from the sea in the near distance, blowing gently against clean, dark strands of hair and making them flutter and sway back against his head. Eyes of turbulent gray-blue, like a stormy afternoon, turned down and stared pensively at his leather-gloved hand and then past it at the entrance plaza.
The white overhead lights of the plaza stretched long shadows on two forms, a couple embracing in the moonlight, in solitude and bliss. They seemed to float around beneath Squall's view like an aimless fairy. He watched them for a while, only able to feel nostalgic, heavy-hearted, and slightly mellowed by the affectionate young lovers.
The peaceful movement of a calm, pretty, slow song floated all the way from the SeeD ballroom to graze softly against his ear. He was sure that somebody, other than this couple, was having a perfect evening, dancing in the ballroom, and for that, he didn't mind the song as it drifted up with the wind. The melody was sobering, and left him plenty of room to think.
But somewhere down the road
Our roads are gonna cross again
It doesn't really matter when.
A light brush of fingers on his shoulders turned his gaze up from the courtyard below and over to brown, gently eyes. A pale, soft hand found its way to the crook of his elbow as the young woman, dressed in a flattering slinky dress, stepped beside him.
"Feeling alright?"
The princess: an unwanted addition he had inherited from obligations as "hero." Not to put across an incorrect idea; he did like Rinoa quite a lot, and at the time had accepted his essential duty as her knight with his earnest. And he had, at one point, felt an attraction to the young woman. When he thought about it so long after it had passed, however, he saw it as himself trying to heal the deep wound that Seifer had inflicted with his thoughtless action. What really drove Squall up a wall sometimes was the fact that even as insensitive as Seifer had been, he couldn't hate the blonde for it.
"Yeah," he said.
Rinoa smiled softly and removed her hand from his elbow, leaning a little forward on the railing and smiling down upon the young, surreal couple in the plaza, almost a dot from the height that she looked down upon them from. She would have done anything to be a couple like that with Squall, embracing under moonlight without any regard to the world around.
But she wasn't completely ignorant. She had seen his fleeting attraction to her come and pass more quickly than they really could have sparked any semblance of a relationship. Besides, from the moment she had met Squall and probably since before, there had always been something else in those amazing gray eyes, something that had always just existed there. Though it saddened her, she knew that "thing" in his eyes wasn't for her. And she wasn't about going to try to break that dormant longing in the man.
But somewhere down the road
I know that heart of yours
Will come and see
That you belong with me.
She glanced at him sadly. He had been so out of it since the end of Sorceress War, like he had been lamenting or waiting for something important to happen that would finalize his happiness. Part of her worried that his dedication was going to be his undoing; especially on the likely chance that the doomed affection never had a chance to grow. She could only hope that it would bring him happiness, should there ever be an opportunity to draw it out again.
She could tell by his small apologetic smile, that though he wouldn't admit it, his eyes told that he couldn't give up on that small hope. It was small but strong, and he couldn't let it go just yet. She smiled back.
Sometimes goodbyes are not forever
It doesn't matter if you're gone
I still believe in us together.
"Do you want to talk about it?" she suggested almost out the blue, but both of them knew the subject to some extent. She drummed her fingers silently against the railing and gazed off at the starless black expanse that was the sky. He made a small, unintelligible noise and they stood silently for a while, the peaceful song still playing up to their ears as the only distinguishable sound in the cool evening. She was about to leave him in his ethereal solitude when he opened his mouth, eyes foggy from nostalgia.
"When I was a child," he started very slowly, and Rinoa couldn't but smile at this; Squall had probably always referred to himself as an "adult." He continued after a pause, not looking at the young woman as a diminutive smile graced his lips.
"I had a bead necklace. Selphie had given it to me." He looked a little embarrassed, but Rinoa stayed silent to urge him to continue. After all, it wasn't often that he talked about himself. Though his friends had worked on getting him to be more open, he still wasn't the most gregarious young man.
"Squally! You're wearing it!"
An energetic young brunette with sparkling green eyes squealed happily at her friend, who wore a tiny smile and nodded slowly. "It" was a necklace made of brightly colored, mismatched plastic beads strung on plastic string.
It certainly wasn't the most impressive article of jewelry ever, but to such a young mind it meant a great deal. It meant he was stylish, or cool, or different. It meant whoever had given it to him, and not to someone else, liked him more than others. It was kiddie props.
For days, he wouldn't take it off. Irvine had been most jealous of him. Not that impressing the others was that great of a thing, but there was one other kid that for some reason didn't seem very pleased by Squall wearing the necklace.
"A little girly-girl necklace! Are you gonno start taking ballet, too? Squallerina?"
He'd always hated how the certain blonde would constantly pick on him. He'd already had self-esteem issues (even at the tender age of 3) and such a thuggish, scary-looking blonde like Seifer only proved to worsen that. Seifer picked on a lot of the other kids once in a while, but it was usually him.
"Don't listen to that meanie," Zell would tell him, hugging him with short arms and grinning cutely. At that time, he didn't have that ridiculous crest on his face. (Young Squall probably would have thought that it was cool if the blonde had donned the design, though.) Later on, Squall would recognize his comforting friendship with Zell as being the starts of Seifer's deep disliking for the other blonde.
The problem was that Seifer would just pick on him even more when he tried to get closer to the other kids. In that respect, Squall had had stunted emotional growth, which might have been related to his future antisocial, independent, and introverted behavior patterns. That and his fierce rivalry with the taller blonde when the brunette had found a better understanding of his situation.
"Whee! Squall, Squall!" Zell ran into the room one late afternoon, where Squall was playing alone with a stuffed moogle and Seifer was sitting nearby, eyeing Squall's toy moogle like prey, a childishly devious look in his green eyes. Seifer looked up and narrowed his eyes suspiciously at Zell, who didn't seem to notice, instead bouncing over to the brunette, laughing boyishly and hugging Squall with those stubby arms.
