Alright, so I am probably the first person to write a Hidan/Anko, or hidanko fanfic. Man, I feel so proud-but seriously, I like the idea of this kind of couple. It sounds sexy. They're both bloodthirsty and hot and stuff. There should be more crack fics with them, and I'll probably love it if you could write one.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, Anko, Hidan, Yamato, and all those characters-Masashi Kishimoto does.

Some of the strangest, most hellishly beautiful experiences can happen at what seems of the worst times.

For Anko, it started with a throbbing pain. The horrible pain had originated from her side. A stabbing pain, where she could feel the warm blood gushing from the wound in her waist. She grasped one hand to her side to stop the bleeding, to calm herself as she panted from the deep wound. At that moment she felt a rush of thoughts, emotions; What the hell had just happened? How did he stab her when she didn't recall him ever doing it?

Because he didn't. He had stabbed himself.

A living, breathing voodoo doll was he. With a psychotic wide grin spread on all corners of his mouth, he held the pike tightly into his own side where he twisted the handles slowly, driving the pike deeper into his own while watching the woman wince in pain. She kneeled down while watching this sick man laugh in satisfaction, as if he enjoyed seeing her cry, bleed; suffer. He tortured her with his hell ritual, and loved every minute of it. She wanted to curse herself at why she was in such position; why she had underestimated him and hadn't found a better hiding place?

This is it…?

Earlier that day, Anko and her comrades Sai and Yamato had agreed to a mission of tracking down and spying on the location of two Akatsuki members who were said to be crossing country borderlines. Then, they were ordered to come back and report to the Hokage on their current whereabouts.

With Sai's tracking skills, they were indeed able to track down the two members. Then as Sai and Yamato were called back to report to Hokage to get reinforcements, Anko was ordered to keep watch on their moves as she kept her distance.

So she remained motionless in the leaves of a tree, several hundred yards away from the country-boarding intruders. She watched them as they talked. She couldn't see them well, but she could tell the first one was a masked nin, and the second with gray hair and a three-bladed scythe. She heard them talking, a rumbling to her ears as she was unable to hear their conversation. She pitted her eyes to them as they walked slowly. Then, they stopped.

They were motionless. Anko froze; heart beating faster by the second.

Had they possibly…?

Then in a split second the masked nin's hand quickly reached out and grabbed her by the neck. The nin's hand had a firm hold around her throat, as her initial impulse told her to pawn and struggle his fingers off, but they wouldn't budge. They remained strapped around her neck, and with that they dragged her body out of the tree and closer to the two dangerous missing-nin.

Anko remained paralyzed in shock in how the man was able to sense her; let alone how his hands could grab her from such a distance.

Elastic. His arm is like elastic.

The masked nin-who's arm was composed together with thick black threads-held her by her throat, remaining silent as the gray-haired member grinned. The threads surrounding his elbow whipped about. She attempted to remain cool, but his fingers began to press against her throat, cutting off her air. The gray haired nin chuckled, as he watched his partner strangle her.

"Oh look Kakuzu. We've got a little friend who's been watching us-don't kill her so soon. Let's say we toy with this one for a while?"

"That's a waste of time, Hidan."

"Why would you do that and ruin all the fun? Let me have this one, Kakuzu. Please?"

"Hidan, we have no time for your stupid rituals. You-augh!"

The masked nin looked down from his hand, to see two snakes, injecting from Anko's wrist biting into his arm. Anko had committed the Striking Snakes Technique, a technique Orochimaru had taught her in which she summoned snakes from her wrist. The nin immediately ceased Anko's throat from his hands and dropped her to the ground, as he quickly reacted to the pain in his arm.

"Ugh, what was-I can't move my hand!"

Anko stumbled up quickly and ran several feet from the nin. She smirked at the confused Akatsuki member, "Those snakes had poisonous bites. They temporarily paralyze any area they strike. You won't be using your hand for a while."

The masked nin narrowed his eyes and took his bitten hand in his other, "Looks like you'll be more of a nuisance than I initially expected."

Finally, the masked nin's partner had chipped up, "See Kakuzu? Hey, if you fight her now she's going to delay your trip even more. Like I said, give her to me to deal with and I'll catch up later."

"Hidan, remember the bounty."

"Fuck that, Kakuzu. I haven't let loose since we left because of that fucking bounty. And I am seriously getting pissed with your impatient attitude. How about you take care of all that shit and I'll catch up when I'm done?"

