Monday, September 9, 2010

Serve, Protect, and Don't Fall in Love (with the Wrong Guy)

The official motto of the police force is 'serve and protect', usually with something added onto the end of it. Serve, protect, and don't screw up. Serve, protect, and catch the bad guy. Serve, protect, and don't get your ass kicked.

There are also many unspoken rules on the force. Rookies never drive. Detectives rule all. Rookies always pay. Seniority first. That kind of thing. Everybody knows them; no one acknowledges them. And, heaven forbid you break one of those rules. Often, the consequences are even worse than when you break one of the official, written-down, posted-up, head-chief-deals-with rules.

For instance, people stop talking to you. You can hear them whispering behind your back, laughing when you leave the room. No one looks you in the eye anymore. You begin to doubt your ability, and soon, you feel the urge to leave, go somewhere else, maybe even give up the force altogether. You never know.

Without these unspoken rules the entire force, nay, the entire world, would fall to ruin. Serve, protect, and don't do anything stupid. Never touch anyone else's car. Serve, protect, and don't be a smart ass. Don't brown-nose. Serve, protect, and respect your superiors, even if they aren't officially superior. Serve, protect, and always have your partner's back.

Don't fall in love.

And if you do, by accident, happen to fall in love, pretend you didn't. And, if, by chance, you can't do that, don't act on it. And if you're an idiot and you do act on it, than it better not be someone you work with in close quarters. Like your partner. Or the officer you sometimes have to drive with.

Or your training officer.

See, the thing is, if you're out on a call and something happens, and you can't concentrate on the job because you've got someone important to you on your left, than bad things start happening. Someone gets injured; the crook gets away. So it's better to stay away from the whole love business.

But if you do feel the pressing need to date someone who is, coincidently also on the force, better to be someone who doesn't leave the barn that often. Someone who does a lot of paperwork, who you wouldn't have to encounter outside of the office.

Like, say, a detective or something.

Especially if that detective is a kind and sensible, reliable type of guy. Who always has a clean suit, and always comments on how beautiful you look. Even if he is a little obsessed with his work. Not obsessed; I didn't mean to say obsessed. I meant passionate. And what's wrong with being passionate about your job?

Especially if your training officer (we're speaking hypothetically, of course) doesn't always follow the rules, and sometimes colors outside the lines. Or if he sometimes forgets to shave, and even when he doesn't forget, has one hell of a five-o'clock shadow. Or if he can make you laugh, a really big, belly-shaking, Santa Claus kind of laugh. Wait- I didn't mean that. I meant, if he distracts you from your job, by making you laugh like that, or by helping you with your problems, like your dad and stuff.

Not that you have a lot of problems… Sorry, I'm getting off track here.

Anyway, the point of this is to tell you that if you fell in love and broke a whole bunch of unspoken rules, that you should always choose the detective over the training officer.

…Right?

Posted by A. McNally at 5:37pm