Safety in the Storm

by Agent Malkere

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. (They just laughed at me when I tried to buy it from them with Monopoly money for some reason.)

A/N: Alright, folks, this story contains a yaoi side pairing and mild D/s themes. If slash/yaoi/MxM and/or the world's most G-rated D/s isn't your thing, just hit the back button. As I'm sure you've noticed, the Naruto fandom is HUGE - I'm sure you'll be able to find something more to your liking. This story has been up on AO3 for a while, but I've finally decided to cross post it here.

In this universe, a person's 'dynamic' (whether they're a sub, a dom, or a switch) is determined by their genetics.

There was a common misconception among civilians that only doms became shinobi. After all, they argued, killing was the ultimate form of domination. How could a sub ever wish to do that? It was true that the higher up the ranks you went the more prevalent the number of the doms became. The majority of jounin and ANBU were doms with a few switches thrown in the mix, but there were some subs. The most glaring exception to the rule, of course, was the fourth hokage. Everyone knew that the Yondaime had been a sub – civilians just seemed to conveniently forget that fact sometimes.

Just because it wasn't unheard of, though, didn't mean that Sasuke didn't resent the hell out of his dynamic. Not only had he been born the second son without his older brother's startling genius, but he was a sub as well. Itachi at least had had the decency to be a switch. (That's why Itachi had gone crazy, Sasuke heard some people whisper. Everyone knew that switches weren't as mentally stable as subs and doms. Sasuke didn't want to believe it, but these days he didn't know what to believe anymore.) Sasuke had always been a disappointment due to a simple twist of genetics that made him, according to his father, inherently weaker.

But now the Uchiha clan was dead, Itachi was a traitor, and Sasuke was a genin and an avenger. He'd spent the last five years of his life ruthlessly crushing down the instincts of his weak genetics. Maybe if he could deny it hard enough, one day he'd wake up and he really would be a dom instead of simply acting a part.

("Kakashi, please." Kakashi hesitated. He wasn't sure that he'd ever heard the Sandaime say 'please' before and certainly not in that tone of voice. "Minato-kun was able to help you. You have the best chance of being able to help him. Of being able to help any of them."

Kakashi's shoulders drooped the barest fraction of an inch.

"You know I'm no good with children, Hokage-sama. I can't be your best choice."

"You're my only choice."

"I can't teach. I was never a child."

"At least give them a chance – no one else will.")

Sasuke's genin team was a mess. He'd heard that the top students were often lumped with the class's dead last to somehow "balance each other out." Sasuke thought that that sounded supremely dumb. He suspected he could see a different pattern, though. Sakura was a young dom whose civilian parents had somehow taught her that young ladies should act like fawning subs no matter what their actual dynamic. (And Sasuke hated her and envied her in equal turns, because she had everything he would never have and she denied it.) Naruto was a loudmouth switch who didn't even seem to understand the concept of "dynamic." And Sasuke… well, he wasn't a sub no matter what his instincts told him. He wasn't weak like that. Top students and dead last they may have been, but they were probably also the three most dynamically screwed up students the Academy had produced in years.

And to add insult to injury, they'd landed lazy, good-for-nothing Kakashi Hatake for their jounin sensei. Sasuke didn't want to know what Kakashi had done to piss the hokage off enough to get them as his genin team. It was probably related to those stupid, orange books that he read in public of all places. Whatever.

Even if Kakashi hadn't said anything about his personal dynamic, Sasuke could tell the man was a dom. He was too confident and well-assured, too highly ranked and, for some reason, respected to be anything else. All the other jounin sensei treated him as an equal.

Sasuke wanted that. Wanted that power and respect. Wanted everything that automatically came with being what he wasn't. With being a dom. He was so tired of never being enough.

("How did you do it, sensei?" Kakashi leaned back against the memorial stone. For once, he wasn't there to talk to Obito. "Why does the Sandaime think I can actually help them? They make our team look well adjusted.")

His teammates were growing on him. Just a little bit. At least, Naruto was. (His feelings for Sakura oscillated. Did he envy her? Did he resent her? Did he find that spark of determined confidence that shone through once in a while just the slightest bit attractive? He couldn't say. It depended on the day.)

