A/N: Hi, just a little Dramione one-shot I wrote. Inspired by Dire Strait's song "Romeo and Juliet" , though I was listening to the Killers version :) Hope you enjoy, though I warn you, it's a break up fic. Canon style! It's really me just twisting canon to my own devices and deriving some Dramione from it.
The Dice Was Loaded From the Start
It was strange, sitting across from her and maintaining a completely cool composure as they had so many years ago. Not cracking a smile or winking in jest, not holding her hand or making her laugh - it was strange. He had forgotten what it was like to sit this professionally and frosty with her. It had been four years since they sat at the table like this, but then it was as newly formed auror partners, and now.. Now he wasn't so sure why. She had called him here urgently, and the look on her face didn't bode well for him.
She, though he had disliked her greatly for many years, brought a smile to his face when her name was mentioned, sent electricity through his veins when she touched him, warmed his heart when she smiled at him. He was in over his head, and he had known it for far too long.
Draco Malfoy had never been the type to fall for girls. He had never been the type to stay the whole night, instead usually opting to sneak out once they were asleep. He had never been the type to put a label to a relationship. He had never been the type to fall in love.
He hadn't even fully grasped the whole concept of being in love with someone - it was foreign and new idea for him, so taboo for most his life and still not fully accepted. He hated feeling vulnerable for others, hated letting someone else have the upper hand - and that was what love did. It left someone with a one-up on you, gave them the ultimate power to grab your heart and tear it out. It was an awful thing, but up till now, he had been grateful to know he could love - and the kind of love he had for her far surpassed anyone else's.
He glanced across the table. She was fidgeting with the napkin, a nervous habit of hers. That didn't look good. She was staring fixatedly on the tissue, her eyes glazing over as he knew she did when deep in thought. Her hair was down today, cascading past her shoulders and curls erratically out of control.
Despite all his talk of love, Draco Malfoy was not a patient nor understanding man. He was still arrogant, a little childish at times, cold and enjoyed making people uncomfortable. He was getting fed up with the silence.
"Hermione, what did you call me here for? I had a meeting I had to cancel and you know how Kings-"
She cut across him swiftly, "I-I can't do this anymore."
His face dropped, though he concealed it within minutes. Defence mechanism took over and he had no control over his words, and he returned to his cold, detached, stoic demeanour. He cut off all emotional feeling and carefully ensured his mask was in place. "Pardon?"
"R-ron… he proposed to me," she replied feebly, still not meeting his eyes. Draco was burning holes into her skull with the cold glare from his eyes.
"I see." was all he said, leaving much room for her to speak - waiting for the rush of words and rant that was to follow. There was only so long she could hold back, and Draco was well aware of this fact. He sat calmly, chin lifted surveying her critically. "If that's all, I'll be-"
"You know this isn't the way I wanted everything to turn out. You know if I could, I'd run away with you and never come back.. You-you know I promised him after the battle that I'd… I'd.."
"Sell your soul?" He laughed, though there was no humour and it was a clear jab. His heart screamed at him to beg her to run away with him, to convince her they could start a brand new life elsewhere with no one judging, criticizing or glaring. A new life where they could be themselves with no problems attached - it wouldn't be difficult, they simply had to move..
His head and his reason clamped down on these thoughts and rash actions, and instead he rose his brow, waiting for a response.
"Draco.." she simply said, sympathy on her face and he felt disgusted. He hated people pitying him or looking down on him - he was Draco Malfoy, he was better than them, he didn't need their pity or sympathy. The disgust must have registered on his otherwise expressionless face as he saw her recoil slightly. It was gone as quickly as it came though, and she was sitting upright, conviction coming back into her opinion, "We could never have stayed together - you're going to marry Astoria, and I'm going to marry Ron. It's just the way things turned out and it's just the way things were meant to me."
He didn't say anything for a minute, battling the desperation building that wanted him to get down on his knees and beg her to rethink her decision, and the other that wanted to spit some harsh words her way and storm off. He settled on stoic again. "If you wish. I'll see you tomorrow at work," She flinched at this and made a sort hissing sound, and he stopped from getting up. "Is there something else to add to your speech?" His tone was as venomous as he could make it.
"I'm transferring. I don't think it would be productive to have us working together anymore, and I've always wanted to help Magical creatures so I handed in my transfer this morning.."
He rolled his eyes, "And you decided to spring this all on me at lunch today. Touching, Granger, I'm definitely feeling the love."
She looked a little shock that his emotions were escaping him for a minute, and shook her head. OH god. Tears were gathering in her eyes, and Draco blanched - he was the one who was supposed to be comforted, he wasn't about to soothe her with parting words of amicability. He could see her steadily holding back those drops of mourning, and she now looked regretful and apologetic. She wanted him to accept her.
From all his talk of love, all his experience, all his knowing - there was one thing that came out of it above all else: her happiness was the most important. Though he may not fully believe that Weasley was the one to bring her that happiness, if she believed it, and she wanted it, he had to be okay with that.
He loved her enough to get past her stubbornness, her horrible approach to this conversation, her need to please everyone and her inherent need to appreciate and love everyone. She was an insecure being though no one would ever know it or guess; she held her head high, her walk was always proud and she never shirked away from her opinions. She seemed confident, but there was always that insecure first year that he bullied and Ron Weasley mocked, and that insecure first year was the one begging him now to forgive her.
He couldn't walk away with her thinking he hated her - he wanted her to know he loved her, that he would always love, that she was his first love. Regardless of whether or not they could be together, he would always carry that with him for the rest of his life - whether he wanted to or not - as would she. It was never going to change or be different.
"Draco, please," she said, and he wasn't fully sure she knew what she was asking him for.
He swallowed his pride and fought all his innate feelings to run or shout abuse at her. Shakespeares words - she is gone, and my relief must be to loathe her - rang in his ears. Which brought on another onslaught of emotions as she was the one to introduce him to the play writer. Draco then decided to forget this quote, to push it to the back of his mind and do what his heart was telling him to for the first time in his life.
He reached across and grabbed her hand, "It's okay."
The act of kindness astonished her, but Hermione gripped onto his hand tightly, the underlining tone of never wanting to let go unsaid. She swallowed thickly, tears still building in her eyes, now threatening a torrent, "I-I just want you to understand." She announced hoarsely, and then whispered, "I did love you."
"I know. Don't forget that," he stood then, grabbing his jacked and nodding to her, "Good luck."
They seemed such measly words, such an inadequate term to describe what he wanted for her and what he thought of their time together. He was Draco Malfoy though. He could get any girl he wanted, he could outwit the average wizard, he could win a battle against many of the other aurors and he could charm his way around England.
But Draco Malfoy couldn't express his emotions - he couldn't wear it on his sleeve for all to see, examine and scrutinize. He had reached a milestone today though, he walked away knowing she understood his position. Even if it was unspoken. His attachment and affection, his letting down his walls, his taking of his mask, his revealing his true personality to one woman, who he fought against, who he bullied as a child, who was a Gryffindor and Potter's best friend - it was all understood.
The affair of Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger would never be told.