Title: Sudden Pause
Author: Miss Capitaine/deliciouslycrzy
Rating: T ( For swearing and character death.)
Genre: Angst/Tragedy
Fandom: Law & Order: Criminal Intent
Pairings: Rodgers/Ross, implied past Ross/Nichols, Goren/Eames( If you squint)
Summary: Ross has been yelling at Nichols for years, and Rodgers can't see why today would be any different.
Warnings: Major Character Death. Times two. Also tidbits of slash.
Spoilers: None really. No specific episodes are mentioned, but its set after Detective Nichols joins the squad.
Note: I.. honestly don't know why I wrote this. I guess I felt the need to write Danny Ross angst, and this is what happened.
Ross had been yelling at Nichols for awhile now.
It happened every time they visited; It's the only constant that Rodgers could ever see. The season's changed, the weather differed, the small talk was different, but it always ended the same, and she couldn't see why today would be any different.
Ross would start talking about what's been going on it the office, how the new team had been faring( Not well, from what Rodgers could gather from the city morgue). But it would always end with Ross somehow getting onto the subject of Nichols.
'How could you have been so stupid', would be the general start to the conversation, and it always went downhill from there. 'A fucking genius, how could you be so stupid?!' His back was turned to her, but Rodgers could tell that he was upset. It was the subtle crack to his voice that had always alerted her. She could see the tension in his shoulders, the restraint. He was holding himself back. He knew she was still there. He didn't want her to think him weak.
Rodgers sighed. It never changed. She shoved her hands in her pockets. " I'm going to see Alex, Danny." She turned her back to him and Nichols, towards the rising sun, and began to pick her way across the large field, empty except for the thousands of gravestones neatly lined up across it.
-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-
Ross had lost his whole team that day.
Two to the inevitability of mortality.
The other two gave their notices, after their whole worlds had fallen apart.
It had been a routine thing, Nichols and Wheeler were supposed to go interview a victims family, just the two of them, but Ross had sent all four of his detectives. Not because he thought something would go wrong; Goren had been going stir-crazy the past few weeks. He had give his okay, of course he had, hadn't Goren been driving him crazy, too? He had expected them back shortly after, expected to see Nichols and Goren arguing about some esoteric reference that would confuse even the most academic of people, expected to see Eames and Wheeler trailing behind them, shaking their heads almost in unison at the abstract conversation they weren't even bothering to follow.
He had expected anything.
Anything but this.
Goren stood by Eames's gravestone, head bowed. He was holding a bouquet of flowers limp in his large hands; From the look in his eyes, Rodger's figured that he was lost in his own world, too out of it to even realize where he was. All he probably knew was when it was.
It had been five years since.
Goren was almost as predictable as Ross. He was always here, at the same time, doing the same thing. He wouldn't talk, move, or even barely breath. He would just stand there, staring at the tombstone with his former partners name on it, for hours. He may have not known where he was, but Rodger's was sure that he felt every day, every minute, go by agonizingly slowly.
' Alexandra Eames, loving daughter, sister and aunt. She will be missed.'
From the way that Goren had been acting ever since, as if someone had ripped out his heart and then taken a cheese grater to it, Rodgers was pretty sure that the tombstone should have read something else as well.
Ross had been called to the scene only forty minutes after he had sent his four detectives out.
The 'routine' bust had turned out to be a trap. Not for them, specifically, but just for whoever happened to wander into it. Fate had caused his detectives to draw the short straw.
He should have seen it. He should have known it wasn't that easy. It never was. Why should that moment have been any different?
By the time he'd managed to get there, it was too late. The S.W.A.T. team had already taken down the shooter, but by then, the damage had already been done. His team was broken.
He had seen Goren first, his hulking form shrunken next to the dead body of his partner. He wasn't dead. It was more as though he had fallen when she had, in sync until the end. The big man didn't say a word, just alternated his staring between Eames and the ceiling. He was covered in blood, but he didn't seem to notice. It wasn't his.
Ross froze when he came to the second tragedy of the night. Wheeler was crying, trying to stifle her sniffles as soon as she saw him. " Captain-" she began, but Ross shushed her with a hand. Wheeler bowed her head, her eyes red as she watched her Captain take a step around her.
Ross had never seen Nichols so still. He'd seen him quiet, yes, but never this still. A part of him would always be moving. His hand, playing with a scrap bit of paper or a discarded pencil. His eyes, twitching around the room just in case he missed something. His feet, twisting to move at the last moment. His mind, always in motion, always thinking.
He was so still.
So still, because Nichols hadn't been fast enough.
So still, because Ross had completely and irrevocably screwed up, and there was no way he could ever fix it, no matter how hard he tried.
Ross had finished yelling when Rodgers had returned from Eames' grave. He was kneeling on the cold wet grass now, and had returned to speaking quietly. " Zachary's five now. He's always talking about you, his hero. I think he gets it from all of the stories we tell him about you."
Rodgers smiled slightly at the mention of their son. Zachary had been born shortly after the accident, a complete and utter surprise. He had been left at home today, much to his anger. He had grown quite attached to Detective Goren, and hearing that "Uncle Bobby" was going and that he couldn't. Rodgers had a feeling that Zachary was one of the only reasons the big man hadn't...
Well, you know.
Rodgers shifted uncomfortably at the thought. She looked back at her husband, who had stood and was now only a few inches away from the gravestone, which, unlike Eames', only read:
Zachary Nichols
a good friend
R.I.P.
Rodgers watched him as he stood only a few inches away from the tombstone now, whispering something inaudible to the unfeeling marble. She felt almost as if she was intruding on an intensely private moment.
Ross had never talked much about when he had been partnered with Nichols, and she had never asked. They might have been married, but some things were better left to lie. Whatever had happened had been over long before Nichols had resurfaced, and since then Rodgers had only ever known the two men to be good friends. She'd had no reason to question it then, she wouldn't question it now.
" Ready to go?" Ross' voice was composed, but Rodgers could see that his eyes were still red-rimmed from mourning. He looked disheveled, but calmer than he had been that morning, as if knowing that his old partner was still at peace eased some of the guilt he still felt over his friends death.
Not all of it, of course. Never all of it.
Rodgers nodded, holding her hand out to him."Yeah. Do you want to go see Alex, or-"
" Let's just go home." He said as he linked hands with Rodgers; His voice was quiet and distant, as it usually was after these visits. He glanced over at her, something else in his eyes this time, besides grief. " How long will Zachary be at the babysitter's?"
It was always the same.
I killed off Zach Nichols and Alex Eames. I can't believe it. ( I also made Danny Ross bi-sexual, but that's besides the point.)
This is probably one of the saddest things I have ever written, and I'm not sure how good it is, but I hope you all... Enjoy doesn't seem like the appropriate word. Like it, at least.
So, thanks for reading, please review if you've made it this far, :)
PS. For those of you who are waiting patiently for Next Stop, Wonderland, I haven't forgotten about it. Life has decided to kick me while I'm down, recently, and I haven't been able to summon up the happiness needed to do that story justice. I'm hoping by spring break( Woohoo!), I'll be back and up to par, so I can once again start writing that story. Until then, expect depressing drabbles about Ross/Rodgers, maybe even Ross/Nichols if that muse ever resurfaces...
~Sincerely,
Miss Capitaine