Prologue
I held my fist firmly to my chest as I saluted along with the rest of the new recruits. It was the last day of training for all of us; our hearts set firm for where the next steps will take us. Some (at the top of the class) had their sights set on the Military Police, others on the Garrison Regiment, and only a select few had even thought to devote their lives to the Scouts. I wasn't exactly proud to say that I was one of those few. Still, we had a few days to really decide where we would go and it was almost common knowledge that when the commander of the Scout Regiment would come up on that stage and tell us what their duties entailed that anyone who had even given the idea of joining them a mere thought would turn away in fear for their little lives.
For me though, it seemed like the most logical option.
Everything I've been though, everything I've fought to be right here in this moment wasn't going to lead me to live the easy life in the inner cities, or to sit lounging on the walls with dusty gear. I truly believed that I had been raised up from my past to become something great or at least die trying to make this world a better place.
The lighting around us flickered ominously as Shadis looked over us with those shadowed eyes one last time before dismissing us and walking away. The cadets around me cheered and chattered away as they dispersed and I couldn't help but just stand there, trying not to delve too deep in my thoughts.
"The hard part is over!"
"We should celebrate!"
I looked up to the stars in disbelief as the others spouted words of happiness and relief. This was the easy part. A part of them should've known, and I'm guessing a part of them truly did, but they were shoving the fact deep down inside themselves for another day. Perhaps I should've done the same.
"You're too serious, Eli." a deep voice boomed as a hand clapped itself down on my shoulder. "Cheer up a little, we're done! We graduated!"
I looked up to the tall teen standing over me, blue eyes sparking with excitement. Anna was strong, bold, and fucking intimidating when he wanted to be. But he was also my first and only friend since I've been a part of the Cadet Corps. We bonded for getting so much flack for our names. Anna for a boy, Eli for a girl...it was ludicrous and I almost laughed!
"This is just the easy part, An. You know thi-"
"I know, I know! But still! Loosen up, you only graduate once." he says, effectively cutting me off with a wink and guiding me elsewhere.
I felt like shrinking into myself as Anna guided me though the crowd, girls and guys cooed and waved over him. It wasn't surprising, in fact it was normal. He was tall, muscular, tanned, and with that chocolate brown hair that any girl would kill to run their hands through. And by the looks I was getting, they'd kill me just to take my spot by his side.
"Where're we going?" I drawled as we passed the sea of hormonal teenage girls and Anna just shrugged.
"I thought maybe old friends could have some decent food together for once." he shrugged and a part of me felt shamefully gooey inside. I wasn't someone that become emotionally compromised so easily. Surely I wouldn't meet my stoic end from one dinner...right? Right.
We ended up sitting down in an empty part of the compound with a small bag of bread and steamed potatoes between us. It was quiet despite the crickets and I could feel something drop in my gut when I noticed Anna's blue eyes were clouded over with thought and worry.
"Something on your mind?" I asked, taking another bite of my dinner. He pursed his lips for a moment before picking at his bread. "Anna..."
"I think I wanna join the MP."
I swallowed my food quickly and smiled at him as honestly as I could. "That's great!" I said, but he just looked at me with that intimidating face of his.
"I want you to come with me." he mumbled, his bread completely destroyed at this point.
"You know I can't do that. I wasn't in the top ten."
Anna scoffed and looked away. "Eleven's close enough."
"It's close, but it won't get me anywhere." I say and I can tell he just wants to start pacing. He wants to tell me that I could've been in the top teen if I'd tried harder, that I was great with my gear but didn't show my true potential because I was lazy. "But you're serious about this?"
"It's where Mom would've wanted me to go."
Yeah. That shuts me right up.
We finish our dinner in silence and he walks me back to my room before we part ways for the night. Anna offered me a small smile before walking away but it never reached his eyes. Maybe it finally dawned on him that this would be one of the last times we'd see each other.
Maybe.
...
The next few days pass in a blur as everyone focuses on what regiment they plan on joining. I see Anna a couple times in the blur but he seems preoccupied with something, never really stopping to say hello; he only graces me with a nod of the head. I can see what he's trying to do. He's trying to distance himself from me to lessen the oncoming pain of never seeing his friend again. But then again maybe I was being melodramatic...maybe he was distancing himself from me because he realized what an emotionally stunted, old bastard I was. An eighteen year old among fifteen year olds and never been fucked. Well, I'm pretty sure none of them have either but that wasn't the point.
What was my point?
