Terra looked out onto the deck as she emerged from ship's cabin. It was dark, and cold. She held her arms closer to her body, shivering slightly. The heels of her boots clacked on the hard, wooden planks as she walked further into the moonlight. She stopped at the edge of the boat, looking down into the murky ocean below.
She closed her eyes for a moment, then looked to the moon.
She'd been having a lot of weird feelings lately. Celes'and Locke's support and friendship made her thankful, and a little embarrassed when she thought about it a few minutes before she went to sleep some nights. 'What am I getting all flustered about?' She would ask herself silently.
Her flustered feelings had gotten even worse lately. Terra was hoping that Celes and Locke would have some kind of happy, romantic reunion, and she wouldn't get sad, guilty pangs in the pit of her stomach whenever she looked at one of them. Why did she feel these things? It was horrible at times, it really pained her to see that constant look of shame and betrayal on Celes' face. Terra wanted to ask her what was the matter. What was Celes feeling? What was Locke feeling? Feelings are a pain.
And then there was her amnesia. The world had become new and confusing, and all she wanted was to understand it a little better. Did she know anything about her past before the Empire had began to control her? Did they know she was an esper? There were so many important questions that she needed answered, everything was still fuzzy and didn't make sense.
A few imperial soldiers had scattered themselves around the deck, but she didn't really feel like talking to them. She swivelled round and spotted General Leo; she knew him before she lost her memory, didn't she? Terra didn't even know. Still, she made the effort to meekly approach him.
"Having trouble sleeping?" The man said, a wry smile forming under his trimmed moustache.
She nodded, pouting a little bit without really realising it. He walked around Terra a little bit before stopping, his expression hardened.
"I hear your emotions have returned…"
"… It's strange, isn't it?" She replied, wondering off a bit.
"The Empire used me, controlled my very thoughts… and now here I am, cooperating with the same people." Her upper lip curled slightly in disgust as she thought of her ordeals prior to her amnesia.
"People are people. Not everyone in the Empire is like Kefka."
She knew that. It bothered her that the General would only tell her the simplest facts, as if speaking to a child. 'Tell me something really interesting', she thought to herself.
"So… what about you?" She asked, hoping to provoke a useful reaction from him.
She didn't bother to look round to see her expression, but she heard his breath catch in his throat, and the awkward shuffling of his feet.
"I knew that you were half esper and being made to suffer through horrible experiments…"
Terra furrowed her eyebrows. 'Of course you did', she thought angrily.
"… Yet I did nothing. I'm no better than Kefka."
She fought the urge to sigh wearily. What should she say? She had many things she could have brought up.
You're right! You're a monster!
No, that's not true. You're nothing like Kefka.
Why was I born this way? Can't I just be normal?
How can people be so cruel?
Do you think Kefka is heartless? Because I did but I could never bring it up because I was always being hooked up to machines and treated like a lab rat.
No. None of them are right.
Change of topic?
"If a human and an esper can love one another… do you think a human and I could love one another?"
That was out of the blue. Terra hoped he wouldn't take it the wrong way.
"Of course!" He suddenly shouted, enthusiastically.
She hesitated for a moment. Maybe now was the time to ask all these questions about feelings she had been bottling up. She had hoped to share them with Celes or Locke, maybe even Edgar at a stretch, but she guessed this was as good as she was going to get.
"But… I don't even know what it feels like to love someone." She leaned over the edge of the ship again.
"You're still young." He said, approaching her slowly.
"…Someday You'll know. I'm sure of it."
And with that he left, heavy boots clunking under the screeching wooden planks. She almost called to stop him, but she didn't. Perhaps it was because she needed time to mull all of this over, or she was waiting for something else.
"But… I want to know now…" She said, looking out into the horizon, with a forlorn expression on her face.
She stood there for a minute, and then jumped at a slight noise she heard to the left of her.
"Who's there…?" She felt angry at the pathetic shakiness in her words, she wanted to sound brave! She hoped it was only General Leo again, come to give her more 'pearls of wisdom', and not an actual threat.
"I though I'd sleep out under the stars." She heard an unfamiliar voice speak.
It then came to her; it was the assassin the Empire had hired, Shadow. She'd only ever heard him talk at the start of their voyage, despite spending a few days on the same ship together. His room was right next to hers and Celes' but she hadn't managed to start a conversation with him yet. The fact she knew so little about him made her nervous; she began to get a little hot, and anxiously rubbed her sweaty palms together.
"Did you… hear what we were talking about?" The though of a stranger eavesdropping on such a private conversation made her embarrassed.
"I didn't mean to listen in." His calm voice ringed in her ears.
His apology comforted her a little, but her face was still burning up. She twiddled her thumbs and tilted her head to the side a little bit, to see if that would speed up her brain. 'Just come up with a reply quickly!' She tried to spur herself on, but she took longer than she wanted, and this made her even more frustrated and flustered.
"So…" Terra started awkwardly, hoping to gain some meaningful answers from Shadow.
Fortunately, she didn't have to say anything else.
"I can't help you. Those are answers you'll have to find for yourself." He said coldly.
This surprised her at first, then saddened her. She was still trying to learn how to hide her emotions, so the sadness really must have shown in her face. She could feel it. And she could feel little tears, starting at the corners of her eyes. For goodness' sake she was not going to embarrass herself even further by bloody crying! She began to hastily make her way back inside.
"Terra."
She stopped. Her body froze and a stray tear slid down her cheek. She thought about wiping it away, but why should she bother. She just wanted to know about love, was that so much to ask?
"There are people in this world who have chosen to kill their own emotions." Shadow began.
"Remember that."
Terra hesitated for a moment, then continued her path back to her room. What was that supposed to mean? Was it a warning? Or perhaps he was encouraging her to do the same?
'Whatever', she thought moodily.