A x Little x Pain x
x His addiction led him to where he is now x
X To the lyrics of A little Pain by Oliva inspi' Reira Trapnest X
Pairings: RiSo (Side Pairings included)
Entry 001: Travel to x The Moon
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His friends told him all the time that he might as well live on his balcony. The brunette would always stare up to the moon from the tenth floor apartment, looking at it as if he was waiting for something to happen. It was strange, true. Yet he didn't care what his friends thought. He would stay on that balcony until what he was waiting for would finally happen. It was the only thing he was waiting for in the world, so he would just wait and wait and continue that cycle, until it finally came.
Of course sometimes the moon would just disappear, and on those days he felt the worse. He felt connected to that silver piece of the night. When it left him his friends would always tell him that he looked pale, dead. Last time the new moon came into the sky he got a panic attack just from not finding that moon in the sky.
"Sora, I really think you need to see a psychologist." Kairi Empyreal pleaded to the brunette, grasping his wrist tightly yet comfortingly as she tried to convince him for the fifth time to seek out professional psychiatric help. It was now 7:14PM, near the end of the twilight hour. Kairi knew how he was and checking from her specialized secretary calendar today was marked to be the first new moon of the week. She didn't want anything to happen to her brother.
"I'm perfectly fine," he sighed, his body shifting towards his balcony. Through the long wall of plastic windows he could see the twilight. Yet seeing was not at all like feeling. He wanted to bask in that glow before it vanished for another day.
"No you're not." Kairi softly anguished, though not soft enough for Sora to avoid hearing her words. "Everyday, since we were fifteen, I've seen you just wander onto that balcony and just stare at that moon. Before dad and I thought it was just an interest in the moon, like you could be an astrologist or something. It's not though! It seems like your life is deteriorating away every time you stare up at that moon. It's not healthy at all, and all your friends think so too!"
Sora just looked at his sister, big yet small blue eyes shining with melancholy. He hated how he was hurting her by simply watching the moon, but he couldn't simply stray away. Last time he tried his attempt to rid himself of this intoxicating addiction nearly succeeded and failed. It was too hard for him to take his eyes off it once they landed on it.
Kairi looked like she was about to cry. Her brother wasn't answering her and by the looks of it he was easily trying to avoid her eyes. "Well…answer me?" A pause and no response. "Please Sora, just answer me! Everyone is worried about you and all you can do is focus on that stupid moon!"
His eyes widened at her harsh tone, but more or less at her crueler words. "Don't say that Kairi," he choked out, feeling an invisible lump clog inside his throat. "Just don't e-ever sa-ay that."
"Why Sora, why? Is it because you hate hearing bad things about that precious moon of yours?!" Kairi scowled at her brother in a string—a chain of painful words. She didn't even realize that he was about to break down for what could seem like the infinite time again. "Can't you even see what's happened to you? This has to end Sora—" a small sob came from her cracking voice "—I want my brother back again. Please just stop it."
That feeling came back again. It was the worst feeling in the world. He was failing…he was failing everyone again. Just like he always did and was—a disappointment to everyone, even to the only person whoever seemed to care about him since he was little. She was the younger sister; he was supposed to take care of her, not the other way around. It didn't make sense at all. "Y-you're right, Ka-airi," he started to choke out again, feeling lightheaded and unclear in his thoughts. "I-I need to go. I need to sto-op this."
Kairi smiled lightly at her older brother, coming closer and embracing him in her arms. "I'm so happy for you Sora. Tidus and I found a guy yesterday and he takes insurance," she let go of her grip but kept her arms outstretched and her palms flat on his shoulders, "we know you'll feel better after this Sora. We all want the best for you and you don't have to go through any of this alone."
Sora just flashed a small fake smile to fool his sister and nodded. "Alright then Kairi," he paused, looking at her lanky arms outstretched onto his shoulders. "Do you mind…?"
Kairi took a moment to wonder what he meant but then averting her eyes to her arms, which were still subconsciously grasping onto her brother; she pulled away and sheepishly laughed. "Sorry Sora, my bad." Sora shook his head at her and she lightly smiled. "I'm going to get some water, do you want any?"
"No, its fine," he quickly said, putting a hand up to his sister. "You just got right on ahead. Remember how to turn on the filter water?" She nodded and he just gave another smile. With those final invisible words she walked right out of the living room and into the kitchen.
Sora looked at the spot where his sister stood, trying to convince him to stop looking at the moon. He smiled fondly at the spot, thinking of his sister for a brief moment. After the incident he dejected himself from her and their father, trying to stay away to keep himself happy again. Thinking back on it what he did…it was a mistake. The side that always wanted to be absolute perfection hated it. Mistakes were never to be made by him. So what he is doing…is it a mistake?
His ears heard a small noise coming from the kitchen. He assumed Kairi found the water filter switch. Unfortunately that switch tends to run slowly so getting the water from it took a while. The brunette sighed whimsically, turning his body around yet again. Time seemed to pass by so quickly. Twilight was gone and now the night scene was in its place.
Looking back into the kitchen he noticed Kairi was still filling up her cup full of water. He slyly opened the balcony door, doing his meticulous best to make sure she didn't hear it, and set foot onto the balcony; keeping the door open wide. His hands slid across the cool metal of the railing, which was big enough to let his arms reach yet not big enough to have his body at risk of simply leaning over and falling off along with himself. Blue eyes were about to scout for the moon, but he quickly diverted them before he could even see a cloud over the tall apartment buildings.
You promised her that you would stop, Sora. He told himself, sitting himself on one of the white chairs that he had by the wall of the balcony, shutting his eyes tight. Don't break your promise Sora. Kairi is really trying to help you. She even found a psychologist that would take your case. So don't even think of looking at it again. Sora put his hands on his knees, feeling the need to scrunch up into a fettle ball. Suddenly his head was in the midst of a migraine, he was breathing unevenly and his felt unwanted tears prickling down his eyes. Not now. I won't do it. It hurts but I can't ease it by looking at it.
It was too late to say that though. His will broke easily and only mere seconds after scrunching into a fettle position he was back on his legs. He strided to the balcony railing and grasped the railing with his bare hands yet again; his eyes peering up at the night sky to search for the silver orb of his affection. He lived in the city so no stars ever showed up in the night sky, but the moon was always there even in the cluttered air of pollution that infested the atmosphere.
His eyes searched the sky feverishly. Usually the moon would be up in the sky. The sky…it was pure darkness today. He didn't see anything in it. That feeling… It was back again. The feeling of emptiness; and like all the other times he had no idea why it was happening. It ate him inside. There was a fog coming in now. Now he wouldn't be able to even imagine the moon there. Still no valid reason why he was feeling pain came to mind.
"Sora?" He almost forgot about Kairi, who was calling him from inside the apartment. I can't let her catch me here. She'll…she'll hate me, I know she will. Then I'll have nothing again. "Sora, are you out on the balcony again?!" No. No I can't let her. I don't want her to see me like this again.
The fog had entranced his thoughts, leaving them behind with his common sense. He grasped the railing of the balcony tighter and struggled to hoist himself over the steel semi-cage. Kairi was right, he had to end this. But a psychologist was a pointless. Just another person to secretly judge him base on his weird obsession, not to mention he would be wasting Kairi's insurance plan on it. Another inconvenience to her and her fiancé; they're supposed to be married in two months. But won't you hurt Kairi more by killing yourself?
It doesn't matter, he fought back with himself; what remained of his common sense. It would hurt at first but in the long run of it she'll be better off without me. I'm just a bother to her, and with me gone she can continue her life from the place where it stopped when my obsession began. She'll get married, have a child and live happily ever after. That's what she wants— happiness, right?
"Sora, stop!" A shrill cry emerged from the air, accompanied by a pair of thin feminine arms wrapped around his chest, pulling him forcefully down back to the safe side of the balcony railing.
Once she knew he was safe Kairi broke down in tears, her voice cracking as her suppressed sobs finally broke through. He was one leg away from falling off a ten story drop down to the ground. The arms that pulled him down were still wrapped around his torso, shaking insanely. "S-Sora, n-not li-ike th-hat." It could only be Kairi, she was the only one their. "I-I wa-ant th-his to e-end but w-when I s-said 'to end' I di-idn't mean like th-his."
It was like hell in his mind. Being hurt physically was one thing. Physical wounds could usually be healed or repaired and are just faded memories when they're gone. Yet the way he felt now; it hurt more than that ten story drop would have. When he and Kairi were little he swore to her that he would always protect her. Now here he was, only a decade later, and she was crying. The worse part was that she was crying because of him.
She was now cradling him in her lap, arms wrapped tightly around his chest, as if letting go would mean death, and only knowing he was still alive because of the slow chest compressions he gave off. A small ethereal tear streamed down his eyes, the sound of his sister's broken sobs murdering him on the inside. "K-Kai-iri, don't c-cry," he quietly begged his sister, lapsing his shaky hands over her tight bond over his chest. "P-please, do-on't cry."
"W-why is it s-so ha-ard to st-top, Sora?" She silently asked herself, her grip tightening only slightly as she felt her brother's tears drip onto her hands.
It was harder than she could even imagine.
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The waiting room of the small clinic was quite plain in his opinion. Plane white walls with different types of pictures were hung, contrasting to the green rug carpet under his feet. By a brown door, which he assumed was were the sessions took place in, was a brown wooden desk with a small disordered pile of papers scattered around the tabletop, a black computer, a couple small framed photographs near the end of the desk top and a few trinkets and small ornaments around the computer desk.
"I think we're too early," Sora grumbled, a bit upset that he has to talk to a shrink, but after this attempt at flying yesterday he couldn't shake off the idea of abandoning this idea.
"We can't be," Kairi sighed out, looking at a small piece of paper. In pen was the address of the place, directions and the time of the appointment. "According to the time slot we got…I think we're two minutes early."
Sora shrugged, looking at the small desk in between two doors. The one of the right was unlabeled and the one on the left had a small sign with a string over a nail saying in clear black letters 'Bathroom'. "The secretary isn't even here, Kairi. I think we came too early."
"Then why were we let in when we buzzed the door?" She retorted bitterly. Everyone sibling wished they could change one thing about their brother or sister. The thing Kairi would change: Sora's sense of pride. Whenever they fought they would do it with almost no end in sight. Usually their mother or father would break them up from the barrage of senseless bickering amongst themselves. It was childish but even now, in their early twenties it still seems to continue.
"Psychologists are just a different type of doctor," Sora tastefully said, remembering his last time in a hospital. "Like all doctor offices they just make you wait an unreasonable amount of time for no reason. Not to mention the horrible reading material they provide. Why do I need to read a magazine from the last two Octobers?"
Kairi shot him a slight glare but was cut short when a light flushing sound came from the room labeled 'Bathroom', followed by the click of the doorknob opening. Out of the door came a mass of spiky blond hair, which made Kairi do a double-take immediately. "Roxas, is that you!" She gasped in somewhat amazement.
To her question light blue eyes met her own, and brought with them a perked smile on his lips. "Kairi," he breathed out relaxingly. Of course that lax feeling didn't last for too long. "What're you doing in a psychologist clinic?" He had yet to notice Sora, who was easily trying to conceal himself from the blond.
Sora had a secret that he refused to tell his sister. He wasn't very fond of Roxas. The brunette didn't want to say to himself that he hated the other, as he just couldn't bring himself to hate someone—ever—but he just didn't have a good feeling about the other. Not only did Roxas look like a mirror image of himself (if he was much more mature looking and had blond hair to be specific) but he would always pry into things that weren't even his business.
"I'm here with—" she stopped mid-sentence; noticing Sora wasn't by her side. The redhead looked around and noticed Sora was now sitting on one of the seats near the corner, his black hood over his head; flipping through a magazine with little interest. She sighed and turned back to the blond. "I'm here with my brother, Sora. You two remember meeting right?"
Roxas thought for a minute and then nodded, blonde bangs falling out of place. "Right I remember. This is about his obsession with the moon?" At his words he noticed Sora twitch, the magazine crumpling up at the held sides. "I don't know why you came here though. I personally don't like this guy, but you might as well talk to him."
Kairi smiled a little but then broke it when she remembered something. "Roxas, I thought you worked as a secretary for a big company, not for a clinic psychologist."
Roxas shrugged, walking over to the desk and taking a seat on the wheeled computer chair. "His real secretary is sick with a stomach virus, and she and I are good friends so she asked me to substitute for her."
"She?" Kairi asked with a small glared, crossing her arms to go along with the package.
Here it goes again. Sora could only think, knowing how his sister got. Another reason why he didn't like Roxas too much was because he was Kairi's fiancé. Why was this so mind-numbingly bothering to him? Kairi got paranoid over every little thing that happened around his life. She apparently believes that all men will have the urge to be with someone else in an instant, while they're in a relationship. So when Kairi found this out she decided that if Roxas knew another girl that was prettier than she is he would immediately have sex with her.
"Kairi, relax. I'm not going to cheat on you and especially not with Naminé. Besides she has a boyfriend already," Roxas sighed, raking a hand through his blond spikes.
Kairi's glare softened for a minute, but it went on again when he saw a picture of Naminé in all her glory. "Don't lie to me, Roxas! Not only does she look like me she's blond! You two would match together or something." Behold, my sister in a nutshell. Sora thought, snickering lightly to himself.
"Kairi, please calm down. When I proposed to you I decided that I loved you, so don't get too worked up. Like I said, she has a boyfriend—who isn't me—so there's no reason to get worked up." Roxas explained, taking Kairi's hand in his own. Sora rolled his eyes, feeling like he was going to throw up or something, as Kairi the genius put it in.
Right in the middle of the two's lovely moment the other unlabeled door opened, and out came another male. He had straight shoulder length silver hair, sea-green eyes and his face was slightly pale. He wore a simple black vest with a white shirt underneath, a pair of dark blue jeans and white converses. "Roxas," he started, two fingers pinching the bridge of his own nose, "stop arguing with your fiancé and get back to those files."
Roxas frowned, letting go of Kairi's hand. "Yes, sir," he murmured with a defeated sigh. With that the silver haired man walked back into the room which he emerged from, shutting the door quietly behind him.
"Who was that jerk?" Kairi spat, crossing her arms. She didn't exactly enjoy having her mildly romantic moments destroyed like that.
Roxas chuckled at his fiancé's blunt statement. "That jerk is the psychologist, Riku Verity. I suppose Sora will be seeing him."
Kairi gaped a little but quickly bit back her comment. "I…I suppose he will," she paused, looking back at Sora who was staring at the door. "Sora, lets get going."
X.Something in his gut told him it was going to be a long damn session.X
Smyde what are you doing. It's suppose to be AkuRoku day and you're submitting a new RikuSora fiction? What the hell?
...Well I-
I mean don't you have a AkuRoku fic that you haven't updated in forever?
...I can explain-
And why did Sora try to commit suicide and why is Riku and jerk. AND WHY IS ROXAS MARRYING KAIRI INSTEAD OF AXEL. HOW COULD YOU-
-shoots the jerk- Don't be that jerk now mkay ;D But seriously don't whine alright. I know it's AkuRoku day but then again it's only AkuRoku day for me when I feel like writing AkuRoku, alright. Anyways this took a while because my computer kept dying on me -had to rewrite the end of the attempted suicide thing three times. I don't like how it came out this time -tried to rewrite from memory and failed-
But wait- I didn't write this all in one day. No I've been writing it for more tha a week now. Why submit it today?
Why to spite you all that's why :D -avoids the bullets- IloveyouallXD
HAPPY AKUROKU DAY! YOUR PRESENT- AN ANGSTY RIKUSORA FICTION! YAAAAAAY!!
PS: Watch the anime Nana and read the Nana manga too. Also listen to this song. It sounds so pretty and I love it ;o;