BEAUTY IN EVERYTHING

No scars to your beautiful
We're stars and we're beautiful
Scars to your Beautiful - Alessia Cara

She opens the door quietly, resisting the urge to call out her husband's name and announce her arrival. He hadn't answered when she'd called to let him know she was on her way home; he could be out, but most likely, he's asleep.

She hopes for the latter.

Neither of them have been sleeping well, not in the year since they'd been shot in their own home. First, nightmares had plagued them both, had them waking in a cold sweat and reaching for each other. They both still get them on occasion, although the lack of sleep lately is more because of their almost-two-month-old daughter.

Kate slips off her shoes and sets her bag in the coat closet before making her way into the living room. It's empty, but she hears something coming from the bedroom. Phone in hand, she sneaks through the office, allowing her to enter the bedroom with minimal noise. When she sees what greets her, her breath stutters, and she has to bring up her phone to take a picture.

Until she'd fallen in love with Rick Castle, Kate had never thought she'd be a mother, let alone one that would take hundreds of pictures a day of her child. But she's worse than Castle. And when she's greeted with scenes like this, well, she can't help it.

Her husband is fast asleep, partially reclined against the headboard in a position that cannot be good for his neck. He's snoring lightly, which is what had led Kate to the room. Lily is fast asleep on his chest, fist curled under her chin, the soft hair on her head ruffling with every exhale from her dad. Castle's hands hold her firm against him, despite his slumber. One large palm braces her head, the other snug on her back. Kate can see his biceps flexing; her husband may be asleep, but his hold on their daughter is solid.

Kate snaps a few pictures before tip-toeing to him. She hates to disturb them, but she's been gone since early morning, and she misses her baby girl.

She sets her phone on Castle's nightstand and kneels, brushes her fingers through the hair at his temple before sliding a hand beneath Lily. "Shh," she whispers when the baby starts to whimper, and she just about has her when Castle's grip tightens and he jerks awake.

"Wha-" His gaze darts around the room before landing on Kate and he visibly relaxes, gives her a lazy smile. "Hey."

Kate returns his smile and kisses him. "Hi. Early night?"

Castle shrugs a shoulder. "She fell asleep eating, oh, a half hour ago? I tried to read, but that obviously didn't happen." He loosens his grip so Kate can pick up Lily. "How'd it go?"

Kate coos to Lily as she huddles her daughter close to her shoulder. "Fine. The boys solved their case, I didn't have too much paperwork. I got out in time. It was a good day."

"That's not what I meant." He reaches out for her, hand landing on her hip. "The appointment?"

Kate smirks and nudges his hand. She steps away from him, chuckling when he whimpers. "I'm going to put our daughter to bed. Be right back."

Lily doesn't even flinch when Kate lays her down, or when Kate brushes the hair off her daughter's forehead. According to Kate's dad, Lily is a carbon copy of her as a baby, the only difference being the thick hair on her head. That's all Castle, and Kate hopes that Lily's eyes will match his as well.

For a few moments Kate loses herself in watching her daughter sleep. It's early; she'll have to wake Lily in an hour or so to feed her, but for now, she lets her sleep. Besides, Kate muses, she has a husband to love.

She stops at her bag before returning to the bedroom, but Castle's eyes are closed again, his chest rising and falling with steady breaths. She changes into sweats then climbs onto the bed and curls at his side, her head on his chest, a smile on her lips when his arm drapes around her shoulders. A glance tells her that he's still asleep, and as much as she wants to wake him and tell him the good news from the doctor, she just snuggles closer. Her husband needs his rest, and so does she.

She wakes to two things: her stomach grumbling, and soft whimpers coming from the baby monitor on her nightstand. She manages to disentangle herself from Castle's grip around her waist, but as soon as she swings her legs over the edge of the bed, his hand is at her back.

"Lily?" her husband murmurs, voice hoarse.

Kate spares a glance at him, but resists the pull of his sleep-mussed hair and soft eyes. She does allow herself to lean over and press a kiss to his forehead, ignoring his whine of protest when she backs away. "Our daughter needs to be fed," she says firmly, patting his cheek. "Go back to sleep."

Castle blinks and sits up when Kate's stomach rumbles again. "What time is it?" He looks at his phone before following her out of bed. "Oh, it's late. You feed our daughter, I'll find something to feed you."

Lily's whimpers are becoming more insistent over the baby monitor, but Kate lets herself be pulled into her husband's arms for a long hug. She'd missed him; despite only going into work for a few hours before her appointment, she'd gotten used to spending every moment with her family. She'd missed snuggling with him during Lily's nap time, missed picking out baby clothes for the day. She'd even missed arguing over who's turn it was to change a poopy diaper.

After a few moments Lily's whimpers have morphed into cries, and Kate begrudgingly pulls away from her husband's embrace. "I'll be back," she says, sealing her promise with a kiss that's full of love and gratitude and promise.

