A sorta Kaoru-angst fic but not really Kaoru-angst fic because he's in self-denial. :D Hope you understood that because I'm not saying that again. Basically just a twist on the anime/manga ish of the twin's relationship, and the Host Club is there because it's there. Haven't seen that before. D: Rargh. But if you get the symbolism in each little theme. Then huzzuh.

If you thought I died because I wasn't updating anything, I didn't. I had this done since forever. D: Just didn't know what to call it.

Warning: Some kissing, some cussing. nothing much. Rated T for profanity again. Alternating POVs.

Disclaimer: For the last time I don't own Ouran High. D: This is a what-if situation, kinda.

-Idiot

"Haruhi!" and he smiles-

There he goes again; I place my head on my hand, watching as my brother runs up to the only girl we ever let into the world. We're second-years now, and by this time, you'd think that Hikaru would've gotten over his crush on her. I thought he was too much of an idiot to fall in love with her, but all he wants is to stay by her side every minute of the day, joking, playing, laughing, smiling-

-looking happy and for once in his life, without me.

I gave up being him long ago, I couldn't really bring it to myself to act as oblivious and accepting as he did- it wasn't me. I wasn't confident enough to go out into the world alone- he was; I wasn't courageous enough to dye my hair black- he was; I wasn't trusting in the world- he threw his gates opened-

And look at him now, laughing, smiling, happy, without me.

Our world used to consist of Hikaru, Kaoru, and all their toys. A two-person loneliness- and when he was with me, he frowned- and when he's out in the world, he smiles.

We never used to smile in the world, only to each other. Just for the other, we would be happy.

To smile- to laugh- to live in bittersweet moments of our twisted life-

He's outside our little world now. He's escaped. I didn't.

I can't copy him; he's an optimist, I'm not. He's practicing the perfect solution, I'm not. He joined many, many clubs, and broke up the twincest act at the Host Club. We're hosting separately now; but the girls thought that we had both decided to part ways-

He did, I simply stayed in the background and let him do it.

And that's all because of Haruhi.

Because she showed us we were similar, but not the same, we are similar and not the same.

We both like her. Hikaru likes her; I like her. Hikaru only likes her more. And if I'm not going to take her, he is.

He knows he likes her- I told him- but he doesn't know how to say it.

Hikaru's like the idiot lord. He wants to keep all our relationships intact-

-especially ours; the me and him, the Hikaru and Kaoru pair, the us, we, I.

But- my eyes lid, as I watch him chatter about something ridiculous, smiling all the while, and I, making no move to intervene-

Hikaru's an idiot.

An idiot to believe that he would never be hurt.

Naïve.

An idiot to believe that everything is the same inside and out.

Shallow.

An idiot to believe that his own feelings, his own thoughts were mine.

Assuming.

An idiot to believe that everyone will still live if the world shattered.

Ignorant.

An idiot to believe he won't ever fall in love without me.

Just plain stupid.

He's too much of an idiot.

I think that's why he fell in love.

I think that's why he left me behind.

- Black

I raise the brush off the stiff paper; the fine bristles tainted a pastel blue, examining the paint splotch on the wide expanse of white.

Yes, believe it or not, I joined painting classes. The last thing a Hitachiin does is paint. But I want to do everything-

I rinse the brush tip into the clear water, dabbing another color on the palette, a light ginger. I press it against the paper, drawing out a large orange line-

I remember that we used to paint on the walls- that was fun- we should do it again.

I laugh a bit to myself, and zigzag my brush all over the painting, rough lines trailing from the tip.

"Hitachiin-san, you're being too aggressive again- don't hold that brush hard. If you break it, you're going to have to get another set," the stern voice calls from over my shoulder. I grimace as I place lighter strokes onto the painting, in random swirls-

I think Kaoru should take this class- he's the gentle type of person. But he said no, it would waste too much of his study time, plus he really needed to get on with his English, it's rusting a bit. I sigh and dunk my paintbrush into the water again, before flicking it at my palette, scooping up a pitch black, and swishing it around the drawing-

-around, up, to the left, right, south, north-

-I have no idea what I'm even supposed to be painting.

I glance over to the painting next to me for some sort of indication on what we should be doing- what the hell? A bird?- and then looked to the other painting- a hat?- or maybe we're supposed to free draw something.

Seriously, Kaoru should join me; he can tell me all the things that I need to do, and all that stuff, and maybe he can earn a prize- I did once, for abstract.

I don't think they knew what I painted either.

riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing

I instantly rip off my paint-flecked apron, and cleaned up my station, quickly. I stared at the strange painting- it looks like an eye, with a blue pupil, orange retina, and darkness.

