I've been wanting Kurt to sing a MIKA song for a while now. I think his voice and performance style would be perfect for covering a Mika song.. and well.. yeah.. I just want this to happen! I love "Blame it on the Girls" by Mika.. and I have been wanting Kurt to perform his own version of the music video for it.. after watching ASIAN F, I thought, HAH, Kurt should perform it in response to Brittany! Well, anyway, this is not really a story or anything, it is just Kurt's performance, because, I have very little hope I'll ever see it in reality.. so, let's just try to see it in our heads, okay? Go onto YouTube and watch Mika's music video for it if you're curious... Kurt's version would be a bit different, but definitely heavily influenced/based on the video. SO... uh.. yeah... enjoy?
VOTE HUMMEL
There was a hum of voices in the gymnasium as the students and teachers sat in the bleachers. Principal Figgins walked up onto the stage. The room quietened. Figgins gave the monthly school announcements, spoke of a few different upcoming events, brought up a few issues, and then, before finishing, he told the school that they were in for a treat as one of the students running for class president had a performance for them. Students began to whisper as Figgins walked back off the stage.
The room fell silent when the lights in the gymnasium went out. Everything was silent and dark. Suddenly a soft light turned on aimed at the stage. The silhouette of a trim young man was all anyone could see. He was sitting on a simple chair, a bowler hat on his head, a cane in his hand. His head was tipped down.
"So, I was sitting there in the bar and this guy comes up to me and he said, 'My Life Stinks'." spoke the young man, not moving. "And I saw his gold credit card and I saw the way he was looking at people across the room and I looked at his face and you know, what a good looking face, and I just said, 'Dude, Your perspective on life sucks'."
Suddenly, a beat began to sound and someone began to hammer on the keys of a piano. Slowly. the young, thin man began to move to the beat of the song, still seated in his chair. He would strike a different pose for each note hit on the piano.
"He's got looks that books take pages to tell
He's got a face to make you fall on your knees
He's got money in the bank to thank and I guess
You could think he's living at ease."
Standing from his chair, he began to walk around the stage, his voice growing with the song.
"Like lovers on the open shore, what's the matter?
When you're sitting there with so much more, what's the matter?
While you're wondering what the hell to be
Are you wishing you were ugly like me?"
Suddenly, the rest of the stage lights came on causing the audience to blink in the sudden light. The lighting revealed that the singer was Kurt Hummel. He was dressed in tight, grey dress pants, a fitted white dress shirt that had the sleeves rolled up to his biceps, a grey and black satin vest, and wide pink suspenders that matched his pink bowler hat. His hands were covered with black, fingerless gloves. Somehow, his large, white dress shoes coupled with his close-fitting outfit caused him to look thinner and lankier than he already was.
"Blame it on the girls who know what to do," sang Kurt, grinning at Brittany and Santana where they sat in the audience. "Blame it on the boys who keep hitting on you
Blame it on your mother for the things she said
Blame it on your father, but you know he's dead"
A group of girls all dressed in identical outfits, most being from New Directions, stepped out in single file from both sides of the stage. Their outfits were strange, they were split right down the middle, one side being a geometically styled blue and orange dress that looked somehow space-aged and retro at the same time, the other side being a sexy, masculine, black suit. They all wore black wigs where one side looked short and the other long. They danced in profile while Kurt sang, showing one side of their outfit for "girls" and the other for "boys".
"Blame it on the girls
Blame it on the boys
Blame it on the girls
Blame it on the boys"
The girls ran off the stage when the chorus was over. Kurt was left alone on stage again, he danced around in a sexy way, stopping to post every so often in poses that were rather camp in fashion. All while he continued to sing, the music at it's full height.
"Life could be simple, but you never fail
To complicate it every single time
You could have children and a wife, a perfect little life
But you blow it on a bottle of wine
Like a baby you're a stubborn child, what's the matter?
Always looking for an axe to grind, what's the matter?
While you're wondering what the hell to do
We were wishing we were lucky like you"
The girls ran back out onto the stage, then, and stood in a semi circle around and behind Kurt. They did their profile dance while he continued to sing.
"Blame it on the girls who know what to do
Blame it on the boys who keep hitting on you
Blame it on your mother for the things she said
Blame it on your father, but you know he's dead
Blame it on the girls
Blame it on the boys
Blame it on the girls
Blame it on the boys
Blame it on the girls
Blame it on the boys
Blame it on the girls
Blame it on the boys"
Kurt managed to locate Blaine in the audience, his face wore a stunned expression, his mouth slightly ajar. The expression on his face was enough of a confidence boost that Kurt found himself grinning at him, eyes locked with his, as he sang the next few lines again.
"He's got looks that books take pages to tell
He's got a face to make you fall on your knees," Kurt winked at Blaine, before turning and skipping down the stage. Somehow, even with his deep complexion, Blaine managed to blush slightly.
"He's got money in the bank to thank and I guess
You could think he's living at ease"
The girls continued to dance around the stage, not just in profile anymore.
"Blame it on the girls who know what to do
Blame it on the boys who keep hitting on you
Blame it on your mother for the things she said
Blame it on your father, but you know he's dead."
Two of the girls had disappeared off the stage momentarily, unnoticed. They returned then, holding a large banner that said in bold font "Vote Kurt Hummel for Senior Class President" and danced it across the stage a few times before leaving the stage with it.
"Blame it on the girls
Blame it on the boys
Blame it on the girls
Blame it on the boys
Blame it on the girls
Blame it on the boys
Blame it on the girls
Blame it on the boys."
The song ended abruptly. The girls had left on the last few notes. The lights all turned off except for the one soft one that had started the performance. The moment the song ended, Kurt froze standing alone in the centre of the stage, his head tipped down. After a few moments, the soft light turned off as well, Kurt left the stage in darkness.
An unenthusiastic applause began gradually from the school audience. Blaine and the New Directions boys were on their feet clapping. Finn and a few of the other boys looked confused and unimpressed, but were standing and clapping. Puck was nodding his head and clapping enthusiastically, however. Blaine was grinning like a fool, happy to be able to witness one of Kurt's performances in person instead of having to look them up on YouTube like back at Dalton - not that he had ever did that, of course not.
The regular lights came back on and Principal Figgins walked to the stage to give a few directions to the student body before dismissing everyone to lunch.