Scars
Lorelei Shepard let the hot water run down her body. It was a little too warm. Dangerously close to burning her tan skin, but she didn't care. She liked the feeling of each drop scalding her like a tiny bullet. Her mind was a busy blur of confusing thoughts and emotions. The trouble was that she just kept flashing back to that time. That horrible time when...and then she would flash forward, to things that had not happened yet. Her team. Her friends. They were being killed. Slaughtered, maimed, turned into husks. Even in the steaming shower she shivered.
Her jet black hair, free of the bun she always wore, fell straight and to the small of her back, almost to her butt. A hallmark of what she could only assume was native American heritage. She reached around and pulled her hair over her shoulder, stroking it contemplatively. She wished she could think about something, anything, but the task that lay ahead and the terrible moments that lurked behind.
He was lucky indeed that he did not enter the room when she was wrapped in nothing but a towel. As it was she had only just put on her casual uniform when he entered. She jumped, still a little on edge, but then she smiled. He was standing there, looking extremely uncertain, and holding a bottle of alcohol. She'd also never seen the clothes he was wearing and half suspected he had bought them new, just for her. He had absolutely none of his usual confidence and swagger about him as he met her gaze. She seemed to have swept it all from him simply by entering the room. She also felt a lot less sure of herself than usual, watching him shift uneasily from foot to foot. She, by way of something to do, picked up a black hairband from her desk and pulled her hair into a sloppy bun.
Garrus cleared his throat and finally managed to speak. "I brought wine. Best I could afford on a vigilante's salary."
She folded her arms, regarding him. She smiled a little wryly, thinking of how awkward the both of them felt. Two adults who had seen so much of the galaxy together and they were nervous as teenagers about tonight's little rendezvous.
Suddenly Garrus was a flurry of motion. He darted to a small control panel and with the tap of a few buttons selected the most terrible song Shepard had ever heard. It was all she could do not to wince as it grated from the speakers. She wasn't sure if Garrus had chosen it, but it didn't seem like the type of thing he would like. She instantly suspected Joker might have given it to the turian, promising that it was a sure way to charm any human female. Garrus, meanwhile, was standing rather proudly, arms open as though she were supposed to appreciate his new clothes, or his body, or something. She wasn't sure what, in turian culture, should be an area of interest so she mostly focused on what she found attractive about him. His bright, vibrant eyes. Though she did note that he still wore the visor. She resolved not to ask.
He did a little strut back and forth, and Shepard decided it was time she got in on this little mating dance he seemed to be doing. She walked towards him, careful to give a little extra sway to her hips as she went. He seemed to appreciate this motion, though he was still very nervous when he spoke again. "If you were a turian I would be complimenting your waist or your fringe. So...your hair looks good, and your waist..."he breathed in through his teeth, "is very supportive."
She almost laughed aloud at his attempted flattery, but decided his nerves did not need that. Not tonight. Instead she stopped, resting her weight on one hip and giving him what she hoped was a sweet smile. She didn't have much practice.
He went on, the words sort of tumbling from his mouth. "I hope that's not offensive in human culture. Crap. I knew I should have watched the vids."
She was surprised. He hadn't watched the questionable vids Joker had given him to help him 'better understand human anatomy and pleasure'. She was relieved. She had been more than a little nervous about the content of those vids, hoping the women in them would not do anything that required her to be a contortionist. But since he hadn't watched them, she was safe. She also realized that it might have meant he wanted to discover how to be with her, not just how to please any human woman. She felt deeply flattered.
Meanwhile Garrus was still talking. "Whoa," she said, raising her hand, smiling broadly. "Consider me seduced, smooth talker. Now shut up and stop worrying." She walked over and turned off the terrible music.
Garrus seemed as relieved by this as she was. She turned back to the turian, who had set down the wine and was giving her such a soulful look it almost hurt. She felt suddenly floored by the fact that he was there, in her cabin at last. Her long time best friend. He'd been there through it all. The only time he had left her side was when she was dead, and even then he didn't select a turian mate. He had come running back into her crew as soon as she had found him again. He was everything she could ever want in a man, and everything she felt she didn't deserve.