My classmates look over- interesting, what is it?, looks kind of cosmic- but can't they see it?

It's plain depressing- I really need to get rid of the black.

Maybe next time, I think, next time I'll draw a better painting.

And maybe next time, I should drag Kaoru here.

- Piano

He learned the piano for her. I know that as a fact; every time we have free time in Host Club, he would wave over to her and play a piece he has been practicing on, smiling, all happy like- I don't really care, but he's happy. I stir the cooling tea and take a sip- I don't drink instant coffee because Hikaru isn't here to make me- and he begins to press the white keys.

I shift an eye to him- Haruhi's standing over him, watching him, smiling warmly- and I place one leg over the other, tapping the porcelain with nothing else to do. The tune's cheery, uplifting, fast paced, off key, clickity-clack, and everything I'm not and he is- and I stand from my seat at my regular designation spot- and turn towards the door, excusing myself with a nod-

My hand holds the door frame as I look at Hikaru again- but he doesn't notice I'm going- and I shrug, walking into the halls, letting the doors swing close.

No, I'm not jealous.

It just makes me sick- that he's fighting even though he doesn't need to- it's obvious Haruhi likes Tamaki- she'd only be a friend to him-

I don't want to crush his feelings- and if I helped him, maybe the chances will turn.

But I'm not, so he's deciding his own future.

Not ours, not mine, his.

Somehow, that word feels so lonely.

- Classical

My fingers stop in the middle of the piece as I heard the door close-

"He left again," Haruhi comments softly, like she doesn't want me to know, or let it be easier for me. She's nice like that, but not like Kaoru-

"Do you think my music's horrendous?" I ask her- she can tell the truth, I know.

She shakes her head and smiles, although her words say otherwise, "Just a little."

Sighing, I stare at the music again, before flipping to a different song, the song that I've been working on for a while. It's just something easy, fast, and fun, and-

-complicated, like Kaoru.

"Do you think Kaoru hates the piano?" I say absentmindedly, playing the first several off notes. It rang into the thick silence.

I look at her- I perfected this enough to play without looking- and she's thinking, looking in the direction of the door-

"I don't think he's musically inclined," she finally answers, then looks at me, her eyes boring holes into my head, "I don't really think you are either."

I smile a crooked smile, "Haha, very funny, Haruhi. You know that I've only been playing for a month."

She shrugs, before sitting on the piano bench next to me, and the awkward notes smooth into a soft song-

"Why are you doing this?" she asks, studying my fingers, as they play the notes, tranquil.

I don't pause this time and draw the normally short notes out- I love this song, it's so quiet, peaceful, but only when I'm going slowly.

I want every day of my life to slow down.

I close my eyes and mumble, quietly, feeling the ivory keys, "I think… Kaoru likes classical more than rock."

- Strawberries

Hikaru's joined up with Bossanova-kun. Now all we need is the lord to jump into the dirt and we'd have the idiots' garden.

He's taken up gardening- going every so often, and he's finally succeeded in dragging me along- I didn't have any excuses- and I stare at his stupidity. So now he's resorted to planting potatoes. Kamisama, what's he going to do next? Eat cakes?

I'm watching him, sitting underneath the cherry blossom tree, my knees hugged to my chest. Hikaru's tossing dirt at Bossanova-kun and laughing, messing around, and scattering all the seeds all over the place and- and I need to do my homework.

I sigh, pulling out a notebook and begin reading the notes that Haruhi gave me to study for the exam tomorrow.

She said Hikaru was being distracted, so I had to help him- and as his brother, I should know the context too.

Haruhi cares- I know, but that's all she's going to do; she's not going to love, she's just not that kind of person. She's the book-smart person who doesn't plan on getting into a relationship that soon, and probably never in her lifetime. And she told me that once-

"Kaoru? What are you doing here?" she smiles, and I smile back, as she takes a seat next to me on the soft grass.

"There's a great view," I shrug, and point to the two freshman, "They're planting… stuff. Onion, or potato, don't remember."

"Huh?" she blinks at me confused, and I just deadpan her, "I thought Hikaru said that he would plant strawberries."

My eyes narrow- of course, for her, always for her.

I hold in a scoff as I lean against the tree, placing my arms behind my head-

"Kaoru, Hikaru's calling you," she says, but I pretend I'm not listening, closing my eyes-

Suddenly I feel something on my hand, tugging me up, and his voice- "Oi, Kaoru, come on- I planted something a couple of days ago; check it out."

I mumble slightly in protest, half-enthusiastic.

