The son
Look to the future, he was taught. Move forward, always move, do not cling to the past or the present or the things around you; renounce attachment, and flow like the river; that is the secret of peace.
But Sanzo is not one who can have without holding; not one who can love without becoming attached. Caught in a teaching he holds close to his heart – one he has tragically misinterpreted – he curls around his pain, coddling and nourishing it.
Look to the future, he was taught; but sometimes, in the deepest darkest recesses of the aspects of himself he has strangled into silence, he weaves thoughts of what might have been. Brief, fever-bright images of love and acceptance and sweet, life-giving rain. And when he wakes, with dry tears in his eyes, he discards them, resolute, and pushes, pushes, pushes at his emotions – eager, at that moment, only to let go, but unable to, trapped by himself.
Do not cling, he lashes himself, but he clings to his non-attachment; it is his safety net, his cloak, his greatest weapon.
Renounce attachment: but it hounds him, persistent and childlike, and he succumbs when wariness is overwhelmed by weariness.
Flow like the river……but Sanzo's life has always been uphill, always been the path of greatest resistance, bitter and stubborn and defiant. He does not flow; he rages, kills, storms through his enemies with the single-mindedness of a blade. If he had moved with the flow he would be dead. He knows this, but he also knows that he has forsaken his master's teachings – betrayed his father – his life is a betrayal, his very existence is a betrayal, an unfair substitution. The weight of that guilt hangs over his shoulders even when the proof of it is removed.
He does not cry for his father.
Murderers do not have that right.
A/N: so, another set of not-really-drabbles, and moderately dark this time, not as nice as Concealment. I've written parts of Gojyo and Hakkai as well; expect updates soon; I'll update one of them depending on who gets more votes in reviews. Yes, I am Bored.