What If…A coda to S1E18 – Loa Aloha
Danny drives down the highway, second-guessing himself and the decision he just made. He's a cop, for Christ's sake, and he just let his criminal brother get on a plane and fly away. The last thing he did was point a gun at his brother and threaten to shoot him. How is he going to live with it? No real goodbye. No hug. Just Matty getting on a plane to God knows where with a suitcase full of money. He didn't say it was, but he didn't deny it. He needs to talk to someone. Someone who will understand the ache in his heart; who knows just how much his brother means to him. Someone who can give him the comfort he needs right now. Stepping on the gas pedal, he heads over to the one house he knows has someone in it who can give him what he needs.
Pulling up, he parks and walks up to the door. Knocking, he waits, shoulders drooping, head hanging and hands in pockets. He looks up when the door opens, looking into the eyes he needs to see at this moment.
"Danny? What are you doing here? Where's Matty?" Steve looks around and then back at Danny.
"He's gone." Danny takes a deep breath. "Matty's gone." He looks up at his best friend.
Steve can see that his friend is hurting and he ushers Danny into the house and onto the couch. Sitting down on his left, Steve waits until he's ready to start talking.
"When I got there, he was just boarding the plane. I yelled at him and he ignored me. I was on the other side of a fence, so I couldn't just grab him and drag him away, so I yelled at him and pulled my gun. Steve, I held my brother at gunpoint. I don't know how it got to that point. I went there to try and reason with him and I was ready to shoot him to keep him here. I was ready to shoot him to put him in jail. What the hell is wrong with me?" He puts his head in his hands.
Steve, wanting to caress his friends face, pulls back for moment at that thought. What the hell? Where is that coming from? He leans back, placing his arm over the back of the couch to keep from following his desire. "There is nothing wrong with you, Danny. You were doing what you thought was best for Matty. You're his big brother. You're just looking out for him. That's what big brothers do. Just like when you were kids."
Danny looks back at Steve. The concern on his face creates a warm and fuzzy feeling deep in Danny's soul. Even though they've not known each other that long, their understanding of one another and ability to work so cleanly together has helped Danny to survive on this rock. Steve is as important to him as Matty and the thought of losing both of them put a panic in his heart. "Was I? Was I really doing what I thought was best or was I just trying to be the best kid? Trying to be the good boy my parents know and love and proving that Matty is the screw-up. Is that why I let him go? So I can prove that he's the bad one and I'm the good boy…the one my parents love most?" He takes in a sharp breath.
Steve now reaches out to his friend, the panic in his eyes cutting into Steve's heart. "What are you talking about?" He places his hand on Danny's shoulder, hesitant to do what he really wants to and caress his cheek. "Come on. What I heard the other night, you love your brother and, in your own crazy way, were only looking out for him. As much as you think you want to prove how good you are, the last thing you would do is put Matt in harm's way to prove that point. You wanted to protect him and keep him safe. It's just your idea of safe and his are worlds apart." Steve squeezes his shoulder.
"I don't know. I told him I would be with him through it all. We would get the best lawyers…the best of everything. I would be there with him. He said he couldn't go to jail. He said he wasn't strong. He said…" he pauses, the words stuck in his throat, "he said he wasn't me. He's not as strong as me and he would never survive." A sob escapes him. "Fuck, Steve, I'm not strong. I always bullied him and teased him when we were kids. I felt I had to to be able to stand up to him. He is strong enough. He put up with me all these years." He sits back on the couch, his head resting on Steve's arm, which is again on the back of it.
Steve, knowing Danny, just lets him talk. He knows he needs to get this out. His heart is breaking with the pain Danny's going through right now and he feels useless, but the best thing he can do is be here for him. Listen to him and comfort him. He glances at Danny, feeling the weight of his head on his arm. He wants to put his arm around him and pull him close but he resists the urge, not sure how Danny would take it. Watching his face, Steve again wants to reach out and touch it; wipe away any tears that may fall. Ever since this man crashed into his life during his father's murder investigation, he's felt something different toward him. They came together so easily as if they'd known each other all their lives. Within weeks, he was trusting Danny with his life as much as he'd trusted any of the men he served with. He knew this was a man he wanted to get to know better right after he'd planted that right hook on him on that first case, looking for Hesse.