And in the back of my mind, I'm wondering-

Why didn't he grab Haruhi? She was just there.

-Seed

It's a small sprout, but it's cute- Kaoru would like it too. The small little leaves in the small plot of soil-

"Hikaru, tell me you planted other seeds in here," he eyes the rest of the plot, and it's fallow-

"Nah, there's just one seed," I laugh- why did he think I was supposed to plant more than that?- "It's so I would know where the seed is!"

He stares at me- and I notice now- is he in a bad mood or something?- "What- did you like bless it or something?"

I smile- he's always right- "Yup!"

And for some reason, he seems a little out of it, and he stands up, brushing his black pants free of the same dirt I had all over my shirt, his eyes closed. I blink.

"Kaoru, is something wrong?"

His eyelids flutter at this, and he glances into my eyes for a split second before giving me a smile- and it's not reaching his eyes- "Nah, just thinking about the exam tomorrow, that's all."

And I blink, and he turns around, leaving me again, and I only stare at his back-

Is it me, or does he always leave me?

I look at the lonely seedling- it's drooping a little bit, sadly, a gloomy cloud over it-

And I take another seed from the bag, and pushed it into the soil right next to it.

I smile, looking at the sprout- now it won't be alone anymore.

I wish the same can be said for me.

- Cinderella

Hikaru's lucky to have me here.

I'm propped on the bed, the pillows plopped against the headboard, reading. Hikaru asked me to- for some reason, he's in another room doing something that I shouldn't ever concerned with, ever. I don't think I really want to know what Hikaru does-

I think I'm reading a fiction story- one of those retellings of some strange fairytale that we both never believed in- I don't want to remember the title. I think it's one of the ones that ends with a happily-ever-after. My eyes scan the pages, flipping again and again-

I want to barf.

It's Cinderella. She's a poor girl who worked to the bone by "evil" stepsisters, often whipped, and tortured mentally and sometimes asked to do something physically not possible. Then, she's granted a wish- to find her true love, she bargains that if she got to the palace by midnight sharp, she would find the love of her life.

I want to throw this against the wall.

Because if she does not, her white carriage, her masqueraded stature, the everything that she never had would turn into one big lie- she will never get her love, she will never win. Because the palace is one day away, her carriage is magical, yes, but she can't get there in six hours to reach midnight.

Her carriage will turn into a pumpkin- and she would be stranded for life, and begin a life even more meager than the one before. That's her agreement.

I flip to the back of the book, my eyes looking through the masses of words and words and words and-

She finds her prince-charming.

I want it to shatter into pieces, never to be picked up again.

Overrated, cheesy, cliché, not possible- it's not possible to have a happy ending. It's just a ridiculous concept-

"Kaoru!" the door suddenly burst open, my smiling brother running up to me, flopping onto the bed, "Reading, are we?"

"Only because you said so," I grit my teeth, my hands gripping the book so tightly it might break, "I don't like it."

"You don't?" and he plucks the book out of my hands, and throws it aside, and sidles close to me, snuggling against me, "I thought so."

I think he's a bit too comfortable- he's sliding onto my lap, grabbing for a book that's piled next to me- Haruhi's notes.

"Hey, Haruhi lent you notes? Cool," he smiles, opening it, looking through the words, then glancing at me, with large innocent eyes- "I'll help you, okay?"

And I grin- it's so like Hikaru to care more about me- but mostly because he needs it too.

He's warm; I wonder if he staged this, but then I shrug, flipping the pages again.

Hikaru's too much of an idiot to think about me-

Or was it the other way around?

- Abstract

One stroke, two dabs, a flick of green- it looks like a happy-happy flower meadow. I don't like it.

I set it off to the side with about ten other paintings and take another piece of firm paper, setting it onto my easel with care. People are beginning to call me obsessive, the teacher's actually giving me criticism now, and I waste about twelve papers each day.

Maybe I can't paint-

But I want to, I have to- I need to.

And this time, it'll be perfect.

I want it to be.

I start out with the depressing blackness- there has to be a darkness somewhere- and I dash it slowly, quickly, across the top of the paper. I flip the brush to the other end and dab a navy blue, accenting the pitch sky- yes, that's what it is, a sky.

I wonder what Kaoru would say about it.

I swirl my paintbrush against a forest green, and it circles around the painting, circles, and I dot a deep indigo, just once. I need goldenrod, so I spread out the yellow paint under the pitch sky, dabbing the edges with silver.

Maybe he'd think this was stupid too.

I dab white and cerulean with cotton brushes, the sponge printing bubbles into it.

I don't think this is stupid. It's nice. What's the word for this?

