Title: I love you too brother

Music: Lithium -Evanescence

Warning: Yaoi, incest

Rating: M

Disclaimer: I don't own Host Club, but it has many sexy boys in it XD

A/N: For COMBO-BASS!!!!! Congrats, you have won a fic from a randomly placed contest on mine. I randomly give my bigest reviewers a free fi of their choosing. But I get to choose who, and when XD So review! You might get on my good side like combo here did!

I Love You Too Brother

I suppose it all started 11 years ago…that day in the forest when Kaoru cut his hand on a sharp rock. It wasn't a big deal really, just a scratch, but it was deep enough to bleed, and it was deep enough to hurt. The poor guy started crying…hell, I started to too. I think that was the first time we experienced different emotions over a single incident. He felt pain, and I felt protective.

At the time I hadn't really thought my actions through, or thought about what the consequences would be. I was 7, there was no reason to. All I knew was that my brother was in pain, and that I wanted to help him through it. I didn't know that my simple little gesture would eventually cause both of our lives to fall into ruin and confusion, or that it would bring such loneliness and hurt. Because, I was just a little boy, giving his twin brother a kiss to make it all better, like my father or mother would do. It was purely innocent on every level, but it developed into something so much more.

Years later our brotherly camaraderie became extreme on the most disturbing levels. To others, it seemed as if we were constantly looking for a joke in everything we encountered, brothers and friends who were comfortable around each other. What they didn't see, was hidden behind the masks, deep within our stomachs, something that resonated between us. Between us, and between no one else.

We knew each other's thoughts completely. We knew when the other was hungry, or in pain. We knew about all the lonely times, and about all the happy times. We saw each other's emotions and thoughts every second of the day, resonating between us, between us and only us. Because this was our world. Our world, and only our world.

We seemed to live in some sort of parallel universe to the real world, like some sort of plastic wrap prison within our minds, forcing us to be spectators, but never participants in the world's activities. Try as we might, we never could quite feel empathy for another person, because what they were going through simply did not fit in our world. Nothing did, nothing but us.

But if one is the loneliest number, then two is as bad as one. Though we lived in our own little world, we couldn't escape the realities of the real world. We would turn to seek refuge, and find only each other. Not that that was a bad thing…well, at first. We were all we had, living in a plastic world in our minds. A world that was perfect and could be rearranged to fit. A world that included both of us, that centered around us. We just couldn't see it crashing down around us until it was gone and we really were all we had left.

My brother is a mirror reflection of me, a twin. We were born on the same day, only a minute apart. When they went to take Kaoru from the room, the doctor didn't take two steps before he was screaming. I was not far behind. We did not stop screaming until we were together again.

Of course, we're older now, just as we were in the forest that day, and screaming just wasn't acceptable. But then again, we weren't separated.

My brother and I are like a coin. Both sides are different, but at the same time, it is only one coin. I cannot live without my brother. I feel every pain in his body, every breath he takes…if I didn't have that, well, I wouldn't be a coin. It is simply impossible to have a one-sided coin, I needed my reflection. It just happened that my reflection needed me as well, and that an innocent kiss to make-it-all-go-away, became a kiss of bring-it-all-here. Who was I…a seven year old boy, now an 18 year old brother, to know that my world I shared in the mind of my twin would became my release and my prison, my passion and my undoing. Who was I to know that it would lead to more than just brotherly love?

Four years after the kiss, when we were bright, eleven year old boys out riding our bikes, playing in mud, and making fun of girls, we had our first inkling that what we shared was not something all people had. Once again it had to do with Kaoru getting hurt, and once again, I took things too far.

Kaoru never saw the headlights, but I did. I didn't need to tell him what was happening, because he already knew. When I knew, he knew, I just knew a little too late. There was a screech of tires and the acrid stink or rubber being shaved off on the pavement. There was the sickening thud of the grill of the truck impacting with Kaoru's side, the screech of the aluminum of the bike twisting and snapping, and the screams of pain jabbing into my brain like a red-hot iron. I remember screaming, feeling hot metal pressed into my skin, the strange sickly-sweet smell of blood, and a vision of pavement, before I passed out.

When I awoke, I was in the town hospital, by brother beside me. Though I had not directly been in the accident, I still had felt the full brunt of the metal snapping my brother's ribcage. I still could smell the blood and sweat and cement. I could still hear the scream and the horn and the screeching twist of the aluminum. It was as if I had been the one to get hit by the truck. Only, it was Kaoru who bore the scars.

And once again that protectiveness came over me. Despite the pain aching through my body, most of it Kaoru's, I managed to pull myself out of the hospital bed and climb into my twin's. He didn't stir as crawled under the covers and laid my body flat against his, my arms around him, afraid of letting him go. Because his consciousness wasn't there, and my world was silent. For an 11 year old, the idea of being totally and completely alone is not only frightening, but terrifying beyond all imagination.

