|The Regretting Saga| Book One: Cold Shoulder.

Part One: Recovery.

Four Months after the revilement of Jewel's mate.

Everything I knew came crashing down in me; everything that used became nothing but a void of a infinite black hole. Swallowing everything that had the word Blu in. My senses became nothing but a void I use to continue living and crying.

I'm pretty sure my eyes are now forever wet; or dry if it wasn't for the amount of beverages this new place has. If your wondering where I am; I'm in hell.

Lied.

I'm in California; but I might as well be in hell. Being chained to a scalding wall of bedrock while being mercilessly tortured over a pit of fire seems much more interesting then lying in a cleaning supply shack that no one's been in for about thirty years.
Sulking when I'm not bawling, crying when I'm not sulking. Hating myself when I'm not doing any of those two. Preparing to kill myself.

I know it doesn't solve anything, but it's better on me if the pain in my chest doesn't stop. Its selfish I know! What about Linda? What about your other friends? What about J- Don't even think that word again, Brain. I'm already on the verge of dipping my beak in this bleach already; Yes I'm suicidal if you already didn't know. And I'm talking to myself or imaginary people reading my thoughts.

I'M GOING CRAZY!

I fell hopelessly in love with a bird that already had a mate, and now I'm suffering from everything. I can't even go to Linda without her asking about the other 'Last Macaw' in the world. I didn't tell them; I didn't even want to know myself.

What she said, and when she said it hurt more than I can imagine. I bet everyone who I go back home to would say "There's other fish in the see... or rather birds in the sky" How about other birds I fell in love with? It was love at first fight! She attacked me, we got stolen, we escaped, our legs chained together throughout the entire journey. Only to have them taken off and words where said. Some I didn't mean and some that hurt. And one, sixteen letter words stained on my brain like a bullet hole.

Everything I said was in the heat of the moment; but I have a feeling everything she said was true. Now I'm living the aftermath, thinking about how I got myself in this very situation.

I hear a flap of wings and my friend, Carlos, landing in front of my little 'home' and he opened the door. I don't even shield away from the light; the pain of my eyes works better than my heart.

Carlos was someone I met along the way of traveling to the United States, I plan on making it back to Minnesota when this depression falls over. Carlos is a orange, tarnish macaw who taught me many things while on the off times.

When I feel like going outside so I'm not oblivious to everything that;s around me. He taught me how to surf, how to swim, how to glide long distances (I still can't fly, remember?) Carlos had the western 'Hospitality' always shrugging everything off like water off a ducks back.

I could lash at him one minute and he would still be my friend.

The only reason I'm not drinking said bleach is because there is none. Carlos dumped out ever chemical out in a container and buried it. I'm on unofficial suicide watch by my last friend on the planet. I'm not complaining; misery loves company, but it would be nice to just fall over one day and this burden would be over. I know Linda and everyone else is looking for me but why waste your time? I'm not coming back, They're lucky I'm going to Minnesota; hopefully I'll see Linda there.

I once saw a missing poster, with my name and face on it way back in Rio. I clawed it; my talons raking my face through my chest. I stopped and looked at my master piece. I told myself killing other people was only going to make me guilt myself worse.

I looked up and I hear a clump of nuts and berries pile in front of me, I look up to see Carlos chewing on a berry. "Are you going to eat?" He asked, "I didn't just picked them out for me to gobble."

Ahh... the American Accent. How I missed it.

"Don't have to tell me twice..." Before I knew it, I have split our breakfast, lunch, and dinner and wolfed down my share. I blinked in surprise as I seen Carlos amusing smile. "I can't even remember the last thing I ate?" I chuckled, rubbing the back of my neck. I was surprised to find it rough and tattered... I need a bath. Or water dumped on my head. I don't even want to lift my wings and sniff the under tuff. I would die at the age of Sixteen.

"I think I need a shower..." I told him.

"About time! I was wondering how long I was going to have to hold my breath!" Carlos chuckled.

"You cheeky..." I stood up, and playfully pushed past him. Making my way to the beach showers; they're not healthy in the least and they feel like prison showers. At least people are stupid enough to drop the soap for me to pick up and use. If you found that dirty then there is something wrong with you. Have some decency...

"I'm talking to no one... to no one..." I murmured to myself. Grabbing one of the left behind soaps and washed it thoroughly. I then jumped up and hit the button for a cold shower. It's better than nothing and it helps get my thinking back on track. Like oil to a rusty machine I was moving quicker; without lagging behind. I felt like I could breath again.

I started to lather up; Knowing I should be quick or this would be a Navy Shower. And Navy Showers sucks; the water conversion to non drives me crazy. This is a shower, not a elephant. I like water, even if I don't take showers everyday, they help with my feeling. It just does; don't even ask me on how surfing is! It's just like Skateboarding!