There's still white spaces, so I dabble a peachy orange color on the left hole, the fine brush cover all the small spots that I didn't paint over; the other hole I filled with the sky's blue- and with a dash of crimson along the bottom, it's done.

It's sophisticated. That's it.

But it needs… something.

I finger the fine brush again, dipping it gently in red and outlining something close to the orange, near a small white spot near the bottom. On the bottom right hand corner, I scribble something in blue ink- my signature, Hitachiin Hikaru.

"I like it," I whisper, raking my eye over the nearly incomprehensible painting.

"Looks weird," one of my unhelpful classmates chirp.

"Abstract, again. Do you really like abstract?" the girl on the other side of me asks.

I shrug, answering without thought, "I have bad anatomy."

She looks at me, then at the painting, her brows scrunching up, "… Anatomy?"

I blink, and stare at the painting again, nodding, tapping the other end of the brush to my cheek, "Yeah. It's a gift, you know."

They look at each other, did something that I didn't really pay attention to, and went back to their own work.

I trace a finger just above the slightly wet paint, and I think Haruhi's right-

Kaoru is like an abstract painting, you can't tell of all the mess he's saying what he actually wants to say, he's too complex for me to understand him, word for word, but I can try, try to understand his expressions, his movements, his everything else that blatantly tells everything like a big red streak-

He'd like it.

I think.

- Trying

Hikaru's a try and succeed type of person. He doesn't try; he just does it.

And it puzzles me.

Why?

I'm leaning against the doorframe, casually, my school case in my left hand, perched against my hip. I watch as he fumbles with the sheets covers again, a bored expression on my face. He's spreading it over the bed, his knees grinding into his mattress, as he reaches up to fix the covers only to bump his head into the wall.

"Ow…"

He's being idiotic, I think, a deep frown plastered on my face.

Hikaru furrows his brows and tries again, yanking an edge over the pillows futilely, the sheets twisted up, and in a whole pile of mess.

Hikaru's an even bigger idiot than I imagined.

"Hikaru, we're going to be late," I call, my tone a bit more annoyed than I wanted it to be, "Let the maids do it. You don't even know how."

"Just wait, Kaoru!" he smoothes out the sheets, before he smiles- like the blasted idiot, "It's just like putting out the fabric and stuff. It isn't hard."

I had enough of his idiocy, and I keep silent, turning around, shifting the door open, and I'm about to step out when-

"Kaoru, want to try?" And he says it with a laughing tone that it just grates on my nerves-

And before now, I didn't think it's possible to even get angry at Hikaru, but I-

"Hikaru, do what you want, I'm leaving if you aren't!"

With that, the door slams behind me, and I let out the shaky breath that I had been holding in.

I don't even know why I said that, I don't even know why I'm angry-

Maybe it's because he's being an idiot, I rationalize, trying to calm myself, before I turn towards the edge of the long carpeted hallways-

Maybe it's because he's doing this to impress Haruhi again, I rub my temple, my pace brisk as my shoes pad against the crimson carpet.

But why get angry over that?

It's stupid, it's ridiculous, Hikaru's an idiot, I place a hand on the banister, looking down at the stairs below me, my eyes, moist.

Hell, why am I even crying?

I hear his bedroom door creak open shyly, but I don't wait for him, don't want to face him, as I walk down the stairs quickly-

"Kaoru? What's wrong?" and his voice is so damn oblivious, I feel like strangling him right now-

"Nothing, Hikaru," I say, lying, gritting my teeth, and I can feel his presence right behind me, "Nothing's wrong."

Nothing's wrong, Hikaru. And lie- lie- lie-

It's not him. Not stupid oblivious Hikaru.

It's me.

I should be supportive- I should be caring-

-like I was before-

Hikaru's the type to try and succeed. I'm the type who tries and fails.

So maybe it isn't because he's an idiot.

So maybe it isn't because he's experiencing life without me.

So maybe it isn't because he's doing everything for Haruhi.

Maybe it's because I can't let him go.

- Show

"Haruhi," I say without looking over my shoulder, as she takes a seat next to me on the piano bench. I almost want to put my elbows on the keys, place my head into my hands, and sigh heavily, and pout- but I don't. Because my lord said not to damage it. Ever.

"Hmm?" she blinks, and then her face is of worry, "Did something happen between you two? You guys aren't talking again."

I sigh, and involuntarily place my palms harsh against the piano- and a loud sound rang through the air-

I cringe, my hands covering my ears. The resonance wears off slowly, and then, I whisper, like it hurts my ears, "I don't know… If we're having a fight, Kaoru didn't tell me about it."

