The Promo that never was..
Disclaimer: I don't own shit! All characters are owned by WWFE, inc. and all that jazz. Don't sue me, you can't get blood from a stone. So, blah blah blah and Yadda Yadda Yadda ;)
OK, so here we go.. This is a quick "What if.." fic.
For those of you who watch WWF, think back to the end of last summer. The whole WCW/ECW invasion is in full swing, Stone Cold Steve Austin has named himself the leader of the Alliance and The Rock has been on "suspension" for months. Vince McMahon has officially "re-instated" the Rock and the wrestling world is awaiting the Rock's return to WWF television.
In reality, Dwayne Johnson (a.k.a. The Rock) was taking this time off to shoot the movie "The Scorpion King." All of this led me to wonder: "What would happen if the Rock had spent a little too much time in Hollywood during his 'suspension'." :P
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
J.R: We're back folks. Raw is War live from Anahiem, California. The whole place is .. well.. simply electrified in anticipation of the triumphant return of the Rock, after a four month absence. Shane McMahon, Co-owner of the Alliance is now joined in the ring by the self-proclaimed leader of the Alliance, Stone Cold Steve Austin.
Paul (Heyman): That's right, JR. And now, hopefully, we'll get to hear from the horses mouths, that the Alliance has signed the Rock to join us in our quest for dominance.
J.R.: Well, I don't know about horses mouths, Paul. I'm thinking maybe the other end, but that's beside the point. Besides, your comments may be a bit premature there, as no-one has seen or talked to the Rock. We don't know which side he'll choose.
Both announcers stop talking as Steve Austin picks up the mic.
SCSA: Well, Shane. Everyone here has been buzzin' all night about the Rock's return. (Whiny Voice) Oooh, the Rock's coming back. Where's Rocky? We want Rocky..
Stone Cold lifts his watch to his ear and looks at Shane.
SCSA: Do you know what this watch is saying?
Shane grins evilly and shakes his head.
SCSA: It saying it's time for the Rock to come back. (Loud pop from the croud) It's saying that it's time for the Rock to come in and make his decision. WHAT? I said it's saying it's time for the Rock to come in and make his decision. WHAT? It's time to decide whether he's coming back to the WWF or doing the right thing and joining us in the Alliance.
(Crowd Boos)
SCSA (to crowd): WHAT? WHAT? WHAT?
"IF YA SMEEEEEEELLLLL...." The Rock's music hits and the crowd goes wild. The Rock comes out under the Titan-tron and the cheers intensify.
J.R.: And there he is: The Most Electrifying Man in Sports Entertainment. He's Back! He's Back! And the crowd loves him. Just listen to those cheers, folks. I don't think I have ever, in alll my years of broadcasting, heard anything quite this loud before. This is incredible. He's headed down the People's Ramp. And look, Paul, he's got a steel chair in his hand! I wonder what he's got in mind..
Paul: Well, JR, he's obviously coming down here with a chair for Shane to sit in. He's concerned about his new boss and wants to make a good impression.
J.R.: Well, I'm not entirely certain about that, Paul, but he's made it to the ring with that chair and he doesn't seem to be opening it up for Shane or anyone else.
The Rock is handed a microphone from a sound tech outside the ring. He walks around the inside of the ring a few times, staring intently at Shane and Steve. The pair looks at each other questioningly, then back to The Rock. All of a sudden, The Rock shines his million-dollar smile at the two, then raises the mic.
Rock: How you boys doin'?
Shane and Steve look at each other for a second then back at the Rock.
Rock: Is The Rock trippin' or did he just ask you a question?
Steve lifts his mic, smiling slightly, a confused look on his face.
SCSA: We're.. uh.. we're doin' fine Rock.
Rock: Do you know who I am?
Stone Cold and Shane exchange confused glances again.
SCSA: Uh.. yeah, You're The Rock.
Rock: That's right. I'm the Rock, The Most Electrifying Man in Sports Entertainment. I am also what you might call a "business associate" of Vincent McMahon. You remember Vince, don't you.
SCSA (confused even more): Uh, yeah.. of course we remember him
Rock: Good for you. It looks like I interrupted you here in the middle of your little speech. What'cha talking about?
SCSA: Well, I was just saying that..
Rock (surprisingly low-key): Whoa Whoa Whoa! Actually, Steve, it doesn't matter what you were talking about. (Points to Shane) You. Bouncy-boy. Did I hear you say something earlier about a contract?
Stone Cold reaches behind Shane and pulls a stack of folded papers from out of Shane's back pocket.
SCSA: Yeah, Rocky, we got one right here fo..
The Rock whips his head around to
stare directly at Stone Cold.
Rock (Yelling): I DON'T REMEMBER ASKING YOU A GOD-DAMN THING!
