I own nothing- I'm not that lucky.

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Three Weeks To A Wedding

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Rhiannon Jones was not a woman to cross lightly. This went a long way towards explaining why her younger brother was currently cowering behind a potted plant, as if it might somehow protect him from the tirade issuing from the Welshwoman's mouth.

"…And if you don't have a partner the symmetry of the wedding party will be unbalanced and you'll ruin the photos!" Rhiannon snapped.

"But Rhi…" Ianto began tentatively, falling into silence again almost immediately in the face of her glare.

"Don't say it, Ifan Kai Jones! I don't care if you bloody well have to pay someone- you are bringing a woman to my wedding!"

She rounded off the tirade with an impressive exit and Ianto sighed, setting down the potted plant he was supposed to have been watering. Sometimes his sister could be so unreasonable! It was only twenty-four hours since he had been dumped (he winced at the word) and the last thing he felt like right now was flirting. How on earth was he going to find a new date for his sister's wedding in three weeks?

"I always told you she was a cow, didn't I?"

Gwen Cooper was holding forth to her friends in the Blue Bull pub whilst they waited for the fourth member of their coterie.

"How do you think Rhiannon took it?" Toshiko Sato asked anxiously, glancing at her watch.

Owen Harper (sorry, Doctor Owen Harper) echoed the action and smiled darkly. "I don't fancy his chances." It was unusual for Ianto to be even so much as a minute late.

Gwen checked the time on her phone and sighed. "Poor old Ianto. I can't believe she's taking most of the contents of the flat as well!"

"Yeah, well, poor old Ianto has bigger problems right now, and he's happy to still have a roof over his head."

Three pairs of eyes swivelled to gaze at the Welshman as he dropped into the empty chair between Tosh and Gwen. The latter leapt up to envelope him in a hug.

"How are you, sweetie?" she asked anxiously, and Ianto smiled sardonically.

"Oh, wonderful!" he said airily. "I'm being stalked by sunshine and rainbows and unicorns."

Snubbed, Gwen resumed her own seat with a hint of a pout. "I'm only asking because I care," she muttered, fishing in her bag for her purse. "There's no need to be so sarcastic."

Tosh rolled her eyes. "He's not being sarcastic, Gwen, he's being Ianto."

Sighing, Ianto reached out and squeezed Gwen's hand. "I'm sorry. In my defence, I've had a terrible day."

Owen raised an eyebrow. "You surprise me."

Ianto raised one back and jerked his head towards the bar. "Get 'em in, doctor- I need to save my money to pay for an escort for Rhiannon's wedding."

Owen froze halfway out of his seat, Tosh dropped the beer mat she had been converting into a sundial, and Gwen choked on thin air.

After a moment of stunned silence broken only by Gwen's hacking coughs, Owen grinned suddenly, straightening up. "She took it well then?"

"E-escort?" Gwen spluttered.

Tosh blinked. "This needs alcohol!" she declared, leaping to her feet and whipping the twenty pound note out of Owen's hand. "Do not start this conversation until I get back!" she warned sternly, disappearing in the direction of the bar.

Ianto rubbed Gwen's back soothingly as she recovered her composure, and Owen dropped back into his seat and proceeded to convert Tosh's sundial into a perfectly proportioned model of certain parts of the male anatomy.

He was concentrating so hard he scarcely noticed Tosh return with the drinks until she whacked him round the ear.

"Wanker," she muttered, rescuing the beer mat and crushing it.

"Hey!" Owen protested, rubbing his ear, and Ianto patted his arm.

"I know, I know, it was rather impressive, Owen. You should give up the day job and become a sculptor."

Tosh grinned. "One Hundred and One Ways to Lose a Woman, number sixty-four: give up your career as a doctor and sell origami penises made of stolen beer mats."

Owen rolled his eyes. "You can't steal a beer mat, Tosh!" he protested.

Gwen snickered. "That's because our Tosh is sweet and innocent. You with the dodgy moral code, on the other hand, have made off with three hundred and fifty-two in the years I've known you."

The others stared at her, and she shrugged nonchalantly. "I've counted."

"Shame you've got nothing better to do," Owen snarked. "You two have a special little notebook, don't you? 'Ways to Get At Owen'."

Ianto smirked. "Notebook? Owen, they have a box file, and it's full to overflowing. You're just such an easy target…"

"So what did Ianto do?" the doctor smiled sweetly. "You know, so you can add it to the list."

Gwen squeezed Ianto's hand and both women glared at Owen.

"Wanker," Tosh said again.

Ianto laughed. "The day Owen starts being nice I'll die of shock," he said. "Ergo, I'd much rather he be an insensitive bastard."

"You don't have to be nice to him," Gwen said, taking a gulp of her pint. "We won't report you if you hit him."

Ianto grinned. "That's very kind of you, Gwen. But I reckon if I'm nice to him he might give me a list of escorts to try."

Owen scowled, and Tosh laid a pacifying hand on the doctor's arm. "Ok guys, let's stop picking on Owen and talk about Ianto," she said.

"Thank you!" the doctor sighed, taking a long draught of his pint. "So, Teaboy- escort?"

"Don't call me that," Ianto muttered reflexively as he rubbed his eyes. "Rhiannon says that I absolutely must bring a woman to her wedding, because god forbid I ruin the symmetry of the photos by not having a date."

Gwen wrapped a supportive arm round his shoulders. "I always told you she was a cow, didn't I?"

Ianto smiled wryly. "Watch it, that's my sister you're talking about," he said half-heartedly, giving in and resting his head on her shoulder. "I don't suppose…" he began hopefully, and she wrapped her other arm around him.

"Sorry sweetie." Her hazel eyes were full of regret. "Believe me, I'd love to go with you; but Rhys' Mam is coming for a visit and I can't let that woman in my flat unsupervised. I'd get home and find she'd redecorated or something."

"Tosh?" Ianto begged, and the technician looked stricken.

"Sorry Yan, I'm at a conference in London that weekend," she apologised unhappily.

Gwen smirked. "Well then, there's only one thing for it- we're going to have to send Owen in drag."

Both Owen and Ianto looked absolutely horrified.

"You're off your fucking rocker!" Owen snapped, at the same time as Ianto exclaimed: "I'd rather die!"

They caught one another's eye and Owen grinned. "I'm sure Rhiannon would be happy to arrange that."

Tosh giggled. "No she wouldn't- killing Ianto would result in the wedding being postponed."

"We could kill Gwen and arrange her funeral for the wedding day," Owen suggested maliciously.

"No you couldn't," the Welshwoman retorted, draining Owen's pint in revenge. "Rhiannon and I go to the same church; you'd never be able to get the services to clash."

Owen reached over and picked up Gwen's drink. "Don't worry, we'll think of something," he declared, gulping down the last of the Brains and smacking his lips. "Right, who's for another?"

By the time they left the pub an hour later, Owen had another two beer mats and Ianto had Gwen's word that she wouldfind him a date for Rhi's wedding. For all that he loved Gwen, this did not instil him with much confidence.