She blinks those brown eyes at me, "So it's not a fake fight."

I nod- Haruhi's the only other person who can understand me, "Kaoru's… been mad at me since morning."

"And you don't know why?" she asks, like she's confirming it. I nod. She looks over to the rest of the Host Club, and everyone's gone back to normal- they're all lying around, doing nothing, and her brows furrow- "Kaoru isn't here."

"Again. I think he hates me," I mumble, as I finger the music sheet, my eyes blurring at the sight of all the notes.

She's silent, as I sigh, running my fingers over the keys, before pressing them gently. And it's like that for a while, as I pick up my pace, the music ringing softly in the music room.

I close my eyes, trying to immerse myself into the music- but I can't, the thought that Kaoru hates me just keeps haunting me- and I stop.

There's complete silence.

"Hikaru, you're keeping a secret from him," she says quietly, her hands fumbling for her book case, and she stands up- "He doesn't like secrets."

And I look up at her, and she's frowning, like I should make everything right again. I shuffle my feet, trying to find an adequate excuse, "But, he's kept a ton of secrets from me-! That's hypocritical!"

She looks into the direction of the door, as Kaoru walks back in, his eyes deadpan, blatantly ignoring me. He takes a seat at his own designation area, crossing one leg over the other, his hazel eyes away from me. He's still mad, and I bite my lower lip, anxious.

"He's contradictory," she says slowly, picking out her words carefully, "You're contradictory."

My lips are in a thin, firm line, waiting for her to tell me how to fix all this-

And she smiles, her eyes twinkling.

"Just show Kaoru what you really want."

- For

He's tugging my arm, like a dog, or something. I roll my eyes as he practically drags me up the stairs, and I almost trip over the red carpet. I blow a stray strand of hair out of my hair, before glaring at Hikaru, pulling my arm away from him.

"Why are we going to the Host Club?" I demand, as he makes another grab for my hand. I pull away, and cross my arms stubbornly, frowning, "Milord said we have a rare day off today."

He shuffles his feet, like he's thinking, and what's more annoying than an oblivious Hikaru is a Hikaru who's thinking. I grit my teeth, as he looks timidly at me-

"I," he clears his throat, and places a hand on one of mine, "I have to show you something."

I raise my brow, "What?"

Hikaru's eyes aren't meeting mine and easily, he pulls on my hand, and I follow, nervous- what's gotten into Hikaru lately?

What's gotten into me?

He places a hand onto the knob, and pushes it open quietly, glancing around the deserted room before pulling me quickly inside. I nearly trip, when I'm walking into the room, but he leads me towards the west side of the room. And then he finally lets go, and I almost find myself wanting to grab it back again-

I bite my lower lip- don't think like that, Kaoru. He walks over to the pale yellow curtain, before pulling it apart swiftly, and the fabric waves slightly before settling back down. I watch as he sits onto the piano bench, and I stand, confused to as what he's going to do, my arms crossed.

He flips open the polished black lid, and fingers the ivory keys anxiously. There's a long silence, as I lean against the piano, staring critically at him-

And he begins- his fingers dancing across the keys easily, and I blink, surprised- when had he gotten so good?

The notes draws out, cascading like water, raining the music, and the light taps are almost trills, like birds. I close my eyes for a moment, as the notes, the music string a familiar song in mind-

I remember, we always liked this song. I open an eye and glance at him, blinking as he returns my gaze, his fingers still moving.

And then he stops, curling his fingers tightly, "Kaoru?"

I blink, cocking my head, "Yes?"

And then he smiles, like he's never done before, and hugs me, his arms almost crushing me to him-

"You like it! You like it!" he squeals, almost like a fan girl or something. I try not to choke-

"Well, it's good," I say truthfully, as he slides off of me, looking at me like an eager puppy, "I thought your piano skills weren't that good."

He freezes, before he laughs, almost sheepishly, "That's because I practiced this music everyday."

I blink, some kind of feeling of dread creeping on, "For… for what?" I couldn't say who- it would make it much worse-

And then he smiles, "For you, of course!"

And it's lifted again-

Not for Haruhi.

For me, and only me.

And I think it's alright since Hikaru still thinks of me.

- Entwined

"You know," I say, leaning against the windows, sitting on the edge of the shelf. And I smile, but I know he's not really listening, "The garden's doing interesting."

And he grunts, like he's pretending to listen, but I know he's reading his book again, deliberately ignoring me.

I almost want to laugh- he might not even know who's trying to talk to him, once he's immersed in that book-

I wave a hand in front of his face, and he drops his book suddenly, raising his eyes to mine. I smile- knew it- "Let's go!"

