Disclaimer: Characters are not mine, this Fanfiction is not sponsored and all rights belong to JKRowling and Bloomsbury.

The Perfect Order

"Morning," came Remus' voice from behind his mug of coffee.

Tonks stumbled through the bedroom door, rubbing her bleary eyes sleepily. Through a yawn she questioned, "Merlin. Wh-why are y-you up so early?" her hair was a pale pink tangled mess around her face as she sleepily pushed it back from her eyes.

"5 o'clock isn't early, Nymphadora." Remus flicked his wand casually behind his back and the kettle started up. Tonks envied his prowess.

"Five o'clock isn't early? What are you on?" she wandered over to the kitchen counter and hopped onto it, accepting the warm mug of coffee Remus offered her. "And don't call me that, Remus." She added as an afterthought before taking a sip of the hot drink.

"Well, whether it's early or not is by the by really." when she raised her eyebrows questioningly at him from over her mug her explained, "Dumbledore sent me a message. He wants to talk." A slice of bread popped out from the toaster next to Tonks filling the slight pause in conversation. Remus plucked it out and elegantly spread jam on it before biting one half and holding it out for Tonks to bite the other.

After chewing thoughtfully on her mouthful of toast, Tonks swallowed and asked curiously, "Why does he want to talk to you?"

"Maybe to discuss why I am with such an unhygienic woman," he shook his head at her patronizingly, "Really, Nymphadora? Sitting on the counter where we cook our meals?"

"Git," she smirked swatting him lightly on the arm.

"What?" Remus put on his best innocent face and held up his arms, "You asked."

"It was rhetorical, a concept you clearly don't understand."

"It had a question mark at the end so I felt it was searching for an answer."

Tonks bit back a grin at this and tried to keep her voice steady but she was sure that her eyes gave away her amusement, "Well, in that case I need to discuss with him why I'm living with such a git." He chuckled into his mug before pecking her lightly on the cheek.

"Must dash anyway, I said I'd be there as soon as possible," with that he gulped down the rest of his coffee and grabbed his cloak before setting off in the direction of the door, "I'll see you later."

"Bye," she called to his retreating back, listening as she heard the front door shut behind him. Gently Tonks lowered herself off the counter and placed her mug down on it. It was odd, she thought, how after less than a month of living 24hr with each other they already had set mugs and habits. Pushing that notion out of her head she stumbled back into the bedroom to get some well-deserved sleep.

Angrily Tonks kicked the cushion off the sofa next to her. It was 9pm and Remus still hadn't returned; she was beginning to worry. No need to take it out on the décor, she told herself. Maybe the best thing to do is to go to bed and hope he'll clamber in at some point in the night with a good reason as to why he's put her through all this worry. What if he can't come back? What if something's happened? Pushing those terrifying thoughts to the back of her mind, Tonks stood up decisively and made her way toward the bedroom -

-When the door clicked.

Quickly she spun around and waited with bated breath, as the door unlocked and opened. Remus stumbled over the border looking tired and strained.
"Where have you been? I've been worried sick." She cried as soon as he had shut the door.

"I went for a walk," his tired voice came. Somewhere in Tonks' brain it registered as unusual that he hadn't made to take his cloak and shoes off.
"A walk?" Her voice came out as nearly hysterical, incredulity ringing throughout it, "You went for a walk at 9 o'clock at night?"

"I've been thinking." Was his terse response, "We need to talk." Tonks felt an unusual shiver chill her spine; talk? About what? Everything was fine this morning… Remus indicated for her to sit on the sofa but Tonks made no move to go there.

"What about?" she voiced her question, hearing the slight quiver in her own voice.

Remus made his way over to the sofa himself and awkwardly perched on the edge as though he wished to be anywhere but there. Clearing his throat, he looked down at his hands positioned in his lap and said quietly, "Dumbledore's given me a mission." Despite the quiet tone of his voice Tonks thought he may as well have shouted at her because either way she felt like she had just been slapped in the face.

"A mission?" she croaked, dreading where this was headed, "Well that's alright isn't it? You've done missions before, haven't you?" Tonks wasn't sure whether she was trying to convince herself of this fact or Remus.

"This one is long term," Was his only reply. A little shocked, Tonks lowered herself onto the sofa beside him. "And long distance." He added not looking in her direction.

