Title: Everybody's Watching Like It's Some Kinda Show
Rating: T
Warnings/Spoilers: Tacky clothing and ummm that's it.
Summary: Merlin hated Gwen. Honestly he did, if it wasn't for her he wouldn't be stalking around Arthur's flat looking and feeling like a complete idiot.

Author's Note: Just don't ask. Seriously. Title comes from Hilary Duff's "Wake Up."

__________

Merlin hated Gwen.

Honestly he did, if it wasn't for her he wouldn't be stalking around Arthur's flat looking and feeling like a complete idiot. If it wasn't for Gwen, Merlin would be back in his own flat lounging on the sofa and watching crap TV instead of trying to hide from Arthur at his party.

Merlin was never going to let Gwen dress him up and then abandon him at a party again.

*****

It had started that morning, he'd been out having coffee with Morgana and Gwen when the topic of Arthur's birthday party had came up.

"You're going right Merlin?" Morgana had asked and Merlin had informed her that he wasn't and that he was going to stay home and laze about all night. Neither Morgana or Gwen had looked that impressed.

"He's supposed to be your best friend Merlin. The least you can do is show up and say happy birthday," Gwen scolded as he sipped at his hot chocolate. Merlin hadn't seen the point really, he wasn't a party person and Arthur would be busy with whatever girlfriend he was with at the moment to bother with him anyway. When he mentioned this Gwen and Morgana had both gotten this devious look in their eyes and turned to each other with matching smirks.

That could only lead to trouble and Merlin knew it.

It was only moments later that Merlin was left alone with his hot chocolate as the girls left with promises of hunting him down later and dragging him to Arthur's party by his ears if they had to. Merlin had simply remained in his seat as he finished off his drink, trying to think of a way to thwart whatever plan Gwen and Morgana had somehow both came up with and had decided to execute on Merlin in that strange way that girls had. The only problem was, Merlin knew he'd never be able to escape from them and if he didn't know what they were planning on doing he definitely had no chance.

*****

The rest of the day had passed relatively normally for Merlin, he had gone and done his usual afternoon shift at Gaius' bookshop before he had returned home to his extremely messy flat to work on his novel some more. It was his first and he was only half way through but he was immensely proud of it so far. He tried to work on it for a little while every day but just as he was really getting into his writing for that night there was a knock at his front door. Merlin had ignored it at first, he had wanted to get more written before he settled down with his dinner in front of the TV. Whoever was out there though was persistent and they kept a constant knocking pattern up.

Knock knock, knock knock knock, knock knock knock knock, knock knock.

It was actually extremely distracting and rather annoying so Merlin tore himself away from his laptop to go answer the door. He was about to tell the knocker exactly what he thought of them when he saw Gwen grinning at him. It was an evil grin if Merlin ever saw one. Evil!

The dark skinned girl had grinned at him again before she pushed past him and into the flat, walking straight over to the sofa and dropping a big paper bag on it before she turned back to Merlin with a more innocent smile. The dark haired man found himself even more scared then before. Gwen looked Merlin up and down before she sighed and waggled a finger at him,

"Well you can't go to Arthur's party like that. It's a good job me and Morgana found you something to wear," she commented with a frown. Merlin looked himself down, he was dressed the same way he had been that morning in a baggy t-shirt and jeans with his favourite red neckerchief. He didn't think there was anything wrong with the way he was dressed but he stepped forward to survey what Gwen and Morgana had chosen him to wear. It couldn't be any worse then the time Gwen had decided that Merlin needed more pink in his wardrobe and had gone and brought him a bright pink neckerchief and had forced him to wear it out with her all day. Looking through the bag Merlin found that he was wrong.

It was a lot worse.

"I am not wearing those! And a wig as well? What the hell were you and Morgana thinking," Merlin exclaimed as he picked up the long wig before his gaze dropped to the gold short shorts he had dropped on the sofa. He wrinkled his nose at the sight but Gwen just looked at him expectantly.

"No. I am not wearing those," Merlin repeated but Gwen continued to look at expectantly and soon her lips pursed into a pout. It was only a matter of time until Merlin gave in.

"No Gwen! I am not going to Arthur's party dressed like that! I know I'm gay but that's just...tacky!" he insisted. Gwen just continued to pout. Merlin looked at the girl's hopeful face one more time and found his resolve dropping.

"Fine. Just this once but I am going to wear a long coat and go straight home," Merlin warned as Gwen shoved the clothes, wig and a box of what had to be shoes into his arms.

