A/N: Hey, y'all. This is just going to be a little side project of mine while I work on completing the Howling at the Moon Trilogy.

So, basically, I have this theory that if not all, a good 90% of good authors start out as Suethors. It makes sense-they don't have the experience to make up a 3-D character, so they write about themselves, but they worry that people won't like them so they add on the frills, hence, Mary-Sue.

(Note that I'm sorry if I just offended self-insert authors. I know a lot of people say that self-inserts are the bane of fanfiction, but they can actually be quite enjoyable. The problem is that most self inserts, if not full-blown sues, tend to dabble in a bit of sueism out of insecurities. If the author is confident, honest, and knows themselves well, then the story will probably be just fine, or if it isn't, it won't be the self-insertion that makes it bad. For an example of a rockin' self-insert, read "Strange Things Happen in Libraries with Dr. Pepper" by PippinBaggins, in the Chronicles of Narnia fandom. To continue.)

Anyway, I had all these really bad stories from my Mary-Sue phase clogging up my documents that I refuse to delete. I took an oath-anything I write must be kept for a minimum of fifteen years. And for some reason, it upsets me, seeing them just sitting there, on the virtual shelf, getting dusty. But at the same time, I can't bring myself to post anything as horrific as what I wrote during my Sue-Days on this account.

Hence: The 'M' Files. In which I turn all of my Mary-Sues into Mary-Sue Parodies. I don't know if they'll be really funny, I haven't tried pure humor before, but it's literally tearing me apart, so I'm just kind of like "Okay, fine."

Anyway, go ahead and tell me if you like this or didn't. I'll continue it either way, but if you do like it, then there's a better chance of faster updates.

Finally, I should mention that I didn't only write Avatar Sues. I started out in fanfiction by writing Avatar fiction on the board they used to have over on the Nick message boards, so most of my Sue period was spent there; but rest assured, once that well is dry, they'll be a couple more Sue parodies in some other fandoms.

Disclaimer: I don't own Avatar. I'm glad to say that I can't say I own the Sue, either; for the most part, I ripped her off a video game, as I did much of the plot. Hence, I own nothing. Kingdom Hearts and Eragon were two big influences. Oh, and American Dragon: Jake Long. Can't remember the others. But I know I don't own them.

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Once upon a time, there was a girl named Kaili. She was very pretty, and very strange. She was small for her age, with red hair, dark blue eyes, tan skin and pointy ears. Not a lot of people can pull off a tan with red hair, especially in the Avatar world, but she was so amazing that she pulled it off so well that it wasn't until she was twelve that people started wondering if maybe there was something really weird about her.

She lived with her mom in the Fire Nation, but her mom got sick and died and so she went to live with her dad and her step-mom, who were servants for the Fire Lord and lived in the servants' quarters. They both hated her. Kaili shared a room with eleven other kids who were all total brats who stole her stuff and messed up her sketchbook. There was this theory that the reason there were so few actually nice people in her life was because she herself was so nice that it was hard to call anyone else nice compared to her incredible niceness.

One day, she was sitting under a tree, minding her own business like the perfect kid she was, when Azula came up to her.

"Go get me a cookie," Azula said.

"No," Kaili said.

Azula shot fire at her.

Kaili, who could firebend but only a little bit (she had to teach herself) had no choice but to get Azula a cookie. Luckily, she was sneaky enough that she didn't get caught.

This went on for awhile, with Kaili doing whatever Azula wanted, when one day Zuko (who was known for chivalry and kindness towards servants as a youth, and standing up to his sister, don'tchaknow?) said "Azula, keep picking on her and I'll tell mom."

Azula stopped, and Kaili said thank you and then she said something so witty and funny that they became best friends, and were so from that day on.

And then, sometime later, Zuko gave Kaili a necklace. That meant that Kaili had two necklaces now-the one from Zuko and the one her mom gave her. Did I forget to mention that? Ah. Yeah. Anyway. Her stepmom, who was totally evil and hated Kaili, didn't sell the necklace because…she was stupid. Obviously, you'd have to be either stupid or insane not to like this girl, everyone intelligent and sane worshipped the ground she walked on. She didn't notice, though, because she was too humble.

So then, Zuko got banished and Kaili ran away. She ran and ran until she found THE REBELLION OF THE FLAME, a group of rebels fighting against the Fire Nation. They chose the name to remain inconspicuous of their motives.

And it turned out, Kaili had some pretty weird powers. SHOCK SHOCK. She could create bubbles in the timestream-yes, of course the term 'timestream' had been coined at that point. Le duh. And sometimes she could predict the future.

So then there was this prophecy made about Kaili-but not by Kaili, some other chick who was kind of more reliable about the whole future-prediction thing (but could she create bubbles in the timestream? No. Hence, Kaili=Win.) made a prophecy that Kaili was going to help the Avatar. Naturally, this was kind of a big deal, so when Kaili learned, through her gift, that he was going to be in the area, she decided to go say "Hi."

Despite the leader of the Rebellion being all "Don't do it, or I will SLAP you, fo!"

