Yesterday

A/N: A big thank you to APerfectGrace for beta-reading my story again. You're awesome girl! 3

Had to remove the lyrics.. ehm. Just listen to the song while reading ;) Yesterday from The Beatles.

Enjoy the story! :3

Disclaimer: I neither own the characters nor the song. Only the plot is mine. Yup.

Dean was sitting on the couch, a few empty beer bottles in front of him and a half empty whiskey bottle in his left hand.

How could that happen? Everything seemed fine, perfect. As a matter of fact everything was perfect, but Dean has never been that lucky. His perfect moments have never lasted, why should this one? That was the fate of being a Winchester. Everything would fall apart at the end, no matter how perfect it was. Why did he even try? Why did he even think that this could have worked? Maybe because he was -is- a fool. The hunter took a big slug of whiskey and groaned. Why did it hurt so much? Dean drank himself into unconsciousness and it still was hurting. It just did not seem to stop. Why?

"God damn it, why?!" He ran his right hand through his hair and groaned again.

That was the reason why the elder Winchester didn't want to love. Love's always been something that Dean couldn't handle by himself – that Dean did not want to handle. He could handle monsters, demons even the fucking apocalypse, but Dean Winchester just couldn't handle love.

It seemed like he finally could handle it, though.

Maybe because he fell in love with the right person. He finally found someone worth trying. Someone who could love him with all his faults, someone who gave him the feeling to be something special. Since the day that certain person – angel – gripped him tight and raised him from perdition he felt somehow special. The angel gave him that feeling he was somehow special. Not that 'hey-you're-worth-to-be-rescued-from-hell-because-you're-Michael's-true-vessel' special, but that simple 'you-are-special-in-every-way-a-man-can-be-special' special.

It took him years to finally realize that he was falling for his angel best friend. He knew he always cared about him, hell, they were friends! Of course he would care about him, but he never thought that he could love him. It was easy, though. Castiel was never that complicated. Okay, sometimes he was (and still is) complicated, but Dean could handle it. He at least tried to handle it because it was Castiel and it worked. It worked until yesterday.

The hunter closed his eyes and tried to think of something else than yesterday. It was hurting too much.

"Damn it..." Another slug of whiskey. A second, a third, a fourth. It did not help, not even a bit.

After a while Dean decided to turn on some music. It was too fucking quiet. Sam was out to gather some groceries. Of course his younger brother tried to cheer him up, but it didn't work. Nothing worked. Damn it, he did not even know what he did!

It has been a day like every other. There haven't been any cases lately so Sam, Dean and Cas were relaxing in the bunker. It was a little bit awkward for Sam to see Castiel every day. It wasn't like he did not like it, no, the opposite, he liked it. He could see how satisfied and happy his brother was when Cas was with them and it seemed the angel also liked to be close to the brothers, especially to Dean. Sam knew how they felt for each other. Once he heard Castiel confessing his love to Dean, but he never heard Dean doing it. That's typical Dean. Not able to talk about feelings especially his feelings, but it seemed like the angel did not mind a bit. Well, that's what Dean was telling his little brother every time when Sam was trying to convince Dean to finally tell Cas how he really feels about him. Of course without success.

For Dean it was perfect. It was perfect what he and Cas had. They did not talk about feelings, except for that one time Cas told him he was in love with him. Dean did not know how he should react, so he did what he always does: not talk about feelings. He laughed a bit and thanked Cas and after that it was okay. Cas never mentioned it again. They also had hot make out sessions and of course hot sex. Hell, sex with Cas was heaven! He loved it when the angel was coming apart under him and begged for more. When the angel was taking the Lord's name in vain because of Dean. He just loved what he could do to Cas until he loses everything. Yes, sex with Castiel was awesome. They even did not need to cuddle. After they finished Cas would mojo them clean and would disappear, but he always came back for Dean. Except for yesterday.

Dean tried to forget the memory of Castiel's face yesterday. How broken and hurt he looked when he told him he wouldn't come back for him that he couldn't do it anymore. The hunter couldn't believe what he was hearing. This had to be a joke. Castiel always came back, always! He wanted to yell at him for making a stupid joke, but before he even could open his mouth the angel was gone. Dean stood there for a few minutes, not understanding what just happened. What the hell did he do this time?! Nothing! He did nothing! Angrily he hit the wall, ignoring the pain in his hand after it collided with the wall. He was yelling his name, telling him to come back immediately, but he never came and after an hour Dean stopped trying.

"Okay! Be like that! But don't expect me to welcome you with open arms tomorrow! You hear me Cas?!"

The hunter was absolutely sure that Cas would come back tomorrow, but he didn't.

And again the pain started to run through his body.

"Stupid son of a bitch...", he mumbled while he was turning the radio on.

Dean stared at the radio disbelievingly hearing the melody and lyrics of 'Yesterday' from The Beatles.

"You have to be kidding me!" He wanted to turn the radio off, but somehow he couldn't. It fit so perfectly. He never thought that something bad would happen yesterday and know he was here, having a thousands of troubles.

