Right, so this is one or maybe two chapter story full of angst. It is based on some internal musings and shit like that, I really don't know, I thought I'll feel better if I write something on the paper. And of course, I summarised it would be better not to ruin the ongoing stories with my crappy mood.
Pairing: Emma/Regina, Regina/Daniel (mentioned)
Rating: T for emotional rollercoster and ''bad'' words
Universe is not like the one in the series, there is no magic, the whole story is taking place in New York.
Emma released the breath she didn't know she hold, just before she knocked at the door. Regina opened the door few moments later with a smile on her face.
''Hi, there.'' Emma smiled with a dopey smile.
''Hello, dear.'' smiled Regina as she moved to allow Emma the entrance into her apartment. This was their 5th date and Emma was at Regina's place for the first time. Her neighbourhood was a fancy one, the kind Emma entered only when her job at NYPD directed her there. The fact that this was Regina's neighbourhood didn't surprise Emma at all. Regina smelled of old money, Emma noticed from the moment she saw her on their first blind date. As she walked into the apartment, Emma waited for Regina to take the lead.
''Did you have trouble finding the place?'' asked Regina as she closed the door and went towards the kitchen. Apartment was enormous, but Regina made sure it was very bright with light and had more of open design, without many doors. As Emma followed her they entered kitchen/ dining room area.
''No, it's a part of my job to know the city.'' chuckled Emma as she walked behind Regina. As they reached kitchen island, Emma said
''I hope you like it.'' And handed Regina the bouquet of flowers. Regina opened the wrap and saw the mixture of roses, lilies which was combined perfectly.
''They are lovely.'' smiled Regina and kissed Emma lightly on the lips.
'You are lovely.'' Emma said grinning and then quite openly checked out Regina's outfit. ''You look wonderful Regina, you are a sight to see.''
''Well, thank you dear.'' responded Regina looking at Emma, blushing a bit ''You look beautiful as well.''
''So what is for dinner?'' Emma questioned
''My famous lasagna.'' smirked Regina as she put flowers into the vase. ''You will never taste anything better than mine lasagna.''
Emma would bet there are other things she could try to eat at Regina's and that it would probably be the best flavour in the world. Blonde grunted inside of herself at her mind and a gutter where it got stuck.
''I can't wait to try them.'' Emma smiled.
Before Regina could respond, the pair was interrupted by a boy yelling: ''Mommy, where is my dinosaur' shirt?''
Dinner went by in perfectly lovely mood, Regina was truly surprised at the ease of the dinner. She was worried Henry wouldn't like Emma so she'd have to stop seeing her. True, Henry was just 5 years old and she introduced Emma as her friend to her son (with Emma's blessing). Still, as Henry and Emma talked and laughed together, Regina felt a weight being lifted from her shoulders. She was relived that she can actually have a shot with Emma.
With a smile on her face, she returned to Emma, who was waiting in living room while she put Henry to bed.
''Thank you for doing this, Emma.'' said Regina with a smile on her lips ''It means a lot to me.''
''It was my pleasure, Regina.'' smiled Emma gently as she turned around to Regina from the shelf, where she was looking at some framed pictures. ''I know Henry means world to you and I respect that more than anything on this world.''
''You were perfect with him.'' said Regina as she sat down onto the couch. Emma took both of their glasses with wine in it and sat down next to Regina, handing her her glass.
''I think perfect is going too far, but that was all on him. You raised him so well, Regina.'' chuckled Emma ''He's a perfect little gentleman.''
''I hope so.'' laughed Regina as she leaned back and looked at Emma ''I do have to tell, he reminds me of his father a bit. So, maybe it genetics too.''
''Perhaps'' Emma replied with a smile. Emma never asked Regina about her ex's or Henry's father, as their relationship (if she could even call it that) was at the beginning.
''Can I ask why you and Henry's father got divorced?' ' asked Emma, feeling bold- from wine or from the comfortable atmosphere, she didn't know.
