A/N: Set during Season 4. Eddie was being an idiot to Rachel because of Melissa, so that's how I portrayed him.
Rachel didn't care about much anymore. How could she, when Eddie and Melissa stood in front of her, looking like two pieces of the same puzzle? How could she possibly care without being hurt? The icy exterior protected her, keeping them and their warmth out, but she knew if she let them too near, she would melt. Melt and completely break down in front of every single person who depended on her. There was no hope left anymore. No nothing. Just empty blankness devoid of feeling and attention.
Or so she'd thought.
A few days after the incident, Eddie had crept into her office during lessons and found her staring vacantly into barrenness.
A zombie. That was what he had compared her to. And for a while, she had come alive again, heat thawing out the cold, only for him to return to her sister and leave her with nothing.
Floating, floating, floating; it was all she did. Existing, not living, for what point was there in living when everyone seemed out to hurt her? The ice around her heart thickened, leaving her cold inside and cut off from the world.
It had its advantages.
It was easy to help Melissa find the perfect wedding dress. She could feel the pain, but it was numbed by the frost that swirled around her, as white as the gown that Melissa eventually decided upon, and it was easy to tolerate.
'You will be bridesmaid, won't you?' asked Melissa, squeezing Rachel's arm in excitement as they arranged for her purchase to be dropped at Rachel's house.
Meekly, she had agreed, and the ice became even thicker, until it was unbearably cold. It was not uncommon for her to find herself clinging to a radiator, shivering uncontrollably, even though the first rays of sunshine were beginning to peek through the clouds, causing people to leave their boots and thick coats at home. And yet she was freezing, so cold that sometimes she wrapped herself in her duvet, her teeth clattering in some sort of sick symphony as she struggled to warm up.
'You're looking awfully thin, Rach,' said Melissa, who looked as though she'd put on a few pounds over the Easter holidays. 'Are you sure you're eating?'
She wasn't sure of anything. What was the point in caring when everything meant little?
She knew it was her own fault, and she knew that if the ice hadn't been there, fury would have bubbled up her chest like lava, spilling from her and just causing more pain.
The night before the wedding, Rachel left Melissa's hen night early, heading back to her sister's house to drop off details about where to pick up a tux for Eddie. Her feet dragged up the stairs, and she was dismayed to find that he too was back early when she let herself in.
'Rachel?' asked Eddie, a disbelieving smile lighting his face.
She nodded at him, licking her lips as she struggled to whisper, 'Melissa told me to give you this.'
'Have a drink!' he exclaimed happily, thumping the space on the sofa next to him.
'I have to be up early.'
'So do I! One won't hurt.'
It was easier to agree than it was to argue, and she found herself sitting next to him, clutching a glass of something she didn't remember asking for, his form almost unbearably hot.
She had found the warmth.
Shame she couldn't have it.
He chatted away idly, and she found herself being drawn involuntarily towards him, realising that she wanted to be thawed out, that she wanted to feel something rather than the life-sapping numbness, even if it was excruciatingly painful.
Drip, drop.
She could almost hear the ice melting, the hard exterior cracking, and she pushed it away, experiencing odd warmth that she hadn't felt in a long time. Her guards were down, and she was laid bare to him, completely at his mercy.
He could heal her, or he could hurt her. She no longer had any control.
But she didn't care. She felt so light and carefree – she could soar up the chimney if she wanted to – and it was the best feeling ever, something that she would have her heart shattered into pieces over and over for just for the odd sensation of it.
Drunken chatter led to drunken kisses. Drunken kisses led to drunken touches. Drunken touches led to more, and before she knew it, it was the morning of the wedding and she lay naked in the arms of her sister's fiancée.
He could heal her, or he could hurt her. And as he kissed her tenderly on the forehead, she knew what he had picked.
She stood there at the ceremony, tears filling her eyes. It was easy to pretend they were ones of joy than ones of sorrow, and managed to keep a smile fixed in place throughout the ceremony.
At the end of the night, he grabbed her and pulled her into the toilets, taking her quickly and leaving her warm once more.
It wasn't much, no, but it was something. And if it meant that the ice stayed thawed out, she would take it.
Fin
Thanks for reading!
Lola x