I cringed at the Skateboarding phase in my thought. That was in Rio... a place I never want to go again. South America is the worst country of my life; people say it's beautiful and musical. But underneath that bravado it's unforgiving and dangerous. Something I was taught not to go but forced to anyways. Last of my species my tail feathers. I bet that Tulio guy set me up for a inside breaking job.

Screw him, and screw her too. i don't need those kind of people in my life... what's left of it anyways... I thought, feeling the water stop while I was still soapy. "Come on!" I squawked. pulling the chain down once more and feeling the endorphin of liquid pour down on me once more.

One Month Later

You know what would feel great? Coffee... I'm not a caffeine person and prefer Hot Chocolate with chocolate chip cookies, but it just sounds good at the moment. I pray hear that coffee is bitter if not sugared well; but I want to taste something else than water or the occasional 'Gatorade' which feels more like heaven until I learned the amount of salt in each container. Is Carlos trying to give me a heart attack?
I see him drink Gatorade all the time, and he doesn't look the least bit sickly.

Back on track, I just crossed the street using my Glide and I stopped at a out side Cafe; I drop the correct amount of money to purchase a small coffee and they just slide it over reluctantly. As if they never seen a depressed macaw order a black coffee. As they prepared it I looked at myself in the mirror and flinched; my eyes where horrible. Red, puffy and bloodshot. My feathers looked shiny because I took a shower the other day. I had scars on my wing that deemed that I either cut myself or I looked attacked. It looks like the former with the precision I took. Too bad wings don't have a decent vein; it's better to just bleed than to scratch

I took the drink in my beak and went to the nearest bench. They offered me a straw which I took. I sniffed the contents of my beverage and I cringed. It's a strong scent that sent my nose sprinkling into a graveyard death dance. As if a galaxy was swallowing another one; I felt like collapsing from just the smell alone.

It's... weird...

I took a sip and I nearly exploded. The contents of the liquid scaled my throat, and burned everything from within. I nearly spat it out through the nostrils of my beak

"HotHotHotHotHotHotHotHotHotHotHotHotHotHotHotHotHotHotHot!" I covered my beak and yelled my little rant. I took the straw out and I just chugged the contents; as if it was cold water. I felt steam coming out of my ears as my once blue feathers turned red in heat. I quickly through away the cup of coffee As I breathed out fire. I jumped over the wooden bench I sat on and made my way to the nearest water fountain.
I couldn't press the button hard enough as I let the cool water soothe my burning taste buds. I laughed a bit after; I... was feeling... better... I looked around the place in a new light. Something inside of me started to lift. Was it that coffee? Or was it the friend who brought me under his wing to feel like this? I didn't ponder it too much; for every story I've read the peak of acceptance can go down like THAT or something worse.

Whatever it was; I'm happy. I still can't fly; but who needs flying when you have a friend to tell your story to?

I still felt... shaken, So I had to be quick for my newly found strength will fail me. I hurried back to my shack to find Carlos humming as he cleaned the blood off of the wood. (Yeah... I cut myself...) He looked up and smiled.

"Hey, Blu-Bird!" He chirped,

"Hi, Carlos. I finally want to tell you what happened back in Rio..." I said, taking the mop from him. Rather short mop.

"Sure thing!" Carlos smiled, sitting down. "I'm all ears!"

"well..."

Part Two: Words I didn't mean.

Four Months ago. Luiz's Garage.

I wasn't sure about this. Everything seems to go wrong with a saw-blade in every story I've ever read; I wasn't looking forward to this. This would be the death of me and I knew it. It's going to be the last time I ever see anything else. Like staring into the hungry teeth of a predator and I'm the prey, I'm pretty sure this is going to be the death of me; or Jewel in that matter. The scariest thing I could think of is my body in two while my guts spill out of me as I struggled to give that final breath.

I sighed, silently praying to god that I don't die here tonight. Not chained to the bird next to me, I look at the bulldog slip on the wielder's mask and I knew my fate was sealed. This wasn't going to work; the chains going to catch. The saw-blades don't cut steel like this! The teethe on the blade isn't sharp enough. I knew it was getting closer to us so I took one look at Jewel, who we met eyes and we both had the same conclusion.

We're not dying here...

I then had an idea; why bother cutting the chain when we can slip through? I know how slippery the jaw of the Bulldog is. So why place our life on the line with the chains if I can use the Bulldog's drool as lubricant? I looked a Jewel one more time. Deciding that loosing each other was a fate worse then death. So I tugged the chains violently. I see her turn to ask me whats my problem.

I took my wing and grab my left foot. I pretended to struggle to get it off. I then licked my feathers and tried again and my wing slid off of my leg almost instantly. I pointed to Luiz and pointed to the cheeks. And to the saliva on the ground. Jewel's face went from confused, to disgust, to enlightenment. As if she knew the plan.

"STOP!" Jewel and I squawked, loud. Gaining the attention of Luiz as he stopped the saw blade, raising his mask up to his ears he looked at us with concern laced in his eyes. With impatient filling his eyes.