"C'mon, Squall! Matron's brought a puppy!" He tugged Squall to his feet, grinning widely and showing off some baby teeth. The diminutive brunette's gray-blue eyes lit up in excitement and he gave a small smile, dropping the moogle like an unimportant afterthought and letting Zell clutch their hands together as the blue-eyed friend led him out of the little room.
Seifer scowled childishly and pulled himself to his feet, following after them with a kick to the stuffed moogle. When he found them, Squall was sitting on the ground with a perfect golden-haired puppy barking cutely and licking his face. The brunette was laughing uncontrollably and Zell stood next to him, smiling down on his friend.
Seifer put on a frown and tromped over to the two and the puppy, folding his arms and glaring down at them.
"I want it," he said in a demanding tone. "Give it to me."
He held out his arms expectantly, and Squall wore a defiant, if not a bit scared, frown, clutching the puppy to him. It barked happily.
"Nuh-un." Squall said quietly.
"Gimme it!" He persisted loudly, and Zell pouted at him.
"Stop bein' so mean to Squall!" the shorter blonde barked. "You dummy, why do you think he hates you so much? Leave'm alone!"
Seifer looked very hurt. He reached out and violently tugged at the puppy, but it wouldn't let go of Squall and Squall wouldn't let go of it. The blonde scowled in irritation and had a very dark frown on his childish face, arms stiff and shaking as he glared at the ground.
That had been the very first and very last time that Squall had ever seen tears on the blonde's face. Seifer glared at Zell with now misty jade-green eyes as tears glistened on either cheek and then stomped away, preserving what he could of his 5-year-old pride.
Squall watched, confused, as the blonde went, and let go of the pup, letting it bounce out of his lap and prance around jovially. It was then that Squall noticed bright beads spilling onto his lap. Somehow, during the mess, Selphie's necklace had broken.
And for the rest of the day, he'd gone to his bunk and refused to speak to anyone. Sadly, he'd become the gossip of the orphanage. As much as children at that age could gossip, in any case. What could he say? He really liked that necklace. He was, as usual, really very upset with Seifer. After all, it had all been his fault!
Though he had been in bed, Squall couldn't find sleep at all, even when it was nearly one in the morning. He turned over in his bunk to glare at Seifer, when he realized the blonde wasn't in bed. Where was he? Panicking that he'd ran away from the orphanage, Squall sat up and climbed down past Zell's cute, happily sleeping face, and crept over to the door that led outside, looking at the shoes.
He was relieved to see that Seifer's red-and-white sneakers were still there. That meant that the blonde could only be at one place: the beach. Sometimes the kids would sneak out to the beach in the middle of the night, but they always went barefoot because when Matron would come every night to make sure they were all in bed, she'd just check that their shoes were still there. Though, why Squall felt relieved that Seifer was still there, he didn't really know. Climbing over some rocky path, Squall made his way down to the beach.
Sure enough, Seifer was down at the beach. He was walking around, stumbling a little, and collecting something. Squall couldn't see it, so he made his way over to the rocky beach. It hurt his feet.
He got close enough for the other boy to see him, and Seifer did see him there, first looking surprised, then frowning and looking away, continuing to collect what Squall now recognized as shells. But he wasn't keeping most of the ones he picked up.
"Its past your bedtime," the blonde mumbled, frowning and looking amongst the shells, accidentally tripping over another rock in the ground and scratching his bare feet. Squall watched silently. Seifer looked cumbersome, crouching in between rocks for shells that mostly didn't seem to appeal to him and then tripping and falling and scraping and bruising his knees and shins and, well, pretty much everything.
Eventually he stopped, and, still ignoring Squall, went over to the soft, sandy part of the beach and plopped down, putting his shells in a pile next to him. The brunette followed him, though he didn't really understand what was going on, and sat next to Seifer, though not close enough to touch with his arms out. Maybe Sei was a closet shell fetishist.
"It's past your bedtime, too," Squall finally said, with a little pout. The blonde "hmph"ed.
"No it's not. I don't have one," Seifer insisted. He sighed childishly and looked at his pile of shells. Squall did so, as well.
"Why're you shell-hunting in the dark?" Squall asked, giving the other a pout.
"None of your--!" He stopped himself and sighed, tracing pointless patterns in the sand. "...I'm making a necklace." Squall blinked stupidly.
"But you said necklaces are too 'girly,'" the brunette reminded.
"Yah, they are," Seifer's emerald-green eyes glanced at Squall and then glanced away again. "You're kinda mad about Selphie's necklace breakin', so I'm makin' a new one so you...ah...stop actin' like a baby." Apparently, this sentence was too long for Seifer's still undeveloped mind to utilize successfully. "Not that it was my fault it broke," he added.
This brought the shells into a whole new light for Squall. A shell necklace? That was definitely...much cooler than beads.
"You don' even like me, though," Squall pouted, kicking his legs on the sand.
"Well you were bein' annoying, is all," Seifer said, turning his head away and falling back on the sand to stare up into the starless sky. The brunette pouted and stood up with a huff.
"I don' want your necklace," he said defiantly, as much as it pained him to say it, "I'm goin' to bed." He started to walk off.
"Wait..." the blonde mumbled, and Squall stopped, glancing at the other in confusion. Seifer looked up at the brunette, an unusual guarded look in his jade-green eyes.
"You really hate me?" Seifer asked quietly, and Squall blinked stupidly yet again, memory of Zell's words coming back into his mind. The brunette looked away.
"I dunno. Do you hate me?" he pulled a classic boomerang and shot it right back at Seifer. The little blonde seemed to hesitate for a moment.
"N...nuh-uh," he mumbled, looking away from Squall and sitting up. "Don't hate ya."
This answer actually genuinely shocked Squall. After all, his mind had no grip on human behavior patterns, so when some one acts mean, for him, it means they hate you. It was really too bad that real life didn't work that way.