So she left and found Aang, who happened to be on the island, and they initially distristed her, blah blah blah, and then she brought them to the Rebellion headquarters.

And the leader of the Rebellion was like *slaps yoo*

And she was like *tear*

And then the next day, the Fire Nation attacked the base and they found out, through Kaili's picking up on something these two agents said (they were actually SPIEEEEEEZ) in passing, just soon enough to make an attack plan.

And Kaili learned that the Fire Lord poisoned her mom. She never bothered to ask why, though, I mean, I guess she thought, does there have to be a reason? He's the Fire Lord, he's evil and doesn't have anything better to do with his time than to go around, randomly poisoning his own subjects.

Right, so, she was quite upset, and the bottom line is, she got captured and then she got poisoned, but who should save her? Zuko! Who just magically knew where she was. I guess he has like, Kaili's-in-trouble senses or something. Not like that's some huge plothole or something.

So then he saves her, and she's on his ship, all unconscious and stuff-waking up just long enough to tell him that she was poisoned and stuff.

But then Aang, Katara and Sokka came and saved her from Zuko's ship and got her back to the Rebellion just in time for her to get the antidote.

And so she decided to go travel with the Avatar. (Not that she was invited. She kind of invited herself, but they'd kind of been hoping she would. They would have asked her, but they were intimidated by her awesomeness.)

So she travelled with them for awhile, and after about ten chapters of Kaili-POV-canon-events, something significant happened. That significant event was this:

After the battle with Azula VS Everyone Else, in which Iroh got shot down by lightning, the gang was walking away and Sokka and Kaili got into a fight. So Kaili ran off, and ran into the forest, where Zuko was looking for stuff that might help his uncle (Zuko=expert healer. Probably not as good at it as Kaili, though, considering she can do everything else.) Right, so, they meet in the woods, and then they get in a fight and Zuko burns Kaili in a burst of anger. He burns her on her arm, she was trying to walk away (you know, doing the right thing and avoiding confrontation) and he grabbed her arm and then accidentally burned it.

And Kaili said "Like father, like son, right?" And ran away before Zuko could apologize. I guess she figured, since she can't firebend, she couldn't burn him back literally, she she'd just burn him verbally.

So then Katara found her, and saw her burn and asked if Kaili wanted her to heal it, but Kaili said "No thanks," so she'd know not to trust Zuko again. (She does, anyway, but whatever.) She doesn't tell Katara what happened, or anyone else, just because it seemed the proper, dramatic thing to do.

And then they were all choosing mini-vacations and Kaili, who didn't care, pointed to an island they happened to by flying over (this was before Sokka's vacation and Appa being stolen and whatnot.) And as it turned out, this island was home to colony of elves-no-no, I'm serious, a colony of elves and Kaili was their princess. Well, her mother was queen, but her father was a REBEL, so she was half-human-half-elf. The elves had been secretly fighting in synch with the Rebellion for awhile, but after Kaili's parents got killed on a mission (because every smart colony sends the royal family to assassinate people) they broke it off and had maintained a deep hatred of humans ever since.

After they managed to get the elves to let them go-with a promise to come back eventually-they left for Ba Sing Se.

Insert twenty more chapters of Kaili-POV-Canon-Events. Also insert ten chapters of Kaili-centric-noncanon events that don't really add to the plot at all.

After Aang got shot by Azula, they went back to the island, where Kaili (despite her lack of political experience) got put in charge. Azula, Zuko, Ty Lee and Mai showed up (don't ask how they knew where the supposedly-hidden-elf-colony was. It's…um…a story in itself? Will you buy that?) and were imprisoned, but then Zuko gets let out by Kairi, because Azula tricked her into feeling bad for him, and she's so nice she can't stand having people put in jail if there's a 0.0001% chance that they might still be good. Then Zuko started teaching Aang and Kaili firebending (despite not wanting to. Kaili was the only one who trusts Zuko.) And then Zuko told Kaili that she was some kind of dragon-warrior, hoping she'd freak out and give up the throne, whilst simultaneously telling the truth.

Kaili freaked out and Zuko went to talk to Azula, and Azula shot him with lightning for no real reason other than she felt like it, and then Zuko goes unconscious and has a dream where Avatar Roku came and told him how awesome Kaili was.

Then he woke up and realized he wanted to be on the good side, for real this time, and then Kaili forgave him for not telling her sooner about the dragon-warrior thing.

So they went to try and find a dragon egg, they found it, there was a fight with Azula (she'd escaped with her minions-I mean friends) and then Kaili had a pet dragon that she named Riesa.

Then she learned to ride the dragon and use these cool swords.

And then there was a big battle where the good side pwns the bad side.

And then Kaili and Zuko kissed and got married and Kaili continued to destroy the other characters' self esteem with her perfection for the rest of her life.

The End.

A/N: Yes. It was actually more complicated than that. Not that I'm justifying. It wasn't more complicated in a plot and character development way, more like a stupid, drama-rama, Gossip Girl, can't keep anything straight, Mary-sue way. I simplified it, just a little bit, to keep this from going to long.

Hm. Anyway, I again request that you review. Please?