"W-What?!" he exclaims, trying to grab back his book as I close it and set it onto the desk next to me. He claws for it, but I simply take his hand- and he's looking at me, confused- and I laugh and drag him out of homeroom.

"Wait, class's starting in a couple of minutes!" he calls, as I rush down the stairs.

"Who cares about class, they won't miss us," I smirk, and we round the side of the school, towards the garden's section.

We stop, gasping for breath, as I continue my pace around the small plots.

"Kaoru, come look at that!" I yell, and he stumbles through the vines, slightly winded, and kind of pissed off at all the thorns-

He blinks, and I smile as he squats next to me, looking at the sprouts like they were something special.

"Did… did…" he trails, not bothering to complete his sentence, but I know what he means.

"That lone seed that I planted about a week ago… it looked a bit alone, so I planted another one next to it-" I say, but he suddenly pushes me away and dashes off, without a word-

Did he hear the bell? I wonder, as I pick myself from the dirt ground, giving another glance at the thin entwined stems, both of their small leaves sprouting towards the sun above them.

I smile- even if one was planted later, they still are alike.

I turn my eyes towards his retreating back-

Maybe that's what he saw.

- Together

I feel like laughing.

I really do.

So why the hell are the stupid tears coming up?

I rest my arm on the windowsill, peeking out the large ornate windows- the ones directly above the gardening club's plots. I can still see it- can see Hikaru tending to that plot and another one of his, and my hazel eyes fall upon the small seedling's again.

I wipe the tears away with the back of my sleeve.

I always use seedling metaphors to describe us- that we were born from the same egg, that I was pulling Hikaru behind, that Hikaru should be the one to cut off our ties-

But, Hikaru's using them, the metaphors, on me again- and I'm crying, because he knows.

It was the same seedling as before, so why would the other seed grow, and the two sway to accommodate each other? Did Hikaru plant them too close together?

Too close together-

I watch as he sprinkles some water on the still growing sprouts, and I place my head on the back of my hand.

He's surprising me- he's surprisingly deep and thoughtful.

He's not thick and ignorant.

I mull on that thought before I shake my head-

Nah, he's still as thick and ignorant as before- he doesn't even notice he's deep and thoughtful.

And I laugh.

- Similar

It's funny- I don't even like reading books. But, after reading it, I don't know why Kaoru hates it so much. He just does. He just hates some and likes some, but he's never in between, or loves anything to bits-

I thought he would hate it at first. But…

I like Cinderella.

I don't get it, but after reading it twice and over again, I think that Kaoru would hate it for one reason-

Happily ever after.

And I think that I like it for one reason-

Happily ever after.

I flip through the pages again, as he walks in, a cup of tea in his hands- Kaoru likes drinking tea before going to bed, mostly because he's thirsty and I'm thirsty, so I steal it from him, but he's looking at me weirdly again-

Ah, I'm on his bed and in his room-

"Your bed is comfy," I say, like an excuse, snuggling deeper into his sheets again, and he detours from the bed to the desk, as if that was his first destination anyway. He rifles through his papers, and I can see his bare back, and I watch him, almost entranced-

"Are you going to be leaving anytime soon?" he asks, like it was normal, but I sit myself up on his bed, propping the book onto my legs.

"Nope," I chirp, and I drop my eyes from his figure, and he turns around, placing the cup on the table with a clang.

"Are you reading that?" he spits out hatefully, and his eyes are scanning the spine of the book, before he scoffs, "That book sucks, seriously."

"You have to read the entire thing to understand it, y'know," I rattle off, and he's about to leave his room again, when I reach out, and grab his arm-

"What's that for, Hikaru?" he murmurs, his face buried into the pillow. I flip him over, and pull him close to me- and normal gestures like this shouldn't disturb him, but he widens his eyes, almost freezing.

I run my eyes over him, before I prop up the book again, "It has a happily ever after-"

"It's freakin' cliché, Hikaru," he rolls his eyes.

I hug him closer to me, "It is. But it's happy, Kaoru. Do you prefer a sad ending?"

He keeps silent, so I press on-

"You know, when Cinderella's whipped, don't you think she wants something better?"

He makes a strange noise in his throat, but I keep talking-

"When Cinderella is challenged to race against time, don't you think she'd want anything but to be in the same or worst position than before?"

He averts his eyes, and he's lost-

"And don't you think she only gets a happy ending because she's willing to try for it?"

"Shut up, Hikaru," he says, but I simply smile and lean over him, our faces close together-

"Don't you think you'd want a happy ending for everything too?"