"What is it?" Tonks tried to block out the voice in her mind telling her she already knew what it was; she had to hear it.

"I think you already know." He murmured.

"I could be wrong." Although Tonks was now sure she wasn't. All she could see of Remus' face was the side of it as he stubbornly looked ahead instead of to the side, facing her.

"I've been asked to spy on the werewolves." He finally said, confirming her fears.

"No," she immediately cried, "No, it's too dangerous; if Greyback finds out he'll kill you."

"I'm ready made. I'm the only werewolf in the Order, Dumbledore asked me to do it because I'm the only one who can." He swallowed, "I leave tomorrow."

"You've agreed to this? Do I get no say in this? You didn't even tell me!" Tonks heard her own voice come out as strained and hysterical.

"Tonks, I –" he began and for the first time in her life Tonks hated someone calling her by her last name. It was the first time Remus had done so in what felt like a lifetime.

"Oh, so I'm just Tonks now am I?" she choked out, "What about us Remus?"

He looked down ashamedly at the floor, "There is no 'us' Tonks, not anymore."

Tonks felt her breath hitch in her throat as she gasped at the shock of what he had said. She felt the tears prick her eyelids and after a second of preventing them, she just let them fall freely down her face. He couldn't have said that, it couldn't have happened. He was all she had left; he was the one she could rely on and the only one who understood. Sirius had just gone, not Remus as well. Tonks found the idea utterly inconceivable as she asked around her gasps for breath, "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying, we shouldn't be together anymore. Merlin, we should never have gotten together in the start." He finally faced her, sadness and shame etched across his entire face, "These past few months with you have been too good to be true, Tonks, and entirely selfish of me. You deserve someone far better than me, someone who can offer you much more." He made a movement with his hand that, for a moment, Tonks thought he was going to take hers but he let his hand fall back into his lap, "We can't be together, especially if I am with the werewolves. If they find out about you… Merlin knows what could happen."

"You don't mean it," insisted Tonks, "You can't be serious. Tell Dumbledore you don't want to do it, he'll understand!" her voice had risen again but quietly she pleaded, "Please don't go Remus, don't leave me."

Remus, however, ignored her plea and carried on as if uninterrupted, "It's for the best that you move on; forget about me." The words had come out of his mouth but his eyes seemed to be telling a different story.

"How can I just forget?" she all but screamed at him, "It's not a teenage crush, a passing fancy Remus, I can't suddenly not love you. I can't just move on, even if I wanted to." Taking his hand forcefully in her own she added, "You seem to forget that these past few months have made me the happiest I've been as well. You're not being selfish. This isn't just your choice to make, I can't choose who I fall in love with but I chose to go out with you. It takes two to have a relationship, Remus. You never forced me to do anything… please don't do this." Tonks heard her voice crack at the end but Remus didn't look at her instead he dropped her hand and stood up.

"I cannot chance you being hurt," he said in a hoarse voice, "I'm living with my equals… If they find out about you-" his voice wavered somewhat as he turned to leave, "I am nothing, Tonks, whereas you are everything. I cannot risk you, not for me."

"But what if you're my everything?" she argued, voice clearly breaking at the end of her plea.

"I've got my stuff already, I packed from the things I had at my house." He carried on as if she had not spoken and made for the door before turning to face her, "I am so sorry, Tonks." And he looked it, he had his hand on the door and was just about to turn it when Tonks jumped up, she wasn't going to let him just leave.

"I will wait." She said fiercely, "I'll wait for you to get over being a great noble prat with a serious martyr complex. Sirius always said you were an emotionally crippled wanker after all." Both of them looked a little lost at the mention of their old friend but Tonks ploughed on, "I'll wait for you."

"Please don't Tonks." He said quietly, his voice sounding pained. With that he left, the door shutting behind him.

It was only when she was sure he had disapparated that Tonks allowed the pain and grief to overcome her. She collapsed back onto the sofa and curled into a small ball, her entire being racked with ferocious sobs. How could he do this to her? So soon after Sirius, when she needed him most.

Behind Tonks, on the kitchen counter, sat their two mugs, lined up in their perfect order and even though everything else had broken in Tonks' world, they remained.

A.N: This was my first ever upload so comments would be really appreciated. Thank you. :)