"What? *Slurp* What's the matter?" He asked. "Don't chu want to be free?"
"Yes! But not dying in the factor might help!" Jewel explained.

"What you mean?" He slurped his saliva. I wanted to vomit right then and there.

"I mean; we can use your... saliva to lubricate our legs to slip through the chain!" I suggested, getting a nasty look from Nico and Pedro.

"Eww..." Nico covered his face with his hat, as Pedro coughed. The Toucan stayed silent; obviously glad he didn't have to see anyone dead.

"Are you sure you want that?" Luiz offered, "I can cut you apart real quick!"

"NO!" Jewel and I shouted simultaneously. We were sure we didn't want that.

"Okay... Well git over here!" Luiz laughed, bouncing to us. He started to lick me all over; for which I started coughing and sputtering because I didn't get enough air to begin with. I swore felt something that didn't belong in my beak, which caused me to spit and shove the tongue from me to Jewel, to which I heard her do the same."I don't have to kill anyone!"

"I'm going to be washing for weeks!" I hear Jewel sputter. I can concur that she got complacently covered.

I groaned. "I'm going to be drinking disinfecting spray from now on..." I declared. gagging. I then looked at the chains and I held it down. Slipping my foot out of the bracelet I felt my eyes glow with excitement; I'm free!

"I'm free!" I hopped, slipping on the drool I'm covered in. I hear someone fill a container with water. I instinctively looked up and heard a splash; than instant cold water on me. Then I felt a bundle of towels cover me and stroke me; not the kind like a hand on a puppy. But like the way you would wry a kid who's withering from your grasp. I look behind me after I was done cleaned to see the Toucan holding a bucket and the two samba loving birds holding a towel. I look behind me to tell Jewel.

"Hey Jewel We-"

"Fly just like a bird!" Jewel's voice rang out.

"Like a wild bird!" I here Pedro fly after her.

I was about to smile until I remembered something; our deal that we made the other day. Something that made me feel cold to the touch; maybe if I slip away quietly she won't realize I'm gone. I look to the side of me and noticed a under bush. I took the chance to dive into it and pace myself to walk fast. I felt my heart pound in my ears; my blood rushing to my head.

"Blu!" I flinched, I pretended not to hear her; but then I heard my name rang out once more and I looked behind me, silently swearing to myself. I looked to see Jewel; but no one else following her. I sighed, meeting her in the eyes. Something tells me I'm not going to like where this ends. I sighed and shuffled uncomfortably.

"Where are you going?" Jewel asked me.

"Keeping the deal; I'm going home." I say tactfully. I saw Jewel frown slightly.

"I-... W-l..." She sputtered,

"What? That I was going to come with you to where ever you was going? Or that you would come with me to Minnesota?" I accused, I hear Jewel look to her feet and muttered something I didn't hear.

"What?".

"I thought..."

"Well whatever you thought is wrong,"

"Fine then! Why don't you just leave?!" Jewel sandpapered, I instantly got angry too.

"Gladly! I'm waiting for you to be done talking so I can make my oh so sweet departure!" I flapped my wings. Apparently I was done with this argument so I can leave and get out of this god forbid place.

I turned and started to walk again, I got a few centimeters before I finally heard Jewel talking silently.

"Why are you being like this?"

I turned around, looking at her. I gave a hefty sigh moved my feathers in front I of me, I decided that I either got this one chance or non at all. I cupped my wings and breathed through it, as if it was a paper bag. I open my beak and finally said.

"Because you made the deal of we splitting..." As I said that I swore I felt something take a big bite out of my heart. I hear her rake the ground; obviously hiding something. She looked at me.

"You're such a great guy Blu; You're like my best friend!" She said. That's something I was afraid of. "I don't want to leave you..."

"Where would I go? I can't fly!" I said, "I'm a burden to you! You can fly to your heats content and I could walk about a fourth of a snails speed!"

"You're not a burden!"

"You're lying through your beak!"

"How can you tell I'm lying?!"

"Because I was stuck with you for three days!"

"What's that suppose to mean?"

"I mean you've been chained to me for the said days; how do I know you really want me around?"

"How do I know you want to stay?" Jewel shot back.

"Because I love you!" I didn't even realized what I said before the thought flashed through her head, bounced back and struck her. She looked at me guiltily,

"I... already have a mate..."

I didn't even say another thing, I just turned tail and kept walking.

"Forget I said anything." I told her, "Forget I met you, Forget we were suppose to meet, forget we were be the last species on our planet to man."

"Blu!" She called,

"No, don't say it. Nothing you say now will fixed what I have started," I snapped,

"Fine! I hope your happy where you are! I hate you!"

"And if you don't like me, let alone hate me then fuck you!" I spat back, not even turning around. I ignore ever last of her replies and calls; I'm done here and I'm never coming back. Where's Linda? I'm done and I don't want to be here more than I have too.

I start my little trek back to Linda; I shook my feather.

Time to punch the clock and turn in. We're done here.