Our Little Secret

Insert Standard Disclaimer … Here
Setting: Season 1, directly after "The Unsinkable Mommy Adler." Later Season 8 after "Forbidden Fruit."
Summary: Karen gets the most comfort from the most unexpected source. Also, how the Forbidden Room became forbidden.

Karen wandered slowly down the long upstairs hallway at the Walker manse, a near-empty Jack Daniels bottle gripped in one hand. She had abruptly stopped drinking a few days ago when she thought she was pregnant.

But it didn't matter any more.

Karen stopped in front of a door and raised the bottle to her lips. She finished what was there in one gulp and slammed the bottle down on the table beside her before fishing a key out of her pocket. She unlocked the door and opened it only slightly, slipping through and leaving the lights off.

Once inside, Karen took a deep breath and wandered across the thick mint carpet. The green walls shone a dull grey in the darkness, the only light being that which softly glowed through the doorway from the hall. She passed the brass crib, the stuffed tiger hanging over the side watching her eerily with gleaming plastic eyes. Karen dropped deep into the plush green toile chair on the far side of the room and closed her eyes, her hands unconsciously coming to rest on her stomach.

When she stopped in the room earlier that morning before she went to work, a little cardboard box from the pharmacy hidden safely in the bottom of her purse, it had felt full. Right. Overflowing with hope and promise. But now everything was different, vacant. Incomplete. An empty feeling tugged at the pit of her stomach. It was as if the room had turned on her, betrayed her by twisting into a ghoulish, sardonic place.

The truth was that she was relieved earlier that day when her and Jack's pregnancy tests had proven negative. But there was a little something pulling at her, something she couldn't explain until now.

She was disappointed after all.

The notion of having children had never even crossed her mind until that fateful day the previous week when she had nervously told Jack that she thought she was pregnant. After Jack got over his initial shock, he had been so excited for her and the thought slowly crept into the back of her mind – why shouldn't I be excited too?

So she was.

Karen opened her eyes when she heard screaming and giggling out in the hallway, quick footsteps getting louder as they approached. She looked up and saw the red blur that was her seven-year-old stepdaughter Olivia gallop past the door without giving it a second thought, head turned over her shoulder to watch who was chasing her and exploding with laughter. Karen frowned slightly. She did have children to take care of, to love and to raise.

But they weren't hers.

Karen looked up again and noticed Olivia's pursuer standing in the doorway, backlit from the light glowing in the hallway. The chubby little boy slowly entered the room, looking around curiously at its contents. He wandered past the crib and silently pet the tiger's paw hanging over the edge. Mason finally turned to his stepmother with large inquisitive eyes, in which Karen could swear she saw a glimmer of anticipation and excitement, and asked, "Are we having a baby?"

Karen's features immediately softened, her look of anger and annoyance at being interrupted quickly disappearing. "No, honey," she finally answered.

Mason's enthusiasm rapidly slid away and his brow furrowed in confusion. He saw the pained expression on Karen's face, how she was trying desperately to avoid looking him in the eye, and Mason began to feel sad as well, although he wasn't entirely sure why. The four-year-old slowly approached his stepmother and climbed up into her lap, not giving Karen a chance to object.

He sat up straight and looked her square in the eye. "Why not?"

Karen wrenched her gaze downward, unable to look into his innocent eyes any longer or else she would spill everything to this small child, unload all of her baggage onto his fragile shoulders. Instead, she began straightening out his pajamas, which had become twisted in his romp down the hallway after his sister, doing anything to appear nonchalant. "Well, I – I don't know, honey. We're just not. I don't think I'd make a very good Mommy anyway," she added as an afterthought, more to herself than anyone else.

Mason simply continued to study her as she fussed with him. Karen glanced up for a second and stopped short when she noticed that he now looked angry. "Daddy says it's not nice to lie," he stated simply. "You would too be good," Mason added and laid his head down on her chest, making himself quite comfortable in her lap.

Karen looked stunned for a moment and swallowed hard. "Mason, can you do me a favor?"

"Uh huh."

"Don't tell your Daddy what's in this room. Or what we talked about."

"Why not?"

Karen was quiet for a long moment as she thought about whether or not keeping this from Stan was the best thing to do. "We don't want to make him sad, okay?" she finally whispered almost inaudibly.

"Okay," the boy replied softly. "I can keep a secret."

Karen hugged him in thanks and gently kissed the top of his head, her non-existent maternal instinct seeming to kick in from out of nowhere. Mason snuggled deeper into his stepmother's embrace and listened to her heartbeat, his body rising and falling with every breath she took.

Out in the hallway, Rosario came to a sudden stop when she noticed that the door to that room was ajar. She knew how excited Miss Karen was to redecorate it, but she also knew how determined she was to keep it a secret from anyone else, her husband included, until she knew for sure if it would be put to use. When Karen came home from work earlier that day, she merely shook her head silently when her maid gave her a hopeful questioning look and then retreated to her bedroom for the rest of the evening. Rosario knew she was upset, but she also knew better than to try to talk to her about the situation.

Rosario peered into the room undetected and saw Karen sitting stock still, a thin slice of light from the hallway falling on her as she held her stepson in her lap. Karen rubbed Mason's back idly and rested her chin on top of his head. She sniffled once and turned her head to look off into a dark corner of the room, the shaft of light reflecting off of her tear-stained cheek as she did so. Rosario slowly backed away from the door and turned to leave. She picked up the empty liquor bottle from the nearby table and shook her head, sighing.

A while later, Karen finally floated out of her endless numbing stream of thoughts and returned to reality. She looked at her watch and gently shook Mason awake. "It's late. Go to bed," she instructed when he looked up at her, confused and groggy. Mason nodded and slid off her lap. Karen helped him scramble down and pat his butt. "Go on."

Halfway to the door, Mason slowed to a stop and turned around to look at his stepmother. He walked back to her, climbed up onto the chair so that he was kneeling on the thick cushion, and planted a sweet kiss on her cheek. "'Night, Karen Mommy," he said simply, as if it were the most normal phrase on the planet to utter, and left the room.

Karen watched him go, a small smile finally breaking through on her face. After a moment, she pushed herself out of the chair and walked towards to the door. She glanced around the room one last time before leaving.

She would go to bed, smile, and tell Stan that nothing of interest had happened that day, as she did every night. She might even make up a story about Grace's hideous outfit or Jack's newest flamboyant boyfriend to make it more believable. Because, really, nothing had changed.

Except maybe everything.

When she heard the door click behind her, Karen fished the key out of her pocket again and locked the door securely. She then took a small ring of keys out of her other pocket and added this new one to the group. When it slid onto the ring, it blended perfectly with the others, not daring to stand out or announce its unusual presence. It disappeared into the pack, as did the door, looking no different from the many others that lined the hall.

Karen took a deep breath and wiped her cheeks. She straightened out her blouse and pushed her hair back into place, impressively composing herself. Karen glanced once more at the door and ran her fingers over the smooth wood before shoving the keys into her pocket and starting slowly and deliberately down the hall. And she didn't look back.