Meant to be
Summary: Life is a balance of holding on and letting go, and sometimes, to achieve happiness, you have follow what fate has set for you. Inukag.
'abcd' -- Thought
"abcd" -- Speech
Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha, though I wish I did, I don't. So you can't sure me, so don't even try. :)
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There she goes again, she's going to the river to fill up that little bucket we have that she uses to clean our wounds and cuts. I'm surprised she even stays, after all the hell we, no, that I, have put her through, yet, she still stays. I always ask myself why she is so nice. Why she is so kind and caring, though I hurt her, again, and again?
It's not like I purposefully hurt her. No, I could never do that. But, every time she appears at some random time, I have to go to her. I don't make myself, and sometimes I don't even want to go. But, something in my mind makes me lose all sense of thought and control, and just leap toward her scent.
And everytime I do find myself embracing her in my arms, she always ends up watching us, accidentally or on purpose. And after I finish my embrace and turn to look at her, the look in her eyes, it is painful. Now, I have been through a lot since the death of my mother, I have gotten many wounds, I have shattered and broken some of my bones, but, nothing, nothing, hurts as bad as that look does once the guilt sets in.
Nothing.
Maybe, it just might be better if that raven haired, all-to-kind, girl who fell through that well went back and stayed in her time? For her sake, yes. It would be better for her. But, me? I think I've become too attached to her. Damn it! I told myself that wouldn't happen! Damn it, damn it, damn it!
Damn Kagome.
Damn Kikyo.
How am I supposed to choose between the first person who accepted me for who I am, and has vowed to stay by my side through everything, and the woman who was my first love, who was killed, and then came back to life? You tell me how I am supposed to choose! It's not like I can have them both! No... I've tried that, all I got was a whole lot of 'sittings.' Not fun.
Now, as much as I hate to admit it, I know I have fallen in love with Kagome. Yeah, yeah, a half demon like me, someone who had promised himself to never truly trust anybody, has fallen in love, again. But, I can't be with Kagome, I owe my life to Kikyo, don't I?
Well... I think I do. I mean, it's only fair, she gets my life, I get hers. Okay, so it's not that simple, but you get the point!
But, then again, I can't just... leave Kagome for Kikyo. I mean, if I was to go to hell with Kikyo, what would happen to Kagome? See what I mean? Complicated crap.
Love sucks.
It's that simple. I can't have what I want. I can't have my ramen, and eat it too, figuratively, of course. That sure would stink... not being able to eat ramen...
Okay, getting off track here.
No, I can't have Kikyo and Kagome, it's just not possible. It can't be done. Unless they were just one person. Which would be kind of strange...
I can't choose though! And at a time like this, it's better to have my mind made up before hand, instead of waiting until the last minute, like I normally do.
Tomorrow will be the day, the day Sango, Miroku, Shippo, Kirara, Kagome, and I, defeat Naraku for good. The Shikon jewel is completed. I will kill that bastard. I will avenge Kikyo's death.
Wait. Doesn't that mean, if I avenge Kikyo's death, that she will finally rest in peace? That she will leave for good? That I won't have to hurt Kagome any more?
Yes. That's exactly what it means. Tomorrow I will let go of Kikyo, once and for all. Hold her, one more time. Then, my heart will be free of all guilt when it comes to Kagome. She's a sweet, loving girl. She deserves to be treated right. And she will be treated right.
Once I have let go of Kikyo, I will be able to completely hold Kagome without feeling any kind of guilt, any kind of pain. I will be able to hold her in my lap, hold her close, and not worry about why I am letting myself do this to her.
I have to do this. It's for the best. Kikyo cannot keep me back any longer. I love her, yes, and always will, but she is a lover of the past. I love Kagome, I will treat her right, I will be there to protect her, I will be an excellent father to her pups, I will be there for her, for the rest of my half demon life.
Life is a balance of holding on and letting go. The only way to save Kagome from any more emotional pain, is to hold onto her, and let go of Kikyo. After all, Kikyo is not really living, she is not the Kikyo I once loved. She is someone I do not know, and do not want to get to know, any more.
I will never hurt Kagome again, I will not allow it. Fate has set Kikyo and I on our separate paths, and Kagome and I heading in the same direction. It's just meant to be.
And I am glad.
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Okay, it's eleven o'clock at night when I just wrote this story. I find it easier to do Inuyasha x Kagome fics, in Inuyasha's P.O.V. So there you have it! I really like it. I hope you do too! Sorry, if it was a bit confusing at the beginning. Hehe... Well, have a wonderful... night? Yep!
Ponystripes