So, this is my newest story, but I want to warn everyone that it has some heavy and dark topics. Suicide, self harm, eating disorders, sexual assault, and molestation. If any of those subjects are to hard to handle, I advise you not to read this story. I'm going to try and keep it more along the lines of a story that shows the triumph of someone who is just trying to move on from those situations, but there will be flashbacks, and chapters where all these topics will be talked about in depth. So, if you're willing to take this journey with me, please keep reading, and if you have an suggestions please feel free to let me know! So, please enjoy "Anything but Perfect"
All the characters belong to Cassandra Clare, I just own the plot, and depending on how the story goes, maybe a few minor characters along the way! I hope you enjoy!
Chapter One
Clary POV:
I wake up panting and my bed is wet with sweat. I'm used to the nightmares but that doesn't mean that they are easy to deal with. No matter what happens, I can't seem to escape the horrors of my past. You see growing up in the family that I have doesn't give me much leeway. I constantly have to be perfect, and if I'm not well, lets just say my parents aren't too happy with me. You see my parents are pretty famous and so is my brother. My father is the governor of New York, my mother is a world-renowned painter and my brother, well he's a defensive end for the Dallas Cowboys. Being something in this family is everything, but then there is me. I'm not very athletic, and I'm not very talented in music or art. Sometimes I wonder if I was born in to the wrong family.
My life hasn't always been perfect; I've had a lot of shit happen to me. If you look at me from the outside you would think that I had the most amazing life, and that I was the happiest person you could ever see.
My name is Clarissa Morgenstern, and I'm 17 years old and I'll be a senior at Idris Area High School, and if you ask anyone there, I'm the most popular person you'll ever met. It's almost September and I am getting ready for my annual end of the summer party. It was probably going to be the biggest party of the year. I was inviting my whole senior class, but I knew a few kids from outside of my town would show up. It wasn't that I minded that random kids from other towns showed up, I actually kind of liked it, knowing that they knew about my parties was a little bit of a confidence booster. Take the Lightwoods for example, they are from the next town over, they have come to a few of my parties. I never figured out how they knew about them, but they never caused any problems so I never really cared that they showed up. The rules of my party were simple, if you wanted to hook up, you'd do it in the pool house, the upstairs was absolutely off limits. The party was over at 2 am, and if you couldn't handle your alcohol you'd never be invited back. Every knew that and I have only had to kick a couple people out for disobeying the rules.
It was about an hour or two into the party and I was well on my way to drunk. I was dancing to the music and my boyfriend came up behind me and started dancing with me. I decided to play along with him. Soon he was kissing me and feeling me up and I let him until he started to lead me to the pool house. When walking through my house we passed the Lightwoods, I looked at them and winked before making my way behind Sebastian, everyone made a pathway for us, and when we got outside I took my place on his right side and when the time was right I pushed Sebastian and he landed in the pool. A huge splash got the attention of the whole party.
"That's for cheating on me asshole!" I yelled at him as he emerged from the pool.
"What the fuck are you talking about?"
"I saw you last week sucking face with Morgan, or Megan, or Macy, whatever her name is, I saw you."
"Oh come on, it's not like you haven't been hooking up with random guys behind my back. "
"You know, I may be a lot of things Sebastian but a cheater isn't one of them." By this time the whole party was outside and the music had stopped. "Get out, the parties over for you."
"Whatever. You were shit in bed anyway." There was a low 'damn' that all the people around us said.
"How would you know? Every time we were about to have sex, you couldn't get it up." He huffed in frustration got out of the pool and stormed out of the house. I looked around and there was silence. "Let's fucking party people." I yelled and everyone cheered and went back to what they were doing.
If I could so anything right, it was hold my alcohol. It was about 1:45 am and I was making my way over to the pool house to see if anyone was there and to let them know the party was over in 15 minutes. When I opened the door Aline and Helen were in the middle of an intense make out session. They both jumped apart when they heard me gasp.
"Please don't tell anyone." Aline begged and I didn't know what to do.
"No problem. I just came here to tell you the party ends in 15 minutes." With that I closed the door and made my way back into the house. I was walking and drinking when I ran into a wall, but when I looked up a pair of golden eyes were looking back at me.
"Hey Red." He said and I couldn't help but laugh at his nickname for me.
"Ah, if it isn't Jace Lightwood, what brings you here?" HE smirks at me and I can't help but admire how sexy he looks right now.
"You throw some awesome parties, how could I possibly stay away?"
"How does someone from your town hear about my parties?"
"My sisters boyfriend goes to your school, she kind of forces him to come, he isn't much of a party goer."
"Well any friend of a fellow Shadowhunter is a friend of mine." He laughs and it's probably one of the most beautiful sounds I've ever heard.
"What even is a Shadowhunter?"