Regina swallowed and right before Emma could say that she didn't have to answer, she said ''Daniel and I didn't get a divorce. He was killed in car crash when Henry was 7 months old.''
''God, I'm sorry Regina.'' Emma took Regina's hand and squeezed it in her attempt to comfort her.
''It's alright, it's been over 4 years.'' responded Regina with weak smile ''One gets used to it after a while.''
''You must've loved him very much.'' commented Emma reading Regina's face with her police mind.
''I knew him my whole life, he was my first love, we started going out while in high school.'' commented Regina, remembering it ''We got married after we graduated, had Henry year and a half later. Then, the accident happened.''
''It must have been hard to raise Henry on your own.'' said Emma
''Well, my parents, along with Katherine were life saviours for me.'' said Regina looking at Emma ''They helped me through everything, of course the fact that Henry is very calm child was very big plus.'' she chuckled
''I bet'' Emma smiled ''he's very good young man.''
As Emma walked down the street after her too perfect date, she turned into a bar and ordered a shot or two. Just to help her think about things. Emma liked Henry the first moment she saw his little, smiled face and she could see her life with him in it, without any problem. The problem rose when she heard that Regina isn't divorced and while in her mind that was no problem, her chest wanted to explode. She wasn't sure was it depression, or anxiety or something else but she didn't feel good. She was sure it would be easier if Regina got divorce. It was stupid to feel this way, Emma's mind tried to say, but her heart was on high alert- all those bad childhood memories and experiences in foster homes made sure her heart's alarm system were highly functioning. Their marriage didn't fall apart, they were torn apart and the way Regina talked about Daniel, Emma could sense Regina still loved him in a way. Which was perfectly normal, Emma's mind piped up again.
After too many shots, Emma made her way to her apartment, which she shared with Ruby. She would end up face down, as she stumbled through the door, if Ruby didn't catch her.
''Take it easy.'' huffed Ruby as she steadied blonde
''How did you know I was here?'' mumbled Emma
''Well, I think there isn't anyone who hadn't heard you coming down the hall.'' commented Ruby as she dragged Emma to her room ''So, date went that well?''
''It was perfect.'' Emma slurred ''She's perfect, her kid is perfect.''
''Why are you drunk out of your mind then?'' Ruby asked as she placed her down on her bed.
''She has a perfect dead husband too.'' laughed Emma ''He's not some asshole who left or cheated, not even a guy with whom things didn't work out. He's perfect for her, just dead.''
''Emma….'' said Ruby sitting down next to her ''What are talking about?''
''I saw their picture in frame in living room, they looked good together.'' said Emma ''She would be with him if he was alive.'' she said with tears in her eyes
''Emma, this is ridiculous, the man is dead.'' said Ruby
''I know'' nodded Emma ''Still, as my foster dad said- one must know it's limits.''
''What?'' very confused Ruby asked
''I am thousand levels beneath her.'' Emma said ''She's rich, successful with her perfect little boy, which I would love to spoil and teach lots of stuff.'' she paused ''I'm not- I'm a collage drop-out who is working for minimal pay and I can get shot.''
Emma added after few moments ''I can not compete with him. Even if he is gone.'' she paused ''And for once in my life, I don't want to feel like a replacement for something people can not have. Always surplus, always here because I have to be means to end, never something people actually want.''
''Oh, Emma…'' Ruby said lying down next to her best friend, hugging her.
''I was too much for my parents, paycheck for foster family and probably replacement for Regina. Something to settle with, when she can not have what she wants.'' Emma's voice trembled as it was full of pain and misery.
''Emma, you don't know that.'' said Ruby, taking her phone from her pocket to make sure she wouldn't do something stupid.
''Let's just sleep and we'll see where to go from here tomorrow.'' said Ruby and hugged Emma, hoping sleep will be quick to claim them.
There it is. Don't be too harsh, okay? There will be one more chapter.