No Regrets
A Oneshot by DemonSaya
The car ride back to the house was short one person and silent. No one really wanted to break the illusion of calm that was really mute shock. Toby sat in the back seat, chewing on his fist in worry as he looked back and forth between the two adults sitting in front of him. He wasn't really sure what was going on, he was only three, after all, but he knew that last night after dinner, his big sister had fainted and smacked her head on the coffee table.
She'd been rushed to the hospital, and while his mother played with him in the waiting room, his father had gone back into the Emergency Room. When the man had returned, he'd spoken softly to his mother and the woman had gone pale, and that's when the silence had started.
They hadn't told him what was going on. He had an odd feeling that they weren't going to tell him, which told him that whatever it was, it was bad. Sarah hadn't come back home with them. He'd been forced to say good bye to her in the hospital room, where she was dressed in a white cotton gown. What he had noticed was that her eyes had been red and she was avoiding looking at them. Her eyes continued to drift towards the window that was in the room and she'd stared out at the night sky.
They had all huddled around the bed, until the nurse came in and told them it was time to leave. Sarah had reached for him, had touched his cheek gently and gave him the smallest smile, but it had reached her eyes. As if to say that everything was worth it because he was there. He'd grabbed for her finger, had thrown a fit when they'd tried to pull him away from her, and he'd wound up acting like a koala attached to a tree as his father carried him away.
He'd watched her until the door between them was shut and then he'd burrowed his face into his father's shoulder and cried.
.o0o.o0o.o0o.o0o.o0o.o0o.o0o.
Inoperable...
Sarah stared out the window, the uncomfortable cotton hospital gown chaffing at her skin. It was obvious that they used a harsh detergent, and no fabric softener. Karen always used half the recommended amount of soap and some softener, so even the roughest cotton was soft on her skin. She pressed clothing with steam rather than starches, and her father often commented that even though his clothing looked rumpled by the end of the day, it was better that he was comfortable.
Toby liked to press his face into Sarah's shirts to smell them.
If she hadn't fainted, we would never have known...
The bed was narrow, the room was stark and empty of any personal effects. Robert had promised to bring some things to comfort her, and she'd heard Karen arguing that they should be allowed to stay with her despite of it being past visiting hours.
Toby had simply chewed on his fist and stared at her, his eyes worried. When they'd told her family it was time to leave, the little boy had thrown a fit, reaching for her, fighting against his parents to get towards her. Really, though, that boy was too much...
Maybe a week or two left...
Tears were falling down her face as she remembered the door shutting her family out, and she lifted a hand, wiping them away. There was no mirror in her room, so she couldn't see her reflection, but she also couldn't see those who were her best friends.
Now she was afraid that it was the tumor that had caused her to see them in the first place. They'd told her that hallucinations were common, and she might see more as it came closer to the end. Her headaches had been pretty regular recently, as well. It had been a little less that two years. In three weeks, would be the anniversary of that night. So was it all because of a tumor?
So many things in her life that would be unfinished. She hadn't even graduated high school. She would never know how it felt to be held by a man who loved her. She would never get married or have any children, and she'd never see her brother grow into an adult.
She covered her face and began to cry. "I wish..."
A curious hush went over the hospital, one of anticipation, one of excitement.
"I wish that I didn't have to die with so many regrets...I wish I knew what to do." Sobs broke her speech and she curled into herself, pressing her face against her knees, pulling at her hair. "I never got to say so many things I wanted to say. I never even got to see him again...I'm such an idiot...I never even told him..."
Jareth, the Goblin King. Hallucination or not, he was the first and last man that had stirred something inside her, made her unsteady, made her heart pound. Even now, the mere thought of him made her cheeks hot and gave her the feeling that she was drowning. In a few short hours, she'd fallen in love – her first love – and she'd had to leave him to save her brother.
Now she was going to die, and she never got the chance to tell him anything...
"Jareth..." she whispered, hoping that he would come to her, while knowing he wouldn't. "Jareth..."
She expected thunder and lightening. She expected glitter, the taunting voice. She hoped for it all. Slowly, she lifted her face, finding herself met with disappointment. The room was empty. Tears continued to fall down her face and a sob tore from between her lips. "Please...Jareth. Goblin King...just one last time...so I don't have any regrets..."
.o0o.o0o.o0o.o0o.o0o.o0o.o0o.
