Note-This story is set after Season Five Episode Four, which was titled Hopeless, where Penelope asks Derek to cut contact with Tamara Barnes.
He insists he is not involved with her but at the end of the episode he goes to Tamara's house to tell her they caught her brother's murderer. During the episode Derek does not hold a grudge against Penelope for her concern, which relives her greatly, but during the episodes following he is secretive about Tamara's growing place in his life.
This story starts after he leaves Tamara's house that first night. It will then include some events of season five but leave other events out, as I see fit.
Involved
Chapter One
October 2009
Damn she's right, Derek thought as he drove through the darkened streets. His jaw was clenched and a tick had started jumping in his cheek.
All signs he was seriously pissed off and getting more so with every second that passed.
Pulling up to a red light he slammed his hand on the steering wheel. He was so fed up with himself and with the fact that he couldn't seem to get over his feelings for Penelope. She knew him better than anyone else on earth.
The ironic thing was that even if she knew what he was going to do before he did it- when it came to most things- she still didn't know how badly he wanted to be the man she had in her heart and her bed.
Or, and this was the thought that terrified him, she did but when it came down to it she preferred Lynch over him.
Just thinking about how Penelope had read Derek like an open book earlier in the day, known with one glance he was going to cross every line he never crossed before, and called him on it made him want to scream a stream of profanities.
Because she was right.
And it had already started to go just the way she predicted. After they caught the unsubs- who had murdered Tamara's brother- Derek didn't waste anytime heading to her place to give her the news in person. She invited him in, like he knew she would, and her hugging him had led to her laying a soft kiss on his lips. Then she stepped away and gave him a shy smile. She started to apologize. He held up a hand and told her it was okay but he should get out of there now. Before he left he mentioned he would call her.
It wouldn't be right to offer her comfort and his friendship and then just blow her off. But as he drove away the memories of Penelope's warning played over and over in his mind until he was ticked at her, the situation and, most of all, himself.
Penelope had nailed exactly what he would do and she even told him it would all end badly.
He would continue to see Tamara and he would get in over his head. He could feel that much already. He was going to really screw up his life and Tamara's too. Not because he couldn't resist her and her kiss, though.
The kiss only made him feel like he should enjoy it. Like he should try. Like he should let Tamara close. Not that he wanted to but that he should want to. That it would make sense to take what she offered.
Her soft, millisecond brushing of lips over his was a painful reminder that she wasn't Penelope and that if Derek had the chance to feel Penelope's lips on his it wouldn't feel like a sad, heartbreaking, settling for less.
It would be coming home. Sweet relief.
But he wasn't going to ever feel his baby girl's lips on his and he knew it. If he had doubts about it after she first hooked up with Lynch- and thought he could wait the hacker out- Derek didn't have doubts anymore. Penelope had been with Lynch for nearly a two years. She wasn't giving him up anytime soon.
Derek slammed on the gas and headed onto the expressway.
That woman's got some nerve, Derek railed silently, Trying to stop me from being with someone else! What am I supposed to do? Stay alone every night for the rest of my damn life?
The rational part of him knew that Penelope had been thinking about his career, not her jealousy over him being with a woman who wasn't her, but that didn't help in that moment. In fact that only made it worse.
Derek wanted Penelope crazy with jealousy over him.
But she wasn't. She was content to keep him in a little box in her life marked "Best Buddy" and to not give a damn if he had anyone to hold him, kiss him, comfort him all the long lonely nights. Penelope was fine with him having random sex partners but how dare he actually care for someone due to real feelings and not just wanting to screw her after taking her home from a club.
You can't have it both ways, baby girl, Derek silently spoke to her as he changed his mind about where he was heading that night. Instead of going home he was going to go see Penelope and tell her just what he thought about all her good and right advice.
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Derek had calmed down a lot by the time he got near Penelope's apartment.
He was really mad at himself- and not her- in the first place. And he was mad at the situation. He felt frustrated and like nothing he could do would be right.
If he walked away from Tamara then he'd just be lonely and so would she. What was the sense in that? He was so sick of being lonely and feeling lost.
Penelope was his anchor in the world but, right or wrong, they were not the same once she got with Lynch. Derek blamed himself for ever letting them get to this point. He had years when he could have kissed her, made her see that being with her was all he wanted in the world, and maybe back then it would have been enough to convince her to give him her heart.
