Healing Hands

by Lucy Maria Elmer

Lona's made a mistake when it comes to her relationship with Elmer.

Healing Hands.

I own nothing. I'm a poor student. I'm just playing in the Kingdom for a little while!

Lona Massingale stood in the hospital elevator, tiredness threatening to overwhelm her and making

her eye lids feel as though weights were pulling them down, willing them to close. It had been a hard week for her and all she wanted to do was get home, have a hot bath and crawl into her bed, although tonight would be different from other nights that had recently passed because he would be gone, thanks to her, thanks to her fear.

Six months had now passed since the almost unbelievable events had occurred at the now Mary Jensen Hospital and for those last six months Lona had been in just as unbelievable a relationship with the hospitals very own Elmer Traff. Something had changed the day that he had gone with Hook, Sally Druse, Peter Rickman, Chris Draper and Abel and Christa to help put Mary to rest; she had realised when he had been gone and she had been so unaware of his wellbeing that somewhere inside of her she really did care about that young man no matter how much she told both him and herself that she didn't and no matter how much she wanted it to be true. The thought of him getting hurt pained her terribly and when he had gotten back to the hospital safe and sound such relief had overcome her that when they had found themselves alone and she saw in his eyes just how much the experience had caused him to grow up she couldn't help but break down in tears and sob.

Elmer being Elmer hadn't really known what to do with a crying woman, at first he had looked wildly around for Chris Draper or Sally Druse; anyone that would be able to understand such overwhelming tears. When she had explained to him however that she was proud of him and just so glad that he was all right he had taken her into his arms and held her tightly and for the rest of the night hadn't let her go. He had walked her to her car with his hand resting gently on the small of her back, he had walked her to her front door in the same way, never leaving her side; just so glad that they were all okay and so touched that she had been so worried for him. He had walked her to her bed after they had sat for hours talking about what he and their friends had experienced, making sure that as tired as he was also she was safe and sound and tucked up ready for sleep after events which would never leave any of their minds and dreams. He had then held her as they lay exhausted after making love. He had held on to her for dear life; so afraid of letting go of the woman that he truly loved for fear that she would tell him to go home and leave her; that she would say it had been a spur of the moment reaction to the trauma that they both had been through; something that she had needed to do to feel in control and to feel alive but something that she would want to forget because it was with him, the hospital laughing stock. The hospital freak. That moment though hadn't come because against all her better judgement and everything she had said to him before in regards to their inability to have a relationship; she just couldn't get him out of her head nor her heart. Two days after their making love for the first time they were discussing how to go about giving their relationship a chance, albeit a relationship that they would keep to themselves while they saw just where it might lead. That relationship had lasted until the very week that Lona found herself wearily waiting for the lift to reach the hospitals ground floor so that she could go home, the weariness having come with four nights of not sleeping due to the incredible guilt that she felt over forcing Elmer out of her home and her life all because she had been too afraid to admit to his father and their colleagues that they were a couple, that they were in a relationship and that they were against all the odds in love.

Lona sighed as the elevator stopped four floors up from the ground floor, wishing that the damn thing would just hurry up so she could get out of the hospital and get home where she could commiserate her actions in peace. When the door opened and an equally weary Elmer stepped in, his sad eyes taking in every detail of her before he turned around so that his back was to her and she could no longer see his face, she cursed the journey even more. She didn't need this right now. She didn't need to be able to sense such sadness in someone that she cared about and to know that there was nothing she could do because she was the one that caused it. She couldn't bear to see him in the pain which had been so evident on his features that week because of her and worst of all she couldn't bear the silence. She hated that he was right there and yet couldn't bring himself to say anything at all. She hated that this was all her fault.

"Elmer..." Lona started, looking at the floor.

"I picked up the rest of my things from the house before I came to work." He interrupted; his voice cold. "Your spare key's under the planter on the front porch. I think you'll find everything is how it was before I was there." He told her softly and tears welled up and burned her eyes as she heard his voice break with barely concealed emotion.