"He came to that crappy motel I was in every night and sat with me while I fell apart. I was weak and he was there for me. He held me up. I just wanted to do the same for him. Even if it meant staying in New York until this whole things was done." He turns his head and looks at Steve. The look on his face confuses Danny. He swears for a moment he sees fear. Not the 'I'm gonna die' kind of fear but the 'you're gonna leave me' kind. His heart skips a beat at that thought and then he buries that back down knowing it's crazy. "I told him as much. He could make it. He could survive. I would be there for him. But I knew. I knew at that point that he wasn't gonna go back. I could be there for him but I couldn't be in there with him. I would still be out, free, while he's locked up. That's not enough for him. I swear, Steve, if I could've gone in with him, I would've just to keep him around. But I can't. I can't leave Grace." I can't leave you, flashes across his mind. He shakes his head, trying to get that thought out of it and he looks at Steve again. is he thinking the same thing? No, he can't be. I mean, he's a Navy SEAL, right? He can't possibly feel the same way.
"He admitted to laundering the money. He all but admitted he took all that money. Dammit, he even had a Halliburton case in his hand that I am sure was full of money. He is running and all I wanted to do was take my baby brother to jail. What kind of brother does that make me?" He takes a deep breath, holding it for a moment.
"One who loves him." Steve says quietly.
Danny looks at him and the tears start. "Oh, I do. God I do, Steve. And I'm never gonna see him again. He's on the run from the FBI and I'm a cop. Even if he does contact me, I'd have to turn him in." The sobs become louder and harder.
Steve can't stop himself now. He pulls Danny in close, trying to comfort him the best that he can. His soul is ripping apart at the thought of what this man is going through and impressions be damned, he's gonna be here for him. No matter what he needs.
"The last thing he said to me was that I either had to shoot him or let him go." Danny gets out between sobs. "I could never shoot my brother, Steve. Any more than I could shoot you." He buries his face in Steve's shoulder, letting all his feelings out. Feeling Steve's arms around him, he feels safe. Safe to let it all out. He grabs onto Steve, curling his fingers into Steve's t-shirt, feeling like he's holding on for dear life. The thought of never seeing his brother again is killing him and he needs to be held…to feel someone who cares about him and understands his grief. He had originally thought about going to Rachel, but the draw to come here was overwhelming so he'd turned the car around. He's not sure why but he feels more comfortable spilling all this to Steve than anyone else on this godforsaken island.
Steve holds him close, letting him get all his grief out. He understands the pain Danny's feeling and he wants to be here for him. He didn't realize just how much he wants to be here for him until he'd opened the door and saw the pain on Danny's face as he stood out on the front lanai. He felt guilty, but he was glad Danny had come to him. Holding him like this, he never wants to let him go. Oh, he'd flirted with other guys in the past. Seriously, a ship full of horny guys out for months on end. The only women in sight, fellow officers or subordinates and that was just asking for trouble. So, he'd had some dalliances with a few other guys, but never anything serious. Then he'd met Catherine and just knowing she was waiting for him was enough. But now with Danny in his life, his feelings for him had remained buried until now. It didn't matter to him, male or female, but more importantly the person. His feelings run deep for Danny; deeper than they ever have for Cath but he never thought he could act on them. It was immediate. The moment he saw him in the garage, holding his gun on him, he felt drawn to Danny. Then, being able to form this task force and hijack Danny onto this team, well, he couldn't pass that chance up. He wanted to get to know this man better and now that he does, well, he'd do anything for him. Even if he never returns the feelings, Steve will always be here for him.
