He didn't know how long it had been since that huge fight with him and Larry that evening. He didn't care. All he could remember was his mind being fogged with anger and locking himself in his room, throwing his phone at the wall. He would normally text Evan after something like this, sometimes even Zoe as their relationship had been improving over the months. Though this time he couldn't find the right mindset to talk to his sister, knowing he'd most likely yell at her. He couldn't do that to her. As for Evan, he didn't want to bother him, knowing that this was one of the rare times his mother was home and was most likely spending time with her. Instead, he curled up in his bed and closed his eyes, hoping he could just sleep all of this away.
A few hours had passed when Connor woke up, even more restless than before. Though some of the fog in his mind had cleared, the anger was still there, now along with some rather dark thoughts. He hated it. He wanted to get away from it, from everything. He just wanted it all to stop.
Conner took in a breath and looked at the clock. It was half past ten. His parents would be in bed by now. Getting up from his bed, Connor made his way to the bathroom and rummaged through the medicine cabinet, finding the pills he had planned to use that first day of school. He held the bottle in his hand and stared at it. He could. Right here and right now he could make it all stop and oh boy was he tempted. Connor shook his head. No. He couldn't. Not after he had promised Evan. But the thoughts were building again and he needed to do something to release the tension. To feel normal and grounded again at least. The stress from his mind weren't doing any favors either, still thinking of that horrible fight not too long ago.
Without thinking of what he was doing, he grabbed the pills and shoved them into the pocket of his hoodie. He carefully made his way downstairs, doing his best not to make any noise. Before he left house however, he thought he saw Zoe out of the corner of his eye. He shook the thought away and left the house. He needed to get away. Wanted to get away. To be alone.
After a bit of walking aimlessly around the now quiet town, he slipped into an alleyway with concrete walls on either side. By this point, his brain was more of a mess than it already was and the stress was becoming too much to handle. Connor breathed heavily as he put his forehead against the cold, rough wall, trying to calm down, silently hoping it would be enough. When that didn't work, he did the only other thing he could think of at the moment. With whatever strength he had, he punched the concrete wall. Hard. Pain erupted in his hand and knuckles but it was welcome. It was familiar and grounded him, quieting the thoughts when nothing else could. So he punched the wall again.
And again.
And again.
Connor lost track of how many times he had punched the wall, now only aware of the great pain and bloodied knuckles of his hand. He thought of the pills in his hoodie and thought of just taking them now. It would be all too easy. With his good hand, he grabbed them from his pocket as he began to feel tears form in his eyes. Though he stopped as he heard a sudden voice. Zoe. She sounded scared and...worried? He didn't look at her as she spoke quietly.
"Connor?"
His voice was monotone and almost quieter than his sister's. "Shouldn't you be in bed or something?"
She took a small step closer, a bit unsure how to go about this. "I could say the same for you. Usually when you sneak out, you just go through your window."
"Is there something you wanted or did you just follow me here so we could chat?" There was no venom in the words, though he sounded very tired.
"I followed you because I got worried. I know how you get after you fight with dad and I just-I can't handle...I don't want to lose you again. I want to help you. You're my brother." Zoe had tears forming in her eyes. She stepped closer, doing her best to keep calm.
Connor gripped the bottle tighter. The tears in his eyes now falling. He so badly wanted to accept his sister words. But he was afraid. He didn't know what would happen after if he did. He was afraid he might hurt her again, push her away, breaking the progress they had made in repairing their already unstable relationship. Suddenly, it was too much to take, everything from his mind exploding. He dropped the bottle as he punched the wall once more, screaming, putting everything he had into it.
Tears ran down his face as he fell to his knees, his sister running to catch him. She hugged him close. Connor did nothing to resist as he audibly cried into her, muffled sorrys being repeated over and over. Zoe held onto him, humming a soft and quiet tune, trying to help calm her brother down.
After awhile, Connor had calmed down enough to regain composer. He gently pulled away from Zoe but looked at the ground. He spoke softly, fear making its way into his voice as he thought of his dad.
"I don't want to go back…"
Zoe gave him a look of understanding. "I know. You don't have to. I'll talk to them. Did you want to go to Evan's?"
He nodded. He was about to get his phone to text him but realized he never brought it with him. He looked to Zoe.
"I forgot my phone…could you...um…"
His sister nodded as she gave Evan a quick text and helped Connor to his feet. He started to walk off but Zoe stopped him. He looked to her as she produced a small roll of bandages.
"I may have had a feeling…"
Connor muttered a quiet thank you as he took the roll and started to wrap his hand up while the both of them started to walk to Evan's place. Connor glaced to Zoe.
"Um...Zoe...I...thank you…"
She gave a small smile and lightly punched him in the arm. "What are siblings for?"
Connor gave a light shove as he smiled back. He felt like he finally had his sister back. He didn't want to change that.