"Elmer I..."

The pair were interrupted as the elevator gave a tremendous jolt. Both fell to their knees as the lights went out and gasped as it came to a dead stop. As the lights came back on they looked at each other in terror.

"I thought all the drama with these ended when we helped Mary." Lona commented, moving into a sitting position so that she could examine her now very sore knee.

"I guess not." Elmer replied, picking himself up off the elevator floor and pressing the alarm button frantically to try and get hold of Otto. "Looks like we're incommunicado for now." He added cautiously walking over to her and sitting down at her side.

"Great." Lona commented. She rolled her right pant leg up over her knee cap and sighed. Her knee was bloody and swollen. Gingerly she pulled herself up from her prone position on the floor and tried to put some weight on it but immediately she faltered. Elmer was there in a heartbeat; wrapping his arms around her and lowering her gently to the elevators floor.

"That's just fantastic." Lona muttered tearfully, noting that Elmer's arms stayed around her a little longer than they should have considering that just days ago she had told him that she no longer wanted him in her life. When he reluctantly removed them as soon as she was settled she sighed. A coldness settled within her heart, one which she feared she would grow accustomed to now she had let fear drive the man she loved out of her life and she couldn't help but wish those arms were again wrapped around her as they had been so many times before.

"I think you're going to need an x-ray. You must have fallen onto it pretty awkwardly." He told her as he settled himself on to the floor at her side. He found himself unable to meet her eyes and inwardly cursed himself for not being strong enough to pretend that he was coping without her in his life.

" I'm going to have to agree with you there." She replied wincing as she shuffled around on the floor, trying to get in the least painful position possible.

"Can I do anything?" He asked her softly. "I always hated to see you in any kind of pain."

Lona looked at the concern in his eyes and guilt immediately pierced her heart. Her emotions betrayed her and a tear rolled down her cheek.

"Unless you have incredibly strong pain killers and anti inflammatories then I think you're out of luck until we're out of here." Lona replied; her voice breaking with either pain or sadness. She could no longer tell.

Unable to bear her being in such discomfort Elmer looked around the elevator for inspiration. He noticed his backpack on the floor, stuffed full with his lab coat and scrubs. He grabbed the bag and moved over to Lona's injured knee which he gently lifted and elevated using his backpack.

"Elmer..."

Elmer looked at Lona and shrugged.

"I thought it might help a little." He said softly, crawling back over to her side and resuming his sitting position. He pulled his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms around them, unsure of what to say to her when so many emotions were toying with his heart.

For a moment both sat in silence, each stealing glances at the other as they tried to gauge the almost palpable emotions that threatened to overcome them both. It was Elmer who spoke first, knowing that as painful as it may be for him to hear the answers, having Lona there with him unable to skirt around the issues that she had with their relationship may be the very thing that he needed to give him closure; no matter how much he didn't want to have to look for it.

"You know, I would have understood if you'd have done it at the beginning when it was all new...when I was unsure of myself and you were unsure as to whether a relationship with me was really what you wanted. I would have been hurt but I would have understood. Six months in Lona...? I know in the grand scheme of things it was still new and scary and that I'm hard work but...I was practically living at yours. We were happy..." He told her softly.

Lona looked at the floor. They were happy he was right. They had been really happy. As time had gone on she had found herself wanting more and more to get home to him, for him to hold her in his arms when she was tired or unwell or just having a bad day. He doted on her and as the days had passed she had begun to care about him more deeply than she had ever thought possible. She had needed him just as much as he needed her. They were happy...and then she had screwed it up.

"It was because I wanted to tell my father wasn't it? And the others. There can't be any other reason. You told me that you loved me in the breath before the one where you told me it wasn't working and I should leave." Elmer remarked sadly, remembering how happy he had felt when Lona had cupped his face in her palms, looked him in the eyes and told him that she loved him with all of her heart, and then how just after he'd suggested they make their relationship public knowledge she'd tearfully told him to go because she wasn't sure that she could carry on as she was.