They found us like that when the nurse came to check up on us, and try as they might, they could not remove me from the bed. In fact, I wouldn't even respond to them at all. My arms were clamped firmly around my brother's body, holding him against me. I didn't come out of my self-induced coma until my brother awoke a week later and my world was filled with his voice once more.

But once those innocent days were over, it only got worse. 3 years later I and my brother were 14. By this time we had learned enough of the world to see it for what it really was. With the addition of puberty, the stress appeared to be just too much. The once energetic little boys slowly became secluded, too wrapped in themselves and their work to spend time with the outside world. Because, after all, we were only spectators, and it would be unfair to help the rest of the world to cheat.

It was also around this time that we finally realized our sexual attraction toward one another. Up until that point, our relationship had been a close, but platonic one, at least, as far as we thought. It never occurred to us how strange it was for 14 year old boys to climb into each other's beds each night simply to be close to each other. Or for how few kids would kiss their siblings in addition to their mothers and fathers. It never occurred to us, until we became teenagers and our hormones hit.

It didn't take long for our friendly family kisses to turn into something a little more passionate. For our sneaking into one another's beds to become a cuddle fest. And we certainly never meant to go as far as we did. But it was like something was pulling us toward each other, closer and closer like a magnet, or gravity. It was more than brotherly love, it was romantic love, the kind you feel for a person who understands you better than anyone else, the person you can always count on talk to and protect, and on occasion, to protect you. And who better to understand you….than the one who lived within your own world?

That was our simple, unspoken logic. In fact, we never officially discussed our relationship at all, it just happened. A bit like how our mistake happened, the big one. And once again, it was my fault, and Kaoru was the one to get hurt.

It happened over Christmas break during our 1st year of High School. It was Christmas Eve, and it was snowing outside. Kaoru and I were huddled together at the window, watching the snow fall . It was amazing to watch the fading light play off of the fluffy frozen water as it fell from the sky. The snow seemed to muffle all sound other than our own breathing and the soft hum of the heater.

Kaoru's leg was pressed against mine. This of course, was completely coincidental. He was simply sitting next to me, leaning over a bit to get a good view out the window. What he didn't know was how aware I was of that contact. Sure, we had been thinking of each other as a bit more than brothers for the past year at least…but we had never truly gotten aroused by each other. At least, not until that night, when his body was stretched out to look out the window, and his leg was pressed against mine.

My eyes wandered down to the hem of his shirt, which was lifted just enough to give me a nice view of the smooth pale skin beneath. My mind wandered to how that skin, so similar to mine, would feel under my fingertips…

Kaoru shivered, as if sensing my thoughts, and turned to look at me. "You alright?" he asked. I was painfully aware of how close his lips were…

Before I knew really what I was doing, my hands drifted to settle just above his hips. Under his shirt, and on that skin of his. He blinked at me, then half closed his eyes as our mouths met in a soft, tender kiss. It lasted a fraction of a second longer than it normally would have.

When our mouths separated, Kaoru was staring at me blankly, as if he was just starting to understand what was going on. I looked down at where my hands were, then back at his eyes. A silent permission was traded between us, and our mouths met once more.

My hands wandered up my brother's shirt , feeling out a body shaped exactly the same as my own. A fleeting thought entered my mind about weather this was wrong or not, but a soft gasp from Kaoru pushed it away. It was then that I noticed he was shaking.

I stopped the kiss for a moment, and whispered against my brother's lips. "Are you alright?" My hand moved to his back, rubbing small encouraging circles into the smooth skin. One finger brushed over a scar from the accident, eliciting another shiver from my brother.

Kaoru nodded, then leaned forward into the kiss again. He wrapped his arms around my neck, and moved closer to bring his body against mine. I gasped as I felt a strange, electric fire surge through my body and my mind as we touched, and suddenly, our world didn't seem enough anymore. I wanted to expand it, and I knew how.

Our lips crashed together more forcefully and suddenly my tongue was inside his mouth. He tasted good, my brother did. I wanted to taste more, to feel more. Just having my tongue inside of his mouth gave me unclean thoughts of what else I'd like inside of him…or possibly inside of me. My cock gave a twitch, and I became aware of how hard I was.

Apparently Kaoru knew as well. His hands traveled down to my crotch and rubbed against it, his fingers curling around me and giving a gentle rub. Our lips separated as a quick moan escaped me.

Then my brother was on his back, beneath me. All thoughts of snow left us as warm hands moved over equally warm skin. Kaoru lost his shirt, and I was just beginning to work on his pants when his fingers snaked into my hair and forced me to look up at his face.

"The bed…" was all he said. I licked my lips, enjoying how tousled he looked. He was so beautiful….and somehow, knowing that I looked the same to him…well, it only turned me on more.

