Chapter One: Kipp's Big Day
Today was a very big day for Kipp, for today was his eighteenth birthday today. Being eighteen means he is training is complete and he is offishully a hiro of Albion.
"Happy birthday today Kip! Today is your 18th birthday which means that your training is complete. Ofishully. You are a hiro of Albion," said the Guildmaster to Kipp.
"Thank you, Sifu. What did you get me today, on my birthday?" inchoired Kipp.
"Why a guild seal and some nice slacks, boy," said the Guildmaster quite racistly.
"Awww...I wanted blue jeans!" laughed Kip.
"Get the fuck out of here! GET OUT!" cryed the Guildmaster throwing a pint of mead at the heavy wooden door.
And so Kipp set off to begin his Grand Journey with a single step, for that is how all journeys must begin in the beginning of starting to go on a journey. But first, he had to put on his new slacks. But then the guildmaster was all "Those are nice pants! Don't wear them in the woods!" So he didnt.
XXXX
In his nice new slacks Kipp had received his first job. He was a'sposed(sp?) to keep people out of the town abandunned windmill. He decided the best way to do this was to dress up as The WerePirate Ghost but this led to a lot of shenanigans by some meddling kids so he thought it would just be a hole lot easier to stab on of the kids in the face. With his sword. To make an example.
XXXX
Later as he was mounting the boys head, ascot in cluded, he received a new mission. He was asposed to escort (teehee) a merhcant ship with several other hiroes.
(I'll take a moment now to describe the other hiroes)
first there was Richard, a largeman who was something of a berserker.
Then was the which hunter GRiselta. She has a bow and arrow.
Hubert is not expendable.
Renaldo, who is an excellent axe fighter, even more excellent though at bow figthing, with Arrows not the sticks.
Kip has the same name as the main character, he kind of keeps to himself. From here on out, this will be Kip III or Kip #3. You decide.
Then was this hot girl, she could totes do magic and shit. And like if she saw you in the street she'd beat your ass with her hands. Literally. she's hot like that. but really she can fight good
And finally was Little Dick. Like Richard. but littler. That's pretty much it.
(pretty cool)
The boat sets out without any incidence. Except for the spy that got on bored. But that's not really any incendence at all, anyway.
XXXX
So Kipp was basically talking to Karen.
"So basically I thought to myself, that it would just be easier if I stabbed the kid in the face, like as an example, you know, I mean I couldn't just let him get away. He knew my secret identity! You want to know another secret?" Kipp asked as he put his leg up on the deck with his hand in his trousers. He leaned in, mainly with his crotch, and whispered to Tanya "The real secret, is that the real legend, is down here," Kipp looked down seductively and whipped out his Gladius.
"That's a bitchin sword!" squeaked Karen.
"I know! I bought it!" said Kipp angrily as he stormed away. Speaking of storms there was a terrible one. The sort of storm that wrecked ships. Which it totally did. Literally.
XXXX
Kipp wakes up on the ship which is ducked. All alone except of course for all the dead merchants.
He gets up. Looks out to the horizon. Sees the back of some statue of a super disfigured person.
He turns around and looks at the other horizon and sees a bustling port filled with the moset disturbing site he'd ever seeeen...
COWMEN!
PURPLE PEOPLE WITH ENORMUS EARS AND GLOWING EYES!
STANDARD COLORED PEOPLE WITH GIANT EARS AND GLOWING EYES!
TINY MEN.
AND WOMEN!
MEN WITH TUSKS ALL COLORS OF THE RAINBOW! (THE MEN NO THE TUSKS!)!
And a sign that said "Welcome to Booty Bay"
Things were about to get really weird.