Chapter 1

This is a 2 shot, I thought of while at work, Another Situation-Weird Situation would be updated tomorrow or before the week is up,this is just to hold you off until than,it's short but I hope it's at least enjoyable :-)

***Disclaimer I own nothing****
Enjoy! :-)

Mercedes
I never been that girl to write in my diary,I never really owned one until now,maybe because I'm off work on maternity leave with a lot of time on my hands
My first entry Lonely Girl and beautiful green eyed stranger that's a good title I think,well here we go just pretend I'm 28 years old and this is my first time writing in my diary,I'm really 34 now but don't tell anybody shhh,I feel weird writing in my diary like a crazy person,I don't think young girls have diaries anymore because it is so much technology out here they could probably just write on their iPad or iPhone or even on Facebook or Twitter oh and now they have this new app called whisper where you could anonymously vent and tell your dirtiest secrets and no one would know your identity, others could even anonymously answer you ummm yea,I prefer my diary even if it's immature and out of style...who am I talking to myself? an imaginary friend? an invisible audience? I never understood this diary thing,it might be blabbering and jumping from subject to subject but that's the good thing about writing in a diary right? You don't have to be punctual or have good grammar it's not like I'm writing a speech to present in front of the class..well here we go hehe :-) remember I'm starting from my 28 year old point of view ok...
Hi my name is Mercedes Jones I'm 28 years old and work as a security guard lame right? I know, I always work jobs which end up with me being too nice and being treated badly or looked over because of my nice,sweet personality,when I was growing up I was always a shy little girl,I was insecure at a young age, I didn't like my Mocha complexion, I hated my long thick curly hair that flowed down my back, I hated my body, what could make a young girl that's barely 7 years old to feel this way? I would get talked about as I was growing up,my peers would call me ugly, or darky they talked about my body and my hair, most children would be hurt, but get over it, but not me I always took it to heart and the older I got the more insecure I became, by the time I was in high school my mother let me straighten my hair out by than my hair was really long and my female classmates envied my hair, and also my clothes I had all the latest brands of clothes but yet I was still insecure I had the clothes the popular kids wore,I had the hair,I was in dance one of the best dancers in the school and I was a cheerleader one of the best at that too,some of my classmates talked about me because I didn't have the average lean dancers body but I didn't care because my talent made up for that I was quiet so the popular kids labeled me as "weird" or "Lame", my whole 4 years of high school was horrible,don't get me wrong I had friends, but most of them would kick me to the curb for the popular kids only a few stuck by me, My friends Tina,and Kurt, they were outcasted too because Tina was the only Asian in the school and Kurt was flamboyant and Gay

I never really had a boyfriend because most of the guys in my school thought I was ugly they said without my hair and expensive clothes and shoes I would be nothing and I started to believe it, the girls even called me ugly, I remember this one particular girl name Santana I didn't know Santana and she didn't know me,we knew about each other but that was it..we never had classes together until 12th grade,I was really smart so by 12th I had all of my credits and was able to take all fun elective courses one was photography, Santana had photography with me,that was the only class that I had no friends in, it seemed like all of my schoolmates that I had never associated with or who never gave me the time of day was all dumped into this class

No one in there talked to me because I was so quiet and was already labeled as weird I dreaded going to that class everyday because I was lonely in there I noticed Santana was a bully and always stared at me, one day I overheard her saying I was ugly and she never understood why I didn't smile because of how ugly I was,she said that ugly people should always smile because when they don't it just makes them look uglier, I heard her but acted as if I didn't, that broke my heart that I was treated poorly because I was different, just because I was quiet,too dark,a virgin and a 4.0 student and didn't have a ton of boyfriends I was weird,my parents said girl was just jealous of me that's why they talked about me and guys talked about me because I didn't give them the time of day,but I didn't believed it
I had a few guy friends in school and one that was head over hills in love with me his name was Joe but I didn't like Joe at all I went to prom with him and that was it
By the end of 12 grade I couldn't wait to get out of there, I walked across stage, received my diploma and never looked back