"O-oh." Squall frowned, still standing, and looked away as well, seeing the dark ocean drifting up and down shore. "Then I dun' hate you, either." He yawned. "I'm gonna go..."
Seifer hesitated again, brushing sand off his head while still sitting. He glanced up at Squall, kind of unnerved by these revelations. To think: Seifer and Squall didn't hate each other! It was mind-boggling.
"Nuh, stay here," Seifer demanded.
"Wha...why?" He yawned again and his eyes watered. He rubbed his eyelids with his fists. "I'm sleepybob."
"..."
"Eh...what's wrong?"
Seifer shook his head childishly and patted the sand beside him.
"Sleep here."
For the third time that night, the brunette blinked stupidly. He yawned once more and scratched his head.
"Why?"
Seifer scowled. "Jus' do it!"
The diminutive brunette blinked more yawning tears out of his eyes and succumbed to his tiredness, lying down near Seifer. The blonde let himself yawn as well, eyeing his shells carefully before going down on his back again. He grinned when he felt a warm head of brown hair nuzzle into his shoulder. He turned his head to face Squall's sleeping one and soon fell asleep as well, as they kept each other warm.
From above the path, Matron watched with a little smile. Of course, her kids only thought that their little shoe trick worked; she wasn't a complete dullard. She figured she'd tell them when they were all older that she'd known the whole time. She thought it was kind of cute, anyway.
-o-0-o-
"Wow, Squall, I don't think you've said that much to me in the past four years combined!" Rinoa smiled brightly. "That's really cute," she said, a small blush finding her cheeks. "I didn't realize you two started so far back."
Gray-blue eyes regarded her with veiled amusement and he shook his head, shrugging and looking back down at the plaza, which was now vacant of the couple.
"Guess I talked your ear off," he admitted sheepishly. "I'll try not to do that again."
"No, go ahead! I love it," Rinoa smiled. Seeing Squall talk about Seifer and look so happy just confirmed all her hunches: that "spark" in the brunette's eyes definitely had to do with the gun-blader blonde.
Squall gazed off at the ocean as the cool breeze kept up from the sea, wearing a tiny smile and eyes fogged up again. Rinoa leaned next to him.
"Is there more?" she asked, staring out at the sea and feeling the pleasant air as well. He kept gazing off absently like he was.
"At...Balamb Garden," he started, that small smile staying on his lips, "I was pretty young...15, actually..."
"That's really stupid."
Squall folded his arms and glared at his feet, his gun-blade hanging loosely at his side from leather gloves. His teacher, who had pointed glasses and messy brown hair sighed and shook his head at the shorter brunette.
"I'm sorry, Squall, but there's just no applying for SeeD until you're 17."
"It's stupid," Squall insisted, still glaring at his feet. The instructor sighed.
"I understand that," he said, "but you're going to have to live with it. If you can find a different field that allows for 15-year-olds to apply for ranks, then you're always welcome to go there."
Squall made a tiny scowl and walked off. Classes were over for the day, and many students were piled up in the cafeteria. Their food line had always been pretty much the only inefficient thing about Balamb Garden; it was just one line, and had to accommodate for far too many students. Two or three lines really would have been much more efficient.
But, Squall never ate there anyway. So he made his way to his usual destination: the Training Centre.
At his level of strength, it would take him a few minutes to kill one monster. He didn't have any Guardian Forces yet, nor did he have much magic. But, one had to make a start somewhere. Not too long into his training, he was near the student room in the back, and he spotted a certain blonde fighting monsters (and overall being a bit more successful than Squall had been.)
The brunette ran up and joined Seifer in battle, assisting his rival with the disposal of a particularly nasty plant monster. The green-eyed young man didn't seem surprised to see Squall, and they finished off the creature before wandering into the student room for a break.
Seifer wore a short gray coat that fell just past his waist, over black pants and a blue shirt. Even at his young and not completely developed age, the blonde was very easy on the eyes. His whole body and face were showing signs of becoming devilishly handsome.
Squall leaned against the wall across from the blonde, leather jacket over a white shirt tucked into loose, low-cut jeans. Seifer had always bugged Squall about his jeans, saying that they were bought from a woman's department. The brunette insisted "no." But the blonde was never convinced.
Seifer grinned and wiped a sweat from his hairline, messy, tousled hair on his head falling in many directions over his head. He wouldn't start gelling his hair back for another year yet.
"Not hungry, kid?" He asked, taking pride in being the older of the two. He had always seemed to find great superiority rights in that fact. Squall twisted his mouth in disapproval.
"They won't let me apply for SeeD yet," he said in a low voice, and Seifer's familiar laugh rang in his ear.
"Of course they won't, idiot, you've still got to wait two years. But I," he added with a smirk, "only have one year to wait."
Squall hummed and tapped his foot against the ground, watching it absently. He brushed a hand through his messy brown hair and frowned slightly. Seifer watched him for a moment, sighing soundlessly.
"Hey..."
"You're going to be gone after next year, aren't you?" Squall interjected, looking up somberly. Green eyes widened a little at this and blonde brows rose high on his forehead.
"Well, yeah, if I make it in SeeD," he said. "Why?"
Squall frowned once more, not looking up into those familiar jade-green eyes again, instead glaring at his absently tapping foot. It wasn't fair. Why couldn't he have been born one year earlier?
"I won't have anyone to train with," he mumbled, and the blonde laughed quietly.
"You should be glad I'll be gone," Seifer said, nudging the taciturn brunette in the side with a little grin. "You won't have to deal with me picking on ya all the time."
Squall was silent for a moment, not laughing or smiling. Somehow what Seifer should have made the most sense, but he didn't really feel any better by it. He wouldn't be happy to have the blonde be unreachable. The brunette wondered if he'd end up not seeing Seifer for such a long time that the blonde would have found someone to replace Squall in whatever kind of twisted rivalry/friendship they had established over the years. And there might be some hidden SeeD protocol that only allowed members of the same graduating year to go on missions together. Because, as Squall had come to realize up to that point, many things about SeeD were "stupid."
