This morning I decided to bake a cake. Not just any cake but a chocolate cake. I still feel as though I don't fit in. There's no real reason that I should, I'm just kidding myself that I could one day become part of a family like this. I am living in a house with a group of people I know nothing about, and who know nothing about me either. Edward may be my boyfriend and he may say that they all want me here but that gives me no right to just turn up on the door and make myself at home. He doesn't have the right to say I can either, it's his family's home, it's not up to him. Therefore I am making this cake as a gesture. A gesture of my appreciation, and whilst they enjoy the gorgeous cake I will break the news to Edward, and his family, that tomorrow I am going to look for a house in the town. I can't go on living here, I feel way to much like an intruder to ever be myself and relax. I am sure everyone is so fed up with me that they will be glad to wave me off. It's only Edward I have to worry about. Even I can see that he is walking around like a lovesick teenager, and that's coming from the girl who is head over heels in love with him too. We are both smitten so I can tell that this is going to come as a big surprise, even though I have only been living here for a couple of months. Geez I don't even have any of my own belongings in this house, maybe that's why it feels so weird, nothing belongs to me. So that is way I am baking a cake, it will help me to tell them that I am moving out.
"Geez Bella, that long speech didn't make it feel any easier." I outwardly reasoned with myself, and then glanced over my shoulder to check no one had heard me talking to myself. "Okay now I am losing it." I just can't relax, it's impossible. As I poured the cake mixture into the tins two warm hands wrapped around me making the mixture spill over the edge. "Edward what have I told you about doing that." I swivelled around in his embrace to face him a huge smile breaking across my face. "My heart can't take surprises." Edward glanced behind me to survey the mess I had made of the kitchen and to the cake.
"Well, well, well. I never saw you as the domestic type."
"Baking a cake hardly makes me a domestic goddess Edward." I turned around again releasing myself from his grasp to put the cake in the oven.
"Well I like it. Very . . . homely." His adoration made me cringe, he's gunna hate me for what I am about to do.
"Yeah very funny. Well don't get to used to it. Now you either be quiet or leave, I can't take the distraction I need to tidy up." I couldn't help the smile that played on my lips.
"Fine. I don't think I can keep my hands to myself. I shall leave, but you need to know Miss Swan I don't like being dismissed."
"You're not being dismissed, you're being saved till later" He swirled me around again and kissed my lips taking me completely of guard. I felt like I was going to melt right there on the spot. How does he do that? He left the room bowing just to make me feel powerful, making me giggled at his immaturity.
The time had come. The cake was finished.
"Guys, can you come in here a sec?" I heard movement from the next room and was soon joined by Edward's family, all 6 of them. They all took seats around the kitchen island and helped themselves to the chocolatey cakey goodness I had set in front of them.
"Looks good Bells." Edwards cooed as he sauntered into the room.
"Okay this isn't easy" I spat out trying to put off the inevitable as Edward took his seat opposite me.
"What is it Bella honey?" In the couple of weeks I had being living under the Cullen roof I had realised what a great mum Esme was. I decided that I would mainly speak to her whilst saying this. She would understand and it would make it a whole lot easier.
"Well I have decided something. Look I turn up on your doorstep with Edward one day and practically move in there and then"
"Bella . ." Edward was protesting already. He could easily sense where this conversation was going.
"No Edward let me say this. So I turn up with Edward and move in. You know nothing about me and you just accept my presence in your home." I was getting nervous, my hands were flying everywhere trying to empathize everything I was saying.
"Bella it's your home too." Edward was not going to let me say this without interrupting so I just shot him a death stare which quickly shut him up and made Emmett burst into hysterics.
"You have all been so kind to me but I can't help feeling like some kind of intruder, as though I shouldn't be here. It's your home, and me being with Edward doesn't give me the right to barge in. This is why I am going house hunting tomorrow. I think I will get myself a place in town. This way I am not too far away, so I can actually have the chance to get to know you all."
"Okay Bella stop." It was Carlisle who was interrupting now. I went to protest but this time he sent me a stern look. "Bella you're right. We don't know anything about you. But you also know very little about us. Edward loves you, that much is obvious and although we don't know everything we know enough to realise what an amazing person you are, and you make Edward happy. Ever since you arrived here you have been bouncy and fun and to be honest I for one have loved having you around, although I know you do feel like you are a bit out of place sometimes. I want you to stay Bella and when I say this I think I am saying what everyone else here is thinking. However, ultimately it is your choice and if you feel as though you need to have sometime by yourself, then that is your choice and we respect that."
I took in each person individually and they each gave me their most sympathetic look, until I reached Edward. He did not look happy, his eyes had narrowed and I could practically feel his nervousness radiating of him. Nervousness? What did he have to be nervous about? I was the one breaking news to his family and him. Cold shivers ran down my spine and I instinctively tightened my arms around myself. I couldn't take my eyes off his, even when Esme started talking to me.
