HELLO.
"…Er…hi," said Harry to the apparently-talking piece of paper.
HOW ARE YOU TODAY?
"Um…I'm fine…um…how are you?"
OH, YEAH, I'M GREAT THANKS.
"Um…can I ask you something?"
SURE. GO AHEAD.
"Why the hell am I talking to a piece of paper?"
…THAT HURT.
"Oh, sorry, I didn't mean…"
THAT REALLY HURT. I MEAN, I KNOW I'M USELESS. WORTHLESS. I DON'T MEAN ANYTHING IN YOUR "PARCHMENT" WORLD, BUT REALLY, THAT IS JUST RUDE.
"I said I was…"
I DO HAVE FEELINGS YOU KNOW.
"I'm sorry."
SORRY? WELL, SORRY WON'T TAKE AWAY THE HURT!!! WHAAAAAAA!
"…I'm really sorry."
HMPH!
"…I love you?"
*STUNNED SILENCE* WHA?
"I love you."
WHAT, ARE YOU GAY OR SOMETHING?
"Since when are you a male?"
SEE, THERE YOU GO AGAIN – ASSUMING WE PIECES OF PAPER ARE NOTHING!
"Sorry…"
THAT WE HAVE NO GENDER,
"I'm sorry, ok…"
THAT WE HAVE NO FEELINGS,
"Sor…"
NO HEART.
"…But…you don't have a heart, do you?"
WELL, TECHNICALLY…NO…
"Well there you go then."
Ron enters. "So what's going on then?"
"I was just explaining to this piece of paper that I couldn't have offended him because technically, he doesn't actually have a heart."
WELL, YES, BUT YOU'RE MISSING THE POINT ENTIRELY…
"No, no, I think we have the point here. You don't have a heart, so you can't take offence."
BUT…
"Yeah, so you can't be mad at me."
…I LOVE YOU.
"…Sod off."