He pushes me away, but this time I trap him before he runs off, before he leaves this unsolved. I'm straddling him, my hair's tickling his face, and we're so close together, our breaths are mixing- and he looks at me, wondering, wondering, and he bites his lip-

"I don't like happy endings," he says through gritted teeth, and I know he's wrong, and he knows he's wrong-

"Why?" I drawl, just to taunt him, just to see what he's going to answer with.

He raises his eyes to look at mine, and it has a steely edge to it-

"Happy endings are impossible."

"Not totally," I retort, smiling.

"It's cheesy."

"But cheesy things are fun."

His eyes search for meanings, and then he tries again-

"It's not possible. It's cheesy. It's stupid. Idiotic. It means that the author can't come up with anything devastating," he rambles, not looking at me, "That's why I hate it. It's not possible in this messed-up world."

My lips curve into a smirk, "It is."

And he fumbles for his words, revising it, thinking it over, and then he says quietly-

"It's not possible for me."

And I blink, taken off guard, as my shaky tone restates-

"N-Not possible?"

I see him bite his lower lip again, his eyes looking at everything but me-

"No."

"It is. Right?" I say, and I finally, finally see what's wrong with him.

He doesn't try at all.

"No," he repeats, and we're silent again-

"You're not trying," I whisper, and he glances at me, a bit irritated. But I need him to understand this, as I try to pick up the frayed fragments of the story again, "Cinderella tried to find her happy ending, so she found it-"

"It's too late," he says, but he's not saying enough, not saying all.

"It's not."

His eyes flashes, a flash in his eyes, "It is."

I bite back my tongue as he glares at me-

"It's over, it's late. I've never done anything, and I won't ever," he says, and he's telling the truth- he's looking at me straight in the eye- "It's just me, and it's just you-"

And I feel like telling him otherwise, to stop him-

"And it's Haruhi, too," he breaks out eye contact, and shifts slightly, "It's everyone. They've already seen you more than they see me; a sad ending was meant for me since the beginning."

And I widen my eyes as he continues-

"I was always the one who copied you, but I can't. I was always the one in the shadow, hiding," he sighs, "The Hitachiin that they've always seen was Hikaru, not Kaoru. And the worse part is, I never noticed this until Haruhi came-"

No, it wasn't-

"And to top it off, you begun-" he stops, before conjuring up his voice again, "To top it off, you begin to act so weird that you don't even feel like you're my brother anymore."

"E-Enough! Just stop talking, Kaoru," I say shakily, and he looks at me, half confused, half-like he's impressed with himself, impressed that he just made me cry.

Brothers don't do that, right?

"Enough about Haruhi. Enough about people ignoring you," I say quietly, and I roll onto my side, freeing him- but he's not moving. "People don't ignore you. You're nice to people, Kaoru."

"Then why are you ignoring me?" he narrows his eyes, accusing.

I close my eyes, "Sorry, Kaoru, I just…"

"Just what?" and he's curious-

"You don't get it. I want you to take painting, because you might be good at painting- and you might be better at me in piano, and you know more things than I do, and you're gentle too," I rattle off, sitting up, smiling at him.

"What," he raises his brow.

"If you try, you can do it," I say quietly, and then I remember what Haruhi had said- and I smile at him-

"We're not the same, but similar. Whatever I can do, you can probably do…" I trail, and he's looking at me, and I scratch my head, trying to remember the word, before raising a finger, "…better."

He scoffs, but I know he believes me- he's just so contradictory this time. I place my head onto his chest, hugging his waist-

"You know. I like Cinderella. She wished for a happy ending."

- Same

The same.

The same, the same, the same, I think, as Hikaru's breath steadily slows, his arms still wrapped around me. The nightlight's on, the book's open to page 289, and I'm reading it- again.

To see what Hikaru meant- to see why he liked this-

Happily ever after.

He never did like endings where people died and nothing comes out of it. He likes progressive stories, not stories that went back to the beginning, or even worse than that.

He just liked happy endings.

And I think, I can agree.

I run a hand through his soft brown hair, as he nuzzles his head into my chest subconsciously.

He's… very light-hearted.

Hikaru lives in a world in which he wants everything to go according to what he wants, and those that doesn't- he changes.

I gave up changing long ago. It's no use trying to ignore the forces of the cosmic universe.

He lets out a small snore, and I turn the page, reading yet not really reading-

Hikaru has his happy ending already.

I play with his brown strands, as I lean against the headboard, flipping to the last page-

And they lived happily ever after.

Sowhy, why does he care about me?

He's been with Haruhi, enjoyed her presence, and now, he's coming back to me?