I stayed in contact with Tina and Kurt for a min but than we loss contact Kurt moved to New York went to college,became a fashion designer,Tina moved to Boston went to college became a physical therapist and married her college sweetheart Mike, but here I was still in Ohio not married and working a crappy job, don't get me wrong I went to college and took up plenty of things within the medical field I had a ton of medical background, I could tell you anything, you could tell me your symptoms and I could diagnose you ,you tell me what type of Medication you're taking and I could tell you the brand name of the medicine the generic name and classifications of it but why was I working as a low paid security guard? I asked myself that everyday, I sometimes thought I was doing it because I liked to be in the background and security is a job that allows you to be in the background especially when you're the type of security I was, I was like a receptionist I sat at a desk all day, I directed clients to their destination, I watched the security cameras,made clients sign in and out and that's all, very simple and easy

I had a boyfriend that I'd been with for 5 years, but I wasn't happy and I had a feeling he was cheating on me his name was Shane I met him when I was 22 he was actually my first boyfriend,I dated a few guys before him and also got my heart broke a few times the first guy I dated name was Noah Puckerman we met when we were 13 he was my best friend at the time name Quinn cousin, Noah was a bad boy but something attracted me to him, it might be true what they say about good girls liking bad boys Noah liked me and I liked him but I was sheltered and my parents were too strict on me so the only time I was able to see him was when I would go over to Quinn's home which was directly across the street from me

Our encounters were always innocent I would sneak and talk to him on the phone or sneak over to Quinn's when I knew he was there it stayed innocent until we turned 19,at 19 my parents finally gave me a little more freedom so I got back cool with Quinn and would always sneak off to see Noah when I hung with her,I remember the day he tried to take my virginity

"So are you ready?"

"Yes"

He pulled his pants down then pulled mines down along with my panties, he sheath himself and laid between my legs, he started kissing me and I could feel his erection poking right at my entrance there wasn't no foreplay and he tried to stick it right in without giving me time to get aroused it hurt like hell I was so tight that he wouldn't go in but he kept trying to force it until I pushed him off of me making him stop

"What's wrong?"

"Noah it hurts"

"Why?"

"I'm a Virgin"

"What are you serious? Why didn't you tell me?"

"I thought you knew"

"No I didn't think there were any virgins over the age of 16 in Ohio anymore"

"Well it is and I'm one of them"

After that night I avoided him for about a year we finally started hanging out again when I was 20 and it almost happened again but was a fail ,I avoided him for a while again after that it was a few months before my 21st birthday when it finally happened I went over to his house, this time I was more in the mood Noah had became sexier I didn't think that was possibly because he was already sexy I remember being so wet that he kept sliding out of me,he entered me and I watched his eyes roll in the back of his head, I laid there the whole time in pain and watching him salivating at the mouth,cussing,and thrusting into me erratically, he quickly came and collapsed on top of me falling into deep slumber I pushed him off of me and he never woke, I laid there staring at the ceiling thinking that's all? I could've kept my virginity if I knew that it was going to be that crappy

I dressed and snuck out of his home and promised I would never have sex again until I was really ready at 20 years old you would think I would be ready but I wasn't,I was physically but not mentally,Noah and I continued to hang out and he made me go against my promise we had sex every time we saw each other and each time I never got anything out of it, we never really said we were a couple but we went about things like we were so I assumed we were...I noticed that after a while Noah started drifting away from me avoiding my calls,avoiding my text messages I would even ask his cousin Quinn did he have a girlfriend and she would always say "no he don't he loves you he always talk about you he wouldn't do that to you" so like a fool I believed her, the only time Noah came around was when he wanted sex or money and I gave it to him because I loved him,but I noticed when he did come around he was always with his friends and they would all stare at me or give each other looks around me..and Noah would do it too or they would all start laughing for no reason,like look at her she's so stupid or she's ugly and Noah just using her,she would never be enough to become his main chick that's what I would get out of the looks but I blew it off