I yanked the pants off of my brother, leaving him only in his underwear. Then, standing up, I began removing my own. I didn't notice him sneak up behind me until his arms were around me, those warm hands of his traveling up my shirt to tweak already hard nipples. I melted backwards into my brother's arms and let his lips explore my neck. I could feel his erection hard against me, throbbing in time to his pulse. Gods…I needed to feel him.

Kaoru gasped as my hands reached around to grab his ass. He shivered as I began to massage it.

Then my shirt was off, and I could relish the feeling of skin on skin. Before much more foreplay could go on, Kaoru pulled me back to the bed and forced me down onto it, crawling over me like a lion ready to feast upon a kill. Then our lips met again, and his body lowered against mine.

The feeling of a body on top of me was breathtaking. I had never truly felt it before. I'd been near a body, next to a body, on top of a body…but never had I had the weight of a body on top of me. And of course, knowing that what was on me, pressing me into the mattress, dominating me, was not only my brother, but my exact double, well that made everything all the more arousing.

The quiet air became filled with slightly more ragged breathing and small gasps and moans as we began exploring each other's bodies. It felt so good being with my brother like this. Being so connected like this….but, it wasn't enough. We, no, I, needed more.

I bucked my hips up against my twin's in a silent plead for something I never could have seen us doing. The friction felt good, and I repeated the movement. "Kaoru…" I groaned. "Please…"

That was the first time we had ever verbally acknowledged our relationship. And on top of that, we were about to make love. Two brothers. That wasn't only wrong in the sense of us both being male, but in the sense that we were brothers, twins in fact. To make love with each other would be like making love to ourselves, to our reflections.

But we truly loved each other. We were all each other had. Wasn't that enough to validate it? I could feel my brother's love radiating off him in waves…I wanted him, needed him….wasn't that enough to justify our actions?

Our underwear left us in seconds, as it became all skin. Kaoru's mouth was all over me, and mine all over him. Truthfully, we didn't know what we were doing at all. We were simply trying to figure out what the other liked, which was difficult, because even though we were twins, we liked different things. But that made it all the better. It was like an adventure, exploring each other in search of the best way to please one another.

Then he was inside me. It hurt like hell at first. We hadn't known about lubrication and what it could do at the time, so it hurt a lot, but I soon adjusted. Once that happened, it was all pleasure. My hips rocked back to meet his with each thrust, a small grunt escaping my lips. He felt so good…..WE felt so good…together…as one. We felt complete, as if we hadn't truly known what the other was like until we were melded so perfectly together. It felt like I was seeing my brother for the first time.

We climaxed together and collapsed onto the bed in a pile of arms legs and bodies. We ended up cuddling and falling asleep together to awake in each other's arms on Christmas day.

Unfortunately for us, we never thought about the consequences of our actions, even though we were old enough to.

We were found Christmas morning, naked in each others arms, small, satisfied smiles on our faces. It didn't take much for our parents to realize what had happened.

The lecture was long, the punishment severe. We were beaten, both of us, in the most humiliating of ways, and Kaoru was sent off to live at a boarding school somewhere in France. Now I was left alone, sitting in our room and feeling more miserable than ever. It felt as though a piece of my heart had been ripped from my chest and thrown to the guard dogs. My brother, my only love, my other half, was thousands of miles away, and I couldn't feel a single thing from him. Sometimes, I'd awake in the middle of the night, swearing that I could feel him beside me, crying, but within seconds the feeling would pass, and I'd be left alone in a cold room once more.

And that was how I lived my life over the next several years, until I was nearly out of college.

This is when I get to the modern day, to where I am now, staring at my brother at the airport. He looks older than he had the last day I'd seen him. We no longer look the same, his hair has grown out more, while mine remains short. His style of dress is different too.

And here we are, staring at each other, ignoring the busy passerbys as they rush off to whichever terminal they need to get to. They no longer exist for me, because we are back again.

I rush forward to my brother, enveloping him in a warm hug. The only thought running through my mind is that he's home, he's back, and we can see each other again.

It is then that I see the man standing behind him. A tall man with copper hair and a nice smile. He nods his head at me, and as I stand back. He walks forward and wraps his hand around my brother's.

"Good to see you again Hikaru…" my brother says softly. "I've missed you."

Our world cracks, and I now can see it for what it truly is. Who am I to think that we, as brothers, can stay together after all these years? Something inside me dies then, my heart, or possibly my other half. Because this boy in front of me is no longer my beautiful brother, and I realize I cannot hear him anymore. Like a caged lovebird that dies after being separated from it's mate. We are no longer one. And I've no one to blame but myself.

"Good to see you too brother."

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Bittersweet…L I hope you don't hate me!

Anywho, first Host Club fanfic! Yay! And all for combo-bass. I hope you like, and don't think it's too sad. I really was gonna make it happy….but I think that is beyond my abilities ……

Anyways….first of two gift fics I have to write. Hope I can get them done this weekend!

Thanks for reading.

-Koji