Hikaru makes a small noise in his throat, as he adjusts his position again, before flickering open his eyes, looking sleepily at me-

"Why aren't you asleep, Kaoru?" he drawls, like he's drunk. He knocks the book out of my hands, and when I tried to pick it back up, he leans over me and turns off the lights.

"Hikaru."

"Hmm?" he tightens his grip on me, and I sigh, succumbing to his touch.

"Hikaru, can I ask you something?"

"What?" he murmurs and I bet he's half-way to dreamland right now.

"… If you already have your happy ending… why bother with me?" I ask, my voice quiet, as he flickers the light back on-

"'Cause you're my brother," he says simply, before looking me in the eye, his look composed to absolute seriousness, "And I love you more than that anyway."

I stare at him, my eyes widening-

"Now go to sleep, Kaoru. It's midnight," he yawns, and the room's bathed in moonlight again.

"… You- what?"

He hugs me closer to him, "I love you, Kaoru. You're the best little brother- best person in the entire world-" and I'm sure he's sleep-talking now. He glances at me, questionably, "I never told you?"

I shook my head.

"Okay," he sits up, and the lamp's light is turned on again.

He looks at me, and I notice with a start that he's so not sleep-talking. He places his hands together, his hazel eyes meeting my eyes-

"I asked Haruhi about it once. When I tried to ask her out," he starts, "But it didn't really feel right, so I ended up confessing to her."

I deadpan his look-

"So then… Haruhi just looked at me," Hikaru rubs his arm, almost sheepishly, "And she asked me, if I really did love her…" he stops, and looks away for a bit, a slight blush on his face, "And you know, I never noticed that I always did the same for you too."

I quirk my brow, finding an easy excuse, "Overprotective brother senses."

He smiles, "Nope, and the thing is, she says I'm more prone to go to you than anyone else-"

"Overprotective brother senses," I say again, leaning against the headboard.

"And you know, I'm fine whenever anyone says I suck at playing the piano," he says slowly, his eyes drifting towards mine again, "… Just not you."

I blink, "Why not?"

"I told you already, baka," he falls against me again, "I love you. So go to sleep now."

I find myself fighting between an irritated frown, and a smile.

A smile because he loves me more than Haruhi.

A smile because I finally understand him.

A frown because he's being a mother hen and forcing me to sleep.

A frown because he's fallen asleep before I could reply-

"Fine, be that way, Hikaru," I roll my eyes, before sliding into bed, and he instinctively responds by pulling me closer to him, and his breath is on my face. And he's close, very close.

My eyes slide closed- it's just not a possibility. But Hikaru's never listened to the sane rules of logic.

So, why should I?

Does it matter that he's my brother?

I whisper, quietly, to the darkness, like he could hear me, "Hikaru, I love you, too."

And then, suddenly he laughs, "Okay, good," and he lays his lips directly onto mine, and snuggle into the sheets again, nuzzling his soft ticklish hair into the crook of my neck.

And now I'm smiling, feeling his smooth skin under my fingertips, and I sigh, contently, my eyes sliding closed-

He's too much of an idiot.

I think that's why he fell in love.

And I think that's why I fell in love too.

----- E.x.tra

Hikaru smiles blithely shoving something into my hands. I finger the messily wrapped item, raising my eyes to his expecting ones.

"It's your present, Kaoru!" he chirps when I don't respond.

…?

"For what?" I blink, running my eyes over the floral pattern, "What motivated you to get me a present?"

"It's Christmas!" he shouts, blissfully, "It's a season of gift-giving, Kaoru."

"Few people celebrate this holiday In Japan, Hikaru," I mumble, my fingers running along the tape, peeling the transparent tape off.

"So, it's an excuse," he crosses his arms, sticking his tongue out at me, "You still have to keep it."

I tear the paper off, and a blot of color assaults my senses. My eyes widen as I stare at the painting.

"…Hikaru, what is this?"

"A painting, duh," he drawls, his eyes flashing. He adds, before I can say anything, "It's abstract."

I run my eyes over the dark-light clashing colors, until they meet a small crimson heart in the corner.

"… Hikaru."

"Yeah?"

My vision diverts from the cute shape to his signature-

"You… painted this?" I raise my brow, lowering the painting.

"Yep, in painting class," he smiles, placing a hand on the top of the canvas, "You should join! And then we can annoy the teacher together."

"But what is this of?" I blink, trying to find a resemblance to anything, "Scenery? Impressions?"

"Nope! You!"

I blink, before grimacing, my eye twitching, "Hikaru, I'm not even going to ask."