"Elmer I'm so sorry." She whispered; her voice breaking. "I haven't slept in days. I can't stop thinking about what I did...the way that I told you to leave...I got scared. As soon as you mentioned telling other people it was suddenly so real and I just...I wasn't sure that we could ever work."

"It was working and it was always real. At least it was to me. To you our relationship appears...I appear...to be nothing more than a joke and an embarrassment."

"You're not a joke." She reassured him, reaching out to touch his face.

Elmer moved away from her and watched as Lona's hand fell limply on to her lap.

"You're a coward Lona." Elmer snapped. "We had something good. For the first time in my life I was really happy. The woman I'd loved for so long finally loved me back..."

Lona reached out again and placed a hand on his arm. She was hurt by the brutal honesty of his words yet still so touched by his declaration of love for her.

"Don't touch me...please..." He pleaded, taking her hand in his and placing it back on her lap. "Don't make things worse."

Elmer rubbed the bridge of his nose. Tiredness and anger were both threatening to overwhelm him and he could feel the twinge that came at the onset of a headache niggling behind his eyes.

Both sat in silence again as Lona shed silent tears and Elmer tried to pull himself together. As he felt himself becoming more and more frustrated by the situation Elmer got up and frantically began to push the buttons in the elevator, trying his hardest to get hold of Otto or anyone that could help them. He could no longer bear it. Being so close to her and yet so far away pained him more than anything he had ever experienced.

Realising it was futile Elmer turned his attention back to Lona who was wincing in pain. Any anger he felt evaporated as he saw her expression; one that he so hated to see and one which always made him feel helpless whether it was from an injury or even a paper cut.

"Is it your knee?" He asked her quietly as he walked to her side.

Lona nodded.

"And cramps. Can you believe it?"

"Actually yeah. I was with you for six months Lona and I can quite clearly recall lying in bed or on the sofa, watching a movie and massaging your stomach when you had cramps." He snapped, immediately feeling guilty. "Sorry."

Lona smiled at the memory.

"You had so much patience. You sat for hours and did that."

"That's because I loved you...and I hated to see you suffering." He explained.

Lona paled when she heard him say loved. For the first time she realised that she may have truly blown it and she found herself terrified at the thought of having lost him for good.

"Loved? You're using the term in the past tense?"

"It's what you want isn't it? You don't want me. I moved everything of mine out of the house today. You made your decision the minute I said that I wanted to tell my father that you were my partner. You don't stop loving someone just like that, I still love you more than you could possibly know, but why should I speak about loving you in the present tense when you decided that I wasn't worth a shot? Why prolong the agony?"

Lona winced again and tried to move herself into a more comfortable position. Elmer couldn't help but feel for her. He knew that she suffered when it came to her time of the month and to have a aching stomach and a badly swollen knee with no pain relief must be making her feel terrible.

"Shuffle forward if you can...gently..." He told her, settling himself behind her when she did what he said. He sat with his legs either side of her and eased her back so that she was sitting with her back resting against his chest. He then carefully undid the buttons on her coat and slipped his fingers underneath her shirt and into the waistline of her pants, massaging her tender stomach with his fingertips.

"Any better?" He asked her softly.

Lona nodded; a tear rolling down her cheek as she thought of the selflessness of the man who sat behind her. There he was hurting because she had told him to leave her, and yet still when she needed him he was there without any complaint.

"Hey...don't cry." He whispered, moving his hand from its position on her stomach and brushing the tear away from her now damp cheek.

Lona lifted her hand and placed it upon the one that had so tenderly brushed her cheek. She took it in her own and squeezed it.

"I never deserved you. You know that? All my life I've been with jerks...men who treated me badly...men who only wanted one thing, and then you come along and shake my whole world up. I was married before, when I was a lot younger to a man who wasn't so nice. He cheated on me." Lona explained. She'd never told anyone in the hospital about her past but something told her that now was the right time to tell Elmer if she was ever going to make him understand why she did what she did.