Shifting, he pulls Danny closer, holding him tight as the sobs wrack his body. As the minutes pass, he can feel the tension leave his body and he relaxes into Steve's embrace. Letting go of his t-shirt, he feels Danny's arms wrap around his waist, holding him close. I have wanted to feel him hold me like this for months now. I know many won't understand, but this feels so right. I'm drawn to his spirit; his soul; his love of life; and his love of family. I want to be part of that love. More so than I am as 'Uncle Steve'. I want to be an important part of Gracie's life…and Danny's. And if he doesn't feel the same? Doesn't matter. It changes nothing. My feelings will remain buried but they will always be there. He feels Danny shift and he looks down. The blue eyes mesmerize him and he loses himself in them.
Danny, having cried himself out, relaxes in Steve's arms and imagines being able to sit like this every night. Now, he'd never been with another man but that doesn't mean he hadn't imagined it. But then he'd been hit by Rachel and he'd fallen for her. When she'd told him she was seeing someone else and wanted a divorce, it had crushed him. He'd never felt so betrayed. He'd come to this island for one reason only…his little eight year old girl. He'd do anything for her and a relationship was the last thing on his mind. He hadn't even dated since moving here. He'd been embarrassed, that after meeting this crazy Neanderthal, he'd imagined what it would feel like to be held just like this. He thought he was going crazy, wanting to be held by this man, but the feeling didn't fade. The more he worked with him, the more he respected him, though he'd never admit that aloud. And then all times this animal loves to strip his shirt off, well the first time he did it sitting out back, drinking beer, working their first case together, Danny had been a bit uncomfortable how attracted he'd been to Steve's body. The muscular chest, those big biceps, the eight-pack and the trail of hair that disappeared into the waist of his cargos…well, it started to drive him crazy every time this schmuck shunned his shirt. And he never seemed to waste an opportunity to do just that. There was the time on the Missouri; the time he and Kono went diving for the armored truck; changing his shirt when Mary had come to visit, though that had been Danny's suggestion. What the hell am I thinking? There's no way he feels the same way. He's a big, macho, ninja Navy SEAL. He's in the military and we all know how they feel about same sex relationships. No, he can't feel this way about me, but his arms sure feel good.
Then Danny looked up, just as Steve looked down at him, and he found himself hypnotized by those blue-green eyes.
Before either of them knew what happening, Steve felt Danny's lips on his. A soft, gentle kiss and he suddenly wanted more. He feels the same? Steve moved his mouth against Danny's and felt the pressure returned. Not wanting to scare him, Steve demanded no more, but shit, it felt so good. He felt his spirit and soul melding with Danny's and he knew this was right.
After a few minutes pass, Steve pulls from the kiss looks directly at Danny. His eyes were still closed, complete contentment showing on his face. Steve now does what he's been wanting to do all night and he places his hand on the side of Danny's head, caressing his face with his thumb, wiping away any remaining tears. Not wanting to break the spell, he says nothing as he sees those blue eyes open and smile cross Danny's face.
Danny smiles up at Steve, the pain of Matty leaving being pushed down as the knowledge that Steve has the same feeling s and desires fills him up. He moves into the large, warm hand on the side of his head, wanting more. Maybe it's the grief, maybe not, but he doesn't want to lose this chance and he slides his hand down from Steve's back to the top of his thigh. He doesn't think of this as a 'gay experience' but as being with someone he has deep feelings for. His movements feel natural as he rubs the hard, muscular thigh and his thoughts turn to having those thighs wrapped around him.
Without preface, Steve leans in for another kiss, this one being a bit more demanding. He pushes Danny back on the couch, shifting so he's on top, his mouth opening slightly, sucking Danny's top lip between his, feeling Danny sucking on his bottom. He groans and pushes Danny further into the couch, his hand moving down the solid torso, over his hip and pulling his leg up as he straddles the left leg. He licks at the lip between his, grinding his hips against Danny's thigh, his erection full and hard. He can feel the same from Danny and he wants more. Feeling Danny's mouth open, he thrusts his tongue deep, wanting to taste him; savor him for as long as he can. Fumbling against the back of the couch, he tries to get his right hand up to grasp the back of Danny's head to pull him close and not break the kiss. He feels the passion from Danny as he deepens the kiss, his right hand on the back of Steve's head, his left grabbing his ass and using all his strength to hold it tight against his thigh.
