Summary: Sasuke knows there must be something more out in the world for him after all of his trouble. Sasuke's thoughts after killing Itachi.
A/N: OMG! It's Sasuke's birthday!! He's awesome. But anyway, here's a one-shot for him.
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or its characters. Did you know that at one point Kishimoto was not going to create the character Sasuke?! :-O
Warning: Some language. And spoilers from Sasuke and Itachi's fight in the manga!
Darker Than Ebony
By SpacePirateGirl
The dark sky, the dark clouds, the dark everything. Sasuke Uchiha backed away from his brother who was watching him with a gleeful look in his eyes. There was nothing in between them, no one to save Sasuke except himself. Terror hit him hard, but he didn't let his fear surface. It would only make things worse.
"Your eyes belong to me now," Itachi stated, his voice feeding the terror within Sasuke's heart. "I'll take them slowly. I want to savor this."
But suddenly Itachi began coughing as he clutched his heart in pain. What was happening? Why was this man coughing up blood, even while he won? Sasuke hated to admit it, but he knew it wasn't because of any wound he had dealt to Itachi. Sasuke watched as his brother fell to his knees in agony as he choked on his own blood. And the shield Itachi was using to confirm his victory was failing.
Whatever had happened, Sasuke knew this was his chance. He reached for a Kunai knife instantly, and then threw it at Itachi with as much force as he could.
Please hit, he begged. Please say I've won. He knew he couldn't fight much longer with no Chakra and an exhausted body.
The sun was setting. It was just one of those days—which was basically every day. He wished he was alone, without any girls following him, without any whispers on how "hot" he was. He didn't care for love or feelings. The only thing that mattered was his hatred, his hatred which would eventually avenge his slaughtered Uchiha clan.
Suddenly there was commotion behind him, but he refused to even glance and only stopped to listen.
"Get outta here!" Sakura exclaimed as he heard some of those fantasizing girls following him run away in fright. So she had scared them off . . . most likely, only to be with him alone so she could fantasize.
A moment of silence passed before he heard Sakura's footsteps approach him. "Sasuke-kun," she began.
He patiently waited for her to continue.
"Do those girls always follow you?" she asked curiously.
He could see no point in not answering. She was merely curious, wasn't she? "Yeah," he answered, erasing any emotion in his voice. Those girls were basically static noise in the background now, the buzzing of an insect's wings.
Her footsteps stopped, and she was almost at his side. "You should tell them to go away . . . Sasuke-kun."
"Hn." They would only come back after he had shooed them off. He had tried before. Once he turned his back, they returned instantly.
"I was wondering about something," Sakura said, changing the subject.
He suppressed the urge to roll his eyes. She was as bad as any of those girls who always followed him. "What?" His voice was impatient and cold.
"Well, Kakashi said that everything was okay at the Chunnin exams, but . . . when you fought Gaara about a week ago . . ." She left it at that, but Sasuke knew what she had intended to say.
He began walking away from her. "It's none of your business."
"But it is!" she screamed as he left. "You're my teammate! I deserve to know if you're okay!"
It was the third time she had confronted him about the cursed seal mark since his fight with Gaara. Truthfully the battle had terrified him, once he realized that Sakura could be dead because of him. But he never let the fear show. And he never told her anything about the cursed seal. This encounter with Sakura had gone almost the same as it had the other two times she had demanded an answer.
But this time, Sakura surprised him by running and stopping him before he could walk away, her gaze meeting his. "Please don't betray us by going to Orochimaru! I know you want to—"
He placed a hand over her mouth, hoping no onlookers had heard. She knew far too much. Had she simply guessed that he was thinking about leaving? If so, he wasn't surprised. Sakura was the sharpest of their team, however much he hated to admit it.
She shook her head, saying she would speak no more, and he removed his hand. "Sasuke-kun," she whispered, "you're not alone anymore."
"I am alone," he responded. "You're nothing to me."
And what had he done, even after she had offered him happiness? Insulted her, shunned her, left her, betrayed her. He had gone to Orochimaru and gained the power he had wanted. And now Itachi had stolen his cursed seal from him, taking the power along with it. Would he live to apologize to Sakura for everything?
The dust from the impact wore off, and Sasuke's heart plunged into blackness when he saw Itachi still standing there, still alive. "Sh—" His word was cut off when Itachi took a step toward him. And then another. Then another.
Sasuke felt his own feet moving backward. He was afraid. He was so afraid.
"Fuck you!" he screamed and reached for a scroll that held a few of his weapons.