Now it felt like nothing would ever be enough. Her heart belonged to another man.
Derek sat outside her apartment. His gaze focused on her window. It was dark. She could be inside there right now laying in Lynch's arms.
The thought twisted Derek's heart. It made his stomach roll. A fresh wave of anger and pain coursed through him. He let out a long sigh, as he rubbed the back of his neck.
Headlights flashed over his truck. He jerked his eyes in that direction and was surprised to see Esther, the nickname Penelope gave her car, pull into the parking lot. Feeling like a stalker, he hoped she hadn't noticed him but that hope was in vain.
He sat up a little straighter and rolled down his window when he saw her leave her car, cross the parking lot, and walk across the street to where he was parked.
"Hey," her tone was soft and questioning "what are you doing here? Everything okay?"
Nothing was okay. Not really. But, in that moment, Derek forget completely about his pain and focused on her face. Her eyes were red and her skin was splotchy. Sure signs she had been crying.
He shifted in his seat and cleared his throat. "I'm fine. I just wanted to make sure we're really okay...after that talk earlier."
"We're good....aren't we?"
"Sure, baby girl."
She relaxed. "Good because I can't deal with anymore fighting today."
He raised an eyebrow.
Penelope added "Kevin just dumped me. Just like that. Like I'm nothing to him. Can you believe it? He says he's done with me and really, I guess, I can't blame him. I sucked as a girlfriend and today just proved that in spades."
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, you can't put this all on yourself. Break ups are a mutual thing. Want to tell me what brought it on?"
Her eyes moved away for a moment and then came back to his. "Kevin claims I'm too involved in your life. That I freak out over you too much. That everything you do affects me and its out of control. Like you said earlier....I've crossed the line."
"Garcia, what? You're telling me I somehow caused you to lose your boyfriend?" he asked this in a pained tone.
"No. I did. I was going on and on about you at dinner tonight...about how you need to stay away from Tamara Barnes...and Kevin just snapped. I should have apologized but I was emotionally worn down at that point and I just let him have it. I told him that you'd always come first and he told me good bye." She gave him a broken hearted look. "I really messed up everything, sweetness. I needed to just shut up and let you do whatever you were going to do and I needed to do whatever it took to make Kevin happy- God knows he is the only man who has ever put up with me for so long and wanted to marry me and have kids with me- but I couldn't. I just couldn't ignore the mistake I felt you were about to make with Tamara. You're my best friend and I wanted to save you from yourself. I should have known you'd never compromise your ethics though. I freaked out for nothing and all it did was cost me my boyfriend in the process."
"Lynch will cool off. You can get him back if you want."
"I don't want that."
Derek raised an eyebrow.
Penelope went on. "After he walked out of the restaurant I thought about going after him for a minute but then I sat back down because I realized a huge weight was lifted off my chest to be out of that relationship. I didn't ever want to lose him or expect to have him walk away but now that he has I feel, strangely, good about the whole thing. Sad, huh, Hot Stuff? I guess when I end up a weird cat lady it will be no one's fault but my own."
Derek chuckled. "You'll never be a weird cat lady."
"Oh yeah? I bet I will. I'm headed on that path at warp speed. Just have to get the cats now."
"I promise you, baby girl, you won't be. I'm here for you- tonight and every night." He flashed her a smile.
She sniffled and gave him a small smile back. "Do you want to come in, handsome?"
"I should get home."
"You sure?"
He rubbed his finger down her nose. "Go get some sleep."
She nodded and started to walk away.
Derek called out "Hey, gorgeous."
Penelope smiled as she turned around.
He added "I will take a rain check though."
"One night of scandalous love making with a future cat lady?"
He laughed. "You're so silly." Then he got out of his truck and jogged over to her.
She gave him a questioning look. "Calling in your rain check already?" She dropped her voice and teased "I hope I have the stamina to really make the most of this because I wouldn't want to waste my one chance with my chocolate God on a night when I fall asleep halfway through the main event."
"Then we should wait till you're well rested." He gave her a tender smile. "I'll walk you to your door."
Penelope smiled sweetly and offered him her arm. He looped his arm through hers and they went inside.