Chapter 1
Timmy the tard derped happily as he hopped gayly across the sunny meadow of faggotry. Suddenly, a wild Tom Bombadil appeared and said "Hello, I'm Tom Bombadil, and welcome to my forest of faggotry!"
So he then kicked Tom Bombadil square in the nuts, and then took a dump in his mouth as he gasped for breath. Then he whispered in his ear, "There will be buttercups!" He derped loudly in triumph over the faggy bard, then continued on along the yellow brick road.
Then he came upon a ginger bread house, with chocolate wheels, that smelled like dick. When he walked in the house, there were three bowls of boner soup. He tried out the first bowl, but it was too hot. Then he tried the second bowl, but it was too cold. So he tried the third bowl, and it was just right.
The meat slid down his throat like Kentucky-fried chicken. But, unfortunately, a volatile reaction occurred in his bowels, and he shat out the longest shit in history. It was so long, that it put Longcat to shame. Then he climbed his mountain of 'tard feces, into the land of buttercups, where the clouds are made of cotton candy, and the sun is filled with orange juice. He then derped happily again. "There are buttercups!"
And then Timmy was zombie and he was sad...