Clarity, an attack on titan/進撃の巨人 fanfic

Credits/Disclaimers: Using the song "Clarity" by Zedd. Only the idea is mine, everything else belongs to their respective creators. Accompanying image from Google.

High dive into frozen waves where the past comes back to life
Fight fear for the selfish pain, it was worth it every time
Hold still right before we crash 'cause we both know how this ends
A clock ticks 'til it breaks your glass and I drown in you again

He pushes her against the back of the door, a small distance still separating them, giving him the opportunity to stalk towards her predatorily. Cold fire in his unblinking dark grey eyes. She is no stranger to this clarigate, but she refuses to acknowledge the challenge. She now reasons, that perhaps, it was her way of defying his ever-strong confidence in their relationship. He had told her, on more than one occasion, that he knew she would always love him – no matter what came their way. When she had voiced her concern for the feelings towards her, he had shrugged it off and smirked somewhat mysteriously. Mikasa had never known before, during or after that conversation if his small gesture had meant that the feelings were already there or would never be. That had not stopped them from fucking each other senseless for over three years with a single-minded obsession. It could not be called a relationship and most definitely, not love. But they were together tangled in sheets, sweat covered bodies replacing the clean scent of their hotel room and clothes crumpled at the foot of the bed – all forgotten, all mesmerised every weekend. It had been intense. And Mikasa had nose-dived into that ecstatic mess. His lust was selfish and she could not help but crave it. What did that make her? A fool? A sacrifice? She had not cared. From pushing her back into the door, things fluidly proceed to a bruising kiss, expert stripping and automated biting, groping thrown in with hurtful embraces. And right before their matching tempos pull them up to their limits, Levi swallows Mikasa's cry of his name into his mouth by kissing her roughly. Winding down, Mikasa realises that, it is ritual. He never wanted her to say his name when she drowned in him. Over and over the years.

Cause you are the piece of me I wish I didn't need
Chasing relentlessly, still fight and I don't know why
If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy?
If our love's insanity, why are you my clarity?

She has not seen Levi in two years, has not heard from him in slightly over twenty months. And she wonders if he still needs her or is it that she still needs him? Need – is a funny word. She doesn't need lust. She would like Love in it's place. Yet, here she is, staring at the mahogany red of this obscure little coffee shop's interior. She is not all that fond of coffee, but she does like the solitude this place provides and she likes the nonsensical music that softly enshrouds her mind while she dissolves in lamenting her tragedy of a love with Levi. She is beginning to realise that she is falling in love with the insanity of translucence when it came to him. This is good. She does not have to think much. She could just relive those nights. Levi is a pale dot on the horizon of her thoughts, his attentions are what she remembers.

Walk on through a red parade and refuse to make amends
It cuts deep through our ground and makes us forget all common sense
Don't speak as I try to leave 'cause we both know what we'll choose
If you pull then I'll push too deep and I'll fall right back to you

It is another year, before they accidentally run into each other. They are both overworked and they both look like the bar in front of them may just be the lifeboat they had been seeking. They drink together that night. Quietly at first, then the alcohol forcing them to shed inhibitions of years past. By the end of the night, they are giggling and leaning onto each other a bit too much. They both know how this will end. They will fuck and then go separate ways. Before they know it, Mikasa is in her apartment, on her bed, semi-naked, fuzzily drunk, completely clear of her induced insanity of not thinking about Levi – because he is here. He is her clarity. While Levi hovers over her in nothing but his briefs, bruising her waist in a cutting grip. They kiss, they moan and they claw at each other in possessiveness. When he enters her, she turns absolutely silent and they start moving in rhythm. Levi seems disgruntled somehow. His groans and gasps grow ragged and impatient. Burying his face into the crook of her neck, he moves his lips across her skin. She thinks he is kissing her. And then she hears him.

Levi digs deep into the crevices of her being, both inside and outside. He cradles his head into her neck and whispers. Drinking her in, he repeats relentlessly, chasing the ghost of her he remembers from years ago, "Say my name." It almost sounds possessive. But he knows that he is pleading – begging. Mikasa sharply inhales when she can make out the words out of his lips. Words that are steadily gaining volume, but not any other emotion than what he feels. She pulls his head up to scrutinize him, a wry look surfacing in her own eyes. One look and she knows that she had only been partially correct about the relationship – she was his sanity. She runs a knuckle down his jaw as he closes his eyes in gratification. She sighs and responds with, "Levi" - a soft whisper, but desirous nonetheless. He plunges in one more time and breaks apart in her arms. Her following closely. They are here now. Tomorrow, she thinks, she will wake up to an empty bed. Levi has too much pride and apparently, one too many layers of hidden emotions. He won't stay. She does not know for sure. For now, their sweat-slicked bodies are overtaken by fatigue and emotions too many to count. For now, they fall asleep absorbed and twined in each other. For now, her clarity is all she cares about.