"I guess so," the brunette sighed, and lively green eyes studied him curiously.
"Hey, what's got you in such a twist?" The blonde raised an eyebrow and smiled half-heartedly.
"I don't know," Squall admitted, "It'll be weird without you here."
Seifer grinned widely.
"Little Squally's gonna miss Sei-Sei...aww." He made a babying voice, and Squall glared at him, blue-gray eyes flashing indignantly.
"Shut up," Squall growled, burying his face in his arms and sighing loudly. Seifer chuckled.
The blonde leaned over close and recognized that the brunette was going to give him the cold shoulder for a while. Pursing his lips in thought, the blonde poked the side of Squall's head. The brunette grunted and shook him away, not moving his face out of arms folded on the rail.
"What a baby," Seifer teased, though his smirk didn't reach his eyes. He leaned his head down on the rail, staring at Squall's ear. He let out a little whistle.
"Go away," the brunette mumbled, and Seifer put his larger hand on a messy brown head, tugging slightly. Squall growled, but didn't look up.
Seifer moved over so that his face almost could touch Squall's ear and puffed air at him. Squall squirmed.
"Stop," the brunette whined half-heartedly.
The older one blinked slowly and tugged on brown hair again. And he tugged once more, a little harder, finally pulling Squall's face, against his will, out of his arms.
He had a bit of a dazed look in his eyes but a menacing scowl was on his face. Seifer blinked and held the gaze of those turbulent gray eyes, confusion in his own face.
Squall frowned but couldn't look away from the shockingly green eyes. Somewhere, a bell was ringing, and seagulls were cawing off in the near distance. Suddenly the two boys felt very vulnerable, and at some point, Seifer's hand had moved from the top of Squall's head to the junction between the brunette's shoulder and neck. He stared at Squall's pouting lips for a moment before glancing up.
The moment stormy, confused gray met earnest emerald-green, Seifer leaned forward and kissed him.
Squall stiffened and didn't respond, nor did he pull away. Gray eyes went wide as he took in the odd new sensation. True: he had never kissed or been kissed before. His lips trembled just a bit.
Green eyes snapped open and Seifer pulled abruptly away, covering his mouth with the back of his hand and staring down, not daring to look at Squall. He mumbled an apology and started to quickly walk away.
Before his mind could stop him, Squall's arm reached out and his hand grazed Seifer's elbow.
"Wait..."
Seifer stopped but didn't turn around. He was staring at the ground, back of his hand still over his mouth. Squall's gray-blue eyes were still wide, and it felt like his heart and time were moving much too quickly to be healthy. Squall stepped forward and pulled on the blonde's arm, turning him enough for the brunette to wrap his gently shaking arms loosely around Seifer's waist. He leaned the side of his face against the older boy's chest, eyes still round as plates as he tried to figure out just what was going on with Seifer, and with him.
He was hugging Seifer almost the way one would hug a stuffed animal, with his arms all the way around his slim waist in a restricting circle. After a moment of breathing and the two of them feeling very confused, Squall blinked gray eyes up at his friend, who stared back at him, looking troubled.
"You kissed me..." the brunette said quietly, with a bewildered look. A guilty, pained grimace quickly shot Seifer's features as troubled green eyes looked away. He was standing stiffly, arms at his sides, not daring to touch Squall. He really did feel like a stuffed animal.
"Look," he started in an attempt to explain, "Squall, I-"
"Do it again," the brunette breathed, cutting him off.
Green eyes suddenly flickered up in confusion, catching Squall's gaze and seeing that it wasn't a joke. He looked down, frowning harshly and rubbing his temple. Slowly he moved his jade-colored eyes up again and saw that same unbreakable intent still in Squall's eyes.
He sucked quiet breath and his well-built hands went up to hold Squall's face, touching their lips together again. For just a second, the brunette didn't do anything, but Seifer nearly felt his heart jump out of his chest when Squall leaned into the kiss. The younger of the two slid his arms up from Seifer's waist and up to under the blonde's arms, pulling him down just a little closer.
When they finally pulled away, Seifer didn't open his eyes. Squall just hugged him, and the blonde returned the embrace. It was near dusk, and the sky and ocean were reddened.
"Sei..." Squall mumbled into the other's chest, and Seifer hummed in acknowledgement. "...Just...Don't leave me."
Seifer smiled and kissed the other's forehead.
"Couldn't if I tried."
-o-0-o-
"Oh my gosh..." Rinoa was almost teary-eyed and she sighed dreamily. "Squall, that is just..." she put a hand up to her face and grinned girlishly, "...way too romantic. I could never compete with what you two have," she added more to herself.
Squall was frowning slightly, leaning against the railing and staring off into space again.
"I wonder if we even have anything anymore," he said quietly. Rinoa frowned harshly and poked him in the side of his face.
"Oh, just listen to you! Of course you do. A bond like that can never break." She said with such conviction, but she wasn't really so sure in her heart. After all, how many sappy romance novels had she read, up to that point, where the young lovers are so perfect together then end up growing apart and are left with only memories to lament on? Squall sighed quietly, staring down at his hands.
We had the right love at the wrong time
Guess I always knew inside
I wouldn't have you for a long time.
"C'mon," Rinoa pouted. "Chin up. Please? Seifer wouldn't want you to be sad over him."
Squall glanced at her and offered a weak smile. The young woman sighed soundlessly and brushed his hair out of his face with an encouraging grin.
"Wanna tell another story?" she suggested, and he laughed very quietly, rubbing his temples with his index and middle fingers, standing straight.
"Well...when I was 16..."
It was late afternoon in the Balamb Garden, on a weekend, no classes were going on. In the men's bath house, it was pleasantly vacant, save for a few individuals.
The mist of a shower running rose in the long bath house, small windows sifted in a pure golden light that lit up the mist like drifting bits of honey. Squall walked in with his towel and shampoo, almost hypnotized by the golden afternoon lights that had created such a mystic environment.
