Sarah Jane's Hen night.
...just read it to understand
"but... i STILL don't get the point of it!" Luke shook his head, while Clyde and Rani rolled their eyes.
" she'll never be free to have ..." Clyde looked for a word that wouldn't lead Luke on to another billion questions "fun?" Rani supplied.
"but me and her have fun every night!" Clyde and Rani tried and failed to compose their features "what? We do! We played monopoly, made dinner together, discussed our views on the war in the grogatil galaxy- what's wrong with that?" his brown eyes were round with innocence and confussion.
"nothing, nothing ... but basically when she's married, she won't be able to... " Rani struggled for words that would explain the concept of a Hen night to Luke. " socially interact with those whom belong to the opposite gender with meanings of higher statues than mere aquatinces " she gave herself a mental pat on the back.
"you mean she doesn't want to be a slut and a cheater , so she's getting rid of all slagish behaviour out of her system now?" Clyde and Rani groaned: they had been tip-toeing round Luke, trying to use subtle phrases, and he came out with this.
" you're in for a rough night, son" Clyde said, and looked at Rani. "what's your dad think about your mum going?"
"oh we tricked him, of course. Speaking of, how's your mum about it?"
"can't wait! She's been up my arse about keeping out of your dad's way tonight" Rani and Clyde's mums were attending the celebration tonight, and Clyde was staying at Rani's. Rani's dad had tired to persude Sarah Jane to let Luke come over as well, but Sarah Jane insisted it would be a civilised evening.
Later that night...
Rani fell out of bed, on top of Clyde, at the sound of the doorbell.
"GAAA- ohhhhh... how you doin'?" Clyde grinned
Below there was the sounds of Rani's dad talking on a grave voice. Something really bad must have happened. She scurried downstairs, to see a trembling Luke, in pyjamas (yummmm) and a dressing gown, a sleeping blanket under his arm.
"...and then she threw up on me!!!" he whimpered. "and i just couldn't take it!!!!"
"alright, it's okay, come in son..."
...
Later that evening
"Hey, shh Lukes down stairs!" Sarah Jane warned her sweet face creased with worry. Her guests included Gwen ,Tosh, Clyde's mum, Rani's mum and Martha.
"ohhh sh-ar.. ah leaaaaave us alone..." Tosh whinned, obviously drunk, along with the other guests. "lighten up! Have a drink! Screw aliens"
Well, thought Sarah Jane, it would be quite impolite to be sober while the rest of her guests weren't ...
10 minutes later
"... AND ANOTHER THING!!! I always thought that TENANT WAS UUUUUGLY!" Sarah Jane proclaimed her arms spread wide.
"noooooo you bitch he's not!" Martha yelled. "you just have noooo taste, FOOL"
"i say we call the doctor to settle this! You call the doctor!" Sarah Jane screamed back
"OIIIII!!! WHO THE HELL IS THE DOCTOR MAN?!" Clyde's mum moaned and Gita nodded
"he's like, a alien right? And he goes around in a box. A BOX! But then it's –urrr- bigger on the inside. Yeah, and he ,he... has two hearts... ummm and he's really secretive, and he hates people getting involved in him... AH SHAT!!!"
"alright, just call him!" Gwen yelled, coming back from throwing up on something, which MAY have been alive.
Martha flicked out her phone and clicked 'MYFUTUREHUSBAND'
Vwooooppppp vwooooooooop! The TARDIS materialised and the Doctor hopped out, and murmured to himself "Sarah, Gwen, Tosh, two woman whom MAY be friends and Martha, all senseless, many broken objects, dozens of empty booze containers, making This- SARAH JANE'S HEN NIGHT!"
"no shit, Sherlock.. now is Tennant fit or not?" Sarah Jane asked dopily.
"oh, FORGET him, i can take you lovely ladies to see the handsomest guys in the whole universe." The doctor's eyes gleamed with the idea of six girls in his TARDIS completely senseless.
This would be interesting.
...
"Hercules was a pussy, king Arthur wasn't rich and that Matt Smith chap was just UGLY!" Gwen whined, as they stepped out of the TARDIS .The doctor shrugged- he'd gotten pictures oif him kissing everyone of them, and some kissing each other. He slid some copies under the door and waved goodbye and leapt away to go and see what ood stigma was on about.
....
Next morning.
Luke opened the door to the attic apprehensively: he had already found some alarming pictures in the landing. He looked into the carnage that had once been the attic.
"oh-my-fucking-GOD!"
I leave some scenes that i felt far to outrageous to publish to your imagination. Feel sorry for K9 and - they WATCHED it all. Yeah, i HAD to add the bit about Ood Stigma.