He turns back to Shane as Stone Cold just stares at him, completely dumb-founded.
Rock (calmly): You were saying..
Shane takes Steve's mic and the contract.
Share: Uh, yeah, here ya go.. (Holding out the contract and a pen)
The Rock sets the feet of the folded chair on the mat, leaning the chair against his side. He takes the contract but just stares down at the pen in Shane's hand. Shane hesitates for a minute, then pulls his hand with the pen back to his side. The Rock opens the chair and sits, the contract open in his hands. He starts glancing through the pages of the contract.
Rock (to the crowd): Are we happy?
The crowd starts booing and yelling "No!"
Rock: I said, are we happy?
The crowd boos and yells even louder.
The Rock, stands, folds the contract and slips it into his back pocket. He then folds the chair back up and picks it up by the side.
Rock: I'll just hold onto this contract for a bit. I think Vince would love to see it.
Shane and Stone Cold exchange worried glances. Steve finally takes the mic back from Shane.
SCSA: Look, I just want you to know that, you know.. things are a little messed up between us and Mr. McMahon. When we entered into this thing, we only had the best intentions..
He stops suddenly as he sees The Rock snap his chair up and swing around with ferocity. The clang of the chair fills the arena as it connects with Shane's head, sending him sprawling to the mat. Rock lays a few extra chair shots on Shane's prone body before whipping his head back to face Steve, his face eerily calm. He slowly lifts the mic to his face.
Rock: Oh, I'm sorry.. Did I break your concentration? Please.. continue. I believe you were saying something about "Best Intentions"..
Rock turns to Steve calmly, still gripping the now dented steel chair. Steve is awe-struck by the sheer brutality of the scene that is unfolding before him.
Rock: Oh, you were finished. Well then allow me to retort. What does Vincent McMahon look like?
SCSA: WHAT?
The Rock rus up to Steve with unbelievable speed. Steve flinched as The Rock swings the chair down violently, smashing it into the mat with a loud bang. The Rock then stares directly into Steve's face, breathing heavily.
Rock: What country are you from?
SCSA: WHAT?
Rock: "What" ain't no country I ever heard of. Do they speak English in "What"?
SCSA: WHAT?
Rock: English, roody-poo, do you speak it?
SCSA (hesitantly): Yes
Rock: Then you understand what I'm saying.
SCSA: Yeah
Rock: What does Vincent McMahon look like?
SCSA: WHAT?
The Rock, with a snarl on his lips, lifts the chair, placing the top part of the metal frame against Stone Cold's neck, pushing Steve's head back slightly. The Rock is yelling into his face by this point.
Rock: Say "What" again! C'mon, say "What" again! I dare ya, I double dare you, candy-ass, say "What" one more goddamn time!
Steve just stands there flabbergasted, staring at the now fuming Rock. Rock pushes again with the chair, Steve's head now leaning painfully back.
Rock: Now, describe what Vince McMahon looks like!
SCSA: He's.. uh.. he's kinda tall..
Rock: Go on..
SCSA: He's .. he's kinda old..
Rock: Uh-huh, what else..
SCSA: Uh.. he's got.. uh.. a pimply butt..
Rock: Does he look like a bitch?
SCSA (without thinking): What?
The Rock pulls the chair away from Steve's neck and in the same fluid motion, swings the chair down hard into Steve's left knee. Steve howls in pain and drops to the floor, The Rock towering over him, fuming
Rock (over-enunciating every word): Does-he-look-like-a-bitch?!
SCSA: NO!
Rock: Then why are you trying to screw him like a bitch.
SCSA: We're not..
Rock: Yes you are, Steve, Yes you are. And Vince McMahon doesn't like getting screwed by anyone except Mrs. McMahon. Well, maybe Trish Stratus.. and possibly Terri.. but certainly not by the likes of you..
Steve moans as he clutches at his knee. Shane is still out cold on the apron.
Rock: Now, I know you don't read the Bible, Steve. And I know you got your own little scripture; that "Austin 3:16" bit. But I got a passage just for you.
The Rock begins to walk slowly around the ring gradually getting louder and more forceful.
Rock: It's from the book of Rock, Chapter 25 verse 17: "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will KNOW my name is the ROCK when I LAYETH THE SMACKETH DOWN UPON YOUR CANDY ASS!
The Rock, now standing over Austin, drops the microphone and raises the chair above his head. He repeatedly brings the steel chair down over and over, crashing it into Steve's prone body. Steve's head is busted open and he is bleeding profusely on the mat. The Rock keeps hammering over and over with the steel chair. After 30 or so consecutive chair-shots, The Rock tosses the mutilated chair out of the ring and stands over Steve's body, panting as Raw is War goes off the air.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
OK, ok, ok! So I have too much free f-ing time on my hands! :)
Let me know what you think.
myklarc@yahoo.com
Disclaimer: I don't own shit! All characters are owned by WWFE, inc. and all that jazz. Don't sue me, you can't get blood from a stone. So, blah blah blah and Yadda Yadda Yadda ;)
OK, so here we go.. This is a quick "What if.." fic.