The masked nin who went by Kakuzu stared impatiently at his partner, then back at a determined Anko. He groaned. "Hidan-don't take too long."

And with that, he has off.

Anko's eyes widened as she saw one of her disputants walk away. "Hey, w-wait!". Her initial impulse told her to attack him, to distract him back, to hold him off long enough for the reinforcements to come-

"Hey, are you stupid or something? What do you want him for? Didn't he just say you're fighting me, woman?"

Anko turned back to see the masked nin's partner now facing her. The nin-who was called Hidan-had silver hair, slicked back; and long purple eyes.. He had chiseled, masculine features-and was handsome. Helicked his lips eagerly as he watched her from afar. He took the scythe handle from his shoulder and made a step closer to Anko. "You know, I haven't been able to have so much fun with someone for a while-seriously, you should consider yourself honored."

Honored? Who the hell is this guy?

Anko smirked at Hidan. "And you should consider yourself disappointed because you're going to die."

"No, I won't die, literally."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

Hidan didn't respond, rather he charged at her. Anko backed away, forming hand seals as she summoned a snake from her palm when he ran closer to her. As he drew near he began wielding his scythe. Anko barely missed his scythe-moving to her side before he could hit her and quickly ducking down, striking him in his leg with a bite from the snake in her palm.

As Hidan yelped in pain, Anko quickly backed away from him, satisfied she had got him. But instead of showing any kind of fear or anger, Hidan just stood their chuckling.

Anko finally spoke. "I wouldn't be smiling if I were you. The snake I had summoned in my hand was different from the one I used to strike your partner. Its venom is more deadly. You'll be dead within five minutes."

Hidan stopped laughing, looking at Anko as she continued to speak. "See? What did I tell you? I already got you."

And with that, Hidan began smiling once again. "No, I got you."

Anko narrowed her eyes, then condescendingly chuckled. "It's you who's going to be dead soon, not me."

Hidan continued to grin. "No, you don't understand. I told you I literally won't die. I'm immortal."

Anko's eyes widened as she noticed the Akatsuki member had not even succumbed to any of the symptoms of the venom taking over his body-even after two minutes had passed. Was he really…immortal?

Anko sneered. "You're lying. The venom will soon take over."

"Oh really? Then hm…why haven't I felt it yet? Why am I still up and breathing like normal, woman?"

Anko stood back in utter disbelief, watching him smile as he continued, "Oh, well while you stand there like you don't wanna believe me, I don't give a shit. I'll just go ahead and tell you this fight is over."

"Wh-"

"I got you."

"What the hell are you saying?"

"What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you really so stupid? Check your neck, woman."

Anko stood back than ran a finger across the side of her neck. She felt a trickle of blood that traced up to her jawline. It was painless; she couldn't even feel it. She was taken aback, shocked at how he was able to get her when she hadn't even known he did. "When did you manage to-"

"Wha? You don't remember me striking you? Ah, that's too damn bad."

"No, you're stupid. This wound is nothing. You think you injured me by a scratch?"

"Trust me, one strike is all I need hun."

Hidan analyzed the blades on his scythe, observing the red goo he had gotten when he had hit Anko. He then gently took the top blade onto his tongue, licking the blood gently off the edges. Anko stood back. She watched him smile and lick his lips; taking the bitter metallic taste of her blood into him. She was almost shocked; almost. His actions-they almost reminded her of herself. Tasting blood-it was something she-or, it wasn't exactly something she wouldn't do.

He likes to taste blood? Kinda like-

No. She shook that off. She would never admit a criminal; a cold-hearted man capable of killing innocent people was anything like her.

As he drew the scythe away from his lips his skin began to turn black, with white markings making his skin resemble a skeleton. Anko's heart raced as she watched his wild transformation. He took his scythe, then quickly stabbed its sharp blades into his palm. He drew much blood, and he left all of it drip to the floor as Anko observed.

He's-he's crazy! What is he…

Hidan, with his feet; took the fresh blood on the ground and drew a symbol on the ground with it. Anko just stood there, watching him, unknowing of what he was doing exactly and what the outcome was. A triangle within a circle, made of blood was laid out onto the ground. He dropped his scythe, then stood in the center of the symbol.

Anko felt horrified and curious both at once. What is that?

He opened his coat, revealing his shirtless and muscular figure. He took a pike from beneath his coat, then reached it out above his stomach and-

Then misery.