Dean smiled sadly. He really longed for yesterday. If he only knew what he did wrong.

"Cas, can you hear me? What did I do? Why did you go? What have I done?"

"Please, Cas, buddy. Talk to me..." He hated how broken he sounded, but he had had too much alcohol and the song wasn't helping either.

Castiel did not answer him. Sadly he looked at the radio, singing along with the lyrics.

Love.

Love was and never will be an easy game to play. Dean knew it now.

It always will hurt when something went wrong, but it also will make you the happiest person on earth when you finally find someone who feels the same for you.

And suddenly realization hit Dean. Of course! How could he be so stupid. He put the bottle away and run his hands through his hair.

"Damn it, Cas! I'm sorry okay! I-I never thought you needed to hear it. You know me, I'm not good in showing my feelings. I thought you were okay with it, you never told me!"

The hunter looked around, but Cas still wasn't there. He sighed and tried to calm himself down. Yelling wouldn't help him.

"Listen, Cas. I'm truly sorry, okay? Could you please bring your feathery ass down here? I don't want to talk with you like that. Just hear me out, kay?"

"What do you want, Dean."

Dean turned around immediately after he heard his angel's voice. A small smile appeared on the hunter's lips and now he realized how scared he was of not seeing Castiel anymore. His heart felt lighter and his smile grew. "You came. You always came for me."

Castiel still looked hurt, although he tried his best not to show it. "And...I will always come for you..." The angel dropped his gaze. "It isn't easy, though."

Dean took some steps towards Cas. "I know. Damn, I know. I'm sorry. I just..." He didn't know what he should tell him. Gosh, he hated chick-flick moments!

Castiel was still not looking at him.

"Cas, please, look at me."

Only slowly the angel raised his eyes and his look was heart-wrenching. His deep blue eyes were full of hurt and disappointment.

"Shit." Only now Dean realized how much he did hurt him. How much it hurt Cas to not hear those special words from Dean. He bit is lip. 'Come on, Dean! You can do it! It's Cas. You have to show him how important he is to you.'

The elder Winchester took a deep breath and looked into Castiel's eyes.

"I'm not good in talking about my feelings, but I will try, okay? I'm sorry I didn't tell you how I feel about you and I'm also sorry for not showing it. You always showed me how special I am to you. How much you do care and I just accepted it. I never gave it back to you. Shit, I'm sorry Cas. I never wanted to make you feel like I don't..."

"Like you don't..?" He could hear the hope in Castiel's voice.

'You can do it Winchester. Come on, say it! Tell him, now!'

"Like I don't love you. You stupid son of a bitch, of course I do! God dammit! I never loved someone so fucking much. Did you really think I only enjoy fucking you? I mean, yes! It is indeed awesome, but to be honest I want to hold you after that. I want to feel your warmth against my body! I want to wrap my arms around you and hold you tight, showing you how much I care. I want you to stay!"

Cas's eyes grew bigger and bigger with every word of the elder Winchester's confession.

"I'm not the type to show my feelings, okay? It is hard for me, but that doesn't mean I don't care! Damn it, I can't even tell you how much I fucking care about you! It's... AHH!" Dean ruffled his hair. His face began to burn. How he hated those damn chick-flick moments. He's making a total fool of himself! He wanted to turn around and run. It was so fucking embarrassing and that douche of an angel did not even say a word! Dean was done. He was so done with it. The moment he wanted to go he felt how a hand gripped him tight and turned him around. Before he could say something a pair of lips were pressed against his. His heart began to beat faster and faster and he moaned when Castiel bit his bottom lip.

"Gosh, Cas. Don't fucking stop." He mumbled against the angel's lips and deepened the kiss. His hands traveled over Castiel's body until one reached his hair and the other rested on the smaller man's hip. They kissed with every passion they had in their bodies and Dean felt how tight his trousers became.

"You and me. Bed now.", he mumbled between kisses.

Castiel only nodded and within a second they were in Dean's room.

It was the first time Dean broke the kiss and looked at Cas.

"What? Did I do something wrong?"

The hunter laughed. "It's so awesome to date an angel! Only need to wait a second and we can have sex whenever we want. It doesn't matter anymore where we are. This is so hot."

Castiel rolled his eyes, but smiled. "Could you shut your mouth and finally do something."

"You don't have to tell me a second time." And with these words Dean pressed his lips against Cas's for the second time. He started to loosened Cas's tie until it suddenly disappeared out of his hands. Dean opened his eyes and looked down. Both men were naked.

"So fucking hot."

He could feel Cas grinning against his lips. Without a warning he pushed his angel onto his bed and crawled on top of him. "Oh, and one more thing."

Castiel looked at him in confusion, tilting his head slightly.

"No word to Sammy, okay? He does not need to know what I told you."

"I promise."

"Good." Dean wanted to kiss him again, but the angel pushed him lightly. "What?"

"I love you."

Dean grinned and pressed his lips against Castiel's, kissing him softly. "I love you, too."

And after hearing those words Castiel finally let his guard down.

Damn, yes. Make up sex is still the best.