The Kunai, combined with explosive tags, were sent at his brother full force. But, of course, the shield blocked any attacks. Sasuke knew he was done for.
He was going to die.
"My . . ." Itachi muttered. "My eyes . . ."
No, Sasuke would fight back. There had to be a way.
"Sasuke, you jerk!" Naruto yelled at him after they had completed a D-ranked mission—without Sakura. His pink-haired teammate was nowhere to be seen. And Kakashi had left them long ago. "Sakura-chan's in tears because of you! Because of what you said to her the other day!"
So Sakura had run off to Naruto after she had left him yesterday, after he had shunned her.
"Don't you even care? Sasuke-teme!"
Sasuke sighed with great annoyance. "No, I don't." His words were false. He didn't want to care—his sole intention was to one day kill his brother—but somehow he did care. About Sakura and Naruto. The two had picked him up when he had fallen, when he had thought they could be his friends.
"You're so . . . Ugh! I just can't stand you!" Naruto exclaimed. "I'm going to her house to make sure she's all right."
"Why don't you?" Sasuke countered. He began walking in the opposite direction Naruto would be going. But then he stopped when he realized his teammate hadn't moved at all.
"You know, Sasuke . . . We'll both forgive you for shunning us. We already have. Please tell us what you feel," Naruto began, almost with the same voice Sakura had used the day before. "I know being alone hurts. You don't have to be alone."
He did. All that mattered was his brother's death. He walked away without a word.
And now his brother was destroying him. He had no chance at survival . . .
Sasuke drew his sword, and attacked. Which was a bad choice.
Pain ripped through his body, and he was flung back, his sword spiraling in the air away from him. Itachi was still making his way for him.
No. Did everything lead up to this?
Sweat burned in his eyes, yet he resisted the urge for his hand to wipe them. Itachi was reaching out, reaching out. Blood dripped from his fingertips. Sasuke had to get away. He lunged backwards and suppressed a cry of pain when his back collided with a wall.
He looked to his side, and saw two more walls forming. He was trapped! Trapped between Itachi and walls.
A smile lit Itachi's face. His fingertips were growing closer. Closer. Closer. Sasuke's eyes widened.
Poke. The fingers collided with his forehead. Sasuke could feel them trail down his to his cheek and off his face. What was he doing? Was it some special Jutsu?
Suddenly up ahead, Sasuke could see the shield begin to fade away. Was Itachi so sure of his victory that he would let all of his defense recede?
Sasuke froze when Itachi suddenly collapsed into the wall behind him. He couldn't move even his head as he heard his brother fall to the ground. What . . .
He heard his own breathing, his heavy breathing, echo around the space that use to be filled with his brother stealing his eyes.
Sasuke stayed frozen, as still as a stone, for several moments. He couldn't bring himself to think, to register what had happened. Slowly but surely, Sasuke glanced down at his brother, only to see that Itachi had not died yet! The last reserves of Sasuke's Chakra came to him, and he summoned it to destroy Itachi's nearly lifeless body.
There. It was done.
He was seething with anger. It was everything he wanted to just tear Kakashi-sensei apart, and it was everything he had to stop himself from crying out in a rage. The only thing preventing him from an attack were the wires Kakashi had wrapped around him.
"Let it go," Kakashi began strongly, firmly. "You got to forget about revenge."
Now even his will keeping him from shouting collapsed at Kakashi's hurtful words—they tore at his heart so deeply. Sasuke didn't merely want revenge; he needed revenge. "What?" he demanded.
"Believe me," Kakashi explained. "In this work, I've met a lot of guys who feel the way you do. Trust me. For those who follow the path of revenge, it never ends well." He paused. "You'll only tear yourself apart. And even if you succeed and you get your revenge, what will you have then? Nothing. Emptiness."
Sasuke glared, his already broken composure fragmenting into billions of pieces. "Shut up! What makes you think you know anything about it? It's easy for you to talk! You have no idea!"
"Easy," Kakashi replied calmly. "Just try to calm down."
"Maybe if I was to kill the most important people in your life, everyone who's ever meant anything," Sasuke threatened, "maybe then I'd listen to you because maybe then you'd have some idea how I feel!"
"Hmm," Kakashi pondered. "It's an interesting theory, but I'm afraid you're a little late to put it to the test. Everyone you're talking about has already been killed."
Sasuke gasped in shock. The words tore his anger into shreds, and he could no longer wish to fight back.