"The hell if I know, I've been asking around for years, but nobody seems to know." We both laugh and continue to talk until I notice people starting to leave. I was about to say something when I notice three people walk up to us, I assume they are his siblings, but I never imagined Simon Lewis being his sisters boyfriend.
"Jace, come on it's time to leave, I hear Clary gets pissed if everyone isn't gone by 2." She says and than she notices that Jace is in fact talking to me and she looks mortified. I look at them and than turn my attention back to Jace.
"Well, it was wonderful to talk to you, but your sister is right. I turn into a raging bitch if everyone isn't out by 2. But I'll make an exception for you four to show you what I mean." I look at them and than motion for them to follow me. When we get to the door to my laundry room I can hear moaning. I kick to door in, and there are Maia and Jordan half naked making out in there. "You two know the fucking rules, pool house is for hooking up!" They look absolutely terrified. "Get the hell out of my house!" I yell and they grab their clothes and run out of the house practically naked. I turn around to look at the Lightwoods and they look scared shitless. "If I don't act like a raging bitch, nobody would follow the rules, and I really don't want to catch people having sex in my bed." The laugh and I lead them to the front door. "Well maybe I'll see you guys around sometime, or maybe I'll have to wait until my next party, since you obviously like to make an appearance." They all laugh and I tell them goodbye and I make my way up to my room. I lay on my bed and stare at my ceiling. Before I know it the darkness devours me and the nightmares of him come back in full force.
Time Jump-Mid October
After school started it was back to pretending to be something I'm not. I had to wear blouses, and skirts, and dresses and heels. It was worse than actual school. I'd walk to halls with my so called 'friends' and just wait for the day to be over so I could change into my favorite outfit and go to my favorite place.
When I was fourteen and having a really hard time I asked my parents to build me a skate park, it was something that was able to calm me down, and since my parents couldn't get any information out of me, they agreed to do it. It was a 15 minute walk from my house, but it was back in the forest, so that nobody could find it. It didn't help the 'perfect' image that my parents were going for, so it had to be kept a secret. I didn't mind it though, it was the perfect place to think, and release some stress. I was in my favorite pair of skinny jeans, a long sleeve tee, my favorite pair of vans, and my dark grey beanie. Now, if I could dress this way everyday, I would be one happy camper, but it goes against everything my parents believe in.
I was listening to my music as I was sitting on my skateboard looking out into the forest. This was the only place that I truly got to be myself. I can't hear anything around me until there was a body next to me, and I nearly jumped out of my skin.
"What the hell are you doing here Jace?" I nearly yell as I yank my headphones out of my ear.
"I was taking a walk and I kinda got lost. This place is cool, I didn't know you could skate." I laugh and I turn my music off and fix my beanie.
"Nobody does." I get up and kick my skateboard up and catch it.
"You look different." He says and I look down at my outfit.
"Yea, this is who I get to be when my parents aren't around."
"High expectations?"
"More like impossible." I let out a dry laugh and I look at him.
"How come?" He asks and I grab my skateboard and make my way back over to him.
"When you're the daughter of the governor, a world renowned famous painter, and the sister of an NFL star expectations are elevated to the max. My parents want to be perfect, therefore I have to be perfect."
"That must really suck."
"Totally. If my parents saw me like this, I'd be sent to my room for dressing like a peasant." He laughs a little and I look back out to the forest.
"You know, I know we hardly know each other, but if you ever need an escape, or a friend, I've got you." I look at him with a confused expression.
"Why would you do that?"
"Cause you seem cool Red, and believe it or not you're one of the few people that can hold a conversation with me without trying to get in my pants." I can't help but laugh and look back at him.
"I pride myself in resisting the urge to jump your bones in the middle of the forest." I say with my voice dripping with sarcasm. Although the urge is actually there, no way in hell was that every going to be a possibility. After a few more minutes of was falls to be comfortable silence he starts to get up.
"I should probably get back, my parents are probably wondering where I went." I follow his lead and get up. "Maybe I'll see you around."
"Well, you know where to find me." I play with my skateboard under my foot. He nods and starts to walk away before he turns around.
"Oh and Red," he says and I turn around, "I like this look on you way more." He smirks and I can't help but blush. I nod and he turns and makes his way back into the woods. I start my walk home, when I get there I sneak in the back door and make my way upstairs. I lay on my bed until the overwhelming thoughts are too much for me to handle. I make my way into my bathroom and grab and unused razor. I slowly break it apart until it's just the blade. I sit on my end of my tub as I press it in to my upper thigh. I watch as the skin breaks and blood flows down my leg. After about 5 cuts I throw the razor blade away and I clean up the mess. I go back to my bed when I can't help but think that this is the way my life will always be. Constantly fighting off the nightmares, and never feeling like I'll ever be good enough for anyone. I fall asleep to the whispers that he once told me every night before he would violate me.