Naruto was strange. He didn't really seem to understand the difference between a dom, a sub, and a switch, but at the same time, he had to have some level of comprehension because his Sexy no Jutsu was a little too well researched. Maybe he just played dumb? But that would be giving Naruto the credit of being smart enough to actually know how to play dumb. As far as Sasuke was concerned, that was way too much credit.

Still, Naruto never treated him any differently. It was an open secret that the last loyal Uchiha was a sub, but Naruto only ever treated him like a rival. (Maybe like a friend.) It was… refreshing – if a little confusing. (It made Sasuke feel… safe. And it was relieving and terrifying all at once.)

No matter what, Naruto was still a dobe, though. But maybe… maybe he wasn't so bad. Maybe being on a team with Naruto wasn't such a chore. (Maybe this was what friends were like.) Sasuke could use a rival, after all. Beating Itachi was the end goal, but staying ahead of Naruto was a start.

Sasuke eyed the last cut his kunai had made on the trunk of the Wave Country tree and then glanced over at Naruto. They were both collapsed on the ground from exhaustion. Naruto beamed at him, and Sasuke couldn't help but give the tiniest of smiles in return.

Having a rival would help. Every little bit helped. (Sasuke had never had a friend before.)

(Kakashi was just barely recovered from his bout of chakra exhaustion and was bleeding heavily. That was the only reason it happened, the only reason he slipped up so badly.

Strong fingers clamped down on the back of his neck, and Kakashi couldn't help himself – he froze. His knees and muscles shook as training warred with instinct and revulsion raced through his body. He needed to act. If he didn't, then he would die and his students would be killed and he would have failed yet again.

"You know," Zabuza hissed in his ear, the smirk clear in his voice, "I read your bingo book entry, but I didn't believe. I guess they were right. You really are a-"

Kakashi finally wrenched control back of his body and slammed a kunai into Zabuza's gut.)

The first night after Zabuza and Haku's deaths was… hard. Sasuke wasn't sure how he felt. Shouldn't he be more elated that he'd finally woken his sharingan? Why did it feel like saving Naruto's life had been more important? And Haku…. The boy had been a sub, but he'd also been an incredibly strong shinobi. But also… Zabuza had used him like a tool. Haku had just been a tool being used by a dom. He was everything Sasuke wanted and hated at once. It was confusing.

Sasuke frowned at their little campfire in a way that definitely wasn't brooding. If he became a powerful shinobi, was that all he could ever hope to become? Someone else's tool just because he was a sub?

"Sensei?" Sakura's voice cut through his glum thoughts. "Sensei, are you alright?"

"Hm?" Kakashi looked up from his lurid orange book. (Sasuke couldn't believe that he'd actually brought that thing on a mission.) "Of course."

"It's just," Sakura hesitated a moment and then squared her shoulders and plowed ahead, "your hands are still shaking a bit and your eye…." She paused and squinted at Kakashi, and now that she pointed it out, Sasuke could see what she meant. Kakashi's one visible gray eye looked ever so slightly hazy. It was probably just blood loss. Sasuke returned his attention to the fire. His teammate worried too much. They were shinobi. Sakura's eyes suddenly widened and her mouth dropped open slightly in shock. "Kakashi-sensei, are you… are you a sub?"

Naruto and Sasuke's heads both snapped around to look at their sensei so fast it almost hurt. Whatever had made Sakura ask that?!

Kakashi blinked at Sakura almost lazily and then shrugged.

"Well, yes." Kakashi raised an eyebrow at her. "I always thought the collar gave me away." And now that he mentioned it, Sasuke noticed that he was wearing a slim, black leather collar around the base of his throat. It was nearly invisible against the dark blue material of his mask.

Sasuke gaped at the collar as the bottom abruptly dropped out of his worldview.

"How could you tell?" yelped Naruto as he goggled at Sakura and then Kakashi. She looked embarrassed.

"Uh, the shaking and unfocused eyes," she mumbled. "I read about it once and they're-"

"Classic aftereffects of an attempted force down," Kakashi finished for her. "I was sloppy, and Zabuza got a hand through my defenses. I'll be fine once we get back to the village."

