Disclaimer: Dick Wolf and NBC own "Law and Order: SVU". I don't.
A/N: So after I watched the season 12 finale, I was just completely at a loss for words. I did NOT see that ending coming. I almost cried because I just found it that depressing. (And I've never wanted to cry at a TV show before.) I especially feel bad for Elliot. He did NOT want to have to do that, but I'm not so sure he had a choice. It was just an awful situation all around, and I felt terrible for him, so I wrote this ficlet, which is told from his point of view. This is dedicated to my fellow Elliot Stabler fangirls out there, as well as to Chris Meloni, who is such an awesome actor. I heart you, Chris! LOL
Somebody Has To
Dear God, what've I done?
What the fuck have I done?
God, please forgive me. She was so close to Kathleen's age. I didn't want to shoot her—God, I didn't want to. She wasn't even out of high school yet.
But she wouldn't stop shooting. She just wouldn't stop. I swear I tried to stop her. I begged her to put down the gun—to just put the damn thing down. But she didn't.
I didn't know what else to do.
She wasn't even a bad person. Her mother Annette was all she had in this world, and that son-of-a-bitch Eddie took her away. She was a bereaved young woman, and she was scared and alone.
And I killed her.
She'll never graduate high school. She'll never go to college or get a job…She'll never get married or start a family of her own…
…all because of me.
I didn't want to do it.
God, I didn't want to do it.
Did I have a choice? Did it absolutely have to come to that? Was that really my only option?
Was I the only one with my gun pointed at her? I don't even know. I have no idea. It all happened so fast.
Can anyone forgive me?
Cragen? Munch? Fin? Kathy and our children?
…Olivia?
What was going through her head? I couldn't read her facial expression.
God, what if she's disappointed in me? I could deal with her being angry, but disappointed? No.
What if she can't forgive me?
Then again, I'm not so sure I even deserve to be forgiven.
I don't even know if I did the right thing.
But she just wouldn't stop shooting.
God damn it, Jenna, why didn't you just stop? Why didn't you just put the fucking gun down?
Maybe you thought nothing mattered anymore.
I should've said more. I should've told you that you didn't have to do this because you had your whole life ahead of you.
Maybe that would've been enough to convince you.
But maybe nothing I could've said would've made any difference.
Maybe it's because she was so young that I wanted to believe she could be stopped—that she could be saved.
And now I'm wondering more than ever why the hell I even do this job.
And I still come up with the same answer: because somebody has to.