Lily had been almost two weeks early, so there had been some concern that she'd have trouble eating at first. But she took to breastfeeding well, and Kate rarely struggles to get Lily to eat. It still amazes her and fuels her ego as well; Rick can help with everything else, and he'd given Lily a bottle several times in preparation for Kate's return to work. But Kate relishes the time she can spend feeding Lily.

The quiet rap on the doorframe startles her, and she looks up to find her husband with a sheepish look on his face.

"Sorry," he stage-whispers, stepping into the room. He nods towards Kate's chest. "I think she's done."

Kate glances down and smiles. Lily's fallen back asleep, mouth open but not moving. She adjusts her clothes and stands, holds Lily tight to her chest when Rick reaches for her. "Nuh-uh, you got all day with her. It's my turn."

Castle chuckles and comes up behind her when she lays Lily on the changing table. He wraps his arms around Kate's waist and drops his chin to her shoulder. "She's so beautiful," he breathes as Kate goes to work on the dirty diaper.

"She is, but this isn't," Kate counters when she uncovers the contents of the diaper. "Here you go, babe." She hands him the dirty diaper with a teasing grin, but he just smiles and disposes of it.

"I love you too," Castle says, stealing a kiss as he passes her. "Dinner's ready, if leftovers are okay?"

Kate reaches for him, one hand on Lily's stomach, and she tugs him back for another kiss. "Perfect, Rick. I'll be down in a sec." She takes her time, murmurs whispers of love to her daughter's forehead before setting her back in her crib.

Rick greets her with a plate full of Chinese, leftovers from the previous night. They sit at the counter to eat; Alexis moved out before Lily was born, so it's just the two of them and the baby. They use the dining table almost exclusively for when others join them.

Kate likes sitting at the counter. It's comfortable. She loves eating breakfast there or even just sitting, loves to watch Rick flutter around the kitchen when he insists on making food for her and doesn't let her help. She has no idea where she'd be if it wasn't for this man, who wormed his way into her precinct and, eventually, her heart. He brings a light that she never knew was missing.

She doesn't realize she's staring into nothing until she feels a warm palm at her cheek. She startles, but Castle's touch is solid on her skin.

"You okay?" he asks, his concern obvious. He may be good at poker, but Kate has always been able to read him.

"Yeah." She covers his hand with hers and squeezes before turning her attention back to her plate. "I was just thinking."

Castle sets his fork down and turns to face her, curious, always so ready to drop everything and hear what she has to say. "About what?"

Kate shrugs as she takes a bite of moo shu pork. "This." She swallows. "Us. What could have been."

"Kate-"

"Not just being shot," she clarifies when his eyes flick to the floor. She turns to face him as well, pushes her plate to the side. "Everything, Rick. We've come so far. Both of us." She knows he'll try to deflect praise, play down the impact he's had on her life. "You saved my life, in more ways than one. Your books, your laughter." She squeezes the hand that's settled on her knee. "Your love."

Castle just stares, his eyes darkening. "Kate," he breathes, "please tell me the doctor cleared you."

Kate chuckles, a low, hoarse sound from deep in her throat, born from emotion and desire. "Why?" she teases; she really shouldn't, but she can't resist. He's too easy and it's been too long.

Castle growls before capturing her mouth with his, and he groans, or she groans, she isn't sure who. His tongue sweeps inside the cavern of her mouth and she matches him stroke by stroke, tries to pour her love and promise of forever into just one kiss.

It isn't until his hands are under her shirt that she remembers what the doctor said, and although she wants it hard and fast against the counter, she doesn't want that for their first time in weeks.

"Rick," she gasps, pulling away, "wait."

"Huh?"

She can't help but chuckle at the slack look on his face. His eyes are flooded with arousal; they haven't made love since a week before Lily was born, and it's been more difficult than she thought possible. She's even had to resort to leaving the bedroom entirely when he's getting ready, in case she'd defy her doctor's orders.

She brushes her fingers through the soft hairs at his temple and along his several-day-old scruff. She loves that he hasn't shaved every day; it reminds her of when they first met, when he was all ego and innuendo. He's a little self-conscious of the gray hairs that are starting to creep into his beard, but she loves it, insists that it makes him look distinguished.

"Take me to bed."

His eyes had closed at her touch but snap open at her words, and he gapes at her for a few moments before he can speak. "I...really?"

Kate grins. "Yes, really."

His next kiss is rough and desperate, draws a moan from her with the stroke of his tongue. He pushes her back and she lets him, her hands clenched in his t-shirt as they stumble along the familiar path to their bedroom.

When the back of her knees finally hit the mattress, she sits, pulls her mouth from his so she can tug his shirt over his head. Castle follows her onto the bed, but when he reaches for the lamp, she stops him.

"I want to see you," he argues, flipping the light on.

Kate shakes her head and turns it back off. "No, just...don't. Leave it off." She reaches for the box of condoms she'd picked up - no birth control yet - and grabs one, tries to unbutton her jeans with her other hand. "Just...this."

Castle's hand covers hers, pausing her movement against him. "Kate. Why?"