"But-" Sakura began to protest indignantly, but Kakashi cut her off.

"Time for sleep! Naruto, you're on the first watch with me. Sasuke, you're on in three hours, and Sakura, you've got the dawn watch."

Sakura huffed in irritation, but obediently lay down on her bedroll. Sasuke lay back on his own bedroll and stared up blankly at the stars overhead. His brain was still frantically trying to make sense of this new information.

Kakashi was powerful, strong, respected, and treated like an equal by other jounin. He was ex-ANBU. (They had all seen his tattoo when he was unconscious.) He had mastered his sharingan. He was dangerous enough to be listed in the bingo book. As far as Sasuke could tell, the man didn't appear to have a single subservient bone in his body. But he was a sub. It flew in the face of everything Sasuke had been taught about being a sub in the Uchiha clan. Subs supposed to be inherently weak and lacking in confidence, delicate. A shinobi sub rarely made it past the rank of chunin. A sub looked like, well, Hinata Hyuuga. (The Uchiha had liked to conveniently forget about the Yondiame just like the civilians did.)

It just didn't make sense.

But somewhere deep and unacknowledged in Sasuke's chest, something that had been tight and unhappy for as long as he could remember relaxed slightly. (Because no one – not even Itachi – had ever told him that he could become powerful just by being who he was.)

He drifted off to sleep, his brain still buzzing loudly. When they got back to the village, Sasuke was going to corner Kakashi, because he had some questions to ask. Maybe there was something worthwhile his sensei could teach him after all.

(Kakashi stumbled back into the empty apartment after reporting to the hokage and dismissing his students. He was the only one home at the moment, but it was a start. He collapsed onto a chair at the kitchen table and breathed slowly and deeply. The familiar mixture of smells helped to sooth his shattered nerves. That had been… far too close.

After a while, Kakashi folded his arms on the table and rested his head on them. He let his mind drift. His muscles still had a slight on and off tremor to them.

Sometime later – he wasn't sure how long – a familiar presence entered the room. Warm, strong fingers threaded through his hair and brushed against his scalp. Kakashi's shoulders relaxed. He was finally safe.)

Sasuke scowled at the apartment door in front of him. This wasn't asking for help. This was… practicing his interrogation skills. Yeah. Definitely. (He wasn't having nightmares about the cold, painful pricks of senbon or longing for that odd, safe sensation of someone else's hand encircling his wrist. He wasn't questioning whether he could honestly be himself and still be strong. He just wasn't.) Squaring his shoulders, Sasuke gave the door three sharp raps. There was a long pause and then the door swung open.

"Oh, hello, Sasuke. Can I help you?"

Sasuke blinked up at Iruka because… what?

"Um…." Sasuke's brain did a few frantic circles trying to make sense of this new information and then gave up. "I wanted to talk to Kakashi-sensei."

"Come in. If you wouldn't mind waiting in the kitchen for a minute, I'll get him. He's still down at the moment."

Sasuke allowed himself to be ushered through the apartment. Before he could really comprehend what was happening, he found himself sitting at a kitchen table. Iruka produced a pot of tea and cups as if by magic, poured a cup for Sasuke, smiled brightly, and then disappeared into the sitting area. For several long seconds, Sasuke sat and stared at his tea as curiosity warred with the manners his mother had spent years drilling into his head. Curiosity won. He was a shinobi, after all. Nosiness was practically part of the job description, and this whole situation was just too surreal. He slipped soundlessly from his chair and ghosted over to the doorway between the kitchen and the sitting area.

Seeing the reality was even more surreal than he had imagined.

Iruka was sitting on the edge of a small couch with Kakashi kneeling on the floor next to him, his cheek resting against Iruka's thigh. And… it had to be Kakashi, because that mess of silver hair and vertical scar were very distinctive, but it didn't look like him. The man kneeling next to Iruka looked wholly content and relaxed. There wasn't a single ridged or tense line to his body. His eyes were closed and there was a soft smile on his face which Sasuke could see because he wasn't wearing a mask. Iruka was running his fingers through Kakashi's hair and speaking softly to him.