Anko clutched at her side, eyes gazing up at the villainous man with twisted vice. He didn't speak; just watched her as she panted at her wound. He devilishly grinned as he watched her agonize. Blood was running down his mouth; blood running down her knee. But he didn't mind that he was in pain as well. He enjoyed it, so long as he got to see her suffer as well. She yelped as he took the handles of the pike, pushing it deeper into his side as the painful feelings reciprocated onto her. She watched him smile, enjoying everything. And for the first time in a long time Anko felt scared, as she watched his chuckles turn into howls of laughter. He laughed, despite he felt everything she was feeling. She didn't know what he was capable of, and she hated herself for it. She hated herself for underestimating him, for not hiding better, for being there in the first place.

"You aren't dead yet." He said finally, "I just, you know, wanted to have some fun with you."

Anko panted as she looked spitefully up at him, "Y-you…think this is…fun?"

"Bitch, you have no idea."

This guy…this sick fuck liked torturing her, he enjoyed it, he was trying to stretch it out as long as he could, only so he could see her in a torturous state. His intentions were dirty; dark; macabre. He was a man of sadism and spoke so freely about it.

Anko closed her eyes and took a deep breath, trying to ignore the throbbing in her waist and attempted to stand up. Hidan, seeing her determination; quickly pulled the pike out of his waste, a fountain of blood following afterwards. Anko yelped at the pain and fell to the floor again.

Yamato, Sai, please…

Anko wanted to stop him. She couldn't give up-at least not when she was alive, but would any of her attempts to stop him be fruitful? Any attempt to inflict injuries on him would just reflect back to her. Was it worth anything?

It's useless. Completely useless.

Hidan took the pike in his hand and played with it, twirling it between his fingers. He was laughing the whole time, watching the look of defeat and pain on her face. He bent down, and put his lips to her ear and whispered, "You know, seeing you like this is really fucking sexy. Too bad I'll have to kill you."

Goosebumps ran up Anko's back and neck at his words. He was insane. Completely insane. She felt scared for herself, being a few seconds from death. Her heart began to race.

Hidan raised his pike above his chest and laughed, "End of the line, woman!"

Anko knew his intentions now, and was anticipating the sudden strike of death. She could just feel the pike pierce into her heart anytime now. She shut her eyes. It would all be over soon.

She waited. And waited.

But instead of feeling a pike into her heart, she heard his voice. "What? Now?"

He sounded angry. When she opened her eyes, she saw his were closed. "You've got to be fucking kidding me," he said, his eyes still shut. His hands were lowered; pike no longer hanging above his chest. "Right now? I'm in the middle of something."

What's going on? Who is he talking to? Is he speaking to me?

She saw his face turn to a scowl as he continued, "Can't you just wait a couple minutes? I ju-fine, fuck it!"

He opened his eyes, then gazed back to her. His scowl removed, and instead, was replaced with a subtle smile. "Consider yourself lucky lady, your death has just been delayed. I've got stuff to do."

She said nothing as she looked up, shocked. So he was just…leaving her?

"So stay here until I get back, then we can continue our little fun game. That is if you aren't dead by then-which you better not be."

He stepped out of the symbol he created for his curse and then stood still a few feet away. And in several short minutes, like a hologram he disappeared.

Where had he gone…

"Uhgh." All thoughts Anko had were interrupted by the constant agonizing pain she felt in her body. She was still bleeding; still hurting. She felt tired and sick and hurt all at once. On the verge of unconsciousness, she attempted to stand up. She collapsed back down.

She closed her eyes, waiting for her eventual succumb to death. He had killed her now. He didn't need to finish the job, and it didn't matter if he did or did not. She would be dead soon.

And for a second-it felt peaceful. Maybe even somewhat beautiful, in a fucked up, transient way. She was still in so much pain, but she was going out how she always wanted to go out-on her own. In nature. And her killer's face didn't need to be the last thing she saw before dying.

An immortal…he's really an immortal…

It didn't matter now that he scared her, that he was terrifying and made her body rackle in fear. She would no longer need to see his face again. She would no longer need to hear those wild, insane howls of laughter that came from his mouth.

But she did hear noises in the background, faint noises; people talking, shouting, yelling. Am I hearing things?

She wanted to see Yamato. She wanted to see Tsunade, and Shizune, and Kakashi, and all her friends one last time.

Instead, she saw a bright light.

Then, nothing.

Alright, FINISHED with this chapter! It took forever, and yes I will be continuing this. It isn't a oneshot. That means-no, Anko is not dead (at least not yet-I'm leaving this statement here!) And proper criticism is highly accepted. Thanks guys.