For those of you who watch WWF, think back to the end of last summer. The whole WCW/ECW invasion is in full swing, Stone Cold Steve Austin has named himself the leader of the Alliance and The Rock has been on "suspension" for months. Vince McMahon has officially "re-instated" the Rock and the wrestling world is awaiting the Rock's return to WWF television.
In reality, Dwayne Johnson (a.k.a. The Rock) was taking this time off to shoot the movie "The Scorpion King." All of this led me to wonder: "What would happen if the Rock had spent a little too much time in Hollywood during his 'suspension'." :P
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
J.R: We're back folks. Raw is War live from Anahiem, California. The whole place is .. well.. simply electrified in anticipation of the triumphant return of the Rock, after a four month absence. Shane McMahon, Co-owner of the Alliance is now joined in the ring by the self-proclaimed leader of the Alliance, Stone Cold Steve Austin.
Paul (Heyman): That's right, JR. And now, hopefully, we'll get to hear from the horses mouths, that the Alliance has signed the Rock to join us in our quest for dominance.
J.R.: Well, I don't know about horses mouths, Paul. I'm thinking maybe the other end, but that's beside the point. Besides, your comments may be a bit premature there, as no-one has seen or talked to the Rock. We don't know which side he'll choose.
Both announcers stop talking as Steve Austin picks up the mic.
SCSA: Well, Shane. Everyone here has been buzzin' all night about the Rock's return. (Whiny Voice) Oooh, the Rock's coming back. Where's Rocky? We want Rocky..
Stone Cold lifts his watch to his ear and looks at Shane.
SCSA: Do you know what this watch is saying?
Shane grins evilly and shakes his head.
SCSA: It saying it's time for the Rock to come back. (Loud pop from the croud) It's saying that it's time for the Rock to come in and make his decision. WHAT? I said it's saying it's time for the Rock to come in and make his decision. WHAT? It's time to decide whether he's coming back to the WWF or doing the right thing and joining us in the Alliance.
(Crowd Boos)
SCSA (to crowd): WHAT? WHAT? WHAT?
"IF YA SMEEEEEEELLLLL...." The Rock's music hits and the crowd goes wild. The Rock comes out under the Titan-tron and the cheers intensify.
J.R.: And there he is: The Most Electrifying Man in Sports Entertainment. He's Back! He's Back! And the crowd loves him. Just listen to those cheers, folks. I don't think I have ever, in alll my years of broadcasting, heard anything quite this loud before. This is incredible. He's headed down the People's Ramp. And look, Paul, he's got a steel chair in his hand! I wonder what he's got in mind..
Paul: Well, JR, he's obviously coming down here with a chair for Shane to sit in. He's concerned about his new boss and wants to make a good impression.
J.R.: Well, I'm not entirely certain about that, Paul, but he's made it to the ring with that chair and he doesn't seem to be opening it up for Shane or anyone else.
The Rock is handed a microphone from a sound tech outside the ring. He walks around the inside of the ring a few times, staring intently at Shane and Steve. The pair looks at each other questioningly, then back to The Rock. All of a sudden, The Rock shines his million-dollar smile at the two, then raises the mic.
Rock: How you boys doin'?
Shane and Steve look at each other for a second then back at the Rock.
Rock: Is The Rock trippin' or did he just ask you a question?
Steve lifts his mic, smiling slightly, a confused look on his face.
SCSA: We're.. uh.. we're doin' fine Rock.
Rock: Do you know who I am?
Stone Cold and Shane exchange confused glances again.
SCSA: Uh.. yeah, You're The Rock.
Rock: That's right. I'm the Rock, The Most Electrifying Man in Sports Entertainment. I am also what you might call a "business associate" of Vincent McMahon. You remember Vince, don't you.
SCSA (confused even more): Uh, yeah.. of course we remember him
Rock: Good for you. It looks like I interrupted you here in the middle of your little speech. What'cha talking about?
SCSA: Well, I was just saying that..
Rock (surprisingly low-key): Whoa Whoa Whoa! Actually, Steve, it doesn't matter what you were talking about. (Points to Shane) You. Bouncy-boy. Did I hear you say something earlier about a contract?
Stone Cold reaches behind Shane and pulls a stack of folded papers from out of Shane's back pocket.
SCSA: Yeah, Rocky, we got one right here fo..
The Rock whips his head around to
stare directly at Stone Cold.
Rock (Yelling): I DON'T REMEMBER ASKING YOU A GOD-DAMN THING!
He turns back to Shane as Stone Cold just stares at him, completely dumb-founded.