"Bella honey I don't think Edward will mind me saying this but I haven't seen him this happy in a very long time." Yep, he was still staring at me. "And that is down to you. This isn't meant to make you feel guilty dear, but it is meant to make you realise that, like Edward said, you have to start calling this your home, because in our eyes it is." Okay Edward was starting to freak me out. I knew this was going to be a bombshell. He knew that I still felt a little awkward but I had never let on that I wanted to move out. He saw this as an adventure. Me and him, starting a life together. Then a little whinny voice filled the room nearly close to tears,
"Bella I don't want you to go. You're the best friend I have ever had." The next thing I knew Alice had flung her arms around me. "Is it my fault? Have I been to pushy?" Oh great, here come the puppy dog eyes.
"Okay guys calm down You have only know me for a few months. Me moving into town won't make much difference. I will still see you all the time and it's only down the road. You guys get attached quickly don't you?" I giggled at myself but no one else seemed to find it very amusing. I turned to Alice "I love you Alice, you're . . . amazing and you definitely are pushy but I love it. It has nothing to do with how I get on with any of you. It's just weird me being here. I don't have any of my things here and I still feel as though I am tip toeing around you all. Me living in a different house won't change you guys being a part of my life." I was getting kind of desperate now. I didn't think it would be such a big deal. I thought I was over reacting earlier but now I did seem to have a problem, Edward still wasn't moving and I was starting to get a little bit anxious. After I had managed to break away from Alice I went over to him. He was sat on one of the stools so I put my arms around him so I could read his expressions. "Look you don't know much about my life. One thing I will tell you now is that I never had a family." This made everyone start and Esme automatically put her arm around me and hold me tight. I shrugged it off but then felt instantly guilty and lonely, so I put on the best smile I could to show there were no hard feelings. Geez this was turning out to be a heavy day. "I didn't say that for you to give me sympathy, it's no big deal, I've learnt to live with it. I guess I do find it hard leaving with you guys because up until now I have always lived on my own. There was no one to care for me and no one I had to care about either. I learnt to be independent and I have never had so many people with me for such a long time. I guess I am a moody cow half the time just because I don't know how to deal with all this." I looked around me at the warm room. Every surfaced was littered with family pictures and cherished possessions. "In this house there is such much love and although this sounds weird, that's why I just need some space. To sort things out, and to adapt to this new life. It will seem weird to you but this is all so alien to me, it's so different." I paused and turned back to the family and to Edward who was still statue like under me. "Edward? Honey? You're okay with this right? You understand? I will only be down the road." Still no movement. Emmett coughed laughing breaking the silence.
"You know what, I think we will give you two some space." And with that they all left the kitchen. I couldn't take it any more. What was the big deal with me moving out. There was no need to make me feel guilty. I took my arms away and sat down next to him, trying desperately to understand his point of view but in my eyes he was just being plain selfish.
"Edward what is your problem?" There was something eerie about how quiet he was being and it was starting to freak me out.
"Bella." He just stopped and looked at me, his looked pained as though I had just told him I was leaving and never looking back. "Why didn't you talk to me about this? Why didn't you tell me that you felt this way? You have been living here for months and I thought you liked it here. I thought you were happy."
"Edward I am happy. I didn't think this would be such a big deal" Okay now I was angry, he could tell since my voice just rose two octaves.. As if I did this on purpose to hurt him. I was just moving out. Just moving out? Oh, okay that does sound bad. Just moving out? Who was I kidding. Moving out is something you do when it's all over, not when it is just beginning. In all fairness we were doing things backwards. " Edward I love you and I want this to work but it just doesn't feel right. You know? I am living in a house full of strangers. I need to get to know your family before I live with them, and they need to know me. Edward? Please talk to me, don't shut me out." "Bella I love you, I don't want you to move out." Oh he is good at making me feel like the guilty one. I hate that.
"Look it's going to be weird not having you round to but I think it is for the best. This way I can get to know everyone without the pressures of living with them."
"Stop thinking about them Bella." He was the one getting angry now. He was no more like statue, his hands were clinging to me, his face so close we were nearly touching. "What about you and me? They just said that they love having you here. Why are you making this so difficult?"
"Okay Edward top making me out to be the bad guy. You completely understand where I am coming from I know you do." I was all but shouting now and I was already regretting it. "You're just being selfish. I love you, that hasn't changed I just need my own space. I have never had a family before and it will take some getting used to" Okay maybe the shouting was a little bit too far I think I just succeeded in scaring him. One up to me, yay.
"Okay Bella. Lets get a place together. You and me."
"But this is your home" Instead of shouting I had turned whinny. Geez I really need to work out what angle I was coming from here.
"Not without you it isn't. You know you want to. You and me. We can get a cute little place in town and do it up. It would be the start of our life together." I was the one who wasn't moving now. I would love to move into our own place together but I didn't want to think he was just doing this for me. "Bella this may sound a little over the top but I don't want to wake up without you." Oh okay, now that was cute.
"Edward you will have to understand that I need my space. I'm not like your family. I don't thrive off having people with me. You know that, and you can't push me to be something that I am not."
And that was how we ended up here. Me and Edward living together in the cutest little house in town, all interior design credits go straight to me obviously. Of course I wasn't impressed that is was bought by Edward, his family being the richest people I have ever met, but I love the house and admittedly I couldn't afford it. How would I break the news to them that after finishing the refurbishment I had gotten to know the Cullen family really well, and I had gotten to think of them as my family. I couldn't imagine my life without them, so maybe I would like to move back in.