"I would never cheat on you." Elmer reassured her squeezing the hand which was entwined in his and then moving it so that it was again massaging her stomach.

"I know you wouldn't." Lona told him sincerely. "I loved him Elmer. I gave him chance after chance and over and over again he broke my heart until one day, when I was three months pregnant with his child he beat me in a fit of temper and caused me to miscarry. That day I walked away and I never looked back."

"Oh Lona..." Elmer whispered; his hands freezing as he thought about all that she had gone through.

"When it comes to relationships I am a coward. You're right. I've had bad experiences. I lost a child that I truly wanted although in hindsight being tied to a waste of space like that by an innocent little person who would probably also have been on the receiving end of his volatile temper would have been a really bad idea. I've shied away from any commitment since then."

"I can't say that I'm surprised. Why didn't you tell me this before?" Elmer asked her, feeling slightly hurt.

"Being beaten by a man isn't something any woman should have to go through. It isn't easy to live with, nor to talk about. Me and you...Elmer we began as a fling. We both know it. We played all of those games...you were..."

"A child. I know." He replied thinking back to the days when The Kingdom had been in turmoil and the stunts he had pulled...the way that he had behaved around Lona. It was understandable in some ways that she was unsure about him.

"No matter how long we stuck it out...part of me always wondered what people would think if they were to know how serious we were becoming. Part of me always worried about what would happen to us in a difficult situation. I wasn't sure how the Elmer Traff we knew back when Mary was here would cope. I guess I was scared of what people may think about me because of the way that you were. Because I fell in love with that person."

"So that's why you dumped me? I really do embarrass you."

"I was scared Elmer that's all. I was scared of what they might think yes, I hold my hands up to that. I was scared of what they might say."

Elmer looked at the floor.

"I was also scared that I would get hurt. You're so much younger than me. What if someone else had come along who was younger and prettier, who didn't nag you or bombard you with sarcasm every day? Because I still did that Elmer even though I was completely in love with you. I couldn't help myself. I would always be Lona Massingale, the woman dumped by the formidable Elmer Traff for a younger model."

"Lona..." Elmer started, shaking his head.

"And what about children? Do you want them?" Lona asked.

"Well I..."

"Because I'm not young anymore Elmer. I don't know how likely it is that we'd be able to conceive if we wanted to try for a child. When Michael beat me I miscarried due to the trauma sustained by my womb. The Doctors told me back then that my chances of having children in the future may be reduced. You have your whole life ahead of you...you have fatherhood ahead of you..."

"It doesn't mean anything to me if it's not with you." He reassured her, his voice breaking.

Lona shifted herself so that her eyes met his. They were glistening with unshed tears.

"You've been feeling all of these things and you kept from me. Why? We could have spoken about this. We could have worked it out." He told her, angry tears beginning to fall. "Some jerk beat you. You lost your baby...and that's made you afraid of being with someone...but I would never do that to you. I would never cheat and my God Lona I would never leave you. I've been yours since long before we were aware of Mary and Antibus and Paul. I may not have handled myself in the best way back then but that didn't make me any less devoted to you...and I know that people think I'm weird and that I've acted in ways which make their assumptions about me valid...but I loved you and I wanted us, so why care what they think? Did I ever do anything to hurt you?" Elmer asked.

"No."

"Did you ever think for one second that I didn't love you?"

Lona shook her head.

"And was there ever a moment when you didn't love me?" He asked her, almost afraid of her answer.

"Only when you didn't pick your socks up off the floor in the mornings." Lona joked, a small smile forming on her lips.

Elmer smiled in spite of himself.

"As for kids...I want them of course I do...I think that I'd be a damn good father. Once upon a time I wouldn't have been but now..."

"I think that you would be too." Lona agreed. "Which is why I'm so sorry that I may not be able to give them to you."

"But Lona I want you more and I'm not willing to give up on us for the sake of my wanting to have a family."