Passion igniting, they grope, kiss, fumble and dry hump each other for close to an hour. Finally, getting frustrated with the enclosed space, Steve decides they need more room. Breaking the kiss but his lips still touching Danny's, he says, "Space. Need more."
"What?" Danny whispers back, breathing heavy.
"Need more space." He moves to his knees, being careful not to grind it into Danny's crotch, he smiles, moves off the couch, pulling Danny to a standing position. Not able to resist, Danny reaches up and pulls him into another kiss, sliding his hands under Steve's shirt, pulling it up. Reluctantly, he breaks from the kiss to pull the shirt over his head, dropping it to the floor and he admires this man's upper body.
"Fuck, you are so beautiful." He whispers as he kisses one, then the other, nipple. Steve gasps as he feels first lips, then tongue, then teeth on his sensitive nipples.
Steve pulls Danny's head back up, looking into his eyes, "I wanna explore every inch of you. I mean EVERY inch." He grins, the desire in his eyes not being hidden anymore.
Danny's heart skips and he feels his cock twitch at the thought of that. He grabs Steve's hand and drags him to the stairs. Slipping off his shoes, he makes Steve do the same before climbing the stairs. Steve waits until their arms are completely stretched out, and then follows, his eyes on the ass moving up the stairs before him.
Once in the bedroom, Steve lets go, moves to Danny and begins to undress him. He slips off the tie, throwing it at the headboard, having plans for it later. He all but rips open the dress shirt, running his hands over the blond, hairy chest, growling as he does so. Sliding it off, he lets it drop to the floor and his hands move to the belt. Now shaking as he unbuckles it, he unbuttons, then unzips the dress pants and lets them slide down. Crouching, he pulls them off as Danny steps out, one then the other leg and throws them tohe other side of the room. Looking up, his face even with Danny's crotch, he licks his lips and reaches up to the waist of Danny's boxers.
"Steve, wait." He feels shaking hands on his. "I've, well, I've never…" he can't finish the sentence.
Steve stands, placing his hands on each side of Danny's head. "Shhh, don't worry. I got your back." He smiles at the pun. "I'll always have your back, Danno." He pulls Danny to him, kissing him hard as his hands move down and slide the boxers down.
"I know you do, Steven. I know you do." He whispers into Steve's mouth as his hands move to the waist of the cargos, an urgency now overtaking him to have this man completely naked in front of him so he can admire the entire package.
Steve wakes with a feeling of bliss and joy that he hasn't felt since he was a young boy. In the morning light, he looks down at the blond head resting on this chest and knows this is the way things are meant to be. He never thought he would fall for a guy, but this is Danny. Danny, who means more to him than his own life. Danny, who grounded him after the murder of his father and subsequent search for his killer. Danny, who gave him a family to love. Danny, who is the heart of Five-0 and without him, the team would wither and die. Danny, who apparently feels the same and that fills Steve with a joy he's never known. He lightly kisses the top of this blond head, not wanting to disturb him and relaxes back into the pillow. He has no urge to go out for his morning swim. He doesn't want to leave the warmth and bliss, yes bliss, of waking up with Danny's arm possessively around his waist. Closing his eyes, he remembers the previous night and how he'd gently, and with love, shown Danny what sex with a man is like…the fulfillment one can feel from sex with someone just as strong and willful as himself.
Frowning as he hears a noise from downstairs, the tenseness in his body wakes Danny and, rubbing his eyes, he mumbles at Steve. Shushing him, Steve reaches over into the bedside table, ready to get the gun he keeps there when he hears the front door close and he gasps. He'd forgotten that Catherine was coming over for breakfast and his heart starts beating hard and fast.
"Steve? What are Danny's shoes doing down here?"
The End.
Or is it? You tell me…