The brunette slowly padded over to a spot only a few shower heads away from the only other occupant of the shower house. He turned on the water and setting off more clouds of the delicate golden mist. Gray-blue eyes closed and he leaned his head back, letting the scorching hot water tingle against his skin and sluice down his youthful, sinewy muscle. Slowly, he opened his eyes and brushed away wet hair from his face to glance at the side.
Green eyes, tinted to honey by the golden afternoon light, met his gaze, freezing him in place and making him resist the urge to shiver. The taller young man's blonde hair had been soaked under the shower but he had slicked it back with the water. Squall blushed slightly as he felt that gaze, the green gaze he adored, move away from his eyes and travel--
"Whoa, whoa!" Rinoa laughed sheepishly and waved her arms in front of her face. "That's great, but are you sure I'm old enough to be hearing this?" She joked.
Squall grimaced slightly and looked away with a chagrined blush. "Sorry."
Rinoa laughed again.
"It's fine. You know...I'm really enjoying this conversation," she said cheerfully, "I learned so much about you and Seifer."
"Yeah..."
"Oh..." Then she frowned a little. "...I...wasn't it...hard? For you...during the war," she tried kind of uneasily.
Squall sighed and nodded, looking down at his hands again.
"I...didn't know much," Squall admitted. "What's done is done, but...all I can say is that I hope he'll decide to come back. Even if he doesn't want me anymore, which is okay, I guess."
If your dreams are calling you away
I have no right to make you stay
Letting go is just another way to say
I'll always love you so.
Rinoa's expression softened even more and she looked out at the sea again. Squall really did have a guarded personality. She knew how much it would not be okay for him, if Seifer returned and didn't want him; after all, she practically studied romance. He was just prepping himself for a fall he felt he might have to take.
It was sad that they had been such important roles in the Sorceress War; she thought that if they had kept growing without that obstacle to face, they would be incredibly happy together. It made her even sadder that a person as amazing as she thought Squall was would have to deal with such a fatal attraction and all the doubts he faced.
"Squall..."
"Hm?" He glanced at her.
"I'm going to head back to the ball. Do you want to come?"
He smiled softly and in the pale moonlight glow, he almost looked like a spirit haunting a memory.
"No, go have fun," he said earnestly.
She nodded and offered him one last smile. "He'll come back to you, Squall," she said. "Just give him some time."
I understand more than you think I can
You have to go out on your own
So you can find your way back home.
Squall sighed and stared out into the distance after Rinoa left the balcony. A sad piano melody drifted up from the ballroom now, simplistic but heartbreaking. Squall grunted a little and buried his face in his hands.
He sobbed once, quietly, but allowed no tears to come out. He held it back as best he could; he had, after all, gotten very good at it, but it usually made his head throb.
He was going to have to let it go soon. Three years was long enough to wait. Seifer probably didn't even remember who Squall was.
Suddenly, a familiar noise hit his ears, and his head shot up and he glanced around. There was nobody there. But he was sure he'd just heard Seifer's laugh. Was he losing his sanity to grief?
He frowned and rubbed the temple of his forehead again, staring down with a hard look. He took a deep breath and shook his head, forcing a sigh.
A silence, short-lived.
"You were really going to tell her about that time in the showers, weren't you...?"
Squall spun around, eyes wide and brows pinched down, as he stared in the direction of the voice. His jaw slacked slightly.
Grinning, the tall blonde slid down the side of the building's roof and hopped down onto the balcony before Squall. The brunette frowned at him for a moment before looking to the side, mumbling something to himself and then looking back at the blonde. Dark brown eyebrows rose slightly and Squall felt his face get a little warm. He opened his mouth but didn't want to say it: he was afraid it might not even be true.
Smiling eyes blinked that one hue of green that Squall hadn't seen for too long. The blonde folded his arms across his chest and cocked his head to the side. The brunette frowned slightly, looking him up and down. This looked exactly like the Seifer he remembered, from that cocky facial expression, and the impossibly god-like physique, to the faded but still existent scar between his eyes.
"I don't even get a hi?" the blonde smirked at the shell-shocked expression that wasn't leaving Squall's face.
"S...Seifer...? What the hell...how long were you up there?" he demanded, face warming up as he felt the emotion that he had just felt when recalling his memories, only five times stronger.
The blonde shrugged. "Only for about an hour before you came out here," he said nonchalantly.
Squall blinked dumbly. So that meant Seifer had heard his whole conversation with Rinoa? He felt terribly embarrassed, but his inner self was bounding around, creating a fluttering in his stomach, frantic and wondering what he should do.
Fortunately, or perhaps unfortunately, Seifer approached him and stood about a foot away from him, looking down on him.
"I'm surprised you remembered all that from your childhood," the blonde remarked, shifting his weight on his feet once. Squall looked away from those eyes; it was actually painful for the brunette to look into the green depths that were so unmistakably Seifer's. Bad memories mingled with incredibly good ones, and suddenly it felt like everything was moving a little too fast for him to get a grip on.
Seifer was here. Seifer, the man he hadn't seen for god-knows how long, was standing right before him.
"I..." Squall was struggling for words. "...you don't remember it?" He sounded guarded again. The older of the two chuckled and tapped his foot.
"I remember," he said. "I remember it all like it was yesterday. That's how it always was with you. I was obsessed but still surprised by whatever you'd do next. Kind of a strange thing," he added with a nostalgic smile.
The brunette's face grew warm again and he looked away, scooting back a little, away from the blonde. Seifer's expression darkened a little and he scooted closer, putting his hands on the rail on either side of the brunette and staring him dead in the eyes.
"So..." he started in a low voice, "you really think we don't 'have anything' between us anymore..."