Sasuke jerked back from the door as a bolt of something sharp and aching shot through his chest. It felt like he had just intruded on something deeply personal and intimate. (Far more intimate even than if he'd walked in on them naked.) And Sasuke realized that he wanted that. He wanted that. He wanted that safety, that comfort, that connection, and he didn't understand it. Didn't understand why it spoke to something deep inside of him that yearned.

Quietly, he sat back down. Sasuke wasn't sure how long he sat at that table staring blankly into space with a cup of tea cooling between his hands. Eventually Iruka prodded an almost normal looking Kakashi into the kitchen. He still looked far too relaxed and seeing him with his flak jacket on was just weird. At least his mask was back in place.

"-and, yes, you do have to talk about your emotions," Iruka was saying. "That's an order."

Kakashi gave him a dramatic pout as he settled into the chair across from Sasuke.

"Maaa, but-"

"We're off duty," Iruka cut him off and pointed meaningfully at him. "What I say goes."

Kakashi let out a slightly put-upon sigh,

"Of course."

Iruka smiled,

"Good boy." He ruffled Kakashi's hair. His tone was light and fond, almost teasing. Kakashi beamed happily. "I'll be in the living room. I have homework to grade." He left.

"So," Kakashi turned to Sasuke his face serious, "you have questions along the lines of 'how can you be a sub and still be a highly skilled shinobi,' right?"

In the face of such unusual bluntness, Sasuke reverted back to his more comfortable monosyllabic grunts.

"Hn."

Kakashi raised an unimpressed eyebrow at him.

"There's a difference between being weak and giving your complete trust to one person. That kind of trust takes an incredible amount of strength."

Sasuke waited for him to go on, but Kakashi just poured himself a cup of tea. Then he casually pulled down his mask and took a sip as if he hadn't spent the last however many months going out of his way to avoid showing his face to any of his students.

Maybe Sasuke had somehow ended up in an alternate reality.

Either way, Sasuke was apparently going to have to work for his answers if he wanted them after all.

"But being a sub is inherently weak. How are you-? How are you not-?"

Kakashi sighed.

"I stopped denying who I was." He stared blandly at Sasuke's startled expression. "You're not the first sub ever to deny their dynamic because they thought it made them weak. Being strong and a leader is not the same thing as being dominant. The only thing that denial ever did for me was slow me down and get in my way."

"It doesn't make sense," Sasuke muttered.

"Dynamic has about as much to do with being a shinobi as gender. Yeah, sometimes it comes in handy on a mission but that's about it. It doesn't affect your skill or ability – it's just one of those things that civilians and some of the older clans get hung up on." He shrugged.

"But then why aren't more subs jounin?"

"Choice. Not everybody wants to be a jounin. Iruka could easily become a jounin if he put a bit more training in – he's just not interested. And he's a dom." Kakashi jerked a thumb in the direction Iruka had gone. "It has nothing to do with ability."

"You outrank your dom." It was a leading statement rather than a proper question, but sometimes coming up with the proper phrasing for questions was hard. Sasuke already felt like his brain was melting out of his ears from the basis of his reality crumbling.

"When we're on duty, yes, but we don't get put on missions together unless it's a dire emergency. We are in a relationship after all." Kakashi put his tea down and pulled his mask back up. "What we do on our own time is our business, but when we're on duty, we're just shinobi like everyone else – not a sub and a dom."

Sasuke broke eye contact to stare moodily down at his tea. He was hearing the words, but they just weren't making sense in his head. The silence stretched out with an edge of discomfort. Kakashi let out of huff and grumbled something that sounded suspiciously like "stupid feelings" before continuing,

"It's your wrists for you, right?"

That was so completely out of left field that Sasuke's head snapped up.

"What?"

"Your soft point. The place that makes you feel safe when someone holds it. That's why you wear those ridiculous arm things and just about ripped Sakura's head off when she tried to grab you by the arm."

Sasuke couldn't help himself – he gaped incredulously.

"How could you possibly know that?!"

Kakashi gave him a look that was distinctly unimpressed.