Rock (calmly): You were saying..
Shane takes Steve's mic and the contract.
Share: Uh, yeah, here ya go.. (Holding out the contract and a pen)
The Rock sets the feet of the folded chair on the mat, leaning the chair against his side. He takes the contract but just stares down at the pen in Shane's hand. Shane hesitates for a minute, then pulls his hand with the pen back to his side. The Rock opens the chair and sits, the contract open in his hands. He starts glancing through the pages of the contract.
Rock (to the crowd): Are we happy?
The crowd starts booing and yelling "No!"
Rock: I said, are we happy?
The crowd boos and yells even louder.
The Rock, stands, folds the contract and slips it into his back pocket. He then folds the chair back up and picks it up by the side.
Rock: I'll just hold onto this contract for a bit. I think Vince would love to see it.
Shane and Stone Cold exchange worried glances. Steve finally takes the mic back from Shane.
SCSA: Look, I just want you to know that, you know.. things are a little messed up between us and Mr. McMahon. When we entered into this thing, we only had the best intentions..
He stops suddenly as he sees The Rock snap his chair up and swing around with ferocity. The clang of the chair fills the arena as it connects with Shane's head, sending him sprawling to the mat. Rock lays a few extra chair shots on Shane's prone body before whipping his head back to face Steve, his face eerily calm. He slowly lifts the mic to his face.
Rock: Oh, I'm sorry.. Did I break your concentration? Please.. continue. I believe you were saying something about "Best Intentions"..
Rock turns to Steve calmly, still gripping the now dented steel chair. Steve is awe-struck by the sheer brutality of the scene that is unfolding before him.
Rock: Oh, you were finished. Well then allow me to retort. What does Vincent McMahon look like?
SCSA: WHAT?
The Rock rus up to Steve with unbelievable speed. Steve flinched as The Rock swings the chair down violently, smashing it into the mat with a loud bang. The Rock then stares directly into Steve's face, breathing heavily.
Rock: What country are you from?
SCSA: WHAT?
Rock: "What" ain't no country I ever heard of. Do they speak English in "What"?
SCSA: WHAT?
Rock: English, roody-poo, do you speak it?
SCSA (hesitantly): Yes
Rock: Then you understand what I'm saying.
SCSA: Yeah
Rock: What does Vincent McMahon look like?
SCSA: WHAT?
The Rock, with a snarl on his lips, lifts the chair, placing the top part of the metal frame against Stone Cold's neck, pushing Steve's head back slightly. The Rock is yelling into his face by this point.
Rock: Say "What" again! C'mon, say "What" again! I dare ya, I double dare you, candy-ass, say "What" one more goddamn time!
Steve just stands there flabbergasted, staring at the now fuming Rock. Rock pushes again with the chair, Steve's head now leaning painfully back.
Rock: Now, describe what Vince McMahon looks like!
SCSA: He's.. uh.. he's kinda tall..
Rock: Go on..
SCSA: He's .. he's kinda old..
Rock: Uh-huh, what else..
SCSA: Uh.. he's got.. uh.. a pimply butt..
Rock: Does he look like a bitch?
SCSA (without thinking): What?
The Rock pulls the chair away from Steve's neck and in the same fluid motion, swings the chair down hard into Steve's left knee. Steve howls in pain and drops to the floor, The Rock towering over him, fuming
Rock (over-enunciating every word): Does-he-look-like-a-bitch?!
SCSA: NO!
Rock: Then why are you trying to screw him like a bitch.
SCSA: We're not..
Rock: Yes you are, Steve, Yes you are. And Vince McMahon doesn't like getting screwed by anyone except Mrs. McMahon. Well, maybe Trish Stratus.. and possibly Terri.. but certainly not by the likes of you..
Steve moans as he clutches at his knee. Shane is still out cold on the apron.
Rock: Now, I know you don't read the Bible, Steve. And I know you got your own little scripture; that "Austin 3:16" bit. But I got a passage just for you.
The Rock begins to walk slowly around the ring gradually getting louder and more forceful.
Rock: It's from the book of Rock, Chapter 25 verse 17: "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will KNOW my name is the ROCK when I LAYETH THE SMACKETH DOWN UPON YOUR CANDY ASS!
The Rock, now standing over Austin, drops the microphone and raises the chair above his head. He repeatedly brings the steel chair down over and over, crashing it into Steve's prone body. Steve's head is busted open and he is bleeding profusely on the mat. The Rock keeps hammering over and over with the steel chair. After 30 or so consecutive chair-shots, The Rock tosses the mutilated chair out of the ring and stands over Steve's body, panting as Raw is War goes off the air.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
OK, ok, ok! So I have too much free f-ing time on my hands! :)
Let me know what you think.
myklarc@yahoo.com