"Don't forget to go commando. It'll look stupid otherwise," Gwen called and Merlin cringed as he slammed his bedroom door shut.

Soon he was staring at himself in his bedroom mirror. He looked like a complete twat. As well as the shiny gold short shorts (Merlin couldn't help but shudder at the sight of them) he wore a sleeveless white button up that had to be a girl's the collar dipped so low and a pair of gold heels. He had also pulled on the wig which was the same dark brown as his own hair. He just looked like a boobless female version of himself. Frowning at the thought, Merlin returned to the living room and once again Gwen looked him up and down.

"You look great! Arthur will love it," she exclaimed with a grin. She then proceeded to push Merlin into a seat and begun to do his make up for him. Black eye liner, tons of mascara, a slick of strawberry lip gloss later and Gwen announced he was ready to go.

That was when Merlin realised that he didn't have a present for Arthur.

"Ummm Gwen...I kind of haven't brought Arthur a present yet...he's not gonna be pleased if I turn up without one," he said and Gwen turned to him with that evil smirk again.

"Oh I'm sure you'll think of something to give him." Merlin just looked at her puzzled.

What did she mean by that.

*****

That was how Merlin found himself trying to hide in the corner of Arthur's flat while a few of Arthur's friends-Merlin didn't know them so they had to have been from football or work- kept checking him out. He could have sworn the big black guy had even smacked his arse as he'd tottered past him as well! It had nearly sent Merlin sprawling to the floor but Morgana had appeared by his side then to grab his wrist and to tell him he looked good. She had then promptly disappeared. The only good thing was that he'd managed to avoid Arthur so far.

That wasn't going to last all night though. Just as Merlin was attempting to sneak past the rowdy group of perverts as well as Gwen and Morgana-wherever they were-someone caught his wrist.

"Do I know you? I'm pretty sure I'd remember someone who looked as good as you do in short shorts," a very familiar voice asked from behind him. Merlin froze and slowly turned around to face his blond best friend and secret crush for a few years but, of course, no one but Gwen, Morgana, Will and himself knew about that. Arthur frowned slightly at him, tilting his head slightly to the side as he scrutinised Merlin's face. Suddenly realisation hit and Arthur's eyes widened.

"Merlin!?" he exclaimed. All Merlin could do was nod in response. He felt Arthur check him out again it was almost as if he'd only just noticed the slightly visible bulge that a woman wouldn't have.

"Jesus Merlin! You look..." Arthur's voice sounded slightly higher then normal, almost as if he was nervous. Merlin raised an eyebrow,

"It was Gwen and Morgana's idea," he explained with a shrug. He swore he heard Arthur whisper something about the girls being absolutely bloody wonderful but he could have just imagined it.

"You want anything to eat? There's cake in the kitchen. Morgana decided that I needed a cake for some reason so someone might as well eat it," Arthur said as he nodded towards the kitchen. Merlin grinned slightly at the mention of cake and headed for the kitchen.

It was chocolate cake. Merlin's favourite but he always seemed to make a mess when he ate it and since there weren't any plates or forks he ended up with chocolate over his fingers.

"So where's my present?" Arthur asked as he watched Merlin finish up his last bite of cake before the dark haired man studied his chocolate coated fingers.

"I kinda forgot to get you one. I wasn't planning on coming to the party after all. Sorry mate," he answered before he decided that he didn't want to waste the chocolate icing on his fingers and promptly stuck one in his mouth, sucking and licking the sweet off his fingers. Arthur seemed oddly entranced by the act and as Merlin stuck a second finger in his mouth a strangled noise escaped Arthur. By the time Merlin had all of his fingers clean Arthur had a very obvious problem in his trousers but of course Merlin hadn't noticed because he didn't ever look down there.

"Ummm Arthur..." Merlin started to comment but the blond interrupted him by grabbing him by the wrist and pulling him forward into a rough kiss. Merlin found himself groaning a little himself as he leaned into it, kissing back with an almost desperate fervour. Tongues battled for dominance and by the time Arthur pulled away they were both out of breath.

"I can think of a few things you can give me," Arthur said, voice husky as his gaze met Merlin's before dropping down to the other male's groin. The pair smirked before they sped through the other crowded party goers to get to Arthur's room.

No one noticed that Arthur and the strange girl with the ears and the short shorts had disappeared until the end of the party and no one said anything if they did. Morgana and Gwen had smirked at each other knowingly though.

*****

After that Merlin frequented Arthur's flat most nights and when Gwen went through Merlin's clothes one evening she found an alarming number of short shorts in his drawers and decided she just didn't want to know.