She feels her face flush, but leans into him, hoping to distract him with the work of her mouth at his neck. She just wants him inside her, without seeing her scars, without the reminder of the pain she'd caused them. He doesn't seem to be having any of it, though; as soon as she rolls her hips into his, he sits up and turns the light back on.

"Kate," he says, his voice low and serious. "Why does it matter?"

Kate mirrors his seated position and looks down at her lap. She can feel his eyes on her, though, and after a few moments she sighs and gives in. "I just…it's stupid." She risks a glance and sees him with an eyebrow raised. She continues before he can say it isn't stupid because, well, it is. "It's my scars. It's so dumb, because we've made love since I got them, but this is the first time since I had Lily, and you've seen me naked since, but they're just…and I'm just…" She sighs and avoids his gaze yet again. "I'm…different."

"Ah." Castle slips his hands beneath her shirt and skims them up her sides, one resting above her incision scar from her first shooting, the other on her abdomen from the more recent one. "I want you to listen to me, Kate. You are beautiful." He ducks his head so he can look in her eyes. "You're always beautiful. I don't care about your scars. In fact, I love your scars. I'd rather have you with scars than not have you at all."

Kate gives him a look. "You love my scars? Really?"

"Really." He tugs at the hem of her shirt, and when she relents and lifts her arms, he kisses her before pulling it off. "Let me show you, Kate," he whispers at her mouth as he nudges her back down and reaches for her pants.

Kate can't help it; her hips lift to help him slide her pants off, and when he drops a kiss to the inside of her thigh, she feels shockwaves straight to her core.

Castle comes up to give her one more kiss before trailing his mouth down her neck, his tongue darting out to taste her skin. He nips at her earlobe, her pulse, her collarbone, chuckles against her skin when she moans. He goes straight to her chest, to the faded scar between her breasts. "This reminds me of your strength. It almost killed you. It did kill you." He pauses, brushes his lips against it. "But you're a fighter. Always have been."

He bypasses her torso for her side, to the vertical scar beneath her ribcage, presses his lips to it. "This one used to be my favorite. It's the one scar that saved your life."

Kate runs her fingers through her hair and tugs, prods him to look at her. "Used to be?"

"Patience." Castle traces the jagged scar on her abdomen, the one she'd had to stitch herself. "Do you know when I first realized I could fall for you? Really fall for you?" Castle props his head on her stomach and waits for her to shake her head. "When I saw your drive for justice. That case with the frozen wife who'd been missing for years."

Kate props herself on her elbows so she can look at him. "You told me it was from the moment we met."

Castle shakes his head, drops a kiss to the scar. "No, at that point I wanted to get you in bed. This was when I knew I could feel more for you. In fact," he continues, scooting up to kiss her, "that was when you first told me about your mom."

His eyes cloud over at the mention, and Kate knows he's thinking about the past, about how he looked at the case against her wishes, how she'd kicked him out of her life. Temporarily, at least; one of the many things she's grateful for is that he managed to find his way back so many times. She tweaks his ear, another reminder of the early days if their partnership. "Hey. You were saying?"

Castle smirks and moves his left hand to tease her over her underwear, kisses her one more time before sliding back down her torso. "I knew you had a drive for justice, but that case? That was when I knew I could fall for you."

He shifts again to the other scar on her torso, newer, angrier than the others. "These two," he breathes, dusting one kiss to it and craning his neck to reach the one higher on her shoulder, "I even love these. They tell of your perseverance. Our perseverance," he adds, his left hand abandoning its post to cover his own scar, high on his chest. "I told you once that you refuse to give up or back down, and that's what makes you extraordinary. And after our ups and downs, after we went to hell and back, we still came out on top. Because you refuse to let the enemy win."

Kate groans when he trails his mouth back down her torso. She loves this man, loves that he's telling their story, but can he just put his hand back between her legs? Or better yet, another body part entirely? "Rick," she breathes, her hands finding purchase in his hair again. "Please."

"But this one?" Castle brushes his fingertips along the fresh scar low on her abdomen, the incision that will be almost invisible in a few years. "This one's my favorite. Because it's the scar that brought our beautiful baby, our miracle child, into the world."

Kate can only stare, her eyes watering at his words. Lily really was their miracle child; not only had she survived Kate's gunshot and recovery, but she'd been breached, so Kate had had to have an emergency c-section. But Lily had been perfectly healthy.

"So, you have nothing to be ashamed of, Kate. Your scars are beautiful. They remind me every day of your strength, your determination, your resolve. You're a survivor. They show me what we've been through, what we've overcome. That you're extraordinary. Your scars aren't ugly, Kate. They could never be ugly, because they're a part of you. And you are perfect."

Kate curses and wipes the tears from her cheeks before tugging him up so they're face to face. She just shakes her head at him, at a loss for words, before she rises to meet him for a kiss. She tries to pour the feelings she has no words for into her actions, her tongue stroking inside his mouth, body listing into his. "I love you," she gasps when she has to pull away for air. "I love you so much."

And when they finally join together they move as one, as if they'd never missed a beat.

A/N: Thank you for reading, love to hear your thoughts!