"Every sub has one – exactly where varies from person to person. So let me tell you a little something about what exactly denial does aside from eating you up inside until you're an empty, automaton, shell of a person. Instead of just being an area to be mindful of in the field, your soft spot will become a liability during battle and likely get you or your teammates killed. Your instincts will become so desperate for any form of release that if an enemy gets through your defenses and tries to force you down, you will go down without a fight. And if that isn't enough to motivate you, think about this. Itachi is a switch. Right now, all he has to do is grab your wrist, and you've lost."

Icy fingers crawled through Sasuke's chest at the mere thought of Itachi stopping him so easily.

"But you don't know that for certain," he countered. "You can't possibly know that-"

"It happened to me." Any further protest Sasuke might have made dried up in his throat. Kakashi's voice was detached, and he wasn't looking directly at Sasuke anymore. "I was about your age. An enemy got a hand on the back of my neck, and I went down so hard and fast I almost passed out. As a result one of my teammates was captured and because of that, the other was killed a short while later."

The words left Sasuke feeling hollow and cold. (He'd been too young to stop Itachi from murdering their clan, but what if the second time he faced him he couldn't stop him because he'd made himself weak? What if next time it was Naruto's bloody corpse on the ground and it was all his fault?)

"Are subs the only ones that happens to?" Wouldn't that just figure?

Kakashi snorted indelicately.

"Of course not. If Sakura doesn't get her head on straight soon, that split personality of hers is going to become dangerously permanent. And switches need balance like they need breathing."

Sasuke was quiet for a moment longer. Then he laced his fingers together and leaned his elbows on the tabletop.

"How do I stop myself from becoming a liability?"

"Give into your instincts every once in a while. It doesn't need to be all the time. Let yourself relax. The important thing is to allow yourself to de-stress. I meditated a lot before I was old enough and found a dom I trusted enough to put me safely down when I needed to. It helped. I still do that when I'm on long term missions. It's a trick my sensei taught me." He paused for a moment. "Anyway, I'm sure that's given you lots to think about – time to go!"

"Hey – what?!" Sasuke was rudely prodded away from the table and towards the door. His spluttering protests were ignored.

"Iruka!" Kakashi called. "I have talked about feelings for at least fifteen minutes with my student and have made progress – I can stop now, right?"

"Yes, you may." Iruka walked up behind Kakashi and swatted him on the back of the head.

"What was that for?" Kakashi was pouting again.

"Being a terrible host. Please feel free to stop by again anytime, Sasuke, whether you have more questions or would just like some more tea. You're always welcome."

Sasuke walked back towards his apartment, his mind swirling with thoughts and ideas and possibilities. (He wasn't weak. He never had been. The only chains holding him back were the ones he'd made for himself.) It was confusing, but he also felt… lighter.

"Hey, hey! Teme!" Naruto's ever loud and slightly rasping voice interrupted Sasuke's thoughts.

"What is it, dobe?" Sasuke was too busy having mind-blowing revelations to sound properly annoyed. Naruto grinned at him.

"I was gonna meet Sakura and some of the others at Ichiraku! You should come too!"

Sasuke opened his mouth to say no, but (Give into your instincts every once in a while) it couldn't hurt, right? Maybe just this once. (Maybe having a friend would make him stronger, too. Who knew?)

"Hn. Sure, whatever."

It was… strange. Naruto's entire face lit up. All it had taken was the briefest touch of Sasuke's acknowledgement.

"Come on!" Naruto reached out and caught Sasuke's wrist before he could flinch away and- oh. There was that tempting wobble in his knees as his body subconsciously loosened and relaxed. (It had never felt quite like that before, and suddenly what Kakashi had described rang far too true.) Instead of yanking his arm free instantly, Sasuke allowed Naruto to tow him part way down the street. By the time he finally twisted free, his head felt clearer than it had in… a long time.

It was a start.

(Kakashi watched Sasuke and Naruto disappear around the street corner from his apartment window. He still thought the Sandaime was certifiable for making him a jounin sensei but… maybe just this once, Kakashi had done something right.

It was a start.)

A/N: If anyone is interested, there is a follow up story to this which I can post as a second chapter. Thanks for reading!