I don't own anything Twilight, just the plot to this story.

BPOV

As soon as I pulled the last box out of the moving van it pulled away. I looked up at the New York skyline and sighed. Walking through the ornate lobby of my family's apartment building and into the elevator I realized how truly glad I was to be done with college and back home. A huge smile lit across my face as I realized that being back in New York would prevent my oh so lovely best friend, Alice, from pestering me about what she politely calls an obsession. I, personally, call it a seriously deranged and psychotic love. Because, well honestly, who falls in legitimate love with a fictional character? Well here's a big hint: I do.

I think I need to explain how this all came about. It all started after my senior year of high school. I didn't know that choosing to go to Northwestern University would result in one of the most drastic changes in my life to date. There, I met my best friend Alice Brandon, which is really weird. I'll explain the weirdness shortly. As soon as I told her my name was Bella Swan she completely freaked out screaming about some book and yelling my name. Being my shy and slightly scared of crazy people self I asked her to explain and stop screaming. Faster than I thought possible she ran to her suitcase and pulled out four books she called the Twilight saga. She explained that I had the same name as the main character. Weird, right? I tried to get Alice to just explain the books but she flat out refused, saying I needed to read them for myself.

Over the next week I spent hours sitting on our window bench, curled up with the books. By the time I finished the series I noticed that Bella and I were eerily similar; we both had pale skin, dark hair and eyes, felt plain and were extremely clumsy and accident prone. Even more strange was that Alice Cullen, book Bella's best friend, had originally been named Alice Brandon and was basically the same person as my new roommate. It was, honestly, enough to seriously freak me out. In what universe does a girl's new favorite book have her and her best friend as characters?

Anyways, now I'll be getting to the reason that I am and possibly will forever be a deranged psycho: Edward Cullen. Sigh. He is the reason my amazing best friend pesters me constantly. In my mind he is the perfect guy for me. He's strong, sweet, talented, kind, smart, quiet, protective, and oh so delicious looking. I have been in love with him ever since that fateful week in freshman year.

So as to not let Alice in on this awkward secret, I went on dates with multiple guys. None of them ever stuck though, because they were all measured on a scale of one to Edward Cullen. They all seemed to fall at "Mike Newton" level. Yes, even he had his own degree on my scale, just like the rest of the Twilight men.

To prove the validity of my scale I'll explain some of the guys that I dated. There was Kyle, who had the annoying habit of touching me whenever possible. He was at "Eric Yorkie" level. Then there was Anthony who seemed to be at "Jacob Black" level for a while but after a month he "loved" me. I mean, seriously, we only had four dates. Four! After that I just went on random dates never going past a second one.

That is, until Alice introduced me to my only boyfriend during college, Aiden. He was extremely good looking. He was definitely a solid Jacob on the scale, which I accidentally let slip to Alice after our fourth date. She of course freaked out when she realized I had a scale, especially when she found out who held the top spot of that scale. After her mini tirade she basically forced me to stay with Aiden. I was glad she did so because he and I lasted for about two and a half years, even though he knew I didn't love him like he loved me. I think he would have left me sooner if he had realized I was already in love with someone else.

After Aiden, I concentrated on my last semester at Northwestern and my Edward. Every day Alice would bother me about my obsession and I would block her out with daydreams of Edward and me. Once finals and graduation ended I packed up and flew back to New York as fast as I could.

So here I was standing in the elevator waiting to see my family again for the first time in months. Once I heard the ding I slipped the key card into the elevator's scanner and the doors opened revealing my entire family standing in our living room. My little sister, Amy, let out a loud shriek. "Bella! I missed you so much. God, I wish you got home sooner. Senior year was so hard without your help"

I let out a light giggle. "Well, hello to you too. And I'm sorry I wasn't here to service you oh great sister of mine," I laughed with sarcasm dripping from my words. I turned to see my mother and father beaming at me proudly. I started to make my way toward them for a hug but, of course, my natural affinity for the ground decided to show up and I ended up sprawled out on the floor. My dad howled with laughter before saying "I guess the floor missed you too, Bella. Not even here for five minutes and you're already tripping."

I hid my blush behind my hair as I stood up only to be grabbed by my parents. My mom started sobbing quietly into my shoulder saying how much she missed me and how proud she was that I had graduated. After a while they sent me off to my suite to unpack.

After a quick meal with my parents, mom insisted that I head off to bed to get rest from my long flight. I, of course, quickly agreed and headed straight into my bathroom. I took out my strawberry shampoo and freesia body wash and got into the shower. As I scrubbed my hair and watched the suds go down the drain I let my thoughts drift to Edward's and my meadow.