I remember when my heart was first been broke,I didn't see nor hear from Noah for over 3 months until I went to a party Quinn had at her home, Noah walked through the door with his friends and I was sitting there by myself in my own little world,Quinn started smoking and doing things I didn't do so when I was around her I drifted off by myself,Noah eyes zoomed in on me as I was sitting there but he never said anything to me,than out of nowhere one of his friends comes up to me and says "hey Destiny how's it going?" I'm looking at him wondering who's Destiny then he says "oh my bad you're not Destiny you're Mercedes" then him and another friend walks away laughing,now I'm sitting here wondering who Destiny is, then a drunk Quinn come pushing a picture of a little baby in my face saying do you see my cousin baby? I asked her your cousin who? She gives me a dumb look and says "Noah" and at the bottom of the picture it says from Nya, Noah and Destiny I look over to Quinn handing the pictures back to a young lady sitting at the table then I put two and two together that's the mother of Noah's daughter which is named Nya and her name is Destiny that's why Noah's friends called me Destiny trying to be funny plus Destiny and I kinda favorite she was black and curvy like me

My heart broke into a million pieces,that's why Noah had been so distant then I found out from over hearing a conversation that Quinn was having with Destiny,.that Destiny and him had met at 13 just like him and I had met and they had been together the whole time,how did I not know? Was I blinded or in denial? Why didn't I know that Noah had someone the whole time and why Quinn my so called best friend didn't tell me?... The whole time she had been lying to me when I asked her about Noah...taking up for her cousin, I knew that was her cousin but I was her best friend and I thought girls were suppose to stick together when it came to those things

I sat there in the daze the rest of the party watching how happy his girlfriend Destiny was and I realized that I was the other women,I wanted to vomit,I loss my Virginity to him and had Sex with him any time he wanted it and did things for him with nothing in return,we never went out,he never did things for me and he obviously didn't love me like I loved him, I was probably a joke to him,his family and friends everyone knew about Destiny except me,but still allowed Noah to hurt me when I thought that they cared about me

Some type of way I ended up sitting at the same table as Noah's girlfriend Destiny and when she wasn't looking Noah would whisper I'm sorry's, or I love you's, please forgive me to me...but I would just roll my eyes

I went home and cried myself to sleep that night I couldn't believe how stupid I was, I let Noah treat me like a sad,desperate girl who had no self esteem I hated Noah from there on, but then I let him in again like a fool after he came crying to me telling me that his girlfriend broke up with him,we became intimate again and went back to our same routine until Quinn told me that him and Destiny were engaged to be married and how he proposed to her with a beautiful ring, my heart broke again I didn't think it was possible for one guy to break my heart twice, Quinn didn't tell me to look out for me, it was almost like she told me to rubbed it in my face like she liked seeing me hurt,I even believed that Quinn was jealous of me and Noah she would sometimes act like she liked him like he wasn't her cousin...she had even revealed to me when we were younger that she didn't know Noah was a cousin at first because he looked so different from them and she liked him and they had even kissed until her mom told her that Noah was her cousin, her dad's older sister son

So that made me think Quinn never stopped liking him,cousin or not and she hated the attention he gave me so she didn't mind him hurting me,I left Quinn and Noah alone after that,Noah would send me messages telling me how sorry he was and how he loved me just as much as he loved Destiny but I was too much of a good girl and Destiny was more of his speed,but instead of him leaving me alone he wanted his cake and eat it too

Once Noah and Quinn was out of my life I met this guy name Matthew,Matthew was sweet but a somewhat bad boy like Noah, 3 months into us hanging out and me starting to develop feelings for him,we find out that Quinn is dating his cousin small world right? So Quinn and I become cool again and started going on double dates with Matt and his cousin I suddenly find out that Matthew has a girlfriend and has been with her for 3 years,I found out because one of my cousins started dating his girlfriend best friend and my cousin ran into Matthew at her home,small damn world..my cousin wanted to bash Matts face but I told him not too and I left Matt alone,I was heart broken again and would vent to Quinn but I noticed during my venting she would roll her eyes or change the subject every time I talked about him, then my gut told me that she knew he had a girl the whole time

I was completely done with her this time there wasn't no becoming friends again that friendship was dead to me

Then there was Jazz we dated for 2 months but I cut it short when he started showing all the signs that Noah and Matt showed and I got out of it before I opened myself up to be hurt again

I wondered how did I keep coming across these guys that had girlfriends was it me? When they looked at me did they see a vulnerable girl that they could use
or play like a video game?