"I can't make you give up on the idea of having a family. I'd never forgive myself. You'd end up resenting me."

"I'll end up resenting you more if you keep pushing me away when we both know that you love me and I love you right back. If we get pregnant at some point in the future...if it happens, then that's great. If we don't, then it's sad but I can live with it. There are always other options if you want children and we can't conceive. It doesn't have to mean the end. Nor does worrying about what other people think. I can't believe that you let something so small influence your decision to break up with me."

"It was a lot of things Elmer. Going public about us was just the catalyst."

"So what do we do now?" Elmer asked her, his fingers still rubbing her stomach tenderly.

"I made a mistake..." Lona said simply. "I should have spoken to you about my fears instead of letting them rule me. I should have taken the chance that you would have understood where I was coming from instead of thinking that you..."

"Would be a flake?" Elmer offered.

Lona blushed and looked at the floor.

"I panicked and I'm sorry Elmer. I'm so sorry. Home...it's not home anymore without you."

Elmer gently removed a hand from her stomach and ran it through her hair, kissing her on top of her head.

"I..."

Lona was interrupted by another jolt. Again the lights in the elevator went off but when they came on it finally began its descent. Elmer couldn't help but sigh. Just as they were getting somewhere...

After a couple of minutes, where Lona remained in Elmer's arms on the floor, the doors opened and the pair were met by Hook, Chris, Otto, Bobby and Louis Traff.

"What happened?" Elmer asked them, carefully getting up behind Lona and supporting her so that she could stand. "We must have been in there for at least half an hour. We couldn't get hold of anyone."

"Another earthquake's what happened." Hook replied walking over to the pair of them and standing between the elevator doors so that Elmer could help Lona onto the hospital floor.

"We've been trying to get hold of you in there but we couldn't get the speaker systems to work." Chris Draper explained. "We were worried about you both. Nobody knew where you were."

Lona and Elmer both visibly paled. Was it happening again?

"Not to worry though. This earthquake was felt by more than just us at the Mary Jensen. You okay son? Lona?" Louis asked the young man who was carefully helping Lona to walk, Hook then taking her other side so that she didn't have to put her weight on her leg.

"I'm fine dad. Lona's the one who isn't. Otto could you grab a wheelchair for me please?"

The security guard nodded and quickly went to find one.

"What happened?" Hook asked noticing the blood that had soaked through Lona's pants.

"When the elevator stopped it did it a little more violently than I would have liked. Unfortunately my knee took the impact when we fell."

"I'm pretty sure she's going to need an x-ray. It's swollen pretty badly. She's been in a lot of pain."

Elmer told his friend, giving Lona a sympathetic smile and rubbing her back gently in circular motions with the palm of his hand.

Otto rushed back over with the wheelchair and held it steady while Hook and Elmer helped Lona into it.

"Bobby if you'd take Lona to x-ray and then take her to a trauma room and I'll see what we can do for that knee. You look like you're very much in need of painkillers." Hook commented to Lona who nodded.

Bobby walked over to her and took the hair in his hands.

"You'll be good as new in no time." He tried to reassure her as he turned the chair around.

"Wait." Lona called out as Bobby began to wheel her away.

"Everything okay Doc?" Bobby asked her with concern.

"Not really. Could you turn me around please?" She asked. "Just for a minute?"

Bobby turned her around in the chair so that she was once again facing Elmer, Hook, Louis, Otto and Chris. Her face was pale and pained but she knew that there was something she needed to do before she could settle down to be treated.

"Elmer would you come here for a second?" She asked the young man who stood wearily in front of her.

Elmer nodded and cautiously walked over to the woman that he had loved since the day that he had met her.

Lona took his hand in hers.

"Elmer I'm so sorry for what I said the other day. You're right, in one breath I did told you that I loved you and in the next that I wanted you to leave..."

Lona heard Chris gasp. Otto cleared his throat uncomfortably and Hook started to grin like the Cheshire cat. Louis Traff looked at his son and his colleague in shock.

