Chapter 01
//I sit and wait
does an angel contemplate my fate?
And do they know
The places where we go
When we're gray and old? //
Buffy laid on her bed oblivious to anything around her. Her radio blared as she stared at her ceiling unmoving. She couldn't stop thinking about him. She couldn't get his sorrowful brown eyes out of her mind. Those eyes use to look at her with love once. They use to follow her helplessly around. She swore those eyes could read her soul and she wanted them to.
She was tired of hiding inside herself. Everyone always thought she was so much stronger than she really was. Physically, she was. Mentally, she was weak as anyone else. She held the same fears that any other person felt. The only difference with her fears was that she had to keep them in. But those eyes, she swore they could see that inside her. They knew how she really felt. Understanding showed in those eyes because he was scared, too. She sighed as turned her head to the side looking aimlessly out the window.
//Cause I've been told
That salvation lets their wings unfold
So when I'm lying in my bed
Thoughts running through my head
And I feel that love is dead
I'm loving angels instead//
He didn't try to make her take things so seriously like Giles did. He listened to her. Nothing she ever said was stupid or childish. She had shared all her hopes, dreams, and aspirations with him. He never told her that slaying should be her first concern. She once thought about what if they stayed together forever? Then, she smiled in spite of herself at the irony of it.
Would he still love her when she was 80 years old with her wrinkled skin and her white hair, while he still looked young and beautiful? When she died would he mourn for her the rest of the days he walked the earth? Or would he find another and forget about her. She felt the single solitary tear roll down her cheek.
//And through it all she offers me protection
A lot of love and afftection
Whether I'm right or wrong
And down the waterfall
Wherever it may take me
I know that life won't break me
When I come to call she won't forsake me
I'm loving angels instead//
She had to face the cruel reality of it all. Angel was no more there was only. *ANGELUS* she thought angrily. Angelus and his spiteful words. He was using everything that she had ever told Angel against her. Even though, she remained stonefaced to his snide remarks and his cruel jokes deep inside he was slowly killing her.
She knew what he wanted was for her to break down to beg him to take her life. Even through all the pain she was putting her through, she couldn't help loving him. His evilness excited her. What was wrong with her? Why didn't she love normal human boys? The ones who could go to the beach with her. The ones she have sex with and not worry about unleashing a demon. The ones who could grow old with her.
//When I'm feeling weak
And my pain walks down a one way street
I look above
And I know I'll always be blessed with love
And as the feeling grows
She breathes flesh to my bones
And when love is dead
I'm loving angels instead//
She swallowed the lump in her throat. She had to get her act together. Her cousin Kathryn and her step-brother Sebastian were coming to spend the summer with them. Her aunt insisted that Kathryn and Sebastian needed to experience a summer away from home with the luxuries of maids, cooks, and all those other useful things.
She hadn't seen Kathryn since they were 10, and she had never met Sebastian. She knew that she had to be on her guard. Angelus would use anything against her to hurt her. What would hurt her more than for him to kill her cousin or better yet turn her into what he was? She couldn't let that happen. She WOULDN'T let it happen. *Not this time, lover.* She smiled to herself as she used the hateful endearment that Angelus called her when they often met. *No, definitely, not this time.*
//And through it all she offers me protection
A lot of love and affection
Wether I'm right or wrong
And down the water fall
Wherever it may take me
I know that life won't break me
When I come to call she won't forsake me
I'm loving angels instead//
*
song: Loving Angels Instead by Robbie Williams
//I sit and wait
does an angel contemplate my fate?
And do they know
The places where we go
When we're gray and old? //
Buffy laid on her bed oblivious to anything around her. Her radio blared as she stared at her ceiling unmoving. She couldn't stop thinking about him. She couldn't get his sorrowful brown eyes out of her mind. Those eyes use to look at her with love once. They use to follow her helplessly around. She swore those eyes could read her soul and she wanted them to.
She was tired of hiding inside herself. Everyone always thought she was so much stronger than she really was. Physically, she was. Mentally, she was weak as anyone else. She held the same fears that any other person felt. The only difference with her fears was that she had to keep them in. But those eyes, she swore they could see that inside her. They knew how she really felt. Understanding showed in those eyes because he was scared, too. She sighed as turned her head to the side looking aimlessly out the window.
//Cause I've been told
That salvation lets their wings unfold
So when I'm lying in my bed
Thoughts running through my head
And I feel that love is dead
I'm loving angels instead//
He didn't try to make her take things so seriously like Giles did. He listened to her. Nothing she ever said was stupid or childish. She had shared all her hopes, dreams, and aspirations with him. He never told her that slaying should be her first concern. She once thought about what if they stayed together forever? Then, she smiled in spite of herself at the irony of it.
Would he still love her when she was 80 years old with her wrinkled skin and her white hair, while he still looked young and beautiful? When she died would he mourn for her the rest of the days he walked the earth? Or would he find another and forget about her. She felt the single solitary tear roll down her cheek.
//And through it all she offers me protection
A lot of love and afftection
Whether I'm right or wrong
And down the waterfall
Wherever it may take me
I know that life won't break me
When I come to call she won't forsake me
I'm loving angels instead//
She had to face the cruel reality of it all. Angel was no more there was only. *ANGELUS* she thought angrily. Angelus and his spiteful words. He was using everything that she had ever told Angel against her. Even though, she remained stonefaced to his snide remarks and his cruel jokes deep inside he was slowly killing her.
She knew what he wanted was for her to break down to beg him to take her life. Even through all the pain she was putting her through, she couldn't help loving him. His evilness excited her. What was wrong with her? Why didn't she love normal human boys? The ones who could go to the beach with her. The ones she have sex with and not worry about unleashing a demon. The ones who could grow old with her.
//When I'm feeling weak
And my pain walks down a one way street
I look above
And I know I'll always be blessed with love
And as the feeling grows
She breathes flesh to my bones
And when love is dead
I'm loving angels instead//
She swallowed the lump in her throat. She had to get her act together. Her cousin Kathryn and her step-brother Sebastian were coming to spend the summer with them. Her aunt insisted that Kathryn and Sebastian needed to experience a summer away from home with the luxuries of maids, cooks, and all those other useful things.
She hadn't seen Kathryn since they were 10, and she had never met Sebastian. She knew that she had to be on her guard. Angelus would use anything against her to hurt her. What would hurt her more than for him to kill her cousin or better yet turn her into what he was? She couldn't let that happen. She WOULDN'T let it happen. *Not this time, lover.* She smiled to herself as she used the hateful endearment that Angelus called her when they often met. *No, definitely, not this time.*
//And through it all she offers me protection
A lot of love and affection
Wether I'm right or wrong
And down the water fall
Wherever it may take me
I know that life won't break me
When I come to call she won't forsake me
I'm loving angels instead//
*
song: Loving Angels Instead by Robbie Williams