A/N : Just a quick drabble. Writing style inspired by bcdaily's Commentarius. If you haven't read it, I suggest you do it ASAP.

Also because is a total dinosaur and won't let you strike through, the parts that look like (-this-) are supposed to have the strike through formatting.

Disclaimer : I'm still in high school. What makes you think that I'm JKR? Psh.

Reasons why Lily Evans should NOT fancy James Potter

Reason #1: One should not fancy someone who does not value other people's property. He snapped my quill yesterday. He asked to borrow one in transfiguration and out of the goodness of my heart, I lent it to one Mr. James Potter. Moments later, he SNAPPED it.

Dear Evans,

Sorry for snapping your quill yesterday. You were a kind, benevolent soul by helping someone in need. Hope you find these satisfactory.

- James

The note was attached to a set of not one, not two but five Eagle feather quills exactly like the one I had.

Hmmm. . .

(-Reason #1: One should not fancy someone who does not value other people's property. He snapped my quill yesterday. He asked to borrow one in transfiguration and out of the goodness of my heart, I lent it to one James Potter. Moments later, he SNAPPED it.-)

Reason #2 : One should not fancy an irresponsible ponce who won't do their work. As Head Boy James has certain responsibilities like FINISHING THE PATROL SCHEDULE ON TIME SO THAT FELLOW HEAD STUDENT DOES NOT HAVE TO STAY UP ALL NIGHT JUST TO FINISH IT!

Found the patrol schedule tucked in my Charms textbook. Forgot that James had given it to me after class.

Oops.

(-Reason #2 : One should not fancy an irresponsible ponce who won't do their work. As Head Boy James has certain responsibilities like FINISHING THE PATROL SCHEDULE ON TIME SO THAT FELLOW HEAD STUDENT DOES NOT HAVE TO STAY UP ALL NIGHT JUST TO FINISH IT!-)

Reason #3 : One should not fancy an arrogant toerag. James Potter was an arrogant toerag, is an arrogant toerag and will always be an arrogant toerag. As my Uncle Stu says, 'Just because the lion started eating grass, that does not make it a zebra.'

I was running late to Potions class and was rushing down the corridors when I saw James and a first year Hufflepuff by the famous Hogwarts forever moving staircases. I was merely making sure that James was not ragging the girl, I did not want to eavesdrop.

James was consoling the blubbering girl and offering to escort her to the Transfiguration classroom, promising to make sure that McGonagall won't give detention.

. . .Interesting.

Oh bugger.

(-Reason #3 : One should not fancy an arrogant toerag. James Potter was an arrogant toerag, is an arrogant toerag and will always be an arrogant toerag. As my Uncle Stu says, 'Just because the lion started eating grass, that does not make it a zebra.'-)

Reason #4 : One should not fancy someone just because he is rumoured to have a "hot bod". Honestly, the sixth year girls are mad. MAD, I tell you. That lanky git with arms-longer-than-legs can't possibly have abs. Besides, I'm not that superficial. I won't fancy someone just because he is super fit. I WON'T.

Ran into a shirtless James. ( He was taking his shirt off in the HEADS' COMMON ROOM after Quidditch practice, okay? It's not like he put a Do Not Disturb sign on the doorknob and I just barged in. ) Sixth year girls DO know what they are talking about.

Yum.

(-Reason #4 : One should not fancy someone just because he is rumoured to have a "hot bod". Honestly, the sixth year girls are mad. MAD, I tell you. That lanky git with arms-longer-than-legs can't possibly have abs. Besides, I'm not that superficial. I won't fancy someone just because he is super fit. I WON'T.-)

Reason #5 : One should not fancy someone who has a significant other. It is common knowledge to all of Hogwarts, Beauxbatons, Durmstrang and even the odd Ilvermony student that James Potter is dating Sirius Black. Who am I to come in the way of true love?

Dear Evans,

Silly Lily. I am not dating James. We are soulmates, yes. But I would never willingly call him my "significant other".Even I have standards and a reputation to hold. Besides the sod is so besotted with you, he doesn't see anyone else.

In other news, your bookbag is not a safe place to keep such entertaining yet barmy lists (Seriously Lily, what are you on? And can I have some?) It may fall into the wrong hands. But luck favours you, my dear, because you have me. I have prevented what could have been a disaster and safely delivered your list to the right person. You can expect a letter from James shortly.

Yours Sincerely,

Sirius Black

P.S. You better make me the godfather of your children.

Evans,

Go out with me?

- James

(-Reason #5 : One should not fancy someone who has a significant other. It is common knowledge to all of Hogwarts, Beauxbatons ,Durmstrang and even the odd Ilvermony student that James Potter is dating Sirius Black. Who am I to come in the way of true love?-)

James,

Yes.

- Evans

A/N: Hope you enjoyed!

REVIEW PLEASE!