She'd cried herself to sleep. Just looking at her, anyone would be able to tell that. Her closed eyes were red and swollen, her cheeks were still damp.
When he'd heard her call, he hadn't expected it to be from a place like this, so he'd taken his time, had decided to make her sweat a bit. He'd felt the desperation of the voice, but knew it wasn't anything immediate. If it had been, he would have known. The alarm would have gone off within him, telling him it was time to collect on the debt owed to him.
Now, however...
It had been three nights since the call had first gone out. Every night, the call was more and more desperate. Now, on the fourth night, he'd gone to her early, unable to stand the pain he felt through her any longer. Now he stood over her, he understood the reason behind her desperation. He'd checked the name of her doctor and moved down the hall, invisible to the eyes of the mortals, until he reached the office. The man was sitting in front of a view screen, staring at the MRIs on the chart.
Jareth stared at them for a long moment, feeling the surge of guilt within himself. The black area was surprisingly large, towards the center of her brain. He glanced at the chart that sat on the table beside the doctor who was sitting with his head in his hands and weeping for the young lady who they knew was going to die. Now, at least, he knew why she had called for him.
He decided he'd seen enough. Slowly, he moved back to her room, standing in the shadows as he watched her sleep. Tears had begun at some point and she was trembling. He walked towards her, sitting on the edge of her bed, stroking her dark hair back from her now gray complexion.
It wasn't fair. Not for her. She didn't deserve to suffer like this.
She must have felt the gentle touch, because she stirred and her eyes opened and lifted towards him. When she realized, recognized, her eyes shot wide and her lips parted in surprise. She moved to sit up, and he heard his name fall from her lips. "Jareth-"
Gently, he set a finger against her lips. "Hello, precious," he answered, giving her a faint, arrogant smile that was at odds with his current emotions.
"Am I dreaming?" Tears were filling her eyes with renewed strength and her slender hands gripped his arm. "Are you real?"
Gently, he stroked her hair back from her face. "As real as a dream," he agreed. "As real as time and breath."
She let out a shuddering sob. "I didn't think you would come...I was scared..." Her eyes fluttered and he knew she was trying to rid her eyes of tears. "I'm dying." Her grip tightened on his arm and another tear fell down her face. "Jareth, I'm dying..." she sobbed, using his hand to cover her eyes so that he wouldn't see her cry.
"I know," he said softly. He pulled his hand away, gently stroking the tears away.
"I don't want to die..."
He nodded. "I know."
"I'm scared..."
Leaning down, he kissed her forehead. "I know."
She was silent for awhile, and he shifted, resting his forehead against her own. "I can't heal you, Sarah. It's not within my powers."
A dry sob left her and he felt her hands shift, gripping his shirt. "I know." He heard her sniff and he started to pull away, but her arms crept around his neck and she was crying. He shifted, helping her sit and let her cry against his chest, hating the feeling of being powerless to help her.
He'd intended to taunt her when he felt her call him. He'd intended to hurt her as she'd hurt him in the past. However, faced with her tears, faced with her death, he found he couldn't.
After awhile, the sobs died down and he saw the faintest glow on the horizon. "I should leave," he said softly.
Her grip tightened. "You can't stay with me? At least...until the end?"
"Sarah-"
"Please?"
He was taken aback by her request. He was used to her dramatics, but this was different. This wasn't her being dramatic. And really, should anyone be alone when they're dying? "Would my presence bring you comfort? I'm not who you really want by your side, right?"
Her head lifted and she stared at him, surprised. "Eh?"
"Your parents, your brother?" He looked away from her damp face.
He felt her hands slip from around him and he stood, preparing to leave her side. However, her voice stopped him. "You're wrong," she whispered, her voice breaking.
He looked towards her again, surprised at her words. Her face was in a heart-breaking sort of expression, one that hurt him to look at. She looked at him, her gaze not wavering and he felt a wave of guilt wash over him once again. It wasn't his fault that she was dying, but if she'd stayed with him, she would have never been in this situation. If he'd made her stay with him, if he'd stolen those last moments from her, she would never have died, she wouldn't be in so much pain.
Her arms were covered in wires and tubes, and her skin was ashen and yet, there was a faint pink tinge hanging on her cheeks. He moved against his will, wrapping his arms tightly around her, his face pressing against her shoulder. "You fool, if you'd just taken my offer then, this never would have happened."