I broke through the last bit of ferns to see Edward lying on the ground, shirtless, smiling as he took in the sun's warmth. Without saying anything I lay down next to him and reached for his sparkling hand. I immediately felt the cold rush up my arm and the electric spark pulse between us. We lay in quiet for a while until he whispered "I love you, Bella."

Just as I was about to answer him back I heard my mother's worried voice calling to me, "Bella, can I talk to you for a moment. I'm not exactly sure what to make of this but I think you may need to explain to me." I hurriedly got out of the shower and threw on a big towel. Before she had time to call me again I was in front of her, looking at the item in her hands with wide, fearful eyes. My journal.

"Oh, god. Mom, what exactly did you read in that," I questioned in a small voice, still not meeting her gaze. I, of course, knew that she'd just uncovered my dark secret and that she knew of Edward, since that was all I wrote of in the stupid thing. I started to hyperventilate slightly as she sighed and handed me the open book and pointing to a specific page. "Come talk to me about this when you're calm. I really think you should," she sighed and walked out of the room.

My vision clouded slightly with tears, but I quickly shook them away with a shuddering breath. Looking down, I turned to read the entry my mother had just read.

May 14, 2010

I am a sickly, delusional person. This is proven by the fact that I am in love with a completely fictional character. In my mind he has taken on a life and personality of his own. Whether it is sane to love an imaginary being I am not completely sure. What I do know is that, from my personal point of view, it is the most utterly insane and irrational form of love to exist.

To be in love with someone I can never truly see, hear, smell, taste, or touch is an absolute torture in and of itself. I wonder how many other women have truly fallen for his golden eyes and crooked smile, the way I have. My love has become, what Alice calls, an obsession. Every night is spent reading different stories about him, just to get my fix. He's like a drug to me. I cannot ignore his call. No matter how much I resist, I will always cave for him. I know I need to pull away from him, but it is impossible to do so. I fear it will cause me actual pain to lose him from my daily life.

Every night as he calls to me to stay awake with him in his constant waking hours I ponder the direction my life has taken due to my addiction to him. I would say I should go to a therapist to figure out why I'm like this but I'm terrified of doing so. If I look for some treatment my family will know of my pathetic state. Alice is enough of a bother about my situation already.

It figures that after searching through all of high school, I find the perfect boy in college. It's just my luck that he turned out to be completely fictional. I honestly wonder if I'll ever feel a love like this with a real, living person…

Oh. My. God. Of all the entries she has to choose to read she chose this one, the one that basically is a huge cry for help. I had a feeling I knew exactly what she was going to talk to me about once I met her in her office.

I slowly closed my journal and set it down on top of my bed. Reluctantly, I made my way out of my room and down the hall. I stood in from of her door for a moment before taking a big breath and knocking. "Come in, Bella," I heard her soft reply along with the sound of a phone being hung up. I walked in quickly, against my better judgment, and took a seat on her leather couch. "So, Bella," she started. "Obviously, you know why I called you in here. I really don't think you should be embarrassed about wanting to see a therapist for your …um.. situation."

Completely shocked by her reaction, I sit and silently gape at her. I could not believe my ears. I had thought she would think I was mentally unsound, or something like that. Instead, I got her support and concern, which, I must say, was easier to deal with than Alice and her idea of throwing guys at me.

I slowly came back down to reality and a small smile lit my face. "Mom, thank you. I was so scared of what you would think and I.. well, I didn't want to make your life any harder. I.. I just guess it's going to hurt to let Edward go.." I trailed off as I got slightly choked up. After a moment of clearing my throat I continued. "I hope you know that after one session I probably won't want to go back," I sighed, knowing it was the truth.

She looked over at me with a sly grin, which I had come to understand meant the she had been anticipating something. She looked sheepish for a moment then said in a rush "Well, I figured that you would say that so I already set up an appointment for you. It's with Dr. Masen. He's very talented and I'm sure you'll be okay." After that she heaved a sigh and waited for me to explode.

My mouth fell open and I gazed at her in shock. For a moment I sputtered before pushing out words that made sense. "Mom, I'm not even going to comment. But, please just warn me when the appointment is. I need to start saying goodbye to Edward." She gave me a huge grin and jumped out from behind her desk to give me a hug. I could tell she had some other shoe she needed to drop so I sighed and said, "Mom, just spit it out."

Again she looked away from me and mumbled, "The doctor is going to need your journal." I sat and absorbed this information for a moment before I shrugged and agreed to hand it over. She continued to explain how she would drop it off tomorrow and that my appointment was set for the day after tomorrow.

Walking back to my room, I felt like I was about to rip out a piece of my heart. I looked at my bookshelf that held the story of my dear Edward and cried. After a moment, I lie down on my bed and let my sobs be absorbed by my mountain of pillows, thinking that not even chocolate and ice cream could make this better. Eventually, I let myself drift off into a fitful sleep.