There was that familiar adrenaline rush that Squall would always have gotten when the tall blonde put on his intimidating face. And, just as he remembered it, it was damned sexy. Squall huffed and tried to look away but couldn't move his eyes from the green ones he'd just thought a minute ago that he'd never see again.
Just like before, Seifer could see straight through all the defenses that the brunette had stationed on his emotions. That didn't mean the blonde wouldn't torture it out of Squall anyway. Seifer was a little sadistic like that.
"Where..." Squall breathed, ignoring the question, "...where have you been all this time?" he frowned up into jade-green.
Seifer looked away, looking troubled.
"Just had to sort myself out. Get my ass back in gear." He looked back down at Squall. "Should I just go back to the hole I was living in? You said yourself; if I didn't want you anymore you wouldn't mind, so..."
Squall blinked and looked down.
"Should have figured..." he mumbled in a defeated voice, "...who is it?"
"Who's what? Uh..." Seifer offered him a lopsided grin. "Has being without me driven you insane?" he mocked. Too bad he didn't realize how true that was.
Squall narrowed his eyes but didn't look up.
"It's been too long, Seifer," he said, fidgeting uncomfortably between the strong arms that were on either of his sides, "...You found someone else. Who is it?"
Seifer didn't say anything for a moment, instead staring down at the top of Squall's head with a blank look. For 20 years old, Squall sure did act like a little kid sometimes.
"I didn't find anyone," Seifer replied nonchalantly, shrugging and staring up at the sky but not moving away from Squall, "but only because I wasn't looking."
"Why the hell not?" The brunette growled, as if this news was insulting. The blonde glanced at him quizzically. "You just said you don't want me any--"
"Get your head out of your damn ass," Seifer shot back, leaning down to meet his gaze with a bit of an anxious look, "Do I really look like I've been sexually active to you?"
Squall paused and looked him up and down, then raised a dark eyebrow at the blonde.
"Actually," he said flatly, "yes. You do."
Jade-green eyes narrowed broodingly and he sneered slightly down, breathing almost like a dragon on Squall's face.
"That's where you'd be wrong," he growled in a very low voice. "I haven't been with anyone for years. And with the guy of my goddamn wet dreams standing right in front of me, I'm not in a very comfortable place, if you get me."
Gray eyes widened considerably and Squall couldn't stop a huge smile from stretching his kind of shocked face. That was Seifer, alright; always direct to a fault. He caught a fit of quiet laughter.
Seifer scowled and turned away, crossing his arms and rolling his eyes as Squall enjoyed his unfortunate situation. Sure, he'd made a fool of himself, but Seifer was just glad to hear Squall's laugh aga—wait...Squall laughing? He smiled to himself. It was a beautiful laugh, wasn't it?
Squall calmed down quickly enough, smiling down at the empty plaza again. Seifer noticed this and leaned on the railing next to him. He heaved a heavy sigh.
"You're kinda different," Seifer observed, and, self conscious, the brunette's smile fell again and he glanced nervously at the blonde.
"Well, three years, you know..." he mumbled, looking away from those electrifying green eyes.
"Wow," the blonde breathed, rubbing his chin. "I made it three damn years."
Squall glanced at him again. "What?"
Seifer threw him a dubious stare. "What do you mean, 'what?'? I was a total priest since I last saw you. Damn, though, if those old photos of you didn't keep me going." He grinned coyly and Squall's face got warm again.
"Wha...What are you talking about? You were serious? You didn't..."
"Touched not a soul," Seifer said, holding his hand up as if he were swearing honesty. Then he narrowed his eyes at Squall. "What about you?"
"N-no..." he spoke quietly, looking away. What was if about Seifer that made him feel like such a little kid?
Seifer folded his arms across his chest and whistled. "Da-mn! I'm surprised we're not humping like rabbits on the floor right now." Squall glared at him.
"I don't believe you didn't sleep with anyone, Almasy." The brunette was slightly pink in the face and had his arms folded protectively. Seifer pursed his lips thoughtfully. Whenever Squall would call him 'Almasy,' he meant damn business.
"Well, I'll give you this much; it was pretty hard for me not to, having to deal with all the temptations. I mean, let's face it: I'm damned handsome. I did have one thing to help keep my head straight, though. And it did, swear to Hyperion."
Gray eyes blinked up at the blonde, opening an inquiry. Seifer grinned.
"In fact, this is kind of like it..." he said, glancing around the little balcony. "You remember the last time we were at this spot, don't you?"
"Yeah..." the brunette breathed, suddenly feeling very claustrophobic for some reason. He stared up at the sky and sighed silently. Seifer watched him carefully.
"It was a really starry sky, like now," The blonde started, and Squall worked to hide the smile that was threatening to come out from Seifer's remembering of this little detail. "And it was a cold Saturday night, just like this. But it was snowing then...yeah..."
The perplexed brunette only nodded silently. "It was." How had Seifer remembered all that? The blonde threw out a wistful smile and, uncomfortable with such an honest look, Squall turned his head.
"They had...piano music coming from the quad, didn't they?" Seifer tapped his chin and stared up into space. "Except it was much better than that creepy sliding dance thing they're playing right now," he added, and Squall made a contented purring noise from his, his own version of a little laugh. It was true; the SeeD balls always played that "Cha Cha Slide" and it was really unnervingly peculiar.
Seifer grinned down at the other, leaning on the railing again. "And I remember the little puffs of snow that were floating everywhere. They were all over me and you, but it wasn't really cold. That night I remember looking at you and thinking to myself, 'this guy's gotta be a goddamn angel.' I told you, too, and you slapped me around for it." He laughed to himself.
Squall's face grew even warmer and his cheeks grew pink as he nodded, staring down at the empty white plaza below.
"It was a weird conversation we had then," Seifer continued in a more serious tone, looking pensively off at the sea, "I never would have thought about it that way before, but I realized it really kept me going after the war days..."
The young man with brown hair stood against the rail, eyes closed, as he felt refreshing winds whip across his face and peaceful, airy clumps of snowflakes rested all over him. Seifer stood only a few feet away, watching him quietly with a small smile on his lips.