She was shaking, as if sitting was putting a strain on her. "Toby," she answered, and somehow, that answered everything.
He laughed desperately, sounding half-mad. "Sarah, you precious fool." He gripped the harsh cotton gown and ground his teeth together. "You never put yourself first, do you?"
She gave a soft laugh. "Not usually," she admitted. "But...now I'm scared. I'm going to die, and there's so much that I haven't done, so much..." He felt her hands playing with his soft hair. "But...at least I got to see you again."
He pulled back, looking down at her in surprise. "Sarah?"
She was smiling at him, but tears were still rolling down her face. "I love you. I loved you before I met you. I never stopped." She lifted her hands, wiping the tears away. "I didn't want to die...before I told you that."
He gripped her tightly. "Then why-"
"Toby," she answered again. "He was my responsibility. I'd been acting like a selfish brat for so long, so I couldn't...I couldn't abandon him."
His face twisted in pain and he gently lay her back on the bed. "Sarah, what do you want of me?"
She lifted her face to look at him. "I just...wanted to see you. To touch you. Even if I'm dreaming, even if this is just a hallucination. I wanted to see you one more time."
"You torture me," he whispered.
"I'm sorry," she whispered in return.
He heard footsteps approaching and he withdrew. "You have company," he said softly.
"Don't leave," she begged softly.
He gave her a thin smile that he knew looked heart-broken. "Not until the end," he promised.
.o0o.o0o.o0o.o0o.o0o.o0o.o0o.
Visiting hours were from nine in the morning until seven at night. One parent was allowed to stay overnight, however because of him, Sarah was left alone. He wished they'd just hire a baby-sitter, so that she wouldn't be lonely.
They always arrived at the hospital at precisely nine in the morning, with a to-go box from Sarah's favorite breakfast place in hand. This morning was no different, although he was noticing that his mother seldom had a day where her eyes weren't ringed with red and his father was showing signs of fatigue, and stress, despite being on emergency leave from work.
The nurse was waiting for them, telling them things that he was too young to understand. Words that he did understand were interspersed, but he couldn't understand how they related to his sister. For one thing, only food 'expired', and at that point, his mother would throw it out. He knew they weren't throwing Sarah away, even if she was confined to this hospital.
He also had some understanding of 'two weeks', because he knew one week was seven days, so two weeks was twice that many. He knew that the brain was what learned things, but he didn't understand what a tumor was. He had no concept of millimeters, or grams or things like that. All he knew was that his sister was losing her vitality, and seemed to be growing paler each day they visited.
He didn't know what radiation was, but he knew that whatever it was, they were using it, trying to keep her from expiring too soon.
It was silly. People didn't have numbers on them telling them when they would 'expire'. Sarah wasn't 'expiring'.
He knew what Sarah was doing though. He'd figured it out after the second visit, when he'd seen all the tubes sticking out of her arms, and how pale she was getting.
She was dying.
Soon, the nurse left them and they moved to the hospital room that Sarah was being kept in. The first thing he noticed was that Sarah didn't look as sad as the other days he'd visited. The second was that she already had company.
The man was dressed unlike anyone he'd seen, with wild blond hair sticking up all over the place. His shirt was white, billowing around him. He was standing in the darkest corner, simply watching them. His father set him down on a chair near Sarah, but the man standing at his side distracted him.
Sarah ate her food, speaking quietly to their parents, but he continued watching the man. "Are you here to take Sarah?"
Eight pairs of eyes snapped towards him, but the mismatched pair of the man who stood at his side were the most understanding. His mother spoke first. "Who are you speaking to, Toby?"
Toby looked towards his parents, then to Sarah, then to the man who stood beside him. His eyes returned to his parents, then Sarah, who smiled sadly at him. She shook her head, and he suddenly understood that she was telling him that they couldn't see this man. His eyes widened and he lowered his gaze, even as he felt the weight of a hand on his shoulder.
His mother laughed softly. "Toby, you have an imagination just like Sarah's," she said quietly.
After awhile, Sarah lay down, and closed her eyes, looking tired, and gestured towards him. He smiled, toddling over, climbing up on the hospital bed beside her, snuggling close. She didn't smell like normal. She smelled like medicine and something else he couldn't explain. The smell started to lull him to sleep until he heard the doctor enter and call his parents out of the room.
"You can see him, too?"