"The thing is...I didn't mean it. I didn't want you to go and having the house to myself these last few days has been awful...just terrible for me, because without you...Like I said before it's not home anymore...because you don't share it. I got so scared about what other people would say and about what would happen if they were all to know and then for some reason it all went wrong that I took the coward's way out. I don't want to be a coward anymore Elmer." She explained tearfully.

Elmer knelt down in front of the chair so that he was almost the same height as her and took her other hand in his so that he was now holding them both.

"Lona what you've told me you've been through...you're no coward." He reassured her softly.

"I let you walk away. It's the most cowardly thing that I could have done after six months of us being in a relationship with each other." She told him loud enough for their friends to hear.

Elmer smiled at her methods. He knew this was Lona making their relationship public knowledge and he loved her for it.

"You've been together for six months? Since Mary..." Christine asked them shocked.

"Elmer you dog!" Hook added with a wry smile.

"Son? Why didn't you tell me?" Louis asked.

"Because I couldn't believe it dad. I couldn't believe that I was with her. Look at her, she's beautiful and intelligent...and I'm...Elmer." He finished shaking his head.

"He wanted to tell you Louis. I was the reason that he didn't and it was his wanting to tell you just last week that made me push him away because I was too scared to take the next step."

"You broke up with my son?"

Elmer looked at the floor and Lona blushed.

"I made a mistake and right now I'm trying to rectify it. I love your son and I know that he loves me. Contrary to any belief anyone might have about our relationship that's always been the case, it's always been the foundation of it. No one has taken care of me like Elmer has, and I'd like it very much if he were to come home...and give us another shot. I want a chance to make it right."

For a moment Elmer sat still his eyes studying Lona's intently. Their friends stood silently around them waiting to hear his reply.

"Dad?" He said quietly, getting up and walking over to his father. "I know this is a shock. I know that I probably don't deserve her but...I love her."

Louis patted his son on the back.

"Give the woman an answer son. She loves you right back." His father replied with a smile.

Elmer nodded at his dad, silently thanking him for his blessing. He then walked over to Lona and knelt back down in front of her, once again taking her hands in his.

"Elmer please don't make me beg. Massingale's don't do that well." Lona told him, wincing as a pain shot up her leg.

Elmer looked at the floor.

"I can't." He told her sadly.

"What?" Christine whispered.

"Oh Elmer...don't be an ass." Hook added.

Elmer smiled and leaned over so that his lips were next to Lona's ear.

"First I'm gonna have to buy a new toothbrush." He whispered, then moving away from her slightly so that he was looking right at her with a smile that told of his happiness.

Lona grinned and elbowed him hard in the ribs. She then found herself being gently pulled into his embrace.

"You're a nightmare." She whispered into his shoulder happily, as he kissed her on the cheek, her nose and then her forehead.

"Yeah? Well you still love me." He teased, pulling away again so that he could look at the face he considered to be the most beautiful that he had ever seen.

"I do. Who knows why." She teased back, placing a hand on the back of his head and pulling him towards her so that she could kiss him on the lips.

"It's my healing hands." He commented with a smile, his face so close to hers that she could feel his breath on her lips. He placed one on her sore stomach where he had so tenderly massaged her earlier.

"They might have something to do with it." She whispered in response, sighing softly as his fingers massaged her stomach through the cotton of her shirt and their lips met for the first time in days.

As Lona kissed him she realised just how right being with Elmer actually felt and how much of a relief it was for their relationship to finally be out in the open. To finally be real enough to move along and to progress. What did it matter what people thought when she could sit there in the middle of the hospital feeling more loved than she ever had in her life? When she had told him all of the things that made her wary about being with him and he accepted them anyway? In some ways Lona felt as though breaking up with Elmer had been the best thing that had happened to them, because now, being back in his arms she knew that he wanted her for who she was, whether she had been broken before or not...whether she could give him a child or not. He wanted her, and she knew finally, for once and for all, just how much she wanted him too.