I shook my head to clear away my rambling thoughts and trudged on back to my room. It was late and tomorrow was the day that everyone chose which regiment that they wanted to be in. Tonight was going to be my last real sleep until I entered a world that would constantly try to fuck me over. And surprisingly, the room was empty when I arrived. All the other cadets that I shared it with must've been out partying still instead of taking it seriously like myself and a few others here.
I sunk down onto my mattress and ran a hand through my long auburn hair, ruffling the kinks out once it had been released from its ponytail for the day. Though my mind kept wandering back to Anna's sudden distance from me. On one hand, I wasn't surprised. But on the other...he was me friend. My only friend in fact and the sudden loss of communication made me feel totally...replaceable. I wouldn't dare try to deny the ache in my chest right now. It hurt.
But a knock on the door made me quickly shove all my hurt back inside and by the time I'd answered the door my stoic mask was back in place even despite the person who had come to see me.
Anna stood in the doorway looking more than a little ashamed of himself.
"Hey Eli..." he said, nervously rubbing the back of his neck with one hand whilst shoving the other in his front pocket like any embarrassed kid would. I cocked an eyebrow at the display and stepped aside if he wanted to come in.
The teen lumbered into the room and I could feel the tension thicken in the air tenfold as neither of us said anything. I swore I could hear the seconds tick by, even with the lack of clocks in the room. "An, why'd you come?" I finally decided to ask.
Anna damn near jumped at my voice and his eyes met mine for the first time in days. He looked like he was filled to the absolute brim with guilt.
"I didn't want to part ways on bad terms." he says finally. I nod in understanding, but somewhere deep inside me something deflates. What was I expecting anyways? A serenade with a complete essay on how he secretly loved me, complete with citations of memories we've-
Oh my God, I'm turning into an idiot.
"I'm sorry, what?" I ask, missing what he had said last while I was addressing my idiocy. Anna just smiled crookedly and shook his head.
"I said...we'll find a way to see each other after this. I don't want to leave any of my friends that choose different paths in the dust. Especially not you, Eli. Hell, if anything I'd bring you with if they'd let me!" he laughed. I couldn't help but smirk myself, his happiness was positively infectious.
"Or maybe you could come with me, since the other way around doesn't seem to be feasible." I joked, but Anna rolled his eyes and crossed his arms in a huff.
"You're gonna get yourself killed with those idiots, Eli. If you were smart you'd join the Garrison. Maybe that way it'd be easier to see you." he mumbled and I could feel the tips of my ears burn a bright red.
"You know why i'm choosing the Scouts. Don't let your blindness of the situation get the best of you." I huffed as I turned around and grabbed a brush for my hair. "You're my best friend, and despite everything that's going on currently, all I want is your support."
"Support?" he scoffs. I sigh.
"I want you to be proud." the words barely escape my lips with even a fourth of the gusto that I had planned on using. In fact it seemed more like a whisper and my hand clenched around the brush, threatening to snap the damned thing in half. Anna's arms fall to his sides and he frowns.
I close my eyes and will away the whirlwind of sudden emotions inside me. But when I was almost calm, a gentle hand tips my face up. Hazel eyes meet blue and I want to know what's going on in his head for acting all fucking ballsy like this.
"I'm always proud of you Eli, and I always will be. No matter where life takes us and we're miles and miles apart, and even when I'm being total jerk-" he pauses to laugh and I easily join in with him this time. "I will always be cheering you on and if that involves slicing up Titans then so be it. I'll be proud."
My eyes can't help but flutter close as he seals his small, but moving speech with a kiss. Our lips move slowly but rhythmically together and it feels like lightning and butterflies are crashing around in my gut. Eventually, Anna pulls back and our eyes meet again in a new light.
Hazel against blue...
The memory feels fuzzy against my chest as I stand with all the rest of the cadets, saluting to the commander of the Survey Corps. I can spot Anna standing a little ways away in front of me but mostly I keep my eyes straight. The commander gives an incredibly powerful speech and I can even see some of the cadets shaking and when he dismisses all that want to leave, it's like I'm fighting a current. People push past everyone to get the hell out, but I don't get the chance to catch a glimpse of Anna as he walks out.
I don't catch a glimpse of anyone, they were all blurs, gone in a second. I exhale a deep breath as I'm left standing in a mostly vacant space, save for a few shaking cadets here and there. Had everyone abandoned us so fast?
The commander thanks us for bravery and dedication in his booming voice and I feel myself shiver a little. This was it. This was what I was waiting for.
This is what I've been dreaming of.
I was now a member of the Survey Corps.