"I've been around longer than you have, kid. I've seen my share of troubles. You're not the only one who knows what it's like to lose somebody."
Sasuke felt his every bit of his hatred and rage disappear as the words entered his mind. He felt so lost and helpless, so disoriented and confused. Torn between friendship and revenge wasn't an easy road, and Kakashi was only making it harder.
Kakashi continued, "So. It looks like neither of us has lived a charmed life exactly, have we? Still, we're not all that bad-off. At least, you and I have been lucky enough to find new comrades to help fill the void."
Naruto and Sakura . . .
He was still lost. His friends or his clan—they were both important to him. In the end, he would choose his clan, his heart already knew.
Kakashi had been wrong! Emptiness had not overwhelmed him; he no longer felt loss. He was at peace, ever since he had seen Itachi fall to the ground. But was all this killing worth losing his uneasily acquired friendship so many years ago?
Pushing away the questions, he smiled with victory, knowing his lifelong task had finally been completed, knowing his clan had been avenged. But he felt his life fading from him and fell to the ground, his eyes closing.
Though he was not fully out cold yet. He was still thinking.
If he was to die, then that was it. He hadn't planned to live after Itachi was dead anyway.
In reality he hadn't planned for anything at all after his goal had been achieved.
Sasuke knew there was a small chance that Team Hebi would come for him. There was a small chance that he would survive. And if he survived, what would he do?
He hadn't planned anything.
And he had succeeded so soon, at the age of only sixteen.
No, the emptiness was coming . . . Had Kakashi been right after all? He could feel the nothingness envelope his soul, stealing his heart from warmth and kindness. The disoriented feeling returned. Kakashi had been right.
Wait. There had been his other goal—to restore his clan after avenging them. He nearly felt the need to laugh at himself from his foolish words during the first day of Team Seven; he hadn't known what he was saying back then when he was young. He was certain he had pleased all of his fan-girls in Konoha when he had declared that goal though.
But restoring his clan would be an easy accomplishment. What would he do after that was done and through with?
The emptiness returned.
He was only sixteen. How did normal teenagers live? What did they do? What were their goals?
The grip of nothing strengthened.
His thoughts brought him to Naruto and Sakura, his two teammates from so long ago. Sakura had tried to stop him from leaving the night he left. She had told him that revenge wouldn't bring anyone happiness, just as Kakashi had. Perhaps, she had been right. He was not happy—he was empty, and nothing was stopping it. Empty not because of his brother's death but because he had achieved his only lifetime goal. There was nowhere to go, nothing to accomplish anymore.
Then he remembered Naruto trying to stop him while he was on the road to Otogakure. And not only then but several times. Naruto had never given up. He had never lost hope. His friend had spoken of bonds of friendship and not hate; of life and not death. Friendship felt a lot more cheerful than hate in this emptiness, in this isolated place. Maybe Naruto had been right as well.
And then there was Kakashi, his sensei, who had lost all of his friends, only to gain new ones. He had heard Kakashi had thought of revenge, but had decided against it. His friends wouldn't have wanted Kakashi to live a lifetime of misery. Maybe Sasuke should have learned from that, realized that his family wouldn't want him to spend his entire life gaining the power only to kill his brother.
But still . . . What could he do instead? Accomplish missions for Konohagakure? With Team Kakashi? It sounded empty, too. There was no joy he could gain from finishing missions . . . He felt lost.
Suddenly he realized what he was missing, what he could do now.
Before, he had spent his time killing others. He had been darker than the dark sky, the dark clouds he had summoned, the black fire still burning the land around him. He had been darker than ebony, darker than black. He didn't want to be so cold and dark anymore.
He wanted lightness.
Sakura, Naruto, and Kakashi had spent their lives trying to save him from the darkness overwhelming his soul. They had saved him from death many times. They had protected him.
So instead of killing others, could he . . . protect others? Could he live the rest of his life saving others from the pain, the misery that he had gone through, or the deaths of so many he had seen. Could he?
He knew his former teammates would say yes.
If his return to Konoha would only bring him execution, he knew it was a fair punishment. But if he was allowed his former status, he would spend the rest of his life protecting others. Nothing else would satisfy his need for something else in this world. Something else waiting for him.
But all of that would only happen if he survived. He could already feel his consciousness fading. He knew his lack of Chakra and severe wounds could kill him, yet he was no longer afraid. But that did not mean he couldn't hope for the future.
Please . . . somebody . . . save me from death.
He was not begging. He was only hoping.
I need to live.