A gentle piano melody was drifting up from the Quad, creating a sobering effect on both of the young men. Squall turned his sparkling gray-blue gaze over to the blonde.
"Sei..."
Green eyes, obviously driven deeply with infatuation and adoration, returned the smile with one of his own. He could watch Squall just stand quietly like that for hours and never get bored.
"Mmm?" he hummed, mellow.
"The girls in our class were talking today..." he started, looking away and resting his chin on his hands.
"What did they say?" he asked. Squall looked a little hesitant.
"They were talking about love," he said, uncomfortable. Seifer forced himself to keep a straight face for Squall's sake.
"I wonder what's so great about it," he commented thoughtfully. "Seems like a waste of time."
"I guess," the brunette shrugged, shaking feathery snow off his head. "I mean, I don't really know."
"You know..." Seifer started with a little grin, "most kids our age have been in 'love' at least once or twice."
Squall sighed and stared up at the sky, covered with stars. They looked splashed on the black by a paintbrush.
"I wonder what love really is."
"They say it's what makes a man a fool," the blonde answered with a little laugh. Squall gave him an incredulous glance.
"Probably..." he started tentatively. "But if it does, then why do so many people do it?"
"Wow, Squall, you're really naïve." Seifer folded his arms and smirked at the little gray glare he received. "People do it because it feels damned good."
"Feels good," Squall repeated on his breath, folding his arms.
"Supposedly," Seifer added with a little yawn. Squall picked a snowflake out of his hair and watched it melt in between his leathered fingertips.
"Those girls said something about caring about someone else's feelings more than your own." He wore an indecisive frown. "And then some others said it's knowing you could spend the rest of your life in someone's arms."
"Sounds a little too clichéd," the blonde said slowly, glancing at the attentive brunette.
"Well, what would you say love is?" Squall challenged, leaning his back against the railing and brushing more snow out of his hair.
Seifer scratched the bridge of his nose and narrowed too-green eyes, staring off thoughtfully.
"Love is..." he closed his eyes in thought for a moment. "Hmm. Love is kind of all of the stuff you said, but..." he opened his eyes, green eyes regarding the brunette carefully. "...it's feeling complete, like your partner balances you out. Knowing that you could yell at them for something, and they could yell at you, and...Knowing you could be at each other's throats sometimes..." he looked down. "...but still wanting to be with them, because of a few moments after all the strife that makes you realize why you were attracted to them in the first place. Accepting the struggle and heartache you know is going to come with a person because you know that once in a while you'll reminded of the walking-on-air, amazing feeling that kept you going. And that," he finished with a grin, "is how it is to be in love."
"You mean being in love is like being a drug addict."
"Uh, well-" Seifer laughed shortly and scratched his head. "Well...yeah, kind of. But love doesn't hurt you permanently like drugs..." he stopped himself and frowned, defeated. "Okay, actually, it does. Damn, I'm confused."
Squall wore a tiny smile. "In other words, a man who loves is a fool."
Seifer smiled back.
"Then, let me see..." Squall narrowed his eyes in thought. "Love is...Caring about someone else more than yourself, knowing that if you could, you'd spend your life in said someone's arms, and willingly accepting the fact that there will be turbulence between said someone and yourself because you'd sacrifice the effort for a few moments of unadulterated bliss."
The blonde pursed his lips and then nodded. "In a nutshell."
"So..." the brunette raised an eyebrow at Seifer, "if that's love, then what do we have?"
The older one was caught a little off-guard, and hazy green eyes widened slightly. His gaze traveled down to the snow-dotted metal flooring of the balcony and he frowned.
"We have..." he hesitated. "We have...a tricky relationship. It's...not really...love..." he seemed to have dug himself into a corner. "It's more like the young kid, and the older mentor type thing..." He scratched his face gently. "Except that we also screw each other." He offered Squall a narrow smirk and the brunette gave him a half-hearted glare.
"You're an idiot," Squall said at length, and the blonde leaned back with a loud sigh and a lazy grin. "Why not just call it love?"
"Well, because, it's not," Seifer insisted, closing his eyes. The brunette frowned incredulously.
"So what part of the description doesn't match up to us?" he asked, folding his arms and lifting an eyebrow.
"...I don't know," Seifer gave a forced sigh, shrugging and looking away. "It's just a bad idea to think you're in love. It turns you dependent."
"Isn't that kind of the point?" Squall wondered aloud.
"Yeah, I guess," the blonde answered carefully, "some people like not to have control of themselves." Squall frowned at his friend.
"You still have control of yourself," the brunette argued, "It's just good to need someone, and to have them need you." The blonde gave an amused smirk and huffed.
"It's obvious you've never been 'in love' before," Seifer said. "It hurts like no shit you've ever felt. You wouldn't want to be in love."
"I thought you said people do it because it feels good."
"It does," the blonde answered, suddenly looking sullen and jaded, "It feels so damned good that you won't know what to do with yourself when it's gone."
The brunette raised an eyebrow as he attempted to make sense of all that Seifer was saying.
"But what if..." he absently brushed more snow off his hair, "what if it you're sure it'll never go away?"
Seifer gave his younger companion an extremely doubtful stare, mouth twisting in his dubious expression.
"That's how everyone thinks it is when they're first in love," he explained. "Then they find out how wrong they were. Trust me, Squall, it's a bad idea." Squall looked down.
"But once in a while, there has to be one that lasts forever," the brunette tried, then looking up into Seifer's deep gaze, "Don't you think it's worth taking that chance?"
Troubled green eyes widened slightly then narrowed again as Seifer looked down at his hands.
"Squall...you're missing the point...love never lasts forever. It just doesn't." He said it rather quietly. The brunette suddenly took on an angry frown and he glared at the other young man.