Garrus watched her and his voice and posture changed. His tone became so gentle. "I just..I," he said quietly, "I've seen so many things go wrong, Shepard. My work with C-sec. What happened with Sidonis. I want something to go right, just once. Just..."
He trailed off. There was pain behind his voice and it made her heart hurt. She understood completely. She moved closer, then, slowly, raised her hand and brushed her fingers up his arm, up to the side of his face. She was so gentle she barely touched his skin as she traced his fresh scars. The tattered, damaged flesh was dry and course. Still, even that gentle touch made him flinch slightly. Just enough that she could notice. But she knew him. She knew his every motion and gesture from spending so much time together in combat. Over the years she had found that nothing bonded you together like being responsible for each other's lives.
Slowly, without even really realizing they were doing it, the two leaned together, forehead to forehead. She closed her eyes, feeling his breath, certain that she could hear his heart beating. After a long moment he raised his hand and caressed her arm.
She jumped. Not just a flinch, as he had done when she touched his wounded face. An actual jerk away from his hand. She could have punched herself as she realized she'd made the motion and saw the startled and saddened look on his face. "Oh Garrus, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean...I'm just...not used to being touched. I've had therapy and..." she couldn't keep going. She walked past him to her bed and sat down hard, facing away from him.
It was only a second or two before she felt the bed shift as she sat down behind her. He didn't touch her, but his voice was so gentle, it might have been a caress. "Shepard, "I'm the one who should be sorry. I had no idea."
She didn't turn around. Her hands were in her lap and she looked a them, opening and closing her fingers slowly. "You never get over it, you know? Losing your whole team."
"I know," he said, and she knew he did.
"I don't know how I survived that day. Luck. Dumb luck. I'm the luckiest person in the galaxy." She waved her arm expressively as she spoke her frustration. "After that I wouldn't let anyone touch me. Post traumatic stress, they called it. Said lots of soldiers have it, and that I could learn to cope. So I learned to cope, because they told me I could. It wasn't debilitating, so they kept me on duty. I was a hell of a soldier after all."
"You are a hell of a solider," Garrus corrected her softly.
He still wasn't touching her, but his presence was powerful, protective. She suddenly felt like nothing could harm her, ever again, as long as he was there. Finally she did turn to look at him. His eyes, so full of concern, caught her by surprise. She knew that he was possibly the only person in her life who could truly understand where she was coming from. What she had been through. She gathered her nerve, then reached out and took his hand, guiding it to her and holding it against her face. At first she was a little startled by the simple warmth of it, but then she nested her cheek against his palm.
He smiled. So sweetly, and so earnestly she felt her heart give a little flutter. He didn't dare move his other hand until she placed it on her hip. He scooted closed, so he could hold her. His hand left her cheek and pulled the tie from her hair, letting it fall in a cascade down her back. He ran his fingers through it, still not taking his eyes off hers. "I've never told you, Shepard, how grateful I am to have you. How glad I am that you chose me," he said. "Even if it is just for tonight."
"Garrus," she said sternly, "now that I have you, do you think I'm going to settle for one night?"
He chuckled. "Maybe not."
She hesitated a moment, enjoying, for the first time in a long time, the sensation of arms around her. She was almost always the protector. The one who gave, but never received. She tilted her chin up slightly, at realized his face was centimeters from hers. "May I do something that humans do to show affection?" she asked.
"Of course," he replied.
So she kissed him. He seemed s little confused at first as her lips pressed against his. His mouth was so different from hers, but she loved it. She had worried that kissing him might be awkward, but it wasn't. It was perfect. He seemed to think so too because he began to kiss her back. Although it was not anything near a human kiss, it was still the most blissful thing she had ever felt. Her hands moved upwards, one sliding over his shoulder to rest there and the other cradling the uninjured side of his face. To her surprise he took her hand from his shoulder and placed it over his scars. "We'll heal together, Shepard," he said, "every good solider has scars, but we don't have to let them rule us."
She knew he was right, and for the first time she knew that the next day would not be repeat of her worst day alive. She could do this, and so could her team. Her friends. They could all make it out alive, because they were the best of the best, scars and all.
Then she grabbed the front of Garrus' shirt and pulled him towards her onto the bed.