Sarah's voice was soft against his ear.
Toby nodded. "Is he going to take you away?"
The man moved close, kneeling beside the bed and his hand gently touched Toby's hair. "Sarah is dying, young one." The voice gentle, but he wasn't giving him any space for hope or lies, not like the doctors and nurses. "I am here so that she is not alone."
Toby grabbed the hand between his own, looking up at the man. "Thank you."
He felt Sarah trembling, and the man's other hand reached past him and he suspected the man was wiping away his older sister's tears. Toby turned towards his sister and pressed his face against the scratchy hospital gown. "Take her away," he whispered softly. "Take her away..." Tears rolled down his face and he clung to her. "Take sis away..."
Sarah was shaking, the man was silent. "Is that really your wish?"
He lifted his face, looking at them. Sarah was crying silently, a sad smile on her face. The man was looking at him, his face serious. "If it is your wish, I can do that. But she will be gone if I do. You wont see her again."
"Sarah...hurts." Toby wiped his face, looking the man straight in the eyes. "I don't want her to hurt anymore."
The man lifted his gaze to look at Sarah. "Is this alright with you?" Toby turned towards her, seeing the grief on her face. Slowly, she nodded, tears still spilling down her face.
"Just a moment," she whispered. She wrapped her arms tighter around him and Toby felt her face pressed into his neck. "I love you, Toby. Thank you." He heard her swallow hard and her hands stroked his back.
"I love you too, Sarah."
Slowly, she released him and he hopped down from the bed, moving over towards the chair once more, just as their parents entered the room once more with the doctor. Sarah smiled at them, a fleeting look, then Toby watched as she reached towards the man that only they could see. Their parents called out to them, but Toby saw a fierce joy in her eyes, a look he'd never seen before.
Toby didn't say anything as he watched the man lace fingers with Sarah and her hand fell limp to the mattress. He knew he was the only one who could see Sarah sit up, no longer wearing the hospital gown. She was dressed in the cream colored costume she always wore when they played together in the park. Her lips were in a soft smile and Toby turned towards the man who was standing before her. Around his shoulders was a cloak of owl feathers, soft, floating. The man was staring at her, his face sad and yet filled with joy.
The boys eyes widened as they slowly faded from his sight, and the sound of the hospital monitors and nurses bustling into the room startled him from his near-trance. His father gripped him as he lifted his gaze to look at Sarah's face. Her eyes were closed, a tear falling late from her eyes and sliding down her cheek. Her lips, however, were turned up in a dazzling smile.
Toby turned his face into his father's shoulder and let himself begin to cry.
.o0o.o0o.o0o.o0o.o0o.o0o.o0o.
Sarah watched her brother cry into her father's shoulder, her heart aching. "Toby," she whispered.
The hand that was laced with her own tightened and she turned, looking up at the man who had both saved her and ended her life. He was looking at her face, his own serious. "Do you regret your choice?"
She lowered her head, shaking it. "No."
"Then why do you look so sad," Jareth's voice was low, even. Still, the tone demanded answer.
After a moment, she lifted her face and smiled at him. "If I had made that wish, you wouldn't have taken me, would you?" His eyes widened and his lips parted as he stared down into her face.
"Sarah?"
She smiled, knowingly. "It's alright. Really." She lowered her head once more. "Jareth, I called you because I didn't want to die regretting so many things I'd done in my life." She turned towards him, lightly touching his face. "I didn't want to die...having never told you the truth. I wanted to accept the offer then. I was tempted, but I couldn't. Not then." She swallowed hard, glancing away.
He stared at her blushing profile for a long moment, then pulled her to his chest, gripping her tightly. "I wouldn't have taken you, no. Not because I wouldn't want to, but because I wouldn't have been able to. You must be wished away, I am bound by that rule. I cannot break it." He lifted her face and leaned down, softly kissing her lips. "I will tell you, Sarah, that I love you as well. Stay with me from now on. Be my queen. Take what I offered you before."
Sarah looked at his face, caressing it lightly. Finally, she whispered back to him: "Yes."
.o0o.o0o.o0o.o0o.o0o.o0o.o0o.
AN: In the old tales of the fairy realms, humans who were taken were often thought to be dead. Sorry about the copious angst and how short it is. This is just a little waffly something to tide everyone over until I'm able to finish the next chapter of "TGKD". Thanks for reading :heart: