#Imagine
"Arianna! Have you checked twitter yet today?"
"Good morning to you too Dani." I mumbled sarcastically, rolling over onto my stomach in bed, my phone held weakly to the side of my face.
"Seriously Ari, you really need to see this." She said.
"Okay, okay. I'm getting up. You happy?" I pushed my covers back off me and shoved my unruly dark hair off my face.
"Yes, just do it!" Dani yelled, before hanging up. I groaned. Leave it to my best friend to call only to command me to do something then hang up.
I collapsed into my desk chair, resting my face in the palm of my hand as my computer started up.
I immediately noticed the rush of mentions that I had waiting for me. 1387? That was high, even for someone with 500,000 followers.
"Are you and James going back out?"
"I can't believe James is dating her again!"
"Oh, my gosh, you look so beautiful"
"Why is James posting those photos?"
Photos? James? What is all this about, I haven't seen him since I left the Summer tour nearly a year and a half ago after catching him making out with Halston.
That year and a half had been one of the best and worst of my life. From landing a huge choreography contract with So You Think You Can Dance and working on the new Step Up movie, to going through 6 months of intensive physical therapy to learn how to walk and dance again after being attacked by my dad. And worst of all, loosing James.
No matter what anyone else would tell me, he still cheated on me and did exactly what he said he would never. He hurt me. He broke my heart. And I can't forgive him for that.
I shook my head and pulled open James twitter account. Despite the fact that we had a terrible breakup, I never stopped following him.
The first thing I noticed was the crazy amount of pictures that were posted, it wasn't like him to post more than one picture a day, and then post, what 15 of them, it was not like him. The last of them being posted only 3 hours ago. I scrolled back to the first, posted late last night, and clicked the simple tweet.
It was simply a "3" with a single picture, and clicking open the link, I froze in my seat.
It was slightly blurry, but it was still crystal clear as to who the picture was of. It was me, yesterday specifically, wearing my red long sleeve jersey top and black spandex dance shorts, along with my favorite pair of black DC high tops. I was flipping my hair and making a 'sexy' face so to speak at the vantage point as my hand was frozen in its path up my side.
I clicked on the next picture, and the next and the next.
They were all the same. Me, while I was dancing yesterday.
But that didn't make sense. The only person I had been with was Dani, and I was showing her one of the songs that I choreographed for Step Up Revolution, Along with a few others that we just made up choreography for.
I took a deep shaky breath, wrapping my arms around myself.
No…
There was no way that he was there yesterday. No way.
I stood and grabbed my car keys, not even caring that I was still in my shorts and tank that I sleep in and climbed in my car, heading over to Dani's place, not knowing who else I could talk to. She was the only one who would really understand.
She was waiting on her porch even before I pulled into her driveway. I shut the car off and ran towards her, collapsing into heart breaking sobs in her arms.
"Come on Ari. Lets get you some hot chocolate and Ice Cream" she pulled me inside and got me seated on the couch. I grabbed the blanket that I always kept here and wrapped it around myself. Pulling my phone out of my pocket, I opened up twitter, deciding to finally address the mess that was my mentions.
"I am sorry for whatever is going on. We don't always know where to go in our lives, and I don't know where to go from here."
And I left it at that. Dani walked in a few seconds later with a pint of Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough ice cream and I tall glass of hot chocolate, as well as an armful of movies. I raised an eyebrow.
"What? It is scientifically proven that cookie dough and terrible movies always cure heart break." I raised the other one. "Don't question me. Now come one, we have a twilight saga marathon to watch." I groaned, no matter how much I liked the books; I loathed the movies.
6 hours and 5 bad movies later, Dani and I were on our backs laugh uproariously.
"Come on girl! Please tell me you did not just say that!" I managed to get out between laughs.
"I am dead serious, I would rather force Carlos to eat ketchup than run at Liam with spoons!"
I began laughing so hard; I fell of the couch.
"Okay, OKAY! Ari, would you rather…. Run through an alleyway covered in spider webs or eat hot wings without water?"
"Hot wings without water, I can drink milk instead." I replied, neither option was particularly appealing. "Okay Dani, would you rather.." I was cut off by the doorbell ringing.
"I got this." Dani said, waving a hand at me as I moved to get off the sofa.
I sighed, leaning back into the cushions and downing the last of my, now melted, cookie dough ice cream.
"What in the world are you doing here?" I heard Dani yell from the doorway. "NO, NO get out! Leave us alone!"
"Dani, what in the world are you getting all up in arms about?" I ask, chuckling lightly as I walked down the hall to the front door.
"NO! Ari-" Dani started, but not before I saw who was standing in the entrance of her house.
"Arianna." James said, his eyes softening immensely upon seeing me here.
"What are you doing here?" I asked quietly, wrapping my arms around my self subconsciously.
"I came to talk. Please Arianna, let me in again. It kills me knowing that you are so close and yet I still can't have you."
I took two steps back, shaking my head. "I'm sorry James, but I have a boyfriend, and," I smiled lightly, "I'm happy."
"No, Ari, you're not. I can tell just by your body language and your eyes. You're in pain. He's abusing you, isn't he?" He accused.
I shook my head, shocked that he knew my deepest secret so quickly. I grabbed my keys and purse off of the table and stalked towards the door. "I'm not having this conversation with you." I said bluntly.
"Ari, no." Dani said, looking hurt as I climbed into my car.
I backed out of her driveway and drove home, fighting for composure the whole way. I knew I was in a bad position, but I had never known any different all my life. Almost every relationship I have ever been in resulted in abuse. I could only think of one that I had ever been in a relationship with that never really ended that way. And I had just shut him right back out of my life.
After parking the car in the driveway, I walked up to the front door and fumbled with my keys, my eyes watering terribly. I looked up as it opened in front of me.
"Where have you been?" Peter, my boyfriend, asked. By the fire in his eyes I could tell it was going to be bad.
It was then that I began wishing that I never left James standing on Dani's doorstep like I did.
All through the night as he lay his hands on me I wished for James, to be in his warm arms again, to have never have left him.
And underneath all that, as I lay in bed that night, sore and bleeding, I wished to feel safe. That someone would come and take me away from the pain.
Spend all your time waiting
for that second chance
for a break that would make it okay
As quickly and silently as possible, I packed as much of my stuff as possible, then threw it in the back of my car, looking back once more at the place that I have begun to call a prison than a home, before pulling out of my driveway and speeding to Dani's place. She opened the door, eyes wide.
"Please, get me out of here." I pleaded
there's always some reason
to feel not good enough
and it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
oh beautiful release
Dani and I moved out to NYC without any questions, her job graciously understanding the circumstances she was in and let her transfer to the NY branch of the company. I left LA without a plan of how to get a job, and after 3 weeks I had still failed to find a permanent position with a company.
memories seep from my veins
let me be empty
and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight
"Get up" Dani said, throwing clothes my way and pulling the shades back in my room.
"Come on! Just let me sleep!"
"No, I pulled a heck of a lot of strings for you and got us backstage tonight, and I am not letting it go to waste. Now get up." She pulled on my legs, determined to get me out of bed. I shot up in bed lightning quick, pulling my legs away from her.
Even though it had been nearly a month since I left peter, I am still afraid at anyone who touched me. I felt like I did when I first came into my adoptive home when I was 12. I was scared. I took one look at the clothes she laid out for me once I had recovered from the shock and picked them up and threw them right back at her.
"Dani, there is no way I am wearing that."
"Yes you are, now come one, we need to be down at the amphitheater in an hour, and you KNOW how terrible traffic is."
in the arms of the angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
"Dani, no. I am not going in there. Not like this." I whispered, pulling back on her arm. I already wasn't comfortable going out in just a flowing tank, shorts and gladiators, but going in with my now very recent scars and fading bruises showing, it just wasn't going to happen.
"Arianna, it's the only way, trust me." She said, shrugging off my hand and walking out onto the stage.
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort here
"Arianna, what are you doing here?" James asked, noticing me hiding slightly behind the side of the stage.
"I live in New York now." I said, not making eye contact, rubbing my hand over my arm in a nervous habit. James immediately focused on what my hands were doing. He looked at me with the same expression on his face that I saw Dani look at me with that night I showed up on her doorstep, beaten and bloody.
"no." was all he said.
"James-" was all I got out before pulled tightly into his arms. And this time, I didn't fight. I wrapped my own arms around him tightly and buried my face in his chest.
Finally, I was safe.
so tired of the straight line
and everywhere you turn
there's vultures and thieves at your back
and the storm keeps on twisting
you keep on building the lies
that you make up for all that you lack
it don't make no difference
escaping one last time
it's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees
"James!" I yelled, running away as he chased me through our new house.
"Come on short stuff! Get back here!" he laughed, getting his arms around my waist and pulling me down on top of him as he fell to the floor.
We were both laughing, just enjoying being with each other again.
I almost wasn't expecting it when he placed his hands on the sides of my face and pulled my mouth to his. It took me a minute to process what was happening, and when I did, I pulled back out of reflex.
"Ari?" James asked, hurt evident in his voice, I still couldn't open my eyes to look at him.
"I'm sorry James." I whispered. No matter what happens, the scars of my past will always be there to stare me in the face, and I can't overlook them just yet. I knew, and he knew it would take time for me to trust him again, but I don't think either of us thought it would take this long.
in the arms of the angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
"Arianna, no matter what you may think, I'm not going to leave you again. If my ring didn't already prove that to you-"
"What ring?" I asked, completely in the dark as to when he ever gave me a ring.
He reached his arms around my neck and unclasped the necklace I always wore for good luck. He pulled the simple diamond ring of the chain and held it out between our faces. "This ring, I was going to propose to you the night you left me. I don't know how, but this some how made it's way back to you, and every time I have ever seen a picture of you since, you are always wearing it, and I hope you will always wear it, just around your finger instead of around your neck. Arianna, will you marry me?"
I held a hand up to my mouth, trying to hold back my tears of joy. I shook my head yes quickly and watched as a huge grin spread across his face. He placed a light kiss onto my forehead and wrapped his arms tightly around my waist.
And for once in my life, I knew I wouldn't have to fear anything, or anyone anymore. I was finally home.
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort here
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort here
Well I hope yall liked it! I really enjoyed writing it! The end wasn't the best, but I really liked where it went!
-Kathryn Maslow 3