"How would you know?" he snapped, raising his voice almost to a yell, "Who made you the expert on love, Seifer? What if there is one that lasts forever? Maybe some people aren't too scared to try and find it! What would you do, Seifer, if I told you that? Yeah, I know I'm just a goddamn idiot! So are you going to say that to me when you get it through your thick skull that I'm in love with you?"
Snow drifted on around the balcony, dark sky littered with those same stars, blanketing anyone who needed their comfort. Squall was glaring at his feet, hands balled into stiff fists and his face was slightly colored from yelling. Seifer's forehead was covered by his hand and he shook his head, looking slightly disoriented.
"You're...making a mistake..." he mumbled. "You're going to get hurt."
Gray eyes screwed shut and the brunette didn't look up.
"What is that supposed to mean?" he spoke quietly. "There's nothing wrong with love. You're just protecting yourself, aren't you?"
Seifer massaged his face with his hands, frowning.
"Squall...just drop it."
Squall dropped a humorless laugh and set his pained stare at the ground.
"We have to mean more than just...just..." his mouth twisted in disapproval. "I mean...for me, it's always been you. Was that my mistake?" He looked up into uncertain green eyes. "My mistake for thinking you'd always just be there, ever since we were kids..."
Seifer released a drawn-out silent breath and slowly stepped over to pull Squall gently to his chest, staring past shoulders and down at the floor, focusing on the heat that the shorter brunette gave off. They were both content like this, but both men were frowning.
"Listen to me," the blonde started in a sullen tone, "there is nothing, and I mean goddamn nothing I wouldn't do for you. And it means the goddamn world to me that you'd say you love me..." he sighed and tightened his arms around Squall a little. "But...I'm not a good person to love, Squall. I'm not caring or affectionate. I'm a cocky bastard and no matter how much I don't want to, I'll probably end up hurting you. You don't want that."
"Seifer..." the brunette frowned up into troubled emerald-green eyes, "If I wanted someone caring and affectionate, I could have had Zell." The blonde's face twisted in disgust. Squall laid the side of his face against Seifer's chest and sighed. "If I wanted someone modest, or someone who treated me like a little kid, there are plenty of people that I could have had. Have enough respect for me to know that I understand you're a rough, arrogant, insensitive ass, and I still want to be yours. If that isn't love..." he glanced up, "then I don't know what is."
Turbulent green eyes studied the solemn gray-blue ones that watched him hopefully. He let out a small, relenting laugh and looked down.
"You're the biggest idiot I've ever met," Seifer mumbled, brushing Squall's brown hair out of gray eyes and cleaning away some more of the snow that had fallen there.
Squall's cheeks were flushed from the cold, and little snowflakes highlighted his dark eyelashes when he blinked.
"But you love me anyway?"
Seifer kissed the temple of the brunette's forehead.
"Always have," he said breathlessly, tracing a finger along the outline of Squall's face. The brunette closed his eyes and enjoyed the gentle touch. Seifer grinned and, without warning, flicked Squall's forehead. Gray eyes snapped open.
"And what was that for?" Squall almost looked like he was pouting.
"Hey, you said you're willing to put up with me..."
Squall scowled and pulled out of the blonde's arms, turning away with one hand rubbing his abused forehead and the other reaching back to flick Seifer off.
Seifer laughed and folded his arms across his chest with his characteristic little smirk.
-o-0-o-
"Oh yeah, I remember that," the brunette scowled. "You really didn't have to flick my forehead."
Seifer grinned. "Oh yes, I did. Couldn't resist." He reached out a hand to pinch Squall's face and pull his cheek out. Gray eyes flashed indignantly.
"Whad tha hell ra doin?"
Seifer let go and the brunette frowned at him, rubbing his abused cheek.
"You said there might be such thing as a love that lasts forever," Seifer said at length, crossing his arm behind his head as he stared off at the star-spangled sky. Squall glanced at him questioningly.
"Yeah..."
"Well..." the blonde hesitated. "I know for a fact that during the War I hurt you...just like I had told you I might..." He looked uncomfortable and turned his serious candy-green eyes to watch Squall. "Could you honestly say right now that you love me? Because you know I can't really promise that I won't end up hurting you again..." He looked away.
Squall's gray eyes darkened a bit and he stared down at the floor pensively.
"I know there's always a chance of you doing something stupid again," he admitted. "It's just how you are. But..." he stopped until eyes of pure green would meet his gaze again, "honestly, I can still tell you that I love you." He shrugged nonchalantly at the older.
Seifer's mouth stretched in a slight grin as he stepped a little closer, same gray trench coat fluttering slightly behind him with the cool winter wind.
"Now that we got that down, can I kiss you?" He said, his lopsided grin growing slightly as grass-green eyes danced mischievously.
Squall frowned and narrowed his eyes in calculating gaze.
"If you're going to ask, then the answer is no." he said sharply, and Seifer raised an eyebrow, obviously slightly vexed. Then Squall's tone softened and his lips were ghosted by an almost invisible smile. "But I don't think that mister uncaring-and-unaffectionate ever asked for permission before, so..."
Seifer smirked and pushed him up against the wall beside the balcony door and caught him in a rough and passionate kiss.
Squall's back was bruised painfully against the wall and his head hurt from where it hit the metal, but all he did was smile against those harsh lips that he loved and wrap his arms around Seifer's neck as airy clumps of the cold, wintry snow began to drift down from the dark sky.
We had the right love
At the wrong time
Maybe we've only just begun
Maybe the best is yet to come.
-o-0-o-0-o-0-o-
XD this fic was 9,999 words...XDD
Please review! I knooow its as cheesy and corny as cheesy popcorn, but I still enjoyed writing it. Let me know if you enjoyed reading it, or you thought it was terrible. XD :offers everyone cheesy popcorn and cheap Seifer/Squall porn flicks:
O.O SeiferSquall porn? Oi, mate, if you can find any, then give it to me! XD
:wishes she had some:
x.o;
Squalmasies aweigh!