I gave up on guys after that I worked on myself and confidents I became more confident and secure with myself but not as confident as I should've been and stayed single for a while until I met Shane

Shane approached me at the mall one day and we exchanged numbers I didn't want a boyfriend but needed a friend,we talked on the phone all day everyday and started hanging out Shane was the first guy to take me out and spend money on me,I was 22 going on 23 and had never went on a real date until Shane, Shane was a good guy,family oriented,God-fearing young man and that's what I needed I was done with the bad boys who only had one parent in the household with no direction, Shane's family and upbringing was so similar to mines and that's why we clicked,we became a couple and this was the first time I ever felt loved by a man and secure in my relationship

The only problem I had with Shane was he was so content in his ways and did things he did before he had a girlfriend like never wanting to leave out the house and never came to see me if it was too cold outside for him,he had weird ways and I constantly told him that he needed to change and he couldn't go about things a certain way anymore because he was now in a relationship he slowly but surely started changing but still had his ways, it took us over a year to be intimate and I found out that he was a Virgin he had been lying to me telling me that he weren't no virgin and had been with plenty of women he lied because he thought I would judge him because I wasn't a virgin, I wasn't a virgin but I was inexperienced like one, I had only been with a couple of guys and each time was wack.. So having sex with Shane for the first time was like us both losing our virginity together and even though Shane was a virgin he was good in bed better than the couple of guys I had been with like it came natural to him, he told me it was because he watched a lot of porn, I never had an orgasm with him or ever had one period but I still enjoyed sex with him

The relationship was good years flew and before we knew it we were in our 5th year we talked about getting married,having kids,moving out of state but we moved very slow we didn't move together until our 5th year and once we started trying to have kids for some reason I couldn't get pregnant, the dynamic of our relationship changed once we moved together the relationship was boring and dull, all we did was work and come home,go to dinner go to the movies but that was it,we didn't step out of the box or do things some couples did like take road trips or do something extravagant, we stuck to the same routine,now in this 5th year our relationship is forced we even have sex less and it's probably me because I'm not attracted to him like a use to be and he might not be to me either because he doesn't trip about having sex anymore and he's cheating on me,I know because I saw text messages but I'm still there why? I'm still going to work,coming home to him,cooking for him and forcing myself to have sex with him whenever we do have sex

I sit at work with a lot of shit on my mind,my best friend Kyra and my cousin Daisha talk to me about why I'm with Shane all the time and I could never give them a answer maybe because I'm scared to leave,scared that I put all this time in with him and if I leave I would be hurt or won't find someone else to love me, my cousin Daisha is the one to talk her man is putting her through the same thing the only difference is they had a child together so she needed to take her on advice as well and it was ironic that her boyfriend was Shane's best friend that's what I say about this world being small, both of them deserved to be friends because they both was what you would call ain't shit

I sat at work everyday wondering how did I end up like this so closed in letting people get away with things,did I not learn people skills when I was younger? Did my parents not tell me I was pretty enough what was it?

I dreaded working security every day and was trying to encouraged myself to get a better job doing what I went to school for,I didn't enjoy going to sit at a desk all day

"How's it going?"
I looked to see a handsome white guy with green eyes and the sexiest lopsided smile ever

"Hi I'm fine and you?"

"I'm great see you later"
He smiled at me again then got on the elevators where did he come from? I had never saw him before the employees walked pass my desk everyday and I haven't once saw him